Water + Jesus = Wine
Wine + Jesus = Brandy
Brandy + Jesus = Twice-distilled Brandy? Cooking sherry? Idk
If Jesus can turn water into wine, but wine is still mostly made of water, can Jesus apply his powers recursively and create more and more concentrated wine?
Submitted 2 months ago by HiddenLayer555@lemmy.ml to showerthoughts@lemmy.world
Comments
A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 2 months ago
billiam0202@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I choose to believe at this point, Jesus got so drunk he forgot to try it a third time.
BeatTakeshi@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That next beverage is know as “sweet baby Jesus”
Sotuanduso@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Yes. The power to do literally anything would allow one to do this.
FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Can he create a stone that is not liftable and then proceed to lift it?
dwindling7373@feddit.it 2 months ago
Unironically the question by witch many faith differs: does God needs abide to the rules of logic or not?
For the Roman Catholic, yes, for Calvinists and a bunch other (ok, many other but I’m not an expert), no.
Hexarei@programming.dev 2 months ago
The easiest answer to this is yes, he could create a stone he couldn’t lift. And then he could lift it anyway.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 2 months ago
Well Jesus, yes. Because Jesus let Himself die as well.
Zahille7@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Your comment made me think of this scene from American Dad
match@pawb.social 2 months ago
I interpreted this as “having the basic ability to take as actions would allow you to do this”, which is also true, I can ferment wine and then gradually make it more concentrated
jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
“And on the third day, there was a wedding in Cana. Jesus mother was there. When the wine was drunk, Jesus mother said to him, ‘We’re out of wine.’ ‘Bruh… That’s a big yikes. But why do I care?’, replied Jesus.
Jesus mother instructed the servants, ‘you just do whatever he tells you no matter how stupid it sounds.’ Jesus sighed and turned to the servants saying, ’ Okay. You see those jars? Nope. Not that one. The big ones. Yeah. Those big ones over there. Go fill them up with water. All the way up. Then take some of the water and give it to the host.”
The servants were more than a little skeptical but shrugged and did as they were told. When the host of the wedding feast tasted the water, it had become wine. And the host exclaimed, “Damn! That is some good shit. Where did you get that from?” And the servants were amazed because they knew from where the wine came.
And the servants implored Jesus, 'Do it again! No, wait. Can you make something stronger this time?"
– The Gospel According to [Skibidi] John
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 2 months ago
Is this that gen z bible paraphrase
01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 2 months ago
Wine was originally an acronym for “Wine Is Not an Emulator”, so I’d say it’s a possibility.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 2 months ago
Yes? He’s literally God and created the world. Doing other things as well like multiplying loaves and rising from the dead. I think He could make wine more and more concentrated, lol
supertonik@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
I’ve always found it amusing when people try to use logic to state that Jesus did this and this and it isn’t logical or God isn’t logical.
Blackmist@feddit.uk 2 months ago
Jesus can spike a girl’s drink from across the room.
dumbass@leminal.space 2 months ago
He gets that from his dad.
grue@lemmy.world 2 months ago
No, because then the ATF will show up and shoot him.
doingthestuff@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Certainly any dogs nearby RIP
grue@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I mean, given that Jesús would not only be a brown hippie moonshiner, but also probably a damn Mexican furriner to boot, he’d be lucky if they didn’t lay siege to the whole neighborhood, Waco-style.
Allero@lemmy.today 2 months ago
Everyone’s focused on whether Jesus can do it or not while completely forgetting regular people can do that
Karyoplasma@discuss.tchncs.de 2 months ago
You need a distillery and a fair bit of knowledge what to do for that. Ethanol boils off faster than water, so if you just simmer it down, you get more wine flavor, but less alcohol (still enough to get you drunk, see christmas markets).
Randomgal@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
If he uses 100% of his power it turns all the way back to grapes.
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 2 months ago
Eventually it would just become brandy.
Contentedness@lemmy.nz 2 months ago
Brandy? Awesome! The Boy Is Mine (1998) is a certified classic!
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Moeesha… not so much.
01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 2 months ago
I don’t mean to be “that guy”, but… I’m waiting…
jerkface@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetaminesHe walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really coolIf you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That’s so coolHe could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
He could’ve told the future
He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could’ve danced better than Baryshnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool
You might also like
He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That’s so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that’s so cool
Jesus was way coolNo wonder there are so many Christians
jerkface@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Windex007@lemmy.world 2 months ago
No it is impossible for God to do that.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Can God create a brandy so concentrated he can’t drink it?
tunetardis@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Yeah, I rolled a d20 and can confirm. Wow, critical miss!
Egg_Egg@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Jesus is said to be God, therefore he should be omnipotent and capable of literally anything we could comprehend as humans, or even more than that even.
Obviously it’s all bullshit but yeah.
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 months ago
so does that mean Jesus could change semen to wine if he was giving a handy since semen is mostly water?
follow up question, would there still be semen in the wine if all he’s changing is the water?
follow follow up question, how much money do you think one could make if they ejaculated wine instead of semen?
finally, do you think Jesus masturbates and ejaculates wine for a refreshing post-nut beverage?
Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
First two, yup, if those are what he wants to happen. The others depend on the buyer and Jesus’ mood that day.
Balthazar@lemmy.world 2 months ago
If he indeed turned water into wine and made all things, why would he need to recurse as if he can’t get it right the first time?
acosmichippo@lemmy.world 2 months ago
because he works in mysterious ways of course.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 2 months ago
The question isn’t why but if
just_an_average_joe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
I don’t think so, the premise is that water can be converted to wine. Water here does not mean the chemical composition (ie h2o) but rather as a concept. So once water is converted the whole of it is refered to as “wine”. If you were to separate it into components you can do so but they won’t be called wine. Then you can use jesus to convert the water component again and repeat the process.
Another caveat, water is more than just h2o ie, what we usually refer to as “water” can contain many things like minerals, salt and even bacteria etc, in fact i doubt you can get pure h2o easily.
Aufgehtsabgehts@feddit.org 2 months ago
Then you can use jesus to convert the water component again and repeat the process.
I have a cheap knock off jesus from Alibaba and even he can turn wine into winier wine, if you tell him that it’s just red water. Maybe you are using your jesus wrong?
werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It was probably kombucha.
tunetardis@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Can he put actual kombu (as in Japanese kelp) into kombucha?
werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Anyone, with the right foot fungus can make kombucha! Lol.
LesserAbe@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Late one evening a boy and his father were accosted by a mugger. The traumatic moment unlocked some kind of latent power within the boy. Frantically he tried to intervene, skin touched skin, and the assailant’s blood turned to wine, fatal. But not before the cretin dealt a terminal blow to the father. And that night that boy became the hero we all know, Jesus Christ.
mtpender@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Jesus can make port confirmed
Vandals_handle@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Ruby port. Stomped with stigmata. Notes of berries, plums, Euphorbia milii, leather, plasma and iron. Strong finish.
Alenalda@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Is this a midas touch kinda thing? The human body is 60% water 🤔
Car@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
There was a British superhero TV show called Misfits. One of the delinquents had the power to control milk, I.e. you drink milk and this guy could curdle it in your body and kill you.
Are we both thinking about 15% BAC murderin’ Jesus here?
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That would have been a much better show if they didn’t turn over the entire cast every series or so.
Death_Equity@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Why did he even bother to make the wine, he could just make everybody the perfect level of drunk without sobering up.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 months ago
He wasn’t that omnipotent, okay?
MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
Something over 90%.
x00za@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Are you saying water made water into water with a bit of alcohol?
Snapz@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Can the space man make port?
tunetardis@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Probably, but he had to leave something for bored celibate monks to do. There are worse callings than to devote a lifetime to finding all manner of ways to fortify wines.
baggachipz@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Mmmm pass me more of that wine powder
Kowowow@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Wouldn’t it be an alcoholic paste?
oce@jlai.lu 2 months ago
You just have to find another bodily fluid with the same color as the target alcohol.
TootSweet@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Jesus told me it doesn’t have to be alcohol. He once turned piss into Mtn Dew.
jewbacca117@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Woah you might be on to something here
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
This is going to bother me from now on
Shanedino@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Making water into wine was not something ask that special, it used to basically be a concentrate that you would then add to water to consume. Shootout to the history of Rome podcast. So he could make more and more deluted wine with more water but it wouldn’t become more concentrated.
Illuminostro@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It already exists. It’s called “Brandy.” Reading more than watching videos helps.
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
I think he ended up being Rasputin and invented vodka
corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
“Water to wine” was a metaphor for sneaking it into the party.
intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Only if he concentrates
Davidchan@lemmynsfw.com 2 months ago
Take your upvote and get out.
DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I want to make a pun but I still can’t figure one out.