HECK YES LETS GET RAPTORED AF
reads closer
Wait what?
Who got raptured today?
Submitted 3 weeks ago by IndridCold@lemmy.ca to [deleted]
https://lemmy.ca/pictrs/image/ae6569c2-d702-4838-b5c0-9db51aa32fa9.jpeg
Comments
supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
RedSeries@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
I got raptured but forgot I left the oven on so I came back and now they won’t let me back in.
Asafum@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
(in a booming voice from the sky)
“Sorry, the bus already left and I didn’t have enough money to pay for a second trip. Try again next rapture.”
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I missed something were we supposed to be ruptured today?
IndridCold@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Not you.
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Fuck… I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
I wish… Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
Okay but then the real Christians are gone and all that’s left are the Christofascists
ericatty@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
Maybe you, but definitely not me.
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Jooooin ussss
Valmond@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
There is some wild pastor (from south Africa?) who “dreamt that jesus is coming. Soon.” Apparently it’s tomorrow to thursday. And then there is some sort of tribulation for 3.5 or 7 years or whatever.
There is going to be lots of people “disappearing” during those two days, according to all this bullshit.
I can’t wait 🥱😴
Confused_Emus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Occurring over a couple of days? Guess that finally answers my question in whether the rapture would happen planet-wide all at once, or go by time zones.
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Thank you! I was genuinely curious what happened
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
evangelicals obsession with the raptures, when they havnt done any good in society.
niktemadur@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Then every time the rapture doesn’t happen, it’s like these people have an integrated Memory Reset Button, so they don’t have to PUSH and modify their beliefs and superstitions, I mean… god forbid, that would require… (shudder)… making an effort.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
They said sorry to their imaginary friend for all the bad things they always do. One heaven please! 🙏
IndridCold@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
I got raptured but I was hung up on my bedsheets an just floated in the bedroom for 20 minutes. I guess I’ll have to catch the next one.
MeatPilot@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Ah that sucks! I got halfway up and my beam started sputtering, letting me go a little, and struggling to pull me up again. An angel flew down to warn me there could only be one person per beam due to weight constraints and realized it was just me.
They slowly lowered me back down, stuttering the whole way. Dropped me the last 5ft, than I heard a booming voice from the sky say “No fatties”.
jimmux@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
It sucks that the beams were calibrated for the average human body weight 2000 years ago. Apparently they weren’t kidding when they made gluttony a sin.
Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Just leave me behind.
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 3 weeks ago
I remember being sucked up a beam of light and two
aliensangels welcomed me. Then I woke up in my bed with no memory. Was I raptured?IndridCold@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
How does your anus feel?
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
They felt the power of the Lord inside them
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 3 weeks ago
A little tender however I had spicy food last night.
frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Can we circle back and reschedule the rapture for next week? Carrie is on vacation and we need her input.
bigbabybilly@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Skipped over again. Thank god.
chuckleslord@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I was very disappointed at the gym this morning when I realized I didn’t have it all to myself.
random_character_a@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I just ruptured.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I hope it’s a lot of them. Religious psychos are a scourge on humanity. The fewer the better.
mathemachristian@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
I don’t think I w
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Turns out a lot of them were in Gaza, they left behind more than their clothes however
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
It would be good if all the hypocrites who preach about how christlike they are woukd go away
MNByChoice@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
They all are disqualified for praying in public. Shouldn’t have done that.
Also, presuming to tell God what is what, and vanity.
ICastFist@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
I’m at work, so I probably got sent to hell
Blackmist@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Me.
…
I got better.
cowfodder@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Technically not supposed to happen until the horns sound in Jerusalem, which will happen at sundown. I think we have a little bit longer before we can really mock these morons.
Nikls94@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I got rap[tur]ed again
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Who up rapturing their it?
Stern@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I chose not to and made a few bucks for petwatching
Corporal_Punishment@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Shit, I missed it. I guess I’m stuck here now
FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 2 weeks ago
Leviticus commands us to stone the false prophets.
These assholes are just out for free weed.
LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
All the false prophets are currently unavailable for comment because they’ve been high AF the last couple days.
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
The rapture happened and all I got was this stupid t-shirt
PolydoreSmith@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Lemme tell ya, I have never been more raptured!
Props on the username, OP
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
✋
Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I feel like I had a near-miss
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
My favourite theory of the rapture
It already happened … no one noticed because no one was taken up.
Image
Ryktes@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Isn’t the rapture supposed to be like… the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I’m lookin around at the state of things right now and uh…
MeatPilot@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
No plagues, no zombies, no demons.
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person’s cases
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.
MNByChoice@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
With a hard cap of 144,000 in Heaven, the rapture happened already.