Submitted 1 day ago by TheBat@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/d681fa9a-88d2-43ff-992f-5785463bd832.jpeg
And if a man is nice to a woman, or other men, people think he wants to sleep with them. So we should all be mean to each other just to be safe, because that’s easier than changing our collective attitudes towards men, sexuality, and men’s emotions.
Uh… Bitch…? Sorry had to throw that in there just in case.
Joke’s on you, we’ll just interpret your slight meanness as flirtatious teasing.
Phew the comments here. Chill out people, it’s a meme. And seeing the new “alpha-male” era we are in, she’s not wrong.
As a woman I have to say this is true. If you smile there will be at least one “funny” or “nice” message in the end of the day
As a man neither me nor my friends to my knowledge ever texted, messaged or try to communicate with a woman just because she smiled, laughed or joined the conversation in any way. However I’ve met with many delusional women whom thought men responding to them in a normal manner because of their early communication as a sign of those men attracted to them, trying to hook up etc… This being said, I know for a fact that there are also delusional men around whom would think you’re giving signals even though you’re not. However that’s not the standard nor they are a majority, neither men nor women. If you’re finding yourself in such an environment then you should realize you’re not in a healthy environment nor the people around you are normal.
There are always exception but women live in constant fear. We can’t know if you are a nice guy or a “nice guy” and so we buil a wall. There are FOR SURE pscyco women as there are men, and good people also exist, the fact is that being a woman is already dangerous in the world we live in. As a woman I tend to stay professional and serious in enviroments that I don’t want attention because I had very bad experiences with co workers before. I can’t be rude or mean, it’s not even who I am, but I have to be stone face.
Also, I’m old. Maybe the new generation of men are better and things will be better for the young girls
edit: I’m in my phone, in a car,.with no glasses so sorry for any mistakes lol
Ha jokes on you I’m too autistic to know if you are being mean or not. Now do you want to hear me ramble about random shit for two hours straight till I stop because physically can’t talk anymore? There is only one answer and you don’t have a choice, this ain’t Fallout 1.
As a guy, I do the same. I try to make women feel as bad as possible so they leave me alone. Because its all about how i feel. Im the main character.
You think you’re cooking with this reverse meme, but you’re actually doing “where is my straight pride” bullshit. People do live like that. On average, men are already like that.
Not the men I know. I think men are awesome. But if you dont, I understand you dont like my cooking. :)
As just a random guy, I might conflate their kindness for interest because I get so little attention and positive reinforcement. No one is there telling us we are beautiful or talented or smart or whatever with any frequency, even if you have these qualities.
Your full attention already feels like more than a kindness. And the additional, actual, kindness can be taken for interest because of the paucity of people interested in “random guy”.
I don’t think women are wholly wrong for getting this type of attitude. It has to be frustrating and draining constantly fending off suitors when you just wanted a normal nice chat or something.
Just thought I’d share my older man perspective.
Not just suitors, I’m afraid. The vast majority of the women you will meet in your life have been the victim of some form of sexual harassment, if not outright assault or rape.
So, yeah, it’s disheartening but I totally agree with your perspective on this.
TIL the word ‘paucity’
The pau- root meaning few/little is the same as in pauper
I think it may be a little more complex than this. I’m a man that was quite good looking in my youth. I got fat and ugly in middle age, and became invisible to women. Now, at 60, I’m in the best physical shape of my life, have largely recovered my looks, I dress nicely, and am blown away about how differently I am treated by women now, especially women over 40. I regularly get compliments about my appearance, and due to the halo effect I seem to collect compliments on nearly everything I do. Having been invisible to women for more than a decade, it feels a little strange to be showered with attention.
That said, not every woman wants the same thing from me, but they do all seem to want my attention, including married women, oddly enough. They want to feel pretty, feel desired, even if they aren’t going to act on those feelings. I frequently get women showing clear signs of interest (intentionally putting themselves in my orbit, mirroring my behavior, initiating physical touch, etc., etc.) in an effort to draw a response from me, even women who are not in a position to follow through on their actions. These are not women just being kind or benignly friendly. Here is one recent example. I was at a friend’s birthday party, and was approached by a woman I had met in dance class. She was moderately flirty during the the course of our conversation, and asked if I were seeing anyone, as she had noted seeing me regularly with one of my female friends. Our conversation ended with her stating that she was looking forward to seeing me in class. At the next class, she wore a sexy black cocktail dress, which was a bit out of character for her. For me, she was showing clear and unmistakable signs of interest. However, when talking, she mentions her husband in passing, which made me wonder what the hell was going on. I later learned that her husband is in the late stages of pancreatic cancer. My takeaway from this experience is that she was trying to elicit my interest to bask in the glow of my male attention, and that she probably isn’t looking to step out on him (which is something that I wouldn’t engage with).
In the last 6 months, I’ve had many other similar experiences, where women are definitely seeking my attention in circumstances where they have no intention of following through. It feels good to be desired, whether you are a man or a woman, and if a woman is constantly drawing romantic interest “accidentally”, it’s worth it for her to consider what energy she is putting out.
Fat ugly chicks get raped too.
Your train of thought falls apart when you realize one thing: the bar for “attractiveness” is infinitely higher for men than women. Women don’t need to be “putting out energy”. All they need to do is exist at the right place at the right time.
I have those random realisations on the theme of ‘hey that woman who was on my sofa last month wanted to have sex with me’
Make sure you’re really mean else I may not notice.
I have those random realisations
I definitely have moments when I wonder if I could have played my cards better. But I’ve also catastrophically misread interactions and embarrassed myself to the point where we just stopped talking to each other entirely.
Also been friends with someone who doggedly insisted “We’re just friends”, then decided she wanted me one night, then insisted it meant nothing and she just wanted to be friends again. shrug
Romance just be like that sometimes.
Even worse, “hey that woman has given me no signals whatsoever but I think she’s hot so who knows, she might want to sleep with me, let’s escalate and find out, what’s the worst that can happen”
Men: “I wonder if that woman wants to sleep with me.”
Women: “I’m gay”
I just assume no one is interested in me ever, no matter how nice they are to me. I also go out of my way to avoid contact with humans in the first place.
This is the way.
Mood
I think is normal.
I can tell she’s 4"11 from her screen shot angle. I dont talk to mean midgets.
Phew, sounds like i made the right choice being a sexist misogynist
sexist misogynist
As opposed to?
Sorry typo, i meant sexy misogynist
A racist misandrist, obviously
This is a pattern that if applied broadly feels guaranteed to spiral into the opposite of the desired outcome.
Be rude as a rule to men
Men interpret what was once ‘rude’ as normal behavior
Stepping positively outside the new normal gets interpreted as possible sexual interest
Now you are required to be even ruder baseline to avoid misinterpretation, and men just get treated worse socially.
It’s not about being rude it’s about not being nice, specially in professional settings. It’s sad but it’s true. But also, like everything else, there are exceptions but we can never know
It’s not about being rude it’s about not being nice
The first words are ‘I’m always a little mean’ so I think rude counts. I understand the motivation for doing this, but this is a strategy that the more it is applied the less it works. The core issue is men taking small deviations from their expected social treatment as flirting, and I think that moving the expectation lower by being meaner means that it will take less ‘nice’ to accidentally communicate interest, thereby making it worse in the end.
They’re describing a well-understood sociological phenomenon. Sorry you’re so triggered by actual human psychology
I can’t fathom being so sensitive and so chronically online that you need to post a genuine Response to a fucking jokey post about girls needing to be a little mean to make creepy dudes go away.
Oh no, I’ve replied to a meme in a non-hostile way without downvoting it and boosted its platform visibility. How dare I?
If you ever wonder, “Why am I single? Why won’t someone date me?” It’s because you say stupid shit like this. You’re not a victim, dude, so stop acting like one.
Engaged, but appreciate the concern for my dating life.
I hate when a woman is mean to me for doing something nice like holding the door because she thinks I want to sleep with her. No ma’am, I don’t. I was just being nice. My wife has all that other stuff covered.
I’m just happy that around me, everyone just holds doors for everyone else, regardless of gender. Guys hold open doors for guys. Girls hold open doors for guys. It’s not weird.
Sad thing is that having a spouse doesn’t at all stop a hell of a lot of people. To be clear, I’m not saying this is limited to men…all genders do this. I’ve personally never understood why. If you don’t want to be with your significant other, break up with them. It’s a zillion times worse to betray their trust and intimacy and then break up anyway when they find out.
it’s ok.
I’m a little mean to bitches because if you treat them like women they think they can be mean to you.
That sounds like equality of treatment and we all know that isn’t fair to some.
Unironically true.
If you tell a homeless person that they are not allowed to ride busses it is not the same as telling Jeff Bezos that he cannot ride busses.
Ok ms. dont sleep.
That’s why we don’t live in a nice world, people are and people are shit to each other.
People are the problem. Get away from them, and bad stuff will happen much less.
Same reason I’mean to women. I wouldn’t want them thinking I want to sleep with them.
I feel you. Ill do something nice, like open a door and smile, then immediately turn and ignore them.
When someone thanks me for holding the door, I let them know I wasn’t holding open for them. I was holding it those people coming and point to someone way too far away to hold a door open for.
Don’t flatter yourself, cupcake.
She ain’t saying they want to. She’s saying they think she wants to if she’s nice to them.
Imagine a world where being nice is an attractive quality
Her first line is “I’m always…”
Guys I think she wants me. :\
Playing hard to get
She is negging you Bro
Women want to be pursued.
I kinda like being treated mean.
“Ah, playing hard to get. Classic.”
I just thought she had an interesting necklace =\
I feel like if a guy wants to know if a woman is interested explicit relations, he should just come out and ask, and if the answer is no, he should accept it. Why can’t clear and direct communication be a thing?
Most people want this, but some people (usually men) really don’t handle rejection well
No not “most people” many will claim so and immediately start playing games
There’s safety in being indirect (you can retreat into the ambiguity), and there’s the “handshake” aspect of it too where it can prove they understand you on a deeper level than what’s explicitly on the surface.
Well it’s a heluva lot more awkward once they know you thiught you could get with’em now isn’t it ?
I don’t find it awkward at all. If someone’s not into me, they are not into me. I’ll respect their wishes, keep any further conversation with them brief and at acquaintance level, and move on with my life. We all have preferences, and I’m not interested in being fixated on someone that turns me down. There are plenty of other people in the world. My life peaceful and I am ok with being alone and doing my own thing.
Why can’t clear and direct communication be a thing?
Because for the most part people assume everyone is on their wavelength. Put it online and the problem compounds due to context being stripped away.
In my experience men are much more clear when they like someone than women are. Men are less likely to make it a “game”. Men are more likely too push it even when rejected I won’t deny that, but women have done the same as well.
My buddy recently got a new gf. He offered to go outside and start her car and clear the snow off of it. She no please don’t do that you aren’t even dressed yet. So he didn’t do it then she came home and expressed she was upset he didn’t try harder to do it anyway. They took that as a lesson and he pushes a little more on stuff like that but he also asked her to not say no directly like that and make it easier for him to insist.
I think we all wish for this, no? It’s just that a fraction of people are creeps and they will creep.
So many upset men triggered by this lol
It scares me to think how many other guys around me are predators. And it absolutely infuriates me to think about how long society has normalized this type of behavior.
I don’t care how horny I am - that’s my own damn problem to solve. Period.
None of that has anything to do with the obvious rage bait post
100% agreed. Ive known too many men in the past who felt otherwise.
Conversely if you are this triggered by a neutral response to a shitpost maybe switch to a social media that just doesn’t allow replies?
I do deradicalisation work with men I find IRL or online, I think there’s a better way for men, but they’re actively pyoped into voting and acting against their own interests.
Can’t express how many of them (at least in my country) point to memes like this as “see, feminism just wants to shame men, it’s not about equality, I’m gonna vote for (insert Christofascist that wants Handmaiden’s Tale IRL) because he ‘stands up for my rights’”.
The creeps that you mention don’t care that you’re mean to them, they also can’t be convinced to change their political stance, they’re irrecoverable misogynists.
Unless you plan to form an armed paramilitary of radfems (which would be cool), I see yelling about “triggered men” as a pretty bad political strategy, because it alienates exactly the guys that are on the fence and could be convinced to abandon internalised misogyny and become feminists. Feminists already don’t get triggered by this, creeps don’t care.
I like going through all the posts like these so I can tag people who whine about how men have it so hard or whatever incel nonsense they spout to derail. I always end up with at least 5 new users tagged (across a spectrum of descriptors). They just.. there are so many of them.. everywhere..
💯
If you’re bothered by this, you just might be part of the Problem
That’s okay, you won’t have any rights soon.
Just another person to ignore. The world is full of them.
Something about drinking poison and expecting the other to die comes to mind.
And this is why we can’t have nice things. You be nice to people, and they throw it back in your face.
Kindness should be earned, not given.
Jokes on you I’m into that shit
GreenBeanMachine@lemmy.world 28 minutes ago
The problem is that a lot of women are really terrible at giving the right signals, and men are really bad at reading them.
And because men are the ones that pursue women traditionally, what do you expect them to do?
If they think there’s even a small chance, they will make the move, because they know if they don’t, even if that woman likes them, she will never ever make the first move.
The problem is the traditional approach to romance and the fact that women rarely pursue the men they like.