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Foolproof advice

⁨659⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨sus@programming.dev⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/ed8ff874-fc1c-434d-82e3-e08b6caf039d.png

source

Comments

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  • spiffynova@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    We all know that won’t work. Try this instead. Image

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    • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      “Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are.”

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      • SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

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      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.

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      • krunklom@lemmy.zip ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        The cheese is under my foreskin

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    • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      My ex gf and i used to steal each other fancy cheeses. It was the most intense love i have ever felt.

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      • DharmaCurious@startrek.website ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        My mom and I used to steal fancy cheese for each other. God I miss that woman like you can’t believe. 10/10 mom and person.

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    • Spezi@feddit.org ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Image

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      • DharmaCurious@startrek.website ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Would marry that farmer. No questions asked, no long engagement. Straight to the court house, we’re getting hitched.

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      • kilgore_trout@feddit.it ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Bro, plastic cheese…

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    • kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.

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      • Etterra@discuss.online ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Works for a lot of men too. I mean not me. I prefer mozzarella.

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    • Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

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      • Feathercrown@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        I read that as “a slice of milk” and like. Technically yeah it’s not wrong

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    • Etterra@discuss.online ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I tried this with my fiance with a dairy allergy and now I’m single again.

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    • Sunschein@piefed.social ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Idk, this piece of advice legitimately works on my wife.

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    • BlueLineBae@midwest.social ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      That show one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women’s shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.

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      • Etterra@discuss.online ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Maybe they robbed a shoe store. On displays they frequently leave one shoe from a pair so that stealing them just nets you a pile of left shoes lol

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      • SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        If they were all the same size, perhaps amputee?

        Or maybe a really specific fetish.

        Maybe both.

        Quite possibly a question best left unanswered, at least until you no longer live there

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    • achance4cheese@sh.itjust.works ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Fascinating

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    • krunklom@lemmy.zip ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Bitches love cheddar

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    • faythofdragons@slrpnk.net ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.

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  • Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.

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    • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy points that out.

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  • kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.

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    • Klear@quokk.au ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      That sounds like Strong Bad's alter ego.

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      • Denjin@feddit.uk ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        The Cheat is vacuuming.

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    • CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      No relation.

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  • Etterra@discuss.online ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.

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    • entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Pretty sure it’s a joke.

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      • Etterra@discuss.online ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

        We live in a post irony world and I literally can’t tell the difference without knowing the source.

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    • glitch1985@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Why not both?

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      • Etterra@discuss.online ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

        Of course, I forgot answer C. All of the above.

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  • itslola@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅

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    • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Where the fuck do you keep all the eggs? Do you have a walk in fridge?

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    • StupidBrotherInLaw@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Every day here and I don’t even have ovaries!

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  • dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.

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    • Noodle07@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      once with a women. Trust me.

      Stop bragging

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  • Formfiller@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Damn I guess I’ve never ovulated in my life

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  • TheBat@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know anything about women to dispute it.

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  • Cruxifux@feddit.nl ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    This has to be satire.

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    • wander1236@sh.itjust.works ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      There’s no way that last sentence especially isn’t satire

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    • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      It’s nit. This has worked on me four times.

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    • AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I thought so too until I went to the website and I still couldn’t tell :/

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      • Cruxifux@feddit.nl ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        There’s lots of really fucking stupid people out there so who knows.

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    • Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I am once again asking lemmy users to check what community they're in before commenting

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      • Cruxifux@feddit.nl ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        I understand the user is using this as a shitpost but that doesn’t mean the original content was for sure satire. It could also just be written by an idiot.

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      • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        You can’t really expect consciousness from straight cis men.

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  • ileftreddit@piefed.social ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?

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    • db2@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      It’s typo progressive for him. He’s the “your wife shouldn’t get wet” type.

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      • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Dont get her wet, don’t feed her after midnight. Hes very strict about rules for his wife.

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  • LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?

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    • BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇

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    • Denjin@feddit.uk ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.

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      • Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Why, thank you, I’ve just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.

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  • shalafi@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.

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  • ValiantDust@feddit.org ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Yes, please do that. So we will immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.

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  • CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.

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    • blarghly@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      What’s sad about learning something new and getting laid?

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      • Denjin@feddit.uk ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

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      • CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        I sincerely hope you’re /s ing.

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    • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      And some woman will have a good laugh and a narrow escape

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  • thebudman420@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.

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    • StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Wow what a cycle that must have sucked

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  • omniman@anarchist.nexus ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?

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    • BottleCaptain@feddit.nl ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      No, for that you have to fill her up.

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      • omniman@anarchist.nexus ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

        Fill her up with love 🥺👉👈

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  • QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    This is for betas. It says so in the upper right corner.

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  • betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    “No, stop, where are you going? I have it on very good authority that you enjoy this!”

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  • Gork@sopuli.xyz ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    This must be why the site is still in Beta

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    • hexabs@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I’m surprised they fought the urge to stay alpha forever

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  • MyDogLovesMe@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.

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  • LolaCat@lemmy.ca ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Poe’s law

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  • Sam_Bass@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Suckers gonna suck

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  • Winter_Oven@piefed.social ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Feels like an example of crabs in a bucket

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