Submitted 8 months ago by fastandcurious@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
A follow up from my older asklemmy post, saying goodbye to a teacher who helped me a lot through my stuff, was thinking maybe chocolate, but one of the dudes said that it’s not a very good idea, I was thinking maybe a perfume/cologne? What do you guys suggest? She is in probably in her early 20s if it helps, and I am in senior high, damn this is getting weirder and weirder, I just want to run away lol
As a teacher, just a letter or card saying how they impacted you is enough.
Fellow teacher here, I concur. I’ve never gotten a physical gift from a student, and I don’t think I’d be comfortable with it.
A card would be weird too, but better by several powers of magnitude than an actual gift. And perfume? WTF my dude?
“There’s no way perfume could be construed as romantic!”
Not a teacher (but I work with people that sometimes want to give me gifts when we say goodbye) and I agree, card or a letter is great!
Either that or something I can share with my colleagues (chocolate, assorted sweets).
@fastandcurious don't give anyone perfume/cologne unless you know them well enough to know what they wear.
A card that has something meaningful about their teaching written in it.
Since she's early career, give written feedback to the school about what a great teacher she is.
A heartfelt, handwritten thank-you letter telling them they’re a great teacher and how they positively impacted your life.
This. My sister in law teaches and keeps all the letters she gets from her students. It’s stuff like that that keeps teachers going.
I don’t think you have to worry too much. A classic gift of a vibrator should probably get your point across and not get misinterpreted.
A fountain pen or a nice moleskin notebook with a note saying how her lessons will help you in your future life.
I think a perfume is too personal and might come out as a romantic gesture (and difficult to choose if you don’t know what she likes anyway).
A nice fountain pen seems like a good idea, Thanks!
As a fountain pen user, I would suggest against that unless you know it suits her personality. Fountains pens require maintenance, and certainly it’s easy maintenance, but it’s definitely more work than a ballpoint. They are a hobby, and if it’s is not her thing, she’ll never use it.
I would instead recommend a nice ballpoint pen set where the ink can be replaced when empty. Something she can use without having to think about or maintaining it.
Speaking as a teacher here: do not buy any teacher anything, as in NOTHING.
I would be super weirded out if a student gave me something.
We had a student of more years than most, present the teacher’s lounge with a chocolate basket once, and everyone thought it was strange. So presenting a teacher with a personal gift would be even stranger.
But if you insist on getting her a gift, perfume would be up there with lingerie and jewelry … WTF dude?
what should you do? how about you decide what it is that you want to say. Like “you did so and so, that meant a lot for me because of so and so”.
One thing I haven’t seen yet: if you can, loop your parent(s) in on this. They know the situation better than the Internet does, and if someone tries to turn the situation into something weird, they should have your back. And they’ve got some life experience to help you with your note.
Damn, that’s good advice.
However the sarcastic side of me is looking forward to the next post in a months time when they ignored this, etc…
“How do I propose to my old teacher?” And so on
I hope to god this never happens but that would be hilarious ngl
Lmao at the perfume and chocolates. You somehow beelined to the most Valentines related gifts possible.
The suggestion for a letter or card saying how much they helped you is the best idea. If you don’t feel up to writing, then think about a professional gift, like a fancy pen or something to sit on their desk. Don’t spend a lot of money, that makes it weird. Less than $30.
I’m so glad we had this talk at this stage of your life before you gave your first boss a fine bottle of perfume and then had a bewildering conversation with HR, lol.
Unless you’re living in a horny anime I don’t think you have much to worry about with what they think. However, don’t give your teacher perfume—that’s insane and inappropriate for anyone outside of a romantic partner / close friend.
Write them a thank-you note and get them a Starbucks gift card.
As a former teacher, I'd never consider something a student bought me as a romantic gift, that's just not a thing. Chocolates are nice, but echoing what someone else said, a nice card with a message is really special. I still have every thank you card my students ever gave me, and I once printed out an email a student sent me when they got their first job to keep. It just gives you fuzzy feelings to think you may have been helpful.
As a teacher, I treasure all of the heart-felt notes and letters students have left me over the years. If you want to give something that shows them how important they are to you, write them a letter.
SOURCE!
A thank you card and a gift certificate for food. Everybody needs food.
“Good for one food”
a pineapple. Can never be seen as romantic.
Never say never. I’d go on a date for pineapple
Unless you are into swinging. Then it’s very inappropriate
As another poster suggested: muffins and a nice card go a long way. Especially since few students show appreciation anyway. She’ll definitely appreciate the card and gesture more than any particular gift that you might include.
And definitely don’t do perfume. It’s difficult enough to shop for yourself, much less for others. Just don’t.
I just love any scent as long as it’s not too strong ¯_(ツ)_/¯, but I know people can be very picky, but honestly as long as I don’t smell sweat, I am happy
Fragrance is a very risky gift. Some people do not want that shit and don’t even want it around them. I get upset if I’m sharing a room with someone wearing too much perfume for too long.
Edible underwear
“I’d totally chew these right off your pelvis if you weren’t my teacher. Now that I’m graduating, I want you to know you had a great impact on me. I often think about you at night. No homo”
Red Swingline Stapler
That’s a great idea. Or something else for their desk at work.
The public presentation of the gift reinforces the idea that the gift is being presented for their teacher role.
Gift certificate. That’s something that can NEVER be mistaken for romance.
Fart in a jar, decorate it all pretty and shit.
Damn, gonna take some time to get a good smelling one
Try submerging the jar completely in the tub before capturing. Pure fart that way, no air.
vile piece of shit
a genuine card and a gift card to a nice restaurant. or maybe a wine voucher
Maybe find another student and gift something together.
I live a trashy society and my friends are a gr8 example, if they even catch a snitch, next day is gonna be like ‘Oooooh he loves his teacher ooooooh’
Protip since you’re young, it’s all fine and good if your friends bust your balls as a joke, but if you genuinely don’t think you can do a nice gesture for a teacher without them incessantly mocking you, you need better friends.
Like if you give a gift to this teacher, and your friends start cracking wise about it, do you think they’ll stop on their own or give you shit about it for the rest of time?
Don’t be embarrassed about wanting to do something nice for someone. If your friends are immature about it, that’s their problem.
“I live in a trashy society” don’t we all brother
More seriously, you got great advices in the thread, esp the pen and the muffins. You can offer sweets without having it mistaken as a romantic gestures, it then depends on the sweets you offer. A box of chocolates intent can easily be misconstrued, a box of donuts/muffins, much less so. Except if said muffins have hearts on them, it’s all about context.
Good luck !
A card with a well-written note would be the best. Take time thinking about the tiny things she did that meant a lot to you.
Yeah card is a given, I should probably start now because I suck at arts some paper is gonna get wasted
I really think the most valuable thing to her is going to be your written articulation of the ways her work made a positive impact on the course of your life.
We had a wonderful English teacher in our college. And on the last day many students gave her some gifts. If I remember correctly, we gave a small bamboo plant that sits on a table, some squishy smiley balls aka stress balls, a custom printed tshirt, a book, and maybe a mug too.
How about just an email. Keep it profesh.
I teach younger ages but my favourite things are cards or artwork that the kids have made. I find the intention and effort behind them most rewarding.
Other than that I don’t mind a good gift card.
Hate chocolate and mugs, I have so much uneaten chocolate and so many mugs I don’t use. But I’m not a big chocolate person anyway, so my preference there may not match others.
But I’m not a big chocolate person anyway
Well I should fuckin hope not!
so chocolates wouldn’t necessarily be romantic unless they were… you know… romantic. Like. valentines heart boxes would be a no go. But something like a box of See’s Assortment or Lindt’s truffles, etc, are pretty impersonal.
A note and some trinket or candy or baked goods is probably the way to go. It doesn’t have to be academic-related, for, he record. if you got to know her really well, and maybe she liked… I dunno… legos… a lego minifig key chain, as an example.
I’d just stay away from apples. Kinda cliche.
Eh, muffins and a card would probably work lol.
‘Good Morning, Thanks for you help throughout the session, here are some muffins’
But this could work ig, muffins are delicious and probably the simplest thing so I don’t think it’s gonna get mistaken
Exactly. Not many people use a batch of blueberry muffins as a romantic gesture but it still gets the intended point across and shows that you’re grateful.
The thing that you wrote in your first post on this topic is what she needs to hear. Not:
thanks for your help throughout the session
but more like:
Nobody else has been there for me this past year and I was headed down a dark and miserable path but your being here this year helped me feel that I was someone worth putting effort into. You have given me a gift that I will never forget.
That is the best gift you can give your teacher.
You keep trying to put the value in some material gift but those words are what she’s going to value.
I’m just going to say this: if you give her a card that says “Thanks for your help this session” you will have missed a beautiful opportunity. DO NOT give her that generic “thanks” message.
I was the guy who warned you about the chocolate being interpreted as romantic. But a far worse danger is going through life missing the opportunities to create beauty.
You have an opportunity to create something beautiful and meaningful for this teacher, and you’ll only achieve that by articulating exactly how she helped you.
Believe me when I say that, for adults, meaning is the thing we crave and lack in our life. Muffins can be obtained at the grocery store. A true, well-articulated and vulnerable communication of the way one has had a positive impact in another person’s life is a treat most people hear maybe once or never in their lives.
I know it’s hard. But you did a good job of explaining her positive impact in your original post. All you need to do is re-state that while addressing her in a note, instead of us.
If you know something she's interested in, try giving her a related gift. For instance, one of my professors really loved Chess, and ran a chess club at my college. I got him a Arimaa board, which is a different game based off of chess.
I’d argue that there’s not much worse than someone buying you something to do with your hobbies.
In my experience it’s always something you don’t want, or already have
There are certainly worse things than a thoughtful, potentially redundant gift related to something you care about.
An apple.
So I have seen this but idk what it is referring to
Teachers are famously scared of doctors.
It’s a common trope, in the US at least. The gift can be different in different countries. In the Philippines other local-made snacks are brought for teachers.
Liquor
Pretty sure just going downtown on the teacher is gonna come across as romantic
As a teacher, I’d say a card as someone already suggested, or a book with a thank you inscription
actionjbone@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
A greeting card with a note about how she helped you.
Material gifts will get used up and thrown out over time. But she’ll collect notes and letters from her students over the years, and they will help remind her why she’s teaching.
Lemjukes@lemm.ee 8 months ago
This, and if you really really wanna put a monetary gift in there, get them a gift card for coffee(go local fuck Starbucks) or honestly somewhere like target that sells school supplies. It’s a bit orphan crushing machine but they may really appreciate the extra cash for supplies.
intensely_human@lemm.ee 8 months ago
A gift card for school supplies is a great idea
z00s@lemmy.world 8 months ago
This. I’m a teacher, and I have about a thousand gift mugs stuck in a closet, but I will hang on to that raggedy half torn post it note that says, “Thank you Mr. [Name] for helping me :)” literally until the day I die.
In my desk, I have a special folder full of notes from students that I look at when I have a bad day.
We don’t do it for the money, we do it to help you have a better life. So when students tell us we helped, the feeling is incredible.
If you want to make sure it doesn’t get mistaken for romantic feelings, just think, “Would I feel weird saying this to my Aunt/Uncle?” while writing it.
Some potential sentence starters:
What I appreciated most about being in your class was…
One time you really helped me was when…
Something you really helped me understand was…
The one thing you should never stop doing in class is…
Whatever you write, your teacher will love it :)