Do guys that tip cam models hundreds of dollars week after week think that model actually likes them?

Submitted ⁨⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

I understand a fantasy and a one time thing like tipping on a guys night out at a strip club, but some of these guys think they are in a relationship with someone they will never meet and don’t even know their real name or life details.

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punkwalrus@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Well, they may like the attention and validation it brings. I knew someone who was asexual that had a lot of dotcom money. He loved to go to Vegas and gamble. He knew the house was stacked against him. He knew that the girls who sat on his lap only liked him for his money. He still loved the attention he got when he tipped big. I saw him tip a waiter $200 on a $150 meal. He LOVED it. And why?

“I used to be poor. I was a nobody. Now I make people happy with my money, and I feel good about myself.”

Can’t beat that.

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- Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This is going to sound weird but I kinda get it.
  
  I’m not rich at all. But I have a really high paying job. And I tip 25-40% because I used to work at restaurants and coffee shops if they are mildly pleasant. During the holidays, I easily drop 100% tips at like a small sandwich shop.
  
  I’m definitely part of the problem with tipping. But it makes me feel good to give a small coffee worker $5 for their hard work.
  
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  - ilinamorato@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    You’re not at all part of the problem. The problem is entirely concentrated in the employers’ unwillingness to pay workers a living wage. It’s not like they’d start if you stopped tipping; they’d be legally required to backfill some of the shortfall, but not enough that the person could actually survive.
    
    Rest assured. You are not a part of the problem.
    
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  - PsychedSy@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I do the same. It is one of the few things that really cheers me up sometimes.
    
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  - bionicjoey@lemmy.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I don’t necessarily do it with tips, because I don’t really know those people, but I have a similar situation. I make good money at work and am very lonely/isolated in my social life, so I don’t have a lot of places to spend my money. But around the holidays I like giving big expensive gifts to my family and the few other important people in my life. They always think it’s overboard in terms of what I spend but I just really like the feeling that my money is going to make someone happy since it doesn’t really do much for me. I make sure to remind them that I’m not keeping score and not expecting them to give me something of equal value. I just like the experience of gift-giving.
    
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- 1984@lemmy.today ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I would not feel good about myself in that situation but I guess I understand…
  
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  - 1847953620@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Given how dumbed-down, animalistic, and impulsivesexual interactions can be, it makes a lot more sense in that state of mind.
    
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SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It’s always been this way and yes they do.

In the 50’s, women artists were literally expected to hide their partners. Dolly Parton famously got married against the wishes of her managers/producers, because she was a bad bitch who wasn’t going to be pushed around and denied her own life. She was a rarity at the time.

The number of OF models who have boyfriends who never appear on cam is high. This isn’t new for women in porn, this has pretty much how it has always operated. Men don’t like their fantasy being destroyed by pesky details like a boyfriend.

In Kpop its definitely still a thing, and it seems like the young male fans flip the fuck out when they find out one of the women they’re idolizing already has a boyfriend.

It’s capitalism, baby. It teaches young men that human relationships are a financial transaction and nothing more. They absolutely do think the money they spend means something, even if they aren’t an outright Incel.

Many of them will end up furious eventually, once it becomes clear they will never make it anywhere with this woman.

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- Fondots@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  A few years back on Reddit I remember stumbling my way into a comment thread discussing some camgirl or Instagram model, or “influencer” or something along those lines. The OP was a gif of her bouncing her boobs (and I’m not gonna lie, I clicked into the thread because boobs)
  
  Overall the comments were pretty much what you’d expect, but one dude in particular stood out to me.
  
  IIRC, someone made a comment about how her boyfriend was a lucky man or something to that effect, someone else commented that they had heard she was a lesbian, and that’s where this particular weirdo came in, saying something essentially like “nuh-uh, I talked to her cam-to-cam and she’s definitely straight.”
  
  Like it genuinely never occurred to this person that someone might not be exactly who they present themselves as online.
  
  Now I cannot claim to know anything about that girl’s personal life, she might be gay, she might be straight, she might be neither, but I can easily think of probably a dozen reasons off the top of my head why she might want to hide her sexuality, whatever it may be, from some stranger she was chatting with on the internet, ranging of fear of harassment to trying to get money out of him.
  
  I tried to explain that to him, and he was like “yeah, I get it, but I talked to her and she’s a really genuine person”
  
  Everything just went in his one ear and right out the other.
  
  I hope that dude never made his way into a strip club, he’d get talked into so paying for many champagne rooms and then probably go home and brag about his new girlfriend.
  
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- sbv@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  It’s capitalism, baby. It teaches young men that human relationships are a ~~financial~~ transaction and nothing more.
  
  I really notice that idea in movies from the 80s and 90s. The love interest leaps into the dude’s arms at the end. They didn’t know each other an hour ago, but she’s the reward for the hero’s success.
  
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  - Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    That’s where I learned from, and I learned the hard way that the crazy antics in those movies just get you a restraining order!
    
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- Pratai@lemmy.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  There is nothing positive that comes from the existence of simps.
  
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GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve thought about it. It’s tempting because it’s simple. When you spend time and energy on your wife and she doesn’t give anything back, it’s very lonely. A cam girl is simple. Money goes in, attention comes out. It’s not exactly what I want but it’s got a higher success rate that what I’ve got now.

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- Pratai@lemmy.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Divorce is an option.
  
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  - GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Can’t afford it. I can’t afford the aftermath, keep my kids, and keep my sanity. I’ve thought about it.
    
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- CaptainBlagbird@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I wish you strength, and hope you’ll find a good solution. Maybe it would be worth a thought of spending the money for couples therapy.
  
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  - GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I’ve been asking for years. I can schedule an appointment, but they have to show up.
    
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- afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Hey can we spend some time together?
  
  Get death glare
  
  Fine, go back to your 9 hour streaming marathon. Sorry to bother you.
  
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money_loo@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
People be lonely, yo.

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steeznson@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Quite a lot of the people that donate money to camgirls/OnlyFans models have learning difficulties. My special needs brother-in-law gets disability allowance from the state every month because he is too disabled to work and still managed to rack up a 4000 pound debt giving money to these “content creators”.

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- bionicjoey@lemmy.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I think the concept you meant here is being neurodivergent. Learning disabilities are a related concept, but for example I doubt someone being dyslexic would make them any more likely to have a problem with this sort of thing. You’re talking about people with things like Autism, ADHD, etc. right?
  
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  - I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I’ve heard “learning difficulties” used by Brits the way “intellectual disabilities” is used in the US, Down Syndrome for example. It’s not equivalent to “Learning disabilities” in the US, like ADHD or dyslexia.
    
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- Tedesche@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Your BIL likely has an intellectual impairment to get those benefits. Learning disabilities are not typically severe enough to disable a person from working. An intellectual impairment is a much broader term that essentially indicates the person’s IQ is significantly lower than average, and this very often is disabling enough to prevent a person from working.
  
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SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve seen folks do the same with people who stream games.

An acknowledgement of your own existence is a powerful thing. I get it.

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MonsiuerPatEBrown@reddthat.com ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

Grant Amato shot his father, mother, and brother Cody in the head at their home in Seminole County, Florida, while attempting to stage it as a murder-suicide committed by his brother before fleeing the residence.

Before the murders occurred, Amato had developed an infatuation with Bulgarian model and cam girl Silviya Ventsislavova (Bulgarian: Силвия Венциславова), who went by the alias “Silvie” online. Amato used some of his father’s and brother’s money that amounted to $200,000 to pay to attend her webcam sessions.

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- JustZ@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  God damn. Florida must have so much lead in the air and water.
  
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half_built_pyramids@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Parasocial relationships are fucked and there’s lots of chuds out there hyperfocusing on all the wrong things.

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- Thorry84@feddit.nl ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I don’t think a blanket statement about parasocial relationships are warranted at all based on some outliers.
  
  Being in a parasocial relationship is fine as long as both people are aware of this and feel comfortable with the position I’m in. It’s only when this isn’t the case it becomes a problem, this isn’t inherent to parasocial relationships and applies to a lot of relationships.
  
  I have a parasocial relationship with a certain Twitch streamer. I have no delusions about what that relationship is or isn’t. I pay/donate because I value what this person adds to my life in the form of content and a community. The streamer is only vaguely aware of my existence and that’s fine. I do not want to be a part of his life except as a community member in general and all he brings to my life is the entertainment and a cool place to hang out. I see this as a win-win scenario.
  
  Of course there are always whales who pay big bucks, but I feel most of them are like me, they just pay what they feel the value is. If I have a shitty week and the provided entertainment cheers me up, I might donate $10. If a rich whale has a shitty week and they get cheered up they might donate $100 bucks. But there is no notice me senpai aspect or expectation this changes anything in the relationship.
  
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PeachMan@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m sure many have that fantasy. I’d guess that others understand that it’s just a tease, and have enough disposable income that they don’t care. Same as strip clubs.

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Pratai@lemmy.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I don’t think the type of person that gives cam girls tons of money is self-aware enough to realize the model doesn’t care if they are still breathing 10 minutes after the money hits their account.

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dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
They might think that, and they might be right. There have been multiple accounts from sec workers who feel friendly to their clients.

Think about any place you go regularly: you might have a friendly relationship with the cashier/waiter/barista/bartender/whoever. That relationship only exists because you are a customer, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel genuinely friendly to you. When I’ve worked in service jobs, there were plenty of people I only interacted with because I had to, and there were a handful of people I genuinely liked seeing. Just because someone is selling images of their naked body and a sense of intimacy doesn’t mean the dynamic is fundamentally different on their side. For the clients, there is often a misunderstanding of what the boundaries are, which is why many sex workers are extremely direct with people.

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NuXCOM_90Percent@lemmy.zip ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
A lot of it is buying the illusion/experience. They are helping that girl get back into veterinary school or are virtually rubbing her clit by making panties vibrate or whatever.

Also, it is generally not the same whale every night. Sometimes it is, but most models have a set of regulars.

And the other aspect to remember is the good old audience plant. Think of it like starting a hype train on twitch or getting the meter most of the way to the exposed titties goal or whatever. The idea is a friend or site employee uses cheap tokens to encourage others to use real ones.

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Boozilla@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
They are lonely and desperate for any kind of interaction with another human. Because sex work is illegal and dangerous, it creates a market for this kind of stuff. It’s sad. People need attention, touch, and love from other humans as much as they need food and water. But many people are unattractive and/or socially inept… but do have some money. And society is largely cruel and heartless towards outsiders. It’s hard for most to accept, but many factors outside of a person’s control can force them into a lonely life of rejection and non-acceptance by average folks. People find all kinds of things to fill these voids. Paying cam models is just one of many coping mechanisms, and maybe not as self-destructive as drugs, booze, food, etc.

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- shalafi@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I agree with every single thing you said. But, I paid for a woman’s OnlyFans account for a couple of months.
  
  She was wildly attractive to me, but the thing I admired the most was how artful she was in her nudes. The outfits and makeup and all that, simply artful.
  
  She put real work into all that, and I so loved the effort. And besides, yikes, talk about my type.
  
  $5/mo. for a couple of months, no big deal, and I was happy to help her out. But I had zero illusions, zero attachment, and I told her everything I’ve said here. She was very nice, chatted briefly a time or two, and didn’t try to suck me into some kinda pseudo relationship.
  
  Not a shill, but if you like 'em flat as a board:
  
  twitter.com/Princes_rosea
  
  Go from there.
  
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JustZ@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Two emotionally damaged people satisfying one another’s needs for money, what could be wrong with that?

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- AstralPath@lemmy.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Pretty bold assumption you’ve made there.
  
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  - Pratai@lemmy.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    It’s not too far of a stretch.
    
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ByGourou@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Parasocial relationships works both ways. Of course you have exceptions and it depend on the individual, but they usually like each others.

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qooqie@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I assume it’s a form of the buzzword/phrase “parasocial relationship” and some if not most do actually think they have a chance. No real idea

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mechoman444@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I once signed up to an only fans I fancied just to see what the hubbub was all about. I paid my monthly fee which was like 10 or 11 bucks. I had access to her whole catalog including live shows. I managed to catch one of those live shows and by the end of it, only about 30 minutes long, she managed to get 800 bucks in tips.

People were tipping her 200 300 hundreds bucks at a time as she diddled her self with various implements.

Insanity. There is literally limitless free porn in this genre out there. There is absolutely no reason to pay for any of this.

And yet… There you have it. This woman made close to 1000 dollars for doing something she’d probably do anyway.

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guyrocket@kbin.social ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I hope not. But many of them probably do think the model "likes" them. And I assume in most situations the model is kind to the customer. And that is all it takes with some lonely guys.

I knew someone years ago that went on a couple dates with some girl and was just DEVASTATED when she broke up with him. Like ugly crying about how "perfect" she was. There are plenty of unloved guys around who are pretty desparate for anything that even looks like a relationship.

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feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I like spending my money on beautiful women. Personally this is something I like to do in person, for someone I actually know. I guess I can kind of see how somebody might fulfil a similar drive virtually, but it seems very odd to me.

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- the_q@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Why?
  
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  - feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I don’t understand your question. Why to which part?
    
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  - JustMy2c@lemm.ee ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Being around them is nice. Not just the view and presence, but the feeling others envie you. Not even to start about the fact AFFECTION IS FOR SALE.
    
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thantik@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve got a friend who’s into strip clubs, attempted to get me into them. They’re basically thinly veiled brothels. He absolutely believes that the women are into him. 100%

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- Fondots@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I used to go to strip clubs occasionally, I never had the delusion that any of the girls were into me, but for me that was kind of part of the fun.
  
  It removes all of the pressure, you don’t have to worry about fucking up your chances with any of them because you never had any chances to begin with, and as long as you’re not a total creep and can keep the singles coming, you’re going to have a steady stream of pretty girls coming around and acting flirty with you, laughing at your jokes, generally paying attention to you, etc. and that can feel pretty nice.
  
  Some people can get weird about it and have an unhealthy mental idea about what their relationship with the strippers actually is, but that’s not limited to strippers either, pretty sure that just about anyone who’s worked in a bar or restaurant for any length of time has probably had that one regular customer who was a little too buddy-buddy with you and seemed to think that you were their best friend even though you kind of hate their guts and are just nice to them because that’s your fucking job.
  
  That doesn’t mean you can’t have the occasional genuine interactions with them, it’s kind of hard not to, at the end of the day we’re social creatures who want to connect with one another, but that doesn’t necessarily change the fundamental nature of your customer/service-provider relationship.
  
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afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I doubt most do. I haven’t but I get it. Someone listens to you and talks nicely to you for a few minutes can be pretty appealing.

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SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Parasocial relationships are very real.

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Steve@communick.news ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
This question seems no different than asking a pro wrestling fan, if they think the matches are real, and the winners are the best at actually wrestling. It is completely, ignorantly, condescending of the complex reality of the situation, and relationship between the viewers and performers.

Let’s describe the same situation with different participants. This will be you and one of your favorite actors. Let’s leave sex and romance entirely out of it. You have to pick someone who’s sex and gender you aren’t attracted to. You have the chance to talk to them over zoom for an hour every day, because your paying them.

You can talk about anything you want. The movies they were in, the characters they played, the costars and directors they worked with. You can even talk to them about your own acting, or a script you’re working on. You could even completely nerd out and ask them to perform it with you. This fanfic scene that you wrote specifically for the two of you. Would you believe that they meant and felt, all the things you wrote for them to say? Of course not! That’s insane! Is it still fun to play a private scene with your favorite actor?

Of course it is. Who wouldn’t want to play their own version of the No Country for Old Men scene where the gas station attendant unknowingly faces off against Anton Chigurh? “Well if I’m standin’ to win everythin’… Wha’da you stand to loose?” I would love to work out different ways that scene could go with Javier Bardem.

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Socsa@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I am more curious why you care what other people do with their money.

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- AmidFuror@kbin.social ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  We live in a society. I know that's a meme, but I'm using it genuinely. We interact directly with others, and the consequences of their world view extends to how they vote.
  
  A maladjusted person may lash out at innocents. That isn't restricted to how they might eventually treat some poor cam girl. They can and do learn bad behaviors such as stalking and harassing other women in their life. In some cases they turn to violence.
  
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  - surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    And none of what you said is indicated by people just throwing a couple hundred bucks at a performer they enjoy. We’d need way more info.
    
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Modern_medicine_isnt@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
At the end of the day, they are paying for a dream that makes them happy. Would it be better to find happiness another way sure, but the world is a shitty place.

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- Buddahriffic@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Or more likely, a dream they hope will make them happy, and maybe does give them some nice feelings before eventually crushing those feelings brutally.
  
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  - Modern_medicine_isnt@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Borrow from tomorrow to be happy today. Fits human nature pretty well actually.
    
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  - snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Not to leave out the blue balls it causes.
    
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themeatbridge@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Do people who buy lotto tickets expect to become billionaires? Do high school athletes sacrifice their bodies and their futures to some day get their shot to go pro? Do artists starve while hoping to one day be discovered and become famous?

Hope is an irrational, self-destructive concept, reinforced by the fact that nobody who ever became one of the lucky few gave up because the odds were against them.

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Nerrad@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I can think of worse ways to waste money.

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- Th3D3k0y@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Like donating to political parties?
  
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1984@lemmy.today ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Imagine being a girl like that, and you get told you are beautiful and sexy, and you get paid money for just existing.

I can see how the girls can enjoy that a lot, and like some of the clients also.

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- gaael@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  You don’t get paid money “just for existing”.
  
  You get paid money to pretend you enjoy the company of the guy who tips, even if he’s the biggest piece of shit you’ve ever met. You get paid money not to hit him in the balls when he says sexist and degrading things about you. You get paid money not to break his nose when you hear him saying racist stuff to his friends. You get paid to say “remember, no touching” with a smile instead of pepper-spraying him when the guy touches your ass although you explicitely told him not to before.
  
  You don’t only get told you are beautiful and sexy. You also get told that you’ll only have value as long as people find you beautiful and sexy. You are not complimented on your ethics, your intellect, your achievements - and you know that these would not get you any tips if you didn’t have a body men 20 years older than you find beautiful and sexy.
  
  Please stop romanticizing sexual exploitation in a capitalistic world. It’s at least as stupid as romanticizing the grind, or the billionaire’s success.
  
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  - 1984@lemmy.today ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Fair enough. I agree that the job must be difficult, but there are probably some guys that the girl actually likes. But probably she hates most of them.
    
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jeena@jemmy.jeena.net ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
watch www.imdb.com/title/tt26258200/ to find out

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- rosymind@leminal.space ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I hated the ending :(
  
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