If you bring a friend, they better be down for a 3 way if things go well.
Has this ever happened to you?
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/839dfc81-36be-4176-8ff9-ea1d3138f771.png
Comments
Kolanaki@pawb.social 3 weeks ago
Triumph@fedia.io 3 weeks ago
This tracks.
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Did the one that chickened out at least watch you fuck the other one?
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.
bizarroland@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
You make a good point, but considering that the conversation is in English I don’t think you’d be too far out of the pale to assume that this is not in Asia, and in most English-speaking countries it’s not common to go on group dates before going on individual dates.
It does happen, and quite a bit, but not to the point where it’s common, I would say it’s at the very most uncommon.
original_reader@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
This is the way.
errer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I mean we have those too, they’re called double dates. Would have been less awkward if the lady here asked for one of those.
echodot@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Double dates aware there is two couples. This sounds more like she wants to bring her friend on to make her feel more comfortable on a first date.
garbagebagel@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If you wanna be my lover…
Zexks@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Guy friends in asian also hold hands and hang on each others arms. Not really something you see in the west
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Arranged marriage is also common in Asia
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
What an unprovoked comment.
Wherever you live, there are also many cultural issues that are equally unrelated to what I said.
Pieplup@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
This reeks of casual bigotry you should perhaps analyze the thought patterns that lead you to writing this.
chetradley@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
okmko@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Lol there’s got to be a term that’s the inverse of cockblocking. Maybe like cockenabling for something.
chetradley@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Wingman is the term you’re looking for.
But in my date’s opinion, he was clam jamming her!
pokexpert30@jlai.lu 2 weeks ago
Ok thats nice
pastel_de_airfryer@lemmy.eco.br 3 weeks ago
I had a girl do that on our first date. She was feeling insecure because she never dated online before. Once she felt comfortable with me, her friends left.
Garbagio@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
[deleted]BussyCat@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Like the guy defenitely comes off as a dick but also if you check out conventional social media you will see guys who talk about being expected to pay for not just the girl but also their friend, and you will see girls talk about how if she brings a friend for protection then the guy should pay for the friend too.
So many variables exist that we don’t know but for some people there an expectation that if a girl brings a friend the guy needs to pay for both and I wouldn’t default that to just misogyny
Soulg@ani.social 2 weeks ago
Yes he was being a bit rude but it is surprisingly common for women to expect the men to pay for their friends and it is not at all unreasonable for him to put his foot down early and refuse before she even asks.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
She NEVER said that she didn’t expect him to pay, she just ignored it, and kept justifying why it was okay to bring her friend. She fully expected him to pay for dinner and drinks for both.
These girls are predators, and they tried to treat him like a chump, and people are pissed because he showed some self-respect.
Agent641@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Perfect. That’s when you strike
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I can almost understand her reaction considering it was an online dating thing
axexrx@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Ive had a couple of times where one of my girl friends has asked me if I could be at a bar they were going on a date at to keep an eye on it in the background. Not like sit down or get to know the guy or anything, just keep an eye out and be there if things go south.
Several times ive known the guy as well. One time I accidentally recruited the date to help me keep an eye on my friend. Had no idea the 2 had never actually met (grew up a grade apart, been in the same social circles for decades)
daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
It is still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it?
ThunderclapSasquatch@startrek.website 2 weeks ago
A lot of women consider it a deal breaker to this day
Bennyboybumberchums@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I call those women… never. Had a girl turn up with a friend, everyone paid for their own drinks. And this was in the early 00s.
TheDoozer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If I remember correctly (it’s been over 16 years), my wife suggested separate checks the first time, and I told her I’d pay this time and she could get the next one if she wanted to go out again.
I think I still ended up paying for the next one (or separate checks), but that wasn’t a cultural norm thing, I just get uncomfortable with other people paying for me.
Furbag@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My current fiance said she almost didn’t want to go on a second date with me because I wanted to go Dutch on our first date. She still tells me to this day that I’m lucky I was cute.
ReiRose@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay. However, I think in general in the US most men and women expect the man to pay.
Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay.
expect the man to pay
…they’re the same picture. Seriously, given the general dynamics of how straight dating actually ends up working most of the time IRL, these are basically equivalent statements, because the man is also generally expected to be the one to do the asking.
thethunderwolf@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
This is an outdated expectation, although it could also be considered respectful on a date.
I’ve heard that in restaurants in the USA you often give your credit card and they scan it and return it because they don’t have portable terminals. I’ve also heard that it’s often returned to the man regardless of name on card / who gave it. Both of these seem very outdated.
WelcomeBear@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Smart servers just put the check and the card between the people if it’s not obvious who’s paying. I’m a great test case for this because my spouse and I both happen to have first names that could belong to a man or a woman.
It’s pretty much random which one of us pays because we pool our money anyway.Often the drop the bill in the little book and we stick the card in the end of it and put it back on the end of the table, they come by, run the card and then come back….
you can see the fear in their eyes sometimes, like “oh shit. This could be either one of them… 50/50 chance I annoy the one who’s writing the tip”.
We’ve both worked service industry so we don’t care at all and tip well either way but it’s pretty funny to see the realization sometimes.
Harbinger01173430@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If it were the girl shouldn’t have any choice.
Now they have things called rights and stuff
Hudell@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
garbagebagel@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
Or a serial killer that was only interested in double kills
jumbodumbo@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
So much context missing to tell if the guy did good or not. He could be being a prick or just standing up for himself. In any case, this is definitely100% both fake but plus moreover besides also gay.
pyrflie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
First dates are Dutch. Hard stop.
Anything else is an escort, and at least double means something with them.
You bring your friend, fine, but you or they pay for their meal and yours.
I’m here to see if we match, not serve as a stopgap in the apts food budget.
saimen@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Going to eat as a first date is bad anyways. Should do something where you are a not forced to sit in front of each other for a fixed amount of time. Why not go for a walk in a park, take a coffee or other things that are more “open”.
SchwertImStein@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Dutch?
MintyFresh@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Swamp Germans
Jarix@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Means you pay for your own meal. Not sure why it where but probably some racist thing, I assume
sundray@lemmus.org 3 weeks ago
“Can I bring a friend?”
“Um, I’d rather they stayed home. And well, I didn’t want to say anything earlier, but I kind of wanted to stay home, too. You have fun though!”
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
good answer
bcgm3@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
WelcomeBear@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
OozingPositron@feddit.cl 2 weeks ago
Or does he?
MashedTech@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Look at this dude… Being happy
Alaknar@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
Quick! Scan his post and comment history to find something to bring him down!!
Estebiu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Who do you think you are, flexing your relationship like that.
markovs_gun@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
qarbone@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I don’t think “begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience” is the right hill to stick your flag on.
banause@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Mr. Fancy-look-at-me-i’m-married-pants
BigBenis@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It wouldn’t bother me if somebody wanted to bring a friend on a date. However, I would communicate that it would change the dynamic into a “hangout” over a traditional “date” for me. The difference being that a date carries romantic intent and a hangout is for the sake of connecting with others without romantic expectations. Also, a hangout means everybody pays for themselves.
This takes the pressure off by lowering the stakes since it’s now just a casual hangout between peers. It also has the benefit of making the third not feel excluded as a third wheel but a welcome part of the group.
krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
I’m cool with someone deciding to do this.
I mean, I’ll decide not to go on the date, but that you do you.
Your lack of ability to judge my character leading up to the date, and the general sense of paranoia leading to a decision like this, aren’t qualities I’m looking for in a partner.
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion. Like. I’m not judging. I just have zero interest.
burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
Neither is starting things from a place of outright suspicion.
I would understand it if they are going to someplace private, like the apartment or a dark alley at midnight, but who the hell goes to those places on a first date? I’m not freaking out about a guy asking me to a coffee date at 1000 hours in the middle of a city on a saturday.
Mirshe@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
They might’ve had one (or several) bad experiences and this is a trauma response, but even in that case, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say “yeah sure they’ll pay their own way, I just feel safer if we have a second pair of eyes I trust in the restaurant/cafe/etc with us”. Like, you don’t gotta be at the table, but I kinda get it for the first date or two being “hey I trust this person, mind if they tag along and grab a drink at the bar to be my watchman or whatever”.
krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Amen
Bennyboybumberchums@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Last time a chick brought a friend with her, I got on better with the friend… And I went home with the friend. Pro tip, if youre bringing a friend. Dont make it a friend thats better to talk to than you are.
echodot@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.
I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be cross, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
slaneesh_is_right@lemmy.org 2 weeks ago
Can i bring a friend too, otherwise it’s an uneven fight.
RandomlyGeneratedName@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’ve been dating most of my life and never once had a woman ask to bring a friend and I am a very large man. Also, I feel like 1st dates are implied dutch unless someone offers to pay. I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life. I don’t know how he would even think he’d be paying for the friend too. It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do. If a woman expected that at check time, I would be pretty surprised. Maybe I’m just old, but this whole interaction feels weird.
AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
ordnance_qf_17_pounder@reddthat.com 3 weeks ago
I’d be up for a few dates where the girl brings her friends, as long as she makes it clear beforehand that they’re coming. But not a last minute “by the way, my friends are coming.”
I don’t mind meeting more new people.
usernamefactory@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Grey text is looking out for their safety, good for them. Blue text is clearly communicating their boundaries, good for them. Neither is phrasing their needs as I would, but that’s small potatoes. I’d rather date either of these people than most of the ones replying in this thread.
notarobot@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
You are not wrong. But I think you are being an asshole about it. You could have said “that is cool, but I’m not paying for her food” and is it. No need to be rude.
gerowen@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You could have just missed your shot at a threesome. Way to go, 😄
SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 3 weeks ago
Hopefully that lady has enough self respect to tell that boy to go fuck himself.
Katana314@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I remember when a date auction at my college worked this way, the girls always came in pairs. When I thought about it afterwards, it made sense, but it still made me feel just apprehensive enough in the moment - being outnumbered in a moment of social vulnerability - that I didn’t bid on anyone.
Donkter@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Doubling down on not paying for her food when there was no indication that he was expected to was definitely strange. It’s a perfectly fine thing to be uncomfortable with, don’t try and force the fault on her.
arin@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I’m open to a threesome. Op failed
rakzcs@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Who gives out money on a first date? Go have walk somewhere.
Toneswirly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think if someone implied they were bringing someone without at least asking, as this person did, I would match their rude energy and say “I did not agree to that, so here are my boundaries.”
The way the other party phrased it would annoy the shit out of me. 'I’m bringing my best friend." Ok, so why don’t you date them? Causes way more friction than asking “Hey, I know it’s unconventional but I would like a friend to be there just for my safety since we don’t know eachother yet.”
crumbguzzler5000@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Honestly, when you look at domestic violence statistics, youre lucky girls are willing to go out on dates with strangers.
BunScientist@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
It took me far too long to realize what “apeach” or “abutt” meant
axexrx@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
Beacon@fedia.io 3 weeks ago
I respect it, but i don't get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you? You're both in a room full of people.
hypnicjerk@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”
and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from
FelixCress@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Threesome. Corrected for you.
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Nope. Throuple is dating, threesome is a one-time thing. Like if my wife and I have a girlfriend, we would be a throuple. And if we all sleep together, it would be a threesome. But saying “throuple=threesome” is like saying “couple=sex” when the two describe fundamentally different things. One is the relationship between people, and the other is just a physical act.
missfrizzle@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
throuple : threesome :: couple : hook-up
Pieplup@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
throuple goals!