I’m at work, so I probably got sent to hell
Who got raptured today?
Submitted 23 hours ago by IndridCold@lemmy.ca to [deleted]
https://lemmy.ca/pictrs/image/ae6569c2-d702-4838-b5c0-9db51aa32fa9.jpeg
Comments
ICastFist@programming.dev 2 hours ago
bigbabybilly@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Skipped over again. Thank god.
Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Just leave me behind.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 6 hours ago
evangelicals obsession with the raptures, when they havnt done any good in society.
niktemadur@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Then every time the rapture doesn’t happen, it’s like these people have an integrated Memory Reset Button, so they don’t have to PUSH and modify their beliefs and superstitions, I mean… god forbid, that would require… (shudder)… making an effort.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 6 hours ago
They said sorry to their imaginary friend for all the bad things they always do. One heaven please! 🙏
mathemachristian@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 hours ago
I don’t think I w
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 21 hours ago
My favourite theory of the rapture
It already happened … no one noticed because no one was taken up.
Ryktes@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Isn’t the rapture supposed to be like… the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I’m lookin around at the state of things right now and uh…
MeatPilot@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.
MNByChoice@midwest.social 13 hours ago
With a hard cap of 144,000 in Heaven, the rapture happened already.
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 19 hours ago
Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person’s cases
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
It’s all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.
A_Chilean_Cyborg@feddit.cl 3 hours ago
I had to get out of bed to go to work, does that count?
supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 23 hours ago
HECK YES LETS GET RAPTORED AF
reads closer
Wait what?
raptor sauce
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 5 hours ago
The rapture happened and all I got was this stupid t-shirt
RedSeries@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 hours ago
I got raptured but forgot I left the oven on so I came back and now they won’t let me back in.
Asafum@feddit.nl 21 hours ago
(in a booming voice from the sky)
“Sorry, the bus already left and I didn’t have enough money to pay for a second trip. Try again next rapture.”
Nikls94@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
I got rap[tur]ed again
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
I missed something were we supposed to be ruptured today?
IndridCold@lemmy.ca 22 hours ago
Not you.
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 22 hours ago
Fuck… I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 hours ago
I wish… Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 20 hours ago
Okay but then the real Christians are gone and all that’s left are the Christofascists
ericatty@infosec.pub 14 hours ago
Maybe you, but definitely not me.
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Jooooin ussss
Valmond@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
There is some wild pastor (from south Africa?) who “dreamt that jesus is coming. Soon.” Apparently it’s tomorrow to thursday. And then there is some sort of tribulation for 3.5 or 7 years or whatever.
There is going to be lots of people “disappearing” during those two days, according to all this bullshit.
I can’t wait 🥱😴
Confused_Emus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 hours ago
Occurring over a couple of days? Guess that finally answers my question in whether the rapture would happen planet-wide all at once, or go by time zones.
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
Thank you! I was genuinely curious what happened
chuckleslord@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
PolydoreSmith@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
Lemme tell ya, I have never been more raptured!
Props on the username, OP
Blackmist@feddit.uk 13 hours ago
Me.
…
I got better.
IndridCold@lemmy.ca 23 hours ago
I got raptured but I was hung up on my bedsheets an just floated in the bedroom for 20 minutes. I guess I’ll have to catch the next one.
MeatPilot@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Ah that sucks! I got halfway up and my beam started sputtering, letting me go a little, and struggling to pull me up again. An angel flew down to warn me there could only be one person per beam due to weight constraints and realized it was just me.
They slowly lowered me back down, stuttering the whole way. Dropped me the last 5ft, than I heard a booming voice from the sky say “No fatties”.
jimmux@programming.dev 16 hours ago
It sucks that the beams were calibrated for the average human body weight 2000 years ago. Apparently they weren’t kidding when they made gluttony a sin.
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 17 hours ago
Turns out a lot of them were in Gaza, they left behind more than their clothes however
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 22 hours ago
I remember being sucked up a beam of light and two
aliensangels welcomed me. Then I woke up in my bed with no memory. Was I raptured?IndridCold@lemmy.ca 21 hours ago
How does your anus feel?
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 21 hours ago
They felt the power of the Lord inside them
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 21 hours ago
A little tender however I had spicy food last night.
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 19 hours ago
It would be good if all the hypocrites who preach about how christlike they are woukd go away
MNByChoice@midwest.social 13 hours ago
They all are disqualified for praying in public. Shouldn’t have done that.
Also, presuming to tell God what is what, and vanity.
frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 hours ago
Can we circle back and reschedule the rapture for next week? Carrie is on vacation and we need her input.
random_character_a@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
I just ruptured.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
✋
grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
I was very disappointed at the gym this morning when I realized I didn’t have it all to myself.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Who up rapturing their it?
cowfodder@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Technically not supposed to happen until the horns sound in Jerusalem, which will happen at sundown. I think we have a little bit longer before we can really mock these morons.
Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
I feel like I had a near-miss
Stern@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
I chose not to and made a few bucks for petwatching
Corporal_Punishment@feddit.uk 22 hours ago
Shit, I missed it. I guess I’m stuck here now
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 44 minutes ago
I hope it’s a lot of them. Religious psychos are a scourge on humanity. The fewer the better.