RBWells

@RBWells@lemmy.world

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨what can I do at my workplace during downtime?⁩ ⁨⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  I do read, go for a Pokemon go walk, browse on my phone or listen to music when I get a break at work.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  You can love someone romantically without wanting to share your life with them, or progress the relationship beyond casual.

  You can love someone sexually but not romantically, or vice versa. And sure, you can have romantic feelings for someone and not trust your feelings because of previous experience.

  Anything you can imagine, someone can feel.

  I would just take her at her word. And tell her what you want, without asking her for anything. If she is not open to the kind of relationship you want, does it matter what she is feeling? I think not.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Do you ever feel full and hungry simultaneously?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I agree with everyone saying its thirst. Drink a big glass of water.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Every time I make biscuits from a can⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  It was not that lady, it’s happened more than once? That is crazy. Same lady had a cat that could open the door by swinging on the doorknob, and a terraced yard that bluejays controlled the upper levels of and terrorized said cat, AND an ex who was a source of many awful but interesting stories as well.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Marriage is FOMO⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I got married to my husband for two reasons. Mostly because his preference to be married was stronger than my preference to avoid it my whole life, but another big reason was that “stepfather” has more legal rights here than “mom’s boyfriend”. It was easier for him to pick my kids up from school or take them to the doctor, things like that. Same with me & his kids .

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Marriage is FOMO⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I didn’t marry my ex, 4 kids, over 20 years, we were a family. There should be (there were for us) forms you can fill out to give each other access for medical information and also to set each other as the responsible party if you are incapable. You don’t have to be married. We had to get something notarized, that was all. Find out if you can do that where you are.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Every time I make biscuits from a can⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I don’t make these anymore, and when we did, had to ask someone with better nerves to open them. But I had a friend who had a great story about the canned biscuits. She went shopping and was waiting in the car, for her husband to finish shopping at a different store. Got sleepy, leaned her seat way back and went to sleep. Windows down, and it’s hot here. She wakes to a loud pop, thinks it’s a gunshot - feels her head, it’s all gooey, she thinks she has been shot and is in so much shock she has no pain. It was the biscuits. They exploded and got in her hair.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨thick skinned employees, how can you be so thick skinned?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  FWIW I didn’t read it that way. OP describes a particular workplace not a universal situation. Maybe where he is, the women at his work are useless. That doesn’t make it a sweeping generalization, just the situation where he is. I had a boss who wouldn’t hire men because his experience was that women actually got the work done, men did not. And I had a boss who only hired men (I was there before he was hired) and when I asked him WTF he said he wanted people who weren’t afraid of him, that me & the other lady there weren’t but most women would not speak up. Those are sexist - they held universal views and even worse, based their hiring on it.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What’s the actual reason neurodivergent people are sometimes discriminated against or bullied?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I think it’s probably because people get irritated. Not to excuse it, but it does take some awareness and tolerance and patience, just like it does for you. Not “lesser” at all, more likely just annoying, and again, just like you are likely annoyed with them.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Will I become a bad person in a year?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  This happened to my youngest child. They had a high school girlfriend a grade younger, but more than a year younger, so for awhile it was sketchy, we teased them, but here the laws say it’s ok as long as you are not too far apart in age, I believe it’s 3 years or less apart in age.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What percentage of the world population ages 30+ do you suppose is capable of financially supporting themselves & living & thriving independently?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  No man is an island. So nobody.

  If you mean ‘having your own place’, maintaining an apartment on one person’s earnings? I am nearing 60, and have never lived alone. I don’t think it’s normal or usual to be able to support a household of 1 by yourself, there are economies of scale so roommates pretty much always make sense.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨thick skinned employees, how can you be so thick skinned?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  “Women are also more likely to care about what other people think, simply because they are more likely to be at risk if they piss off the wrong person. Men can usually be a bit more chill because less of the population can threaten them. So it’s entirely possible that those two men don’t care because they know no one is going to kick their ass, so there’s nothing to get upset about.”

  This is an important factor, and not always a gender thing. I can be thick skinned at my work because I don’t care, if that makes sense. For whatever incomprehensible reason, management where I work thinks I do a better job than others in my department even though I give them all credit and make as many mistakes. So I say what I mean in meetings and the other ladies are amazed that I push so much, one is convinced she’s on the brink of being fired all the time, I have mostly worked at startups and never got in the habit of deferring to management and so I don’t.

  That’s just work though. We don’t have much politics here. My one experience with a place like that, with complicated underlying relationships, cliques and people trying to undercut others, I was absolutely useless, no idea how anyone navigates all that. It did affect me, I did feel lost and upset and frustrated.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Step 1: Delete⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  The fuck? Is this a real story? My husband tosses the cats 2-3 of those when he gets up, they still eat normally and never ask me for them. And one of them is a motherfucker who will try to steal the salmon or chicken if we cook either of those, and the other will tear into the dog food bag if we don’t decant it into a stronger container. They do request catnip at teatime if I’m home. The cabinet door doesn’t even close all the way, they really and truly don’t care, they leave it alone. I’ve never had a cat react that way to those treats.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the Bechdel test equivalent for images?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I think print media is much better about this - I read a lot of indie comics and there’s plenty of women talking to women about war or other things (though a whole lot of it seems to be war), and in books too. Maybe just because there are more of them there is more variety overall.

  If I understand correctly what you are asking, is there art by women that has a different perspective, then I think that answer is yes, but beyond “know it when you see it” I can’t think of a test.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨do you apologize, even if it's not your fault just to make the other person feel validated?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  This is a good question and not stupid. I generally don’t say sorry reflexively, no. But yes I seek to empathize and see how my actions affect others. If there is something to apologize for, I do, and always try to take ownership of my mistakes.

  If it’s something where I feel fine about what I did and sincerely think the other party has wildly misinterpreted it, I may ask what they think, depending on if I have time and whether I know them, or just let it go if I don’t know them, because I’m sure I’ve done the same to people.

  In general I think I err on the not apologizing side and on the defensive side, not on the over-apologizing and too self critical side, nor on the blamey and critical of others side.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨If you argue for a cause like affordable housing for everyone, is it necessarily hypocritical if you also own investment properties?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Are you renting them for unaffordable amounts? Maybe. But I think you can both live in the world that exists, and argue for a better one.

  And I guess if your investment property is affordable housing then you are also walking the walk, right? So no I don’t think it’s necessarily hypocritical. Likely so, but not necessarily so.

  We’ve rented for much less than it costs to buy a house here, in fact all of the places we rented were like that. Old houses that were paid off, that we did not want to buy, just paid to live in them month to month. Sure we can wish for a better system but sometimes renting is affordable.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Are there "headhunters" that work *for* you?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  If I google management recruiter and my city, I get a lot of them, including one that says “executive and IT”.

  But the ones I personally used I found one through my brother and one through a lover so maybe just ask people you know IRL too. People who have jobs like the one you want, preferably.

  I think we got our IT staff and management by posting jobs on external boards, Teamwork Online mostly. Some from recruiters though, that’s how they got me. Both my good jobs were temp that turned into permanent positions.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Are there "headhunters" that work *for* you?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  There are more specific staffing agencies where I live, for finance, medical, IT. I actually had really good experience using those, my brother did too. Yes they try to fit the person to the job and vice versa, but that helped.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Who are the "middle class" supposed to support in the class stuggle?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  The lower classes, because “real” capitalism grows from the bottom and trickle down is discredited nonsense. There is no benefit to supporting those who don’t need it. Buying from small local shops and employee owned outfits, and if you are a business owner, paying well and giving employees ownership stake and profit sharing, that at least moves the needle in the right direction.

  AFA self interest, middle class has more to gain by the poor becoming middle class, than by the rich getting richer.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨XC Running: Does anyone else's parents do this?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I have a story.

  My mom died a couple of years back. She was a competent mom, kept us alive, clothed, fed, and educated, but not a very mom-like person. The priest was asking my sister for qualities he could highlight at the funeral and kept suggesting “nurturing” and my sister kept saying “not really, no” but he put it in anyway. My brother was a nationally ranked age group athlete, really good in his sport. When he came in second place and was frustrated, my mom, instead of pointing out what a great result that was or that his time had improved, said “well, if you want a different result do something different.”

  Some of us just aren’t encouraging types. Maybe your mom was hurt in the past - not to say you should have to deal with her trauma, obviously it’s not your job! But she may think she is insulating you from disappointment, and I will caution you - no matter how well you do, if you exceed her expectations and yours, it probably won’t get you encouragement or praise. Run for YOU! Enjoy it! Secretly train to be fast and tell your mom you are just recreational. Or just run recreationally and for your own physical & mental health.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The longer you live, the harder it becomes.⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Holy crap this is true but it makes it hard to run. I am great at yoga, have stability and strength, I do lift sometimes too, but so much slow twitch, losing agility and bounciness.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The longer you live, the harder it becomes.⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I feel like this is more of a U shape curve. It’s hard to be a child, early adulthood is poverty and struggle, then things get easier, I am nearing 60 and still in these easier years, then at the end things start falling apart and it gets difficult again.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Should you look for a relationship if it feels like a compromise?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  You don’t have to relationship with anyone if you don’t want that, I think your premise is wrong. I had an enjoyable run between long relationships, just very casual, by only going out with guys who said that was all they wanted, I can’t possibly be the only woman who likes those guys.

  Now - when I said I was going to date more seriously (meaning I was wrapping up the casual run) I was shocked when most of them said “I’d like to date you” when I figured they were into variety and would NOT want to date anyone. i did not want to date any of them seriously at all. And kind of suspect they didn’t really want to date me either, more like they enjoyed the sex and thought maybe the rest would fall into place somehow?

  So if you are doing that, don’t. Find the casual people, keep it casual and when they are ready to jump out, find someone else.

  I will say, (and I think this is very usual) a “real” relationship does mean more regular sex. Sure, yes. But you ought not do that until or unless you are ready, and your partner too is ready, and enthusiastic about the idea. If you only see it as giving something up, not gaining more, I don’t think it’s time.

  And no, you don’t cleave to each other exclusively! Have friends, go to work, have your own hobbies, be a whole person.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨CEO Boasts That He Laid Off 80 Percent of His Staff Because They Didn't Love AI Enough, Threatens to Do It Again⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  How does this work? Say he had 100 employees, he lays off 80, now he has 20, he lays off 16, now he has 4, will he lay off 3 and make the last one part time, constantly cutting their hours by 80% and approaching but never getting to zero?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How do I beat the roaches in this house?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  As my mom used to say “they eat glue. They eat paper. You can’t clean your way out.”

  Someone else mentioned the little black plastic traps, those work for us but there aren’t ever many here, it’s preventing not solving.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How do I beat the roaches in this house?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  If they are coming out of the walls, can you treat the walls? Like pour the boric acid in there.

  Here in Florida, eventually every house has to be tented for drywall termites and that kills everything.

  And heck yeah all hail lizards. I love those little guys. Once in the time before cell phones I saw an epic battle between a lizard and a palmetto bug, the lizard was wrestling this bug that was its size.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨80s Nostalgia AI Slop Is Boomerfying the Masses for a Past That Never Existed⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Sure, but we also drank in parking lots because there was nothing to do, had guys physically grabbing at us instead of just yelling stuff, got bullied in school more, and the violent crime rate was something like 10x what it is now. Oh, and our friends were dying of AIDS as well. And the bay was polluted, and downtown was so dead we could walk around it like a ghost town.

  I will never understand nostalgia. There are good things and bad things about every time. But even with the fuckers trying to pull us backwards now, there has been progress.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨what are the grievances with the "male loneliness epidemic"?⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Who says this? I am not a cis-het man and have not heard the criticism. I thought it was a known thing? Are you literally hearing it doesn’t exist, or is it more like they need to suck it up and/or that they are losers that need to go outside?

  If it’s the second, that’s sexism. That’s where it comes from. Illogical ideas about men. Believe it or not, we have not overcome that yet. People have very twisted ideas about how men and women should behave and feel.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨A real question about trans athletes and records⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  The National News Desk - Wikipedia share.google/bWMrVg9ftYvQVwbK6

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How did that 22-year-old get on in the date his dad set him up with?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I would like a follow up too!