Submitted 5 months ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/839dfc81-36be-4176-8ff9-ea1d3138f771.png
I think if someone implied they were bringing someone without at least asking, as this person did, I would match their rude energy and say “I did not agree to that, so here are my boundaries.”
The way the other party phrased it would annoy the shit out of me. 'I’m bringing my best friend." Ok, so why don’t you date them? Causes way more friction than asking “Hey, I know it’s unconventional but I would like a friend to be there just for my safety since we don’t know eachother yet.”
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
What character did you play?
Fox only. No items. Final Destination.
If this had happened to me there’s a zero percent chance I wouldn’t have taken a shot at the threesome at some point.
Opportunities don’t come along like this every day.
Man, I think I’d prefer that outcome. Getting laid is easy compared to finding fun people to game with
You are not wrong. But I think you are being an asshole about it. You could have said “that is cool, but I’m not paying for her food” and is it. No need to be rude.
It took me far too long to realize what “apeach” or “abutt” meant
Clbuttic mistake to make
Who gives out money on a first date? Go have walk somewhere.
It looks like I’m going on a double date.
I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
Lol there’s got to be a term that’s the inverse of cockblocking. Maybe like cockenabling for something.
Wingman is the term you’re looking for.
But in my date’s opinion, he was clam jamming her!
Ok thats nice
Has a date where some chick brought her friend ever resulted in a good date?
Sounds like setting yourself up to create conflict in a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet.
There’s no other way to read this besides “I think you are a horrible person so I need protection on our public date, why am I going on a date with a horrible person? I wanted dinner”
That’s how it reads every single time, and men are expected to be cool with it, or they are horrible like previously assumed.
Yes. As a dude I recognize that a woman going on a date with a random person is and feels dangerous to most women. I am more than happy to go on a group date or hang out with friends she feels comfortable with for first bit of getting to know a person for like a month to first couple dates. Then once we are looking to know each other closer we can have more private dates. That being said I shouldn’t be expected to pay for anyone’s experience but my own in these dates or hangouts. Maybe my dates but even still definitely not the friends.
I recognize that a minority of men are assholes.
There’s no mature reason for a friend to come on the date in a public place.
The reasons stated are that men are violent animals and need to be vetted and I need physical protection from them even in public.
It’s a set of ideals rooted in misandry, and it doesn’t help women or men.
Sounds like setting yourself up to create conflict in a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet.
WTF are you on about, mate?
There’s no other way to read this besides “I think you are a horrible person so I need protection on our public date, why am I going on a date with a horrible person? I wanted dinner”
There absolutely is another way to read it and it’s: “there are lots of horrible people and I wanted to make sure you’re not one of them”.
I guess you reacting to this post in that way puts you bang in the middle of one of those two categories…
I don’t know about you, but when someone even implies I might be a terrible person I get extremely offended
What are you on about?
I just don’t think it’s healthy to assume every man is a psycho and then make them prove it, especially if you want to try dating them.
Luckily, I’m a married lesbian so i don’t have to deal with this stupid shit.
Last time a chick brought a friend with her, I got on better with the friend… And I went home with the friend. Pro tip, if youre bringing a friend. Dont make it a friend thats better to talk to than you are.
I say get it while you can, you don’t turn your back on love, no no no. -Janis Joplin
Or do.
It wouldn’t bother me if somebody wanted to bring a friend on a date. However, I would communicate that it would change the dynamic into a “hangout” over a traditional “date” for me. The difference being that a date carries romantic intent and a hangout is for the sake of connecting with others without romantic expectations. Also, a hangout means everybody pays for themselves.
This takes the pressure off by lowering the stakes since it’s now just a casual hangout between peers. It also has the benefit of making the third not feel excluded as a third wheel but a welcome part of the group.
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
I don’t think “begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience” is the right hill to stick your flag on.
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Or does he?
Mr. Fancy-look-at-me-i’m-married-pants
Look at this dude… Being happy
Quick! Scan his post and comment history to find something to bring him down!!
Who do you think you are, flexing your relationship like that.
Plot twist. Mate drops the og girl and falls for her friend.
Grey text is looking out for their safety, good for them. Blue text is clearly communicating their boundaries, good for them. Neither is phrasing their needs as I would, but that’s small potatoes. I’d rather date either of these people than most of the ones replying in this thread.
Is she hot? Because if I’m paying for the friend, too, then I’m expecting a threesome at the end.
And that would be a good investment. Perfect way to find out if you are more sexually compatible with the “friend”.
Nah, I’m way older than that guy
At the very least you’re doubling your chances of somebody liking you.
Ass
I’m still fucked off that this is where we’re headed as a society - computers deciding what obscenities we can handle
So fucking true like why the fuck do all of these damn corposhit platforms fucking hate random ass words just because advertisers are scared as fuck of having their crap advertised next to them?? I’ve actually fucking seen these cunts censor “stole” and “bullet”, what is this damn bullshit?? Shut your fucking asses up stupid corpobitches and stop fucking whining about random fucking words!! Random shitty ads that people block anyway are your fucking reason for annoying the hell out of people who happen to use these words? I will fucking kill these fucks with a fucking gun - they even censor “kill” and “gun” because advertisers are SO FUCKING FRAGILE that they cannot take any fucking mention of death or violence. The shitty enshittified shit platforms owned by billionaire shitheads are ASS and the fediverse’s war against them needs to be fucking accelerated or we won’t be allowed to say “glass” anymore because shards of glass can fucking hurt you and the jackasses will think that this means that the damn word will need censoring into oblivion. Or maybe the fragile fuckers will lobby to make using these fucking words illegal like the damn UAE has it. Fuck you corpobitches 🖕🖕🖕
She would lucky if I even showed up. NGL if there is that much distrust from the get, I’m not into it.
Mine was not a comment about the contents of the discussion, merely about the censorship of the word ASS
I remember when a date auction at my college worked this way, the girls always came in pairs. When I thought about it afterwards, it made sense, but it still made me feel just apprehensive enough in the moment - being outnumbered in a moment of social vulnerability - that I didn’t bid on anyone.
The idea of paying for a date is weird to me but in that scenario I guess the bright side is twice as many girls to talk to at once.
If it matters, the money in that case was going to a charitable cause, not the people you’d date.
It is still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it?
This is an outdated expectation, although it could also be considered respectful on a date.
I’ve heard that in restaurants in the USA you often give your credit card and they scan it and return it because they don’t have portable terminals. I’ve also heard that it’s often returned to the man regardless of name on card / who gave it. Both of these seem very outdated.
Smart servers just put the check and the card between the people if it’s not obvious who’s paying. I’m a great test case for this because my spouse and I both happen to have first names that could belong to a man or a woman.
It’s pretty much random which one of us pays because we pool our money anyway.
Often the drop the bill in the little book and we stick the card in the end of it and put it back on the end of the table, they come by, run the card and then come back….
you can see the fear in their eyes sometimes, like “oh shit. This could be either one of them… 50/50 chance I annoy the one who’s writing the tip”.
We’ve both worked service industry so we don’t care at all and tip well either way but it’s pretty funny to see the realization sometimes.
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay. However, I think in general in the US most men and women expect the man to pay.
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay.
expect the man to pay
…they’re the same picture. Seriously, given the general dynamics of how straight dating actually ends up working most of the time IRL, these are basically equivalent statements, because the man is also generally expected to be the one to do the asking.
A lot of women consider it a deal breaker to this day
If I remember correctly (it’s been over 16 years), my wife suggested separate checks the first time, and I told her I’d pay this time and she could get the next one if she wanted to go out again.
I think I still ended up paying for the next one (or separate checks), but that wasn’t a cultural norm thing, I just get uncomfortable with other people paying for me.
My current fiance said she almost didn’t want to go on a second date with me because I wanted to go Dutch on our first date. She still tells me to this day that I’m lucky I was cute.
I call those women… never. Had a girl turn up with a friend, everyone paid for their own drinks. And this was in the early 00s.
If it were the girl shouldn’t have any choice.
Now they have things called rights and stuff
I’ve been dating most of my life and never once had a woman ask to bring a friend and I am a very large man. Also, I feel like 1st dates are implied dutch unless someone offers to pay. I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life. I don’t know how he would even think he’d be paying for the friend too. It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do. If a woman expected that at check time, I would be pretty surprised. Maybe I’m just old, but this whole interaction feels weird.
Anyone afraid to go to an agreed meeting in a public place NEEDING a friend along is beyond weird
The friend isn’t there for when the date is in the public space. The friend is there for after to ensure the girl gets home safe.
There’s a non insignificant amount of women dating only for free meals, and a lot of them expect men to pay for any number of friends. A lot of guys have opted for lower cost or zero cost first dates, like walks to screen for this.
I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life
Either this person in incredibly tactless or this is some kind of incel meme shitpost.
Either way, whomever is passing it around seems to have a bone to pick.
It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do.
Idk, really depends on the dynamic between them all. If they’re broke college kids and he’s an older person with a stable job and surplus cash? If he’s picking the restaurant to impress her, knowing she can’t afford it? If he already offered up thread in order to entice her out?
But that makes the “date” feel more like a Sugar Baby relationship than a proper date. Also might explain why she feels the need to bring a friend.
Yeah, I have never had any desire to date a woman I had to pay for everything to impress. I am happy to pay if I know their financial situation is sketchy, but I would offer that. I don’t do sugar daddy shit. I prefer women with better motives in dating.
Can i bring a friend too, otherwise it’s an uneven fight.
“Good idea, no problem. I’m also going to be bringing my ex along. Should be fun”
If you’re pregnant that also counts as two
Just skip that and send only your friends on a date.
I finally feel like I can write “dating” off my bucket list.
Just by subcotracting it.
Being this weird about not paying would be an instant no for me. Around here it’s the norm that everyone pays for themselves on a date and even implying that someone will want you to pay for them is pretty rude. The only non-rude way to pay for the entire date is to ask for the full check when the waiter comes before the other person can ask to split it. Usually with the line “I’ll take this one, next one’s on you ;)” which doesn’t really mean that the next one’s on them but is more about the implication that there will be a next date.
You could have just missed your shot at a threesome. Way to go, 😄
It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.
I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be cross, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
Holy shit… HA!
I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
No but I am old.
As someone with mostly female friends, all I can think is hell yeah potentially more friends! More natural conversations with an extra body, plus first date is more about vibes than anything so if a trusted friend improves the vibes then bring that trusted friend!
Not only does that sound like a better date to me, but I also make it pretty clear upfront we split the cost of the date. Like, I’m pretty good at winning over friends and they end up getting my back during a misunderstanding (speaking from experience lol).
Honestly, when you look at domestic violence statistics, youre lucky girls are willing to go out on dates with strangers.
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 5 months ago
I could never feel safe on a date with someone who censors swear words in screenshotted texts on the fucking Internet.