Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.
God: All knowing and all powerful But wait, satellites, oh no!
Bulletproof logic
NASA has some explaining to do
Submitted 10 months ago by AnonWyo@startrek.website to [deleted]
https://startrek.website/pictrs/image/88e19c61-8acd-423e-b4b7-b12dbeaefb43.jpeg
Comments
promitheas@iusearchlinux.fyi 10 months ago
ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 10 months ago
National Association of Satan’s Atheists, or NASA.
ersatz@infosec.pub 10 months ago
I’m proud to be one of Satan’s Atheists, but we’re actually international now. We’ve got a chapter in Manchester.
ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Yes that’s the INASA.
madmaurice@discuss.tchncs.de 10 months ago
“Satellites block God’s ability to watch us”
The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.
Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
Same God that ‘decided’ a year shouldn’t land on a whole day. Threw in that .25 for shits and giggles.
sighofannoyance@lemmy.world 10 months ago
actually… .256363004 days or 6 h 9 min 9.76 s
DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe 10 months ago
If you accept the Biblical proof of God you do also have to accept that he’s a huge asshole.
afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Why does God need a LOS?
BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
This is the right amount of crazy that I’m not sure if it’s honest or parody for this country.
AnonWyo@startrek.website 10 months ago
Your cardiologist would like a word about having a 2,000 year old corpse in your heart.
Sabata11792@kbin.social 10 months ago
This is the right amount of crazy to accidentally become real.
metaStatic@kbin.social 10 months ago
CanadianCarl@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Which country?
BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
The gun and Christian fundamentalist one.
Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 10 months ago
That’s not Jesus in your heart, it’s a worm
BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Wait, is that why people were taking ivermectin? Not to cure COVID, but to get rid of their Jesus heart worm?
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
Isn’t God supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent?
Klear@lemmy.world 10 months ago
That should tell zou just how serious this issue with satellites is…
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 10 months ago
yes but he doesn’t want to interfere with our precious free will, starvation and rape be damned
we just have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps
SlopppyEngineer@discuss.tchncs.de 10 months ago
Funny how this is a Twitter post as half of all satellites orbiting earth (5581 out of 11300) are owned by Musk.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 10 months ago
No, you’re mistaken. Lonnie is on the Right, which means his satellites reflect and amplify prayers. Or at least get a pass. He hates LGBTQ people, so he’s “good.” /s
SlopppyEngineer@discuss.tchncs.de 10 months ago
No need for /s because that’s exactly how it works.
“If you hate the right people and say the right things, you are Good People, and Good People can’t do no wrong. If you’re not one of the Good People, you can do no right. Laws and rationalizations are there to punish those that are not Good People.”
FerbFletcher@reddthat.com 10 months ago
This is either (1) satire, (2) trolling, or (3) someone who has no real grasp of Christianity. Or some combination of the above.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 10 months ago
(4) Protestants doing an unholy amalgamation of Catholic spirituality and Rational Scientific Inquiry to reach absurdist conclusions at their intersection.
CyberDine@lemmy.world 10 months ago
(5) Cheap propaganda to further destabilize American institutions and hegemony
FerbFletcher@reddthat.com 10 months ago
My take is that this qualifies as having no real grasp of Christianity. But I wouldn’t argue hard against this being a separate option
niktemadur@lemmy.world 10 months ago
If there’s something the internet has confirmed since its’ inception, is that humanity is both incredibly clever and incredibly stupid, in equal measure, beyond what I ever imagined was possible, beyond what I could conceive.
eltrain123@lemmy.world 10 months ago
(3) …Christianity or basic foundational education…
nickwitha_k@lemmy.sdf.org 10 months ago
Exactly. Everyone knows that Jesus navigates based his position relative to the the absolute position of celestial bodies. That and there is no way that a simple, unarmored satelite would make it past his point-defense batteries and compromise his re-entry trajectory.
AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 10 months ago
It’s clearly a joke. But it’s not that much more ridiculous than what many Christians actually believe. That’s the joke.
Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 10 months ago
Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.
I mean this God of theirs is shit, can’t even get around satellites, didn’t think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a whore and he was God incarnate.
Also God invented Cancer.
hackris@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Jesus fucking a prostitute. I’m interested. Never read the bible so I don’t know about it, but I’m curious.
prole@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Mary Magdalene. It’s never explicitly stated, but they were very close.
ColonelSanders@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Evel
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 10 months ago
All prayers are being converted to “bring back Evel Knievel.” We really want him back.
Lemminary@lemmy.world 10 months ago
All those prayers from soccer fans for their team to win the World Cup were being intercepted all along 😥
ChapulinColorado@lemmy.world 10 months ago
That explains all the USA and Russian World Cup championships won. Too much technology 😧
capital@lemmy.world 10 months ago
matlag@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
I kind of hope it’s real. Down that path at some point they’ll decide the whole Internet and all modern technologies are satanist and leave Internet for good. They can embrace the Amish lifestyle, it’s a win for the rest of us.
Sabata11792@kbin.social 10 months ago
You obviously never got stuck behind a horse and buggy on the road and it shows.
afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 10 months ago
You are allowed to pass them even if there is a double yellow.
Jeanschyso@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I did the research. It is satire. They wished everyone a Merry Eaglemas this week.
This is a funny one.
Agent641@lemmy.world 10 months ago
The Jews TM are using iron dome to shoot down christian prayers before they reach heaven.
A_Porcupine@lemmy.world 10 months ago
It’s a good job they haven’t heard of ceilings yet. 😅
768@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
That sounds like the story of those Christians who were afraid of lightning rods because it might interfere with their God’s ability to punish people by lightning.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 10 months ago
Or the ones who thought street lighting was demonic. This pattern has basically occurred repeatedly throughout history
768@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
I consider these associations of QOL improvements with mythical characteristics attempts of narrative control, with which religious leaders could exert power over new developments. My assumption is that previously, organised religions were powerful and agile enough in their narrative that those new development could be held in control of the religion, but with the beginning of exponential and distributed knowledge production they were kinda outnumbered and became as weird as they are today. I have no motivation or sources to back this up, though.
Sanyanov@lemmy.world 10 months ago
C’mon, the picture is clearly ironic
Don’t be so serious about it
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Any sufficiently advanced satire of fundamentalism is indistinguishable from sincere fundamentalism.
Xerodin@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Ghyste@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Is this a parody account? It’s impossible to tell anymore.
dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Let’s detonate the moon since it’s the biggest satellite
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I don’t know what’s real anymore…
TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I honestly have no idea if this is satire and I’m afraid of the answer
SinningStromgald@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Just imagine Jesus up in space bouncing from satellite to satellite getting all pissed off cause he just wants to get to earth and get this second coming shit over with so he can go back to heaven and bang some angels.
wafflez@lemmy.world 10 months ago
So much for all powerful
niktemadur@lemmy.world 10 months ago
The all-powerful all-knowing Creator Of The Universe… needs little old ladies to at least once a week open up their pocketbooks and make a check out to The Creator, through His official human regional managers, because The Creator Of The Universe… does not have direct access to the Federal Reserve or any of the banks, and even with a constant stream of revenue from little old ladies AND a privileged tax status, He ALWAYS seems to be bitching and whining about how He. Needs. More. Money! I guess?
LoremIpsumGenerator@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I want what this guy smoking. Their angels need to go flight school again.
OmegaII@feddit.nl 10 months ago
Since when does God live in space? He lives in the cloud since the people who invented christianity where morrons who didn’t know any better like Everyone in that time period. So now suddenly they accepted space and that God moved over there over 2000+ years living in the clouds, on a planet that is millions of years old.
Special people.
Blackmist@feddit.uk 10 months ago
He lives in the cloud?
No wonder he always seems to need money. His AWS bills must be enormous.
ares35@kbin.social 10 months ago
it's all part of the con. god doesn't have an aws bill. incoming traffic is null-routed, as god doesn't give a shit and never responds; and senders pay their own bandwidth.
FierySpectre@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Yeah, shouldn’t god be getting more powerful now that the cloud is growing larger every year. Besides those satellites should help with connection to his followers in remote areas.
ieightpi@lemmy.world 10 months ago
It isn’t a coincidence that’s lemmy is keeping the upvote number at the “mark of the beast”.
Pyroglyph@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Conveniently forgetting the “God exists within all of us” schpiel that they made up as soon as we went to space and found nothing there.
Definitely either parody or very stupid.
jtk@lemmy.sdf.org 10 months ago
If prayers were detectable, interceptable, and alterable, there’d be entire branches of science dedicated to them.
WindowsEnjoyer@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
There are! I did my research!
afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 10 months ago
There would also be another branch that claims to be a superset and thus better. Looking at you Biology, being all smug over zoology and botany.
BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
So NASA is using the Jewish space lasers to destroy prayers? Those heathens!
nnullzz@lemmy.world 10 months ago
They say as they post from a mobile device providing internet connection via a satellite.
Therealgoodjanet@lemmy.world 10 months ago
This is a parody account, right? Right?
youCanCallMeDragon@lemmy.world 10 months ago
It must be there’s no way this is real.
Oh dip, nice username
Therealgoodjanet@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Thank you!
sock@lemmy.world 10 months ago
i feel like hes almost too articulate even in his typos for this to be non parody. this sounds like a non stupid guy making a joke for religious idiots to fall for.
dakial@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I used to be sure of these things in the past, but now I ain’t so sure anymore…