I almost want to do this. If you don’t slice that pepperoni the first time it grabs it’s buddy Cheese and they both go on a trip all over the damn place.
You shall not cut!
Submitted 2 months ago by ickplant@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/87ee4343-22ab-4579-b719-ae94843dedfe.jpeg
Comments
TachyonTele@piefed.social 2 months ago
Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it 2 months ago
You should either cut it better or start considering using a different cheese (or better, just use mozzarella as it was intended)
TachyonTele@piefed.social 2 months ago
Ill let the pizza shop know, thanks
Tilgare@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Not all mozzarella is created equal. The best pizza cheese I’ve found in the US is Boar’s Head mozzerella. Nothing else melts right or holds up to the 550° oven like this one. I just get the deli to take a knife to the chub to cut off a block for easier shredding.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 months ago
Your dad could get a job gerrymandering districts for the state.
tehmics@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Nah it’s too logical
rockerface@lemmy.cafe 2 months ago
“Back in my days there were no neurodivergent people”
mf back in his days when asked to cut pizza:
marcos@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Tell him the amount of pepperoni on each slice is not balanced.
vodka@feddit.org 2 months ago
It might be, we can see: 3 slices with 5 2 slices with 3 1 slice with 4
They seem to be intentionally cut to have this amount of pepperoni, the last two slices might have 5 and 4 pieces of pepperoni making for: 4 slices of 5 2 slices of 3 2 slices of 4
HowAbt2day@futurology.today 2 months ago
Could’ve been cut this way based on weight of each pepperoni slice.
ramenshaman@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I get it. The pizza slicer pushes pepperoni and other toppings down which smushes the cheese and sauce out the size, then you have an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce. So either you have an uneven distribution of pepperoni, an uneven distribution of cheese/sauce, or you spend a great deal of time placing your pepperoni so that they’re perfectly positioned away from your cut lines.
Johandea@feddit.nu 2 months ago
Yeah, if you use an inferior tool your get inferior results. Scissors are the only correct way to cut a pizza.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 2 months ago
…I want to say that you’re wrong, but I don’t have enough experience with scissors on pizza to dispute it.
coriza@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Marion Cobretti approves this message
ramenshaman@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I’ve seen those scissor/spatula combos online, seems like a great option.
Agent641@lemmy.world 2 months ago
If you use a large knife to cut the pizza you don’t have this problem.
EffortlessEffluvium@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
But all I have is my poop knife
axexrx@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Does it take that long to move them?
I just take the back edge of a knife hold it over each of the 6 lines ill be cutting as a guide, and pull any of the pepperoni on the line one way of the other. Take like 5 seconds.
ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
For frozen pizza I will move the pepperoni before baking so they are in predetermined slices.
scytale@piefed.zip 2 months ago
Same. Sometimes they’re all in one section as well so I make sure to distribute them evenly. I also add another layer of mozzarella before baking.
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 2 months ago
This right here is a diagnosis. I’m not sure for what, but you’ve got a lot of something.
ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
You know what? I like it, and I’ma start doing it.
moonshadow@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
Your daddy’s my kind of freak
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Sounds like you want to call him YOUR daddy!
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
No he’s doing that because he is a demon. LOOK at that slice at 12-o-clock. That’s not avoiding the pepperoni that is malediction against society
pyre@lemmy.world 2 months ago
since when is a little dick and balls malediction against society
you know what don’t answer that
orangeyouglad@lemmy.today 2 months ago
gerrymandered Pizza
Doomsider@lemmy.world 2 months ago
A pizza can’t help itself if that is the way it wants to be cut up. You city pizza boys just don’t get country pizza.
TargaryenTKE@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Respect
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That one Florida-ass looking piece.
danc4498@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Signs your dad might have OCD
crozilla@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Totino’s frozen pizza had it best: diced pepperoni. Pepperoni in every bite.
BanaramaClamcrotch@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
I do the same lol… pisses my gf off
frustrated_phagocytosis@fedia.io 2 months ago
Just arrange the pepperoni in advance so you can cut normal without slicing them.
the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 2 months ago
#dad things
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
i do that too
b_tr3e@feddit.org 2 months ago
Now, if he’d avoid stepping on the gaps between floor tiles, I’d sympathize. Horrible, unspeakable THINGS might happen if you’re stepping on them. But this is just weird.
Tilgare@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I fully support this strategy, can’t believe I never considered it myself. I will have to carefully suggest it to my wife who will NOT approve of this mutilation of one of her glorious pizzas.
Samsy@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
A little bit autistic we are today?
DivineDev@piefed.social 2 months ago
I feel like the two slices at the top were divided poorly. The extension of the right one makes it difficult to handle, it should have been part of the left slice. Otherwise the slices feel balanced and slicey, although I am not quite sure with the bottom ones. Overall this gives a score of at most 6/8, please relay this to your dad and don’t forget posting his next attempt, ideally without a cut off part for a more reliable evaluation.
wieson@feddit.org 2 months ago
My brain when usians call salami a chili pepper:
Jax@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I just wanna talk to him
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
Buy a good pizza cutter and sharpen like a knife?
TomMasz@piefed.social 2 months ago
The only thing wrong with this is the inevitable sibling conflict over who got the biggest piece.
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Add 1 slice every time you make pizza and hold bets.
Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 2 months ago
The only problem I see is different slices have different numbers of pepperoni and different lengths of crust.
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Thanks Dad. I’ll have one with 5 slices of pepperoni not 3. 3 slices of pepperoni is for pussies.
Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
That’s not to avoid cutting pepperoni. There was no reason to shape the 2 pieces at the top like that… other than being a pizza sadist.
microcapybara@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
Pepperonimandering is a stain on the
politicalserving process! Pie slices should be wedges, simple as!captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Squares and rectangles are acceptable on thin crust pizzas in styles meant for party type sharing
postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Thou shalt not Bobbit.
Opisek@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
That way all the slices have at most five pieces, reducing the variance of pieces per slice.
realitista@lemmus.org 2 months ago
I could get on board with this but there are some with 3 and 4, so I am going with the sociopath theory here.
slowmorella@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
yeah the top slices give away that the main intention was to get the internet people mad
postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Jigsaw Puzzle Enthusiast
Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Have you considered the possibility Dad ASKED each person how many peps they wanted before he started cutting? Or he gives the kids peps according to their ages?