blarghly
@blarghly@lemmy.world
- Comment on Unexpectedly Beautiful Women’s Fashion in the Soviet Union from the 1960s and 1970s [no, this is not an argument that tankies are right] 4 hours ago:
Downvoted because I didnt think the fashion was intersting or beautiful, not because I think tankies are right.
- Comment on Is it safe to assume the guy i went out on a date with, just wants to sleep with me? 5 hours ago:
Pretty much everyone in this thread is being dumb. The solution to your problem is this: talk to him. Literally just pick up your phone right now and text him - “hey, when we went out for coffee, ummm… I feel awkward asking this, but, was that a date?” If he says no, apologise for assuming and continue enjoying his company as a friend. If he says yes, tell him you like him as a friend and appreciate his interest, but that you aren’t interested because you are moving to a different city.
- Comment on Is it safe to assume the guy i went out on a date with, just wants to sleep with me? 5 hours ago:
It’s weird how quickly lemmy shifts from communist revolutionaries to tradwives as soon as casual sex is brought up.
- Comment on What is the magic diet for no-wipe poops? 1 day ago:
Sugar free orange flavored metamucil. No joke. Mix up one or two spoonfuls each morning and in the next day or two your shits will start being magical.
- Comment on Atlassian terminates 150 staff with pre-recorded video, AI customer contact solutions rolled out 2 days ago:
Welp, time to start self hosting a trello clone for my todos
- Comment on What's the easiest way to get hookups without seeing escorts? 3 days ago:
Sorry, you’ve pegged the three main ways of finding girls who want to bang quick - online, in bars or clubs, and plunking down some cash. There is no magical place where there are an excess number of sexy, horny women looking to hook up with an average guy - that is a fantasy.
The reality is, simply must beat out your competition.
Online, that means having good (ie, excellent) pictures and paying money to the apps.
IRL, it means having a good personality, being able to hold a conversation and flirt well, and being able to handle a lot of rejection to your face.
In both cases, it means dressing and grooming yourself both well and with a distinctive style, looking healthy and athletic, and playing the numbers game.
Straight up: if you are not at least adequate in all these respects, literally all you have to do is get to work. Asking more questions isn’t as important as straightening out your diet, hitting the gym, hitting the mall, hiring a photographer, and talking to as many people as you possibly can until you are comfortable and confident talking to strangers.
This is, admittedly, an absolute shit ton of work. But it is the way to regularly get girls to want to hook up with you. No shortcuts - just be better.
*One footnote - if you do not live in a major metro area or college town, your success rate will drop dramatically simply due to demographics. Women in general, and especially women who are open to hooking up, tend to congregate to these areas. You aren’t gonna get much poon in a north dakota oil field, brochahco.
- Comment on Whatever happened to the blockchain/smart contract 'revolution' we were told about? 3 days ago:
Currently we’re on “AI” (i.e. LLMs), which will become a niche novelty when the next big thing comes along (I give it a few more years).
I think llms are overhyped. But at the same time, their two main uses are “better google” and porn, both of which I would hardly describe as “niche”.
- Comment on Hate to see all the suffering 4 days ago:
Hence the shitpost
- Comment on Good thing this horrible storm is almost over! 5 days ago:
Also, meteorologists learned a long time ago to hedge on the side of rain, since people are mildly annoyed when you say it will rain and it doesn’t, but fucking pissed when you say it won’t rain and it does.
- Comment on Saw this on r*ddit, had to share with my people 5 days ago:
I also noticed this. So many other comments are making the next Austin Powers.
Segal is right to be typecast for the role, and would try his best to play it as a real James Bond. But his best just wouldn’t be good enough.
- Comment on How did you decide what you generally wanted to do with your life? 6 days ago:
Well, I grew up depressed and with constant thoughts of suicide, so that had a pretty big impact. I was kind of naturally good at schoolwork, but was hamstrung from the fact that I disliked actually doing homework at home (if felt too boring and I would get distracted), and that I constantly stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning, so I was always exhausted. And while I sometimes found the actual learning or schoolwork engaging, I hated the school environment, where it seemed all my teachers found me, at best, to be a kid who was safe to ignore and, at worst, an annoying burden; while my peers would bully me constantly and exclude me from basically all social activities.
Eventually it got to the point where I was actively looking forward to the day when I would kill myself so that I wouldn’t have to suffer living anymore. But that day kept seeming far away. Eventually I had a kind of gradual waking up, where I realized that if I wasn’t going to kill myself, I had to find a way to make my life worth living - because I couldnt accept living like this for another 70 years.
So I started trying to figure out why I was so miserable, what would make me happy, and how to change my life to achieve those ends.
My nerdiness led me to studying the sciences, which eventually led me to software, where I got a job.
But my loneliness and depression led me to discovering that spending time in nature, exercise, eating healthy food, and having good social interactions made me happier.
When I got my first software job, I realized that the florescent lighting and grey cubicals reminded me of my school environment, and I hated it again. So I found the concept of early retirement. At this point, my experiences in the outdoors and being friends with outdoorsy people served me well - I knew that I could endure and excell in conditions of physical discomfort, and that I could figure things out for myself with enough tinkering.
So I built out my own camper van and lived in it while working as a software developer, saving up a bunch of money and putting it into index funds. When covid hit, I was able to buy 2 houses, and now I rent those out for some passive income.
Once I had all that done, I quit my software job. These days I live off of those passive investments, doing the repairs and property management myself for the most part. And then I supplement that income sometimes with some part time work as a concert rigger. A lot of the time I’m just in my van travelling around, spending time with friends, and rock climbing.
It’s hard to give advice to an internet stranger, but here are some of the things I think would have been useful for me to know.
First - learn how to look good. Get a good haircut, wear good clothes that fit, and keep yourself clean and groomed. In all of these things, look for ways to express your values, personality, and lifestyle. First impressions matter a lot, and how you present yourself is your first first impression.
Second - there is a lot to be said for working hard, being smart, never giving up, and committing to the grind. But the two biggest gaps I had were mindset and social skills, which are inextricably linked.
Sometimes you really just have to embrace the suck and grind it out - but things tend to work out much better if you have a positive attitude, are happy with your life and where it is going, like who you are as a person, and expect your life to be full of excellent opportunities. I dont believe that “everything happens for a reason”. But I believe that everything that happens can be a valuable lesson - so you can be grateful for the good things that happen to you because they are good, and grateful for the bad things that happen to you because these are the things which help you learn and grow as a person.
And when you have a light-hearted, can-do attitude, you tend to find you are rarely short of friends. Get comfortable meeting new people, push yourself to find the people you really click with, and deepen your relationships with the people you find. Always keep going out and finding new connections, and try to find something positive about every person you meet - even if you might not want to spend a ton more time with them. These people will form your social support network, who can pick you up when life has beat you down. They will imbue you with their own energy and ideas, so you can see how many opportinities you really have. And on a practical level, they will open up professional opportinities for you to advance your career or switch careers. In particular, try to get out and meet people outside your normal peer group age-wise. Older people can often be a wealth of knowledge and opinions gained from a lot more life experience than you have, and younger people tend to have a lot of interesting ideas and energy from not being encumbered by some of life’s harsher blows.
Third, take care of yourself. Drink water, eat protein and vegetables, avoid junk food, avoid excess screen time, exercise regularly, sleep well as often as you can, get out into the fresh air and sunshine.
A good question to ask yourself:
What do you love or want?Just ask yourself this question, and answer honestly. Then ask yourself - “how do I do that?” Then, try something to achive your goal. You can take this exercise as far as you want, planning a whole life for yourself that is truly amazing - but it should be noted that this only works if you actually get started on the work. Sometimes we get paralyzed, thinking that our ideas for how to get from A to B arent good enough, or will obviously fail. But often, just by standing up and getting started, we find new, better ideas coming to us as we work.
If you find that question really difficult, then here is an easier one:
What do you HATE?This one tends to be easier, because the things we hate tend to be a lot more concrete and easier to bring to mind. Maybe you hate sitting in traffic, or not having a new video game you really want, or sitting under florescent light bulbs. Good! Now ask yourself: how can I avoid these things as much as possible? The answers to these questions often won’t lead you to a life you want - but they will often lead you in the right direction.
- Comment on How do you reconcile staying sane while keeping yourself up-to-date with the news? 6 days ago:
Step 1: remove all news feeds from your life.
Step 2: live your life. Be happy. Have fun.
Step 3: if anything worth knowing actually happens, it will filter in through your social networks.
- Comment on The Age-Checked Internet Has Arrived 6 days ago:
If a government agency cant find them, they will be very difficult for average users to find as well
- Comment on Former Moderator Sues Chaturbate for 'Psychological Trauma' 1 week ago:
People like this should have to pay the legal fees of the defendants.
iirc, in the US at least, you can sue the people suing you to recomp lawyer fees.
- Comment on mensa 1 week ago:
The impression I get is that it was more relevant before the internet. Like, you’d be living in bumfuck Nebraska and take an IQ test in high school to see if you should be a trucker or farmer, and then a couple weeks later you get a letter asking if you wanna be part of a club of smart people who have a magazine and meet every once in a while.
- Comment on mensa 1 week ago:
And yet, their comment was on point. Maybe its like w double negative
- Comment on She's a keeper 1 week ago:
Also the reason for the rock star phenomenon.
A girl sees a guy with a girlfriend. Girl’s monkeybrain says “she thinks he’s a good bet, so he’s already been vetted, and he’s probably a good bet.”
Now a girl sees a guy at a party with two girls flirting with him. Now two other girls think he’s a good bet. He must be a good bet.
Now scale up. One guy is on stage playing the guitar. 3000 women are screaming that they love him. Our girls monkeybrain: “literally thousands of other girls are debasing themselves to be with him - he is the most desireable guy in the world. Quick, scream, get his attention! He’s your perfect soul mate, just make him notice you!”
- Comment on Some people think that proprietary software for a 3d printer is a plus? 1 week ago:
Also possibly because people think of open source software as inherently unstable.
Realistically, this looks like it was made by someone with the barest grasp of the concept, who just put random words on paper.
- Comment on Cheat Codes Activated 1 week ago:
Actual heels would be feminine. The concept of high heels is feminine coded. The strut you do when wearing heels is feminine coded.
I once bought a pair of steel toe redwing logging boots for a job I had. They had stupid high heels - like, I must have got a 4" boost. Which I found really annoying, since Im already 6’4". But I can almost guarentee the guy who sold them to me bought them just for that feature, as he was probably a 5’4" blue collar dude with a big truck.
Guys have no real qualms about using fashion to make themselves taller. Heel lifts are a thing. You can probably add 3" to your height without anyone noticing with a 1" platform and a 2" lift or whatever.
What they have a problem with is doing things that are feminine. Which - and it is weird I have to point this out - makes sense because they do not identify as feminine. Every time this topic comes up in left/liberal space, there’s a barrage of comments about how “men are dumb and insecure, why dont they just dress up like pretty girls - wouldn’t that be fun?” Which is so weird coming from a place that constantly talks about affirming peoples’ genders.
Like, imagine you are talking to your friend who is a trans woman. Would you tell them “ugh, but you’d look so handsome in a suit with a short haircut. You have such a nice jawline - you should highlight it by growing out a beard!” Wouldnt that be really fucking weird? Wouldnt it make literally no sense at all, given this individual’s chosen gender identity? Wouldn’t it be considered quite rude and offensive to try to pressure someone into fitting your preference for their gender expression, rather than their own?
Anyway, off topic. The point is, men have all sorts of options at their disposal, but most of these things are designed not to be noticed. The masculine role is to look good, but not flashy. To be put together, but not look like you tried to hard or care too much about your appearance. This is because what men are supposed to bring to the table are skills, resources, and personality. An overemphasis on appearance on the part of a man is seen as trying to get ahead or gain status through superfluous means - advancing without contributing to the group or gaining the friendship and approval of those around them. And this is seen as in poor taste, and is frowned upon. So as a man, if you want to enhance your appearance, you should only do it just enough that it can’t be noticed - or just enough that you look a bit more stylish or put together than the other men around you.
- Comment on Cheat Codes Activated 1 week ago:
Women in heels, wearing makeup, having a skincare routine, picking clothes that flatter their figure, getting their hair done: they’re having fun and expressing themselves!
Men wearing shoe lifts, getting hair plugs: what insecure losers.
- Comment on mentoring 1 week ago:
Yeah, I feel like people think I’m, like, defending rightwing manosphere content creators, lol.
I’m saying that what these young men want is a given. So people who dont suck need to accept that and give them viable alternatives, rather than telling them that they are wrong for wanting what they want and chastising them for it.
- Comment on What is piefed? 1 week ago:
Time for another fork… sigh…
- Comment on mentoring 1 week ago:
lol
- Comment on Is there any social media without memes and US politics? 1 week ago:
No. If you dont like memes and US politics… good! You simply get on social media, only follow people you know in real life, and then only use it on desktop where there are browser extensions to block “suggested” content or ads.
Get on each platform maybe once per day max. If you see something new that a friend has posted, leave a comment to tell them how great they are. Once per week or so, make your own post about neat things you are doing. Then, go outside.
- Comment on mentoring 1 week ago:
Idk, I guess you werent a punk kid growing up in the burbs.
I think its both, which is usually the case.
- Comment on Women Dating Safety App 'Tea' Breached, Users' IDs Posted to 4chan 1 week ago:
…
k
- Comment on mentoring 1 week ago:
I mean, the problem here is that - wholesome as Gary is, young men don’t want “wholesome”.
I know that when I was a young man, I wanted to get the fuck out of my home town, have crazy adventures, improve the world on my own terms, and fuck every attractive women that came within 1000m of me (For the record, not much jas changed…).
And Gary is a nice guy with an unattractive wife, a steady job, and two kids. He spends his free time at the bar or mowing the lawn, getting fatter by the year. He likes to talk about the vacation he took to an all inclusive resort with his family a few years ago as if it was the great adventure of his life. Gary doesn’t have the most amazing life, but he has enough, and he’s happy.
And my response to Gary as a young man would have been to appreciate his encouragement, and take his advice with a smile, and then ignore all of it because fuck that nonsense, I am getting the fuck out of this shithole. I am not going to end up like Gary! I am not going to settle for a life of bullshit mediocrity, drinking myself to an early grave while every dream I ever had whithers on the vine. And I am absofuckingloutly not going to follow in his footsteps. Come hell or high water, I will die before I end up with such a piss poor excuse for a life!!!
Point being - if you want young men to take your advice rather than the advice of toxic influencers, you need to validate their desires and ambitions, rather than dismissing them and telling them to want something else. “Oh, you have goal X? Well that’s wrong - you should have goal Y, and here is how I got there” is not an effective way to offer advice to anyone
- Comment on Why do females got to be so hard to talk or flirt with? 1 week ago:
I’d like to gently push back on a few of these points.
To your second point, money. Being rich is hot. Like, it doesnt make you a good person, and it is far less effective than having a good personality. But if OP wants to spin his wheels, there are worse ways he could do it. Being rich and jacked is a bit of a crutch - but hey, crutches work! That’s why people use them!
To your third - yes, he shouldnt go about looking for minute flaws and declare all women to be not good enough for him. But at the same time, he shouldnt drop all standards just to have someone to date, which is often how this advice comes off. Not every woman has an hourglass figure - is OP okay with dating a women who doesnt have such a figure, or is it a requirement for their attraction? Either answer is fine, but OP should be encouraged to date people he actually finds attractive.
To your forth - sometimes quirks are super annoying. If someone has a bad reaction to your quirks… good! That means you arent compatible, and the two of you should move on. OP shouldnt hide their annoyance at peoples quirks they find genuinely irritating. Thats just a setup for frustration and resentment down the line.
To your fifth and sixth - no notes. Big fan of mental health and friendship.
And seventh - why not expect sex early? Plenty of people are more than happy to jump in the sack on a first date. If thats what OP wants, he should go for it. As you said, sexual compatibility is important. If he wants sex early in a potential relationship, he should feel comfortable making this desire clear to potential partners. Then he can find partners who want something similar, and avoid wasting his and others time on dates that dont meet this expectation.
- Comment on Women Dating Safety App 'Tea' Breached, Users' IDs Posted to 4chan 1 week ago:
Yeah. I mean, I get it. The concept of the app makes sense. And I would be that, on average, it is/would be used for good.
On the other hand, as a guy, the idea that people are out there sharing reviews of me as a person on the open internet, and I have no way of knowing this, is deeply unsettling. Like, I haven’t done anything wrong - just the whole concept feels very gross.
- Comment on You wanted the secret to getting rich? Here it is 1 week ago:
You seem to be acting intentionally dense to avoid changing your mind, so I’m going to stop responding.