Gold made me think of this forgotten greentext.
Choosing pink is chaotic evil?
Submitted 4 months ago by nifty@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/78302169-1c03-4dd2-91e9-088929e622c6.webp
Comments
NewAgeOldPerson@lemmy.world 4 months ago
bruhduh@lemmy.world 4 months ago
EfreetSK@lemmy.world 4 months ago
What? Where I live pissing directly into watter is like the oposite. As my roommate once said: “Didn’t your father taught you how to piss or what?”
MutilationWave@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Real men piss the shitstains off the bowl without making a mess.
skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
Iceman@lemmy.world 4 months ago
You read the greentext. Your roommate probably just didn’t want to be horny anymore.
dumbass@leminal.space 4 months ago
Pink, you can control any situation with that.
You got some dude coming to attack you with a knife? Point finger guns at him and say “Poop”, the poop instantly stopping them in their tracks, confusing the ever loving fuck out of them… Then you do it again while they stare at you, slowly working out it’s you doing this.
You walk up to them as the slowly try to retreat from you, you hit them in more time and walk off into the distance, leaving him to try to get home without anyone noticing he pooped his pants, because who’s gonna believe him?
ArgentRaven@lemmy.world 4 months ago
He tries to run, but you slow-walk towards him, chanting “poop!” with every step. His pants are heavy, and blood starts to show through his jeans. “I’ll cut your guts out!” he helplessly bluffs. Soon, he crumples up and screams as his guts start emptying into the street; his denim is no longer able to hold the carnage. You see him lying dead at your feet.
You turn back towards the United Healthcare headquarters, and resume your march.
Now, it is finally time to see at what point explosive diarrhea is covered…
capt_wolf@lemmy.world 4 months ago
What I want to know is, do I have control over consistency, force, and quantity? Is there a limit to the range for this power? Do I need line of sight or is it more of a “Death Note” thing? Can I cause defecation syncope? Can I make someone poop themself to death?
dumbass@leminal.space 4 months ago
So far it seems to be whatever they have going on already, you can modify force tho, but that has risks of its own… It seems that as long as I have some form of live visual of the person it works.
Agent641@lemmy.world 4 months ago
What happens when the tank is empty?
JoMiran@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
Why would anyone choose anything but the fuschia one?
grillgamesh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 months ago
I cast Power Word: “SHIT YOURSELF”
nifty@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Because you have the soul of a puppy and you can’t imagine harming another?
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Screw that! I wanna make boom boom in others pants!
skygirl@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I’d take blue maybe, I could use a friend 🥲
Kitathalla@lemy.lol 4 months ago
We’ll all be your friend here. We just have to avoid all things that could potentially cause strife, because we are on the .world server, after all. No real discussions, no delving into topics that unnerve cowardly mods. Everything is surface level and calm, just like any casual… friendship… without feeling…
You took the blue pill already, didn’t you?
Ziglin@lemmy.world 4 months ago
If blue is not already the case (I would question how they became your crush) that seems like a good option. Otherwise pink is the only useful one.
Seigest@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
The older you get the more your going to want that poop command to use on yourself.
BigBenis@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Assuming I could force somebody to poop on command with little effort beyond sheer willpower, I would absolutely take it upon myself to dish out petty justice with that power.
I see you being rude to people working in a service job? You get poopy pants.
I see you playing music on your phone or otherwise being obnoxious on the bus or some other public space? You get poopy pants.
Are you driving like an asshole? Following too closely? Cutting people off? Honking the moment the light turns green? Words can’t express the satisfaction I will feel in knowing that you’re now sitting in your car with the poopiest of pants my power could possibly muster.
GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 4 months ago
I would immediately try to weaponize it. Spend a weekend making putin telepathically shit his brains out without pause should probably be enough to make him die from the sheer loss of matter and nutrients.
Goodmorningsunshine@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Putin, Musk, and Trump would wholly comprise my Shit List.
Valmond@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Okay, but at all times there is a mass of constipated people surrounding you, lining up in a queue in front of your home, begging you to relieve them! And obvioysly many havent really thought about where to go about it if you help them…
can@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
spechter@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
I hope you’re on your very own watch list :S
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
Who tf is choosing anything but pink?!?
boonhet@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I mean the weed gummy isn’t that bad
But of the rest, pink is the only one that does anything fun. And it could technically be useful. If you need to distract someone during a heist, for an example.
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 months ago
Also you’d be immune to constipation.
dabaldeagul@feddit.nl 4 months ago
Yeahh I already have the blue pill. I mean I’d like to try weed some time but with some friends too. And it’s not like it’s super expensive, so that’s always an option. Pissing loud is useless, and making shitheads get shit pants actually sounds fun, so that’s what I’d go with.
ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
You’re a beta pisser
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
Maybe I already piss so loud I don’t need it 😏
polysics@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Pink all the way. Rude to some service worker? Poopy pants. Didn’t return the cart? Poop. Drive like an asshole? Poop. Politician spewing hateful garbage on national television? Oh you bet you’re getting the poopy pants.
I would be The Punisher, only with poop instead of guns.
dance_ninja@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Poop Note
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 4 months ago
The Poopisher. 💀💩
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Jeez. All you mean people.
I’d take the pink pill and help people with intestinal blockages and stuff.
Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Why not both? Help the constipated AND make the world’s worst people shit themselves on live TV…
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I’m just saying, no one’s talking about how you could help people with this too.
Cornelius_Wangenheim@lemmy.world 4 months ago
There’s not a few people you’d want to shit themselves to death? Not even Putin?
peregrin5@lemm.ee 4 months ago
So it’s like having a Death Note but the only method of death is shitting themselves? I’m down.
Kitathalla@lemy.lol 4 months ago
That’s the best answer.
spoiler
I feel you’ve got a good personal reason behind it though. I haven’t seen anything from you about your health recently, so I hope you’re doing great, and that the move to the UK goes swell!
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 months ago
spoiler
Very slow improvements on the health front and I hope so too, thank you!
bruhduh@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Breve@pawb.social 4 months ago
[deleted]figaro@lemdro.id 4 months ago
Pink would be politically beneficial. You could legitimately make major progress in the world with that power. Someone who disagrees with you tries to speak publicly? Time to poop. Hell. Just harass them with explosive diarrhea until they notice the trend that whenever they do something political, the diarrhea returns.
TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 4 months ago
They’ll just take a page from the Trump playbook and start wearing diapers.
relic_@lemm.ee 4 months ago
All diapers have their limit
toxic_cloud@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Do they have to have poop in them or does it spawn some inside them? That’s necessary information.
Quadhammer@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Spawns inside of them. Makes them shit even more and harder tbh
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz 4 months ago
I think it would be just enough to go for those massive diarrhea spasms where you no longer even have anything to expulse but your body keeps pushing. Although I guess it would be cooler to have a Tarantino level spray, choco edition.
rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Our intestines are so long we always have poop in us.
_stranger_@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I like that it’s “Forced”. If it was just “make people shit themselves”, it would just happen and then they’d wonder what’s going on But Forced implies they’re fighting it, it implies resistance. That’s kinda messed up.
Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Well, I just made up my mind.
BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I hope you have to point at the person for it to work, so they know it’s you.
Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org 4 months ago
I was just assuming it was just Power Word: Shit and would effect anyone up to however many hit dice.
SparrowHawk@feddit.it 4 months ago
Imagine being surrounded by cops and just saying “get sharted!” And running away while the cops cry and moan in excremental pain
The Sharter strike again
Pulptastic@midwest.social 4 months ago
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Embarrassingskidmark@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Force people to poop on command - I’d have xin jinping on speed dial
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
the pink one, thenbevery oligarch will never stop shitting.
over_clox@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Choose One?
That question mark ❓ suggests the option I could take them all instead if I wanted…
SurfinBird@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
I mean, it’s not even a contest
ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Allow me to introduce my little friend: Transmetropolitan Bowl Disruptor
zxqwas@lemmy.world 4 months ago
It’s only chaotic evil if you use it as such.
Could work as a televangelist for constipated people.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 4 months ago
People with chronic constipation constantly bothering the guy who took the pink pill.
BrazenSigilos@ttrpg.network 4 months ago
My Super-name would have to be Shitstorm
daggermoon@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Definitely pink, I would be the most powerful man on Earth.
SpaceCadet@feddit.nl 4 months ago
daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 months ago
I will just make every single human on earth poop every day at exactly 14:56 UCT
I wouldn’t say anything, and just enjoy seeing how people tries to figure out what’s going on.
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 4 months ago
I already have all these powers… Maaaaan…
hperrin@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
You could probably use that power to kill someone. Pooped to death.
BroBot9000@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Pink and I would dedicate the rest of my life to making Elon Musk shit himself literally every time a camera is pointed at him.
Alteon@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Yeah. I got the magenta one years ago. I’ve been making Trump drop a fucking load on camera for awhile now.
NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz 4 months ago
Can you male people poop so much they die? Asking for a friend
iAvicenna@lemmy.world 4 months ago
just Elon? What about Nigel Farage? pls?
henfredemars@infosec.pub 4 months ago
Doing god’s work.
BroBot9000@lemmy.world 4 months ago
No gods or kings. Only poop.