Madzielle
@Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com
- Comment on what are the grievances with the "male loneliness epidemic"? 12 hours ago:
Lol yeah, she recently got divorced and her husband was accusing her of cheating/sleeping with every man in the group, my husband included. I laughed when she told me, he’s the one who got a girlfriend within two weeks of the separation, she’s still single and focused on her children/work, even a year later.
It is rare, but I could tell she was just a friend. She’s just the only one who survived the friend group 20 years. It did cause a riff once in the beginning, I pretty rudely asked him why he didn’t have male friends in a fight. He was upset, and just shouted how everyone he was friends with back then went down shitty roads: drugs, suicide, prison, or women beaters, the few ladies he still knew from the group were the only ones who didnt fall into chaos. He really painted the picture for me so I could understand his pov. I’ve never worried since, and I’m better friends with them now anyway, he really has reclused himself, but he keeps in touch with his family and has their support.
He is happy as he could be given you know, life’s continued beatings. The only reason he didn’t fall to chaos himself, which he nearly did, he says, is because he’s always had his father’s support. He says I gave him reason to get sober, but his father absolutely saved his life multiple times over the years by being there for him.
I dated someone who was friends with thier now married ex. I tolerated it, and I trusted her, but I didnt trust him. I wanted to leave him, but he wouldn’t let me, and none of my efforts worked. Finally, after some time I managed to find support so I could leave him. He broke down, it was a whole thing, but he said to me one fight, I can’t love you because I’m still in love with her. Then.why.wouldnt.he.let.me.leave. ugh. I used to get lectures from him on love and loyalty, and he dropped that bit, I laughed in his face when he said it.
I will say its much easier to become an introvert when you are living with someone you trust and love. Outside validation becomes moot. Finding someone like that, is a very lucky thing, And often a treacherous road, for everyone, sex/gender non comforming alike, there isn’t discrimination in the pains of finding a person right for oneself.
- Comment on what are the grievances with the "male loneliness epidemic"? 15 hours ago:
My husband is similar to this. We only hang out with our family these days.
I was unsure when we first started dating, and he seemed to only have a couple female friends. But he introduced me, and they were lovely. He never sexualized women, never pressured me for sex, and feeling unsure soon wore off realizing he was extremely loyal after not long.
He’s withdrawn quite a bit since getting sober and older. I hung out at a small party one of his friends was having. He didn’t want to/couldn’t go, so I went.
Everyone was kind of dumb, they only talked about other people they knew, and told drunken stories about being drunk before- it was boring. I’m understanding why he withdrew from the crowd.
One guy showed me a tiktok of some Ai looking lady who recovered from drug addiction, praising her, this person he never met, telling me how good she looked now, clearly super excited about it (drunk af), all while his girlfriend sat right there. We’re all mid to lat 30’s. He acted like he was 15. I couldn’t handle it lol. The only friend I liked was his old BF, a girl who is like a sister to him. She doesn’t drink. This girl said she was drinking white wine, before I left the wine I brought for her in the fridge, I saw her bottle not even cracked open and laughed. Anyway.
You only need a few people to feel whole I find. My husband and his parents are great. That party felt like torture to me. But the tiktok guy and his gf were telling me about thier pool club. The play pool in the community a lot, and its definitely their third space. I may have found him dumb, but they had a whole crew of folks in their built community. I did compliment that. You gotta build the life you want.
- Comment on what are the grievances with the "male loneliness epidemic"? 15 hours ago:
Human nature is evolutionary.
Never say never.
- Comment on If your happiness is derived from your enjoyment of a false (i.e. fictional) stories, is that truely happiness, or is that technically a delusion? 1 week ago:
Reading a story that brings happiness is real happiness.
Most often, when I finish a good book, usually one that has altered my world view, or changed some aspect of thinking, is profound, absolutely can even bring joy. The sustained feelings from the thoughts that came from the media are real. If they are happy and joyful thoughts they are real, if they are negative, the emotion is real.
To be delusional in this aspect, you’d have to see the peice of fiction as real life, as in, you may meet the fictional character one day so you are happy at that chance to meet them.
- Comment on GrapheneOS Under Threat: EU Age Verification And Google Changes Endanger Privacy-Focused Android 1 week ago:
It will be inconvenient, but I’m right there with you.
- Comment on what's the best material for wiping out a cast iron skillet? 2 weeks ago:
I’ve gone paper towel free in my house. Every need for a paper towel has been replaced in my home care, except for this one purpose.
I use a coffee filter.
- Comment on ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’: the Australian push to have all adopted people told their full history and identity 3 weeks ago:
Idk, I’ve 3 siblings not raised by this man, and we all would rather know, than not. Honestly, I feel, is important.
I’d be interested to hear from someone who wishes they didnt ever find out they were adopted. Im sure people like that exist.
Should the government get involved? I personally don’t think they should, but, an interesting social concept to discuss.
- Comment on ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’: the Australian push to have all adopted people told their full history and identity 3 weeks ago:
My half sister didnt know her step father wasnt her real father. She found out when she was 19 because another half sister of ours (my father got around) found her on Facebook.
It shattered her.
I was told when I was 5 years old by my mom I was adopted by my step father. She did it in a shitty way, (during their messy kids in the middle divorce) but at least she was honest.
Definitely prefer the way I found out, to the way my sister did. Finding out young, I think it was easier for me to adapt, and have support. My sister still doesn’t have a great relationship with her mom and step father, and it’s been some years.
Kids don’t like it when their parents lie to them, who knew.
- Comment on We all sleep alone soundly; Maybe the key to a happy marriage is separate beds 4 weeks ago:
My husband used to have night terrors before he got sober. That shit was scary! He would sleep talk, and not sound human. I’ll never forget I woke up early one day while he stayed asleep and I heard him yelling “help” over and over. I was so scared, I ran to him, and woke him.
Thank goodness it stopped when he got sober. I feel for anyone who gets night terrors, it’s no fun
- Comment on We all sleep alone soundly; Maybe the key to a happy marriage is separate beds 4 weeks ago:
I struggle to sleep without my husband. I need my feet to touch his, at least. We share a queen bed, even use the same blanket (it is a King blanket though). Im really surprised so many folks don’t sleep in the same bed at their partner here. Nothing wrong with it, I’m just surprised.
Maybe things will change when we are older, but I couldn’t imagine.
- Comment on [Horses] Phones Ruined Everything 5 weeks ago:
I found this really interesting and thought provoking. I loved the line how ultimate optimism is not always misplaced.
- Comment on How do you all keep the area around the toilet paper dust-free? 1 month ago:
Couldn’t you just buy other toilet paper and leave his dusty roll for his use only?
- Comment on How do you all keep the area around the toilet paper dust-free? 1 month ago:
Yeah, that dust is getting on your vulva, I have a bidet too. I prefer papers that are similar to scotts, where there is no dust. That extra soft stuff is aweful.
I’d buy what I wanted and just use it myself if my husband cared.
- Comment on Having the ability to lie and manipulate with no remorse will get you much further in this world than having morals and being correct 1 month ago:
“control what you can” is my largest crutch.
- Comment on Having the ability to lie and manipulate with no remorse will get you much further in this world than having morals and being correct 1 month ago:
I just had a talk with my son, 12, this morning about the bad feelings we get when we lie, trick, or cheat and are caught. For me, I explained, it can even physically hurt because my chest tightens. Sometime around when I was my son’s age, I decided I wanted to avoid that feeling at all costs, and just stopped trying to lie, or trick, or get away with something wrong, because the risk was never worth it.
I may not be rich, or powerful, or hell even interesting, but I do sleep well at night and nearing middle age, I’ve more love in my life than I’ve ever had before. I hope to pass that to my son. Honest man’s living is superior.
My neighbor will tell me all about her grown son (who I know as a racist shit bag, and his son bullys mine) is so successful financially, yet in the same breath tells me she doesn’t bother wasting money on her garden because she can get free tomatoes from the food bank.
Money doesn’t mean one is successful in my opinion. Are they happy? Do they love themselves? Do they treat others kindly? Do the add to their community in positive ways? Do they never take more than they need so that others can have too? That’s success.
I prefer to have my conscience clean, and be the brokest person out there, than to lie, sceme, cheat to gain some arbitrary “success”.
- Comment on Young men are 'playing videogames all day' instead of getting jobs because they can mooch off of free healthcare, claims congressman 1 month ago:
What free healthcare?
Young men have to jump through the most hoops to get state level health insurance.
- Comment on You're not alone: This email from Google's Gemini team is concerning 1 month ago:
I know nothing about it. Next time I feel wired up for lesrning, I’ll look into it.
Just making jokes about the river, littering is never cool
- Comment on You're not alone: This email from Google's Gemini team is concerning 1 month ago:
It was free a few years ago, I’ve hated it since I got it. I think I got vibes from the windows phone a friend had some years ago and … thought it would be the same? Idk Mine broke, and it was free. Eh
River, meet phone.
- Comment on You're not alone: This email from Google's Gemini team is concerning 1 month ago:
I have a Pixel phone im bout to throw in the river
- Comment on RFK Jr. Wants Every American to Be Sporting a Wearable Within Four Years 1 month ago:
“I’ve worn watches by my own choice since I was a kid”
Lets hope it remains a choice
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
Bruh 🤢
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
But as you describe, is that every man?
Certainly not.
I’m mom and I’m the rollercoaster, the house repair gal, and I have a higher drive than my husband, though I would never describe our booty time as, “getting my balls emptied” or some female equivalent. It’s more like, activity time with my best friend, alas,
You just sterotyped an entire cohort of people in your description, I hope you understand that.
I refuse to sterotype my fellow women. I know women, we are all different, and I myself, don’t hit many of the sterotypical markers.
You describe your version of the every man’s day, here and then say anyone who lives differently has issues, if that isn’t satisfying to them. Is that kind towards your fellow men you think?
- Comment on I'm not okay. 2 months ago:
I have participated in No Mow May for three years now. I also have a spot in the yard I let be free (weeded it for invasives) for the same amount of time.
This summer, for the first time since I have lived here, exsists an abundance of fireflys in my yard. They are everywhere, in a way I’ve never seen since I was a child.
No Mow May, (even if just a part of your yard) gives insects a place. Bugs live in the leaves and natural debris, by keeping it undisturbed, from fall to winter is important for many bugs’ survival.
If you like bugs, consider dedicating space in your yard for them to live. Don’t keep grass in the typical american perfect lawn way. I suggest not to spray, and look at native grasses and plants first when seeking your landscaping needs.
I’ve noticed a real difference this year in my yard. Maybe its some coincidence, I don’t know. Either way I’m happy to see lightning bugs again
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
I would agree here. Shelters are hell for both genders.
I was homeless with a three months old. Without a kid, I would have done as I always did and couch hopped or slept on benches til I got back on my feet, but I had a baby and wanted to get stable fresh out of a DV situation.
The shelter I stayed at had a “single” floor with both men and womed (divided by rooms) and the top floor was families.
Everyone likes helping a single moms out. And I made it out, got stable and its been 12 years without homelessness. It was because of those programs.
I know a lot of men slip through the cracks. I have met a handful who chose homelessness because thats where they find thier community. I get that, the most community I ever felt was in low places surrounded by others also in low places.
I’ve also met men like my bio father, who after years of addiction, homelessness, violence and prison time, was able to reach resources and get housed and remains comfortable.
These resources, especially now, are being cut. It’s definitely scary. I do think there are a lot of well, Walter Whites of the world, where rather than take help and admit vulnerability, they do it their own way, on thier own terms, fuck the consequences. All because being vulnerable and admitting you need help are like, anti-masculine traits in our current culture.
I think there are a lot of things that lead to men being homeless. There are programs, but usually worh strict requirements and some people, you just cant box them.
I will say for people with children, there are many more programs available.
To note, you don’t see many homeless women, and there is reason you don’t see them. When my mother was homeless she lived deep in the woods and moved around constantly as to avoid being detected. You wouldn’t have known she was homeless, if only because she had a car, but still.
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
I read the first paragraph, and as a woman, I feel the same! Solidarity!
Poverty isn’t just for men
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
If you’re hearing men are evil, you may be spending too much time online, or in the wrong places.
You and your ex are not the whole of society. I’ve dated shit bags too, I’ve seen both women and men be shit bags. This is what needs to be avoided, you cant generalize the entire female population because you and your ex wife had a shit fallout. Women shouldn’t generalize men in the same way either. I’ve seen it on the womens side, I call it out or leave the space.
Sometimes people just arnt meant for eachother. Keep hope and find new love.
It’s good practice to try and not judge new people in your life, based on how an old one treated you. Learn red flags sure, learn your own boundaries, learn what things in life you value, but the whole population is not you, nor your ex.
I completely agree if you call someone a bitch/dog/liar/asshole/whatever long enough, some people will respond by giving em what they ask. It’s tough. I hope youve found healing post divorce and feel happier today
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
I just want to point out, men are not by default worth less.
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
Well said, I will note Women have been the target of beauty ads for over 100 years already. Media will make us feel ugly so we buy thier products. They feed on our insecurities for profit, and it’s been this way for generations of women.
In the last 10-20 years, I have definitely noticed an uptick with capitalization on men’s insecurities. The whole manosphere schtick is about just that, exploiting insecurity.
I can’t reject the idea that with the current P2025 goals, and the billionaires pushing for their techno fudalism, that these things are related in some way.
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
Honestly, as a women, so it’s not my opinion that matters, but even that meme/joke/trend that “men are simple creatures”, “keep your belly fully and balls empty and we’re happy” ect, like, is that not demeaning to men?
The men in my life are just as complicated and multifaceted as anyone else. These kinds of jokes, or online rhetoric, to me, feel like y’all are calling men simple and dumb.
The men in my life are not simple and dumb.
- Comment on Why is the manosphere on the rise? UN Women sounds the alarm over online misogyny 2 months ago:
Not all women are becons of morality.
While statistically women are more likely to have empathy and emotional understanding and more communication thus, we are not perfect by any sense.
Your underlying rhetoric here is deeply divisive. I agree men are more prone to violent action, whether in a leadership role or just as a person. It’s why more women attempt suicide but more men are successful.
We cant just throw men away. We start with the culture, we start with teaching boys emotional intelligence, language, and how to reach for support. Then, we don’t reject them for reaching for such support.
It should be considered masculine to show vulnerability, it is one of the hardest things to get used to, if you’ve not been allowed/able to for so long. However, vulnerability leads to personal growth. Real vulnerability, followed by acceptance from peers, will give personal growth, understanding, and acceptance.
Fathers, hug your sons and tell them you love them. Teach our sons better. Cultural change is slow, you jumping on to say it’s always mens fault is a shallow and lazy thought. You’ve put so little thought into the “whys”.