I sleep better when I’m next to my wife.
We all sleep alone soundly; Maybe the key to a happy marriage is separate beds
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Worthess@discuss.online to showerthoughts@lemmy.world
Comments
hperrin@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Alfredolin@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
I also sleep better when I’m next to your wife
… Sorry, my pre-Lemmy internet use has corrupted me.
tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 3 weeks ago
“I also choose this guys’ wife.”
Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Yah, my partner and I sleep in the same bed and under the same blankets and I sleep best when either I’m snuggling them or they’re snuggling me.
Acamon@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Married and swear by seperate beds. It’s amazing if you’ve got the space. But it is good to make sure you get plenty of “lying about in bed together” time. But it’s great to be able to go off to your own bed after for a peaceful, undisturbed sleep. and5 being able to read a night or get dressed in the morning without worrying about disturbing your partner.
scaramobo@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
I read that last one “or get depressed in the morning”. How thoughtful not to bother your partner with that, I thought. But getting dressed is good too.
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I’ve dated one person who could not bear to be touched at all in her sleep (but she insisted on sharing the same bed, which made things awkward for me) and another person who snored, but I think that humans probably generally sleep better together. It isn’t a sexual thing - look at non-human animals and how they often sleep cuddled up together. As a kid, I shared a bed with my grandfather (we lived in a small apartment) and I would fall asleep hugging him, and as an adult I slept better when I could cuddle up with my dog.
jqubed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I guess I’m in the minority that I have a harder time sleeping without my spouse than with. I realized about six months in that I’d rapidly developed some sort of dependence where I would fall asleep quickly if I spooned her. She had surgery in January and spent several weeks in the guest room so she could avoid the stairs, so we’ve tried being apart. It is nice if you have the space/budget for a king bed, though, to spread out from each other some.
Worthess@discuss.online 3 weeks ago
The idea about separate beds is that that needn’t be separated, sometimes they could be pushed together.
CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
But then someone gets stuck in the crack in the middle, which will lead to arguments and divorce.
Zorque@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
The Thin man did have the perfect marriage…
jqubed@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I guess in a sense we do that. When we bought our bed we were also able to get adjustable bases, so we went with a split king, which is just two XL-twin beds pushed together (this has the same dimensions as a king). That way we could each adjust our side independent of each other but still cuddle up when we wanted. There’s often a small gap in the middle that can grow and be annoying, though.
bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
I’d absolutely love if my wife and I could do the separate bed thing, but she ain’t having that for similar reasons you describe. As such, we won’t live anywhere that won’t accommodate our cal king bed, because she sleeps like a starfish and queen and smaller is a no go.
jqubed@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My wife puts her hands on her chest which has her elbows out to the side, so I understand the challenge. We can usually make a queen work but a king is so much better. Last time we travelled we wound up in a double, which was awful for both of us!
socsa@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
Do y'all just sleep with the AC turned to max all night? I can't possibly imagine any scenario where I could fall asleep while pressed up against a 99* human body during a solid 30% of the year. Without drugs or plenty of booze, that is.
jqubed@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
We keep it relatively cool, but that was something we both did already before our relationship. It was actually something I asked about very early, because I grew up as the only person who preferred it cool to sleep while my parents and siblings preferred it warm. She thought it was really forward until I explained, but didn’t really understand until our first vacation with my parents.
In the summer when the AC is running we cool it to 66°F/18.89°C. In the winter we heat to 63°F/17.22°C.
masterspace@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
We all sleep alone soundly
XD XD XD
Oh my sweet summer child…
Worthess@discuss.online 3 weeks ago
Wah? You wanna cuddle?
masterspace@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Ass to ass.
Bubbaonthebeach@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
It took me a few years to convince my partner that sleeping separately would be a good idea. He snores and I am a very light sleeper. It has improved our relationship to sleep apart. Since I talk to my friends about it, I know that many of them also sleep apart and credit it for being able to stay happily married instead of being sleep deprived and always mad at their partner. On vacation, we often go back to sharing a bed.
IWW4@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
I agree. My wife and I fought against separate beds for a long time, but some things went down that required us to have alternate sleep schedules so that forced us to do it.
That was 12 years ago and we have had separate bedrooms ever since.
We have since learned that pretty much all of our friends who have been married for significant number of years sleep in separate beds. Sleeping is such an important part of living and a huge impact on QoL. So once you accept that quality sleep is a basic need and not a referendum on the state of the marriage it just solves a set of problems.
LemmyRefugee@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Using a Device of Mandibular Advancement I have been able to stop snoring completely and I don’t need CPAP anymore.
It is done by dentists.6stringringer@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
I think that we as couple feel somewhat the same. Split bedrooms never hurt us. Try’na pretend that we don’t do weird stuff in our sleep is absolutely crazy talk. The bizarre behavior we do in our sleep is downright weird & funny. There should absolutely be no shame in sleeping separately for a solid nights rest. Any halfway intelligent couple is aware of this.
Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Nah. My wife snores like hell, but I can’t fall asleep when she isn’t there.
Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
I struggle to sleep without my husband. I need my feet to touch his, at least. We share a queen bed, even use the same blanket (it is a King blanket though). Im really surprised so many folks don’t sleep in the same bed at their partner here. Nothing wrong with it, I’m just surprised.
Maybe things will change when we are older, but I couldn’t imagine.
socsa@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
I am kind of incredulous that anyone actually sleeps better with a whole separate person in the bed. It gets too hot and you both wake up whenever the other one uses the bathroom, or if you don't go to bed at the same time, or if you don't get up at the same time. Just from those basics mechanics it seems to defy logic that actual sleep quality, beyond some intangible aesthetic, wouldn't be negatively impacted.
ChexMax@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I have terrible insomnia, I have misophonia, and I am a light sleeper. My partner talks in his sleep, he’s a furnace, and a loud breather, but I’ll tell you, nothing conks me out like turning over and being the big spoon on that guy. When he’s out of town it’s harder (or at least less comfortable) to fall asleep. Sometimes when I really really can’t sleep for hours, I’ll reach over and just hold his limp sleeping hand and it helps.
He can fall asleep anywhere and sleep through anything though. If we were both poor sleepers, idk what we’d do.
Pulptastic@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
Usually we both have to pee around 2am, so the wake up is not a bother. We also are used to each other’s alarms, so aren’t woken by the other.
Pulptastic@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
We do the same, she’ll have a foot touching my ankle and I’ll have a hand touching her hip. Sometimes her toenails are stabby and I roll away but she seeks me out in her sleep lol.
Occasionally I’ll sleep on the couch if I have a sinus headache as it is more upright to promote drainage, but vast majority of time we sleep together.
burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
I wish I could sleep in the same bed as my partner (forever, not just the rare nights when we try). It’s lovely to have the physical touch as I fall asleep. Unfortunately I toss, turn, and sometimes wake up in cold sweats from nightmares, so it’s better for both of us to have the separate beds.
Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
My husband used to have night terrors before he got sober. That shit was scary! He would sleep talk, and not sound human. I’ll never forget I woke up early one day while he stayed asleep and I heard him yelling “help” over and over. I was so scared, I ran to him, and woke him.
Thank goodness it stopped when he got sober. I feel for anyone who gets night terrors, it’s no fun
ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
My wife and I have separate sheets and blankets, it’s almost like our own beds. It’s some good sleep.
Worthess@discuss.online 3 weeks ago
That’s a good middle ground. Good for you both
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
My ideal living situation with a partner would be:
Two entirely separate living areas with individual bedrooms, plus a third area for both of us that also has a bed.
So in other words, I’ll probably be single forever.
Lumisal@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I mean, that’s how it’s like with my third partner, so I think you’ll be okay.
(Note: we are poly, not cheating with HR)
ConstantPain@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I sleep much better accompanied. I’m single at the moment and it’s been dreary.
Worthess@discuss.online 2 weeks ago
My only non solicited advice… don’t advertise your lonely… let it happen organically, then it’s real. Recognize it’s not forever. Nothing is, but enjoy the time you have with your significant other and embrace it.
Couldbealeotard@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
When I’m sad I just stop being sad and be awesome instead.
Flamekebab@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
I sleep much better when my wife is nearby. We have a super king though so she isn't exactly smushed against me, she's just nearby.
Worthess@discuss.online 3 weeks ago
Big room,
bigHUGE bedFlamekebab@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
The room is pretty tiny so it's mostly bed!
undeffeined@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
A game changer for me was separate cover blankets.
webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
When we got together this was not even negotiable on either side, we basically laughed at the idea of a single blanket.
I did suggested a single mattress to not have a gap but got a simple no and didn’t ask again.
aesthelete@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Works great if you have extra rooms around your house for each person. Must be freaking nice.
Admetus@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
I also need to sleep alone. Everyone is different. My wife stirs so much that it’s better to sleep in separate beds and have ehmmm surprise night visits.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I sleep better with my wife in the bed :3
sdfric88@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
I sleep better with your wife in my bed too!
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I sleep so much better with my wife. Unless I snore, then I get kicked awake all night
cactusupyourbutt@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I also sleep so much better with your wife
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
you’re the one kicking him, aren’t you?
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Oh shit, Jen? /s
HowlsSophie@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Me and my husband HAVE to have separate beds. He moves around a lot and it’s like being in an earthquake.
toomanypancakes@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I’m a fan of the big bed and separate blankets strategy. It’s similar, but you don’t have to get up to cuddle, you just scootch closer.
Metostopholes@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
I like John Hodgman’s suggestion: Couples should sleep in two beds, in two villas, separated by a reflecting pool.
I mean, I would like it if I could afford it.
Worthess@discuss.online 3 weeks ago
Death by drowning to sleep walkers, though
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
I sleep better snuggled up against someone.
Spacehooks@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
I uses to suffer from night terrors regularly that mostly went away when I started sleeping with SO. Thay being said we do sleep better in a long size bed then in the standard twin we have at home. So maybe the issue is space.
eupraxia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Everyone’s gonna have different needs, but I’ve benefited a lot from having the option to sleep separately. Having a second bed set up means it can happen whenever we need, or accommodate if more people need to stay over.
Sometimes I’ll need to stretch out in a weird way or I’ll get muscle spasms that would keep us both up, so it’s a no brainer to sleep separately. Sometimes mentally I need the space too, but otherwise I really do like falling asleep with someone. So it’s like a 50/50 if it will work for me on any given night. My nesting partner tends to fall asleep a lot faster so usually I’ll cuddle her to sleep and then get back up, bumble around a little bit then go sleep in my bed. It works out great for the both of us!
dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Been doing this since the pandemic. And no, it’s not a dead bedroom situation, not by a longshot. We just have wildly different circadian rhythms, sleeping habits, we both snore, all of which was leading to consistently interrupted sleep for both of us. This was the only compromise that didn’t impact anyone’s health. Sharing a bed all the time is romantic, but hardly practical in the long run. Especially when prostatitis and peri-menopause enter the picture.
It’s also been a godsend for when anyone gets sick. Plus, a ton of decorating options opened up for both of us - it’s nice.
Also: the royals do this. With all the wealth the Windsors have, giving everyone their own private suite was where they landed. Makes you think.
masterspace@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
LMFAO, you’re using the Royals as your example of romantic loving couples?
jqubed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
The royals often weren’t marrying for love either, though, so I’m sure separate rooms helped with keeping some distance from someone they might not actually like and also made it easier to entertain their paramours.
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
There’s an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall and Lily try this
Asswardbackaddict@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Mmmmm. I’ll soundly sleep in a bathtub if it’s with a woman I love. Don’t love you? Too hot and uncomfortable. And, sleeping alone, I go back to my roots. Way back. If I feel like I’m hiding in a hole and the dinosaurs about to get fucked, I sleep so good.
match@pawb.social 3 weeks ago
i sleep a thousand times better with my arm around someone
Dorkyd68@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
[deleted]Skydancer@pawb.social 3 weeks ago
That was TV censorship, not a reflection of real life at the time.
mang0@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Hasn’t the idea of “sleep divorce” been circulating In news recently?
RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Me and husband each have our own blankets and sheets and such on the one king bed. Cause he’s a furnace and I’d explode if I got that hot. It’s much nicer.
frank@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
Scandinavian sleeping, it’s the best!
Bigfish@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
Add ear plugs and you described by bedroom
CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
How do you ear plug people hear your alarm in the morning? Ive considered trying it but I already have a hard enough time waking up.
MaggiWuerze@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
My wife always claims that I “steal her blanket”, so we also got one each. But they’re each 2x2.2m so if we wanna share one, we can
ameancow@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I love that one person downvoted you for this comment. I think the internet was a bad idea.
RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I try not to pay attention to the vote count, and just let my comments uhhh do their thing which is ‘rambling’ probably!
Tomato666@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
Yes, separate covers, this is the way.
They come in the night and steal them otherwise.