Who got raptured today?

Comments

• RedSeries@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I got raptured but forgot I left the oven on so I came back and now they won’t let me back in.

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  • Asafum@feddit.nl ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    (in a booming voice from the sky)

    “Sorry, the bus already left and I didn’t have enough money to pay for a second trip. Try again next rapture.”

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• T00l_shed@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I missed something were we supposed to be ruptured today?

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  • ericatty@infosec.pub ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Maybe you, but definitely not me.

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    • T00l_shed@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Jooooin ussss

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  • Valmond@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    There is some wild pastor (from south Africa?) who “dreamt that jesus is coming. Soon.” Apparently it’s tomorrow to thursday. And then there is some sort of tribulation for 3.5 or 7 years or whatever.

    There is going to be lots of people “disappearing” during those two days, according to all this bullshit.

    I can’t wait 🥱😴

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    • Confused_Emus@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Occurring over a couple of days? Guess that finally answers my question in whether the rapture would happen planet-wide all at once, or go by time zones.

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    • T00l_shed@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Thank you! I was genuinely curious what happened

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  • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I wish… Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish

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    • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Okay but then the real Christians are gone and all that’s left are the Christofascists

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  • IndridCold@lemmy.ca ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Not you.

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    • T00l_shed@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Fuck… I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday

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• grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I was very disappointed at the gym this morning when I realized I didn’t have it all to myself.

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• supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  HECK YES LETS GET RAPTORED AF

  Image

  reads closer

  Wait what?

  raptor sauce

  www.artstation.com/artwork/qYY5L

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• random_character_a@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I just ruptured.

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• IndridCold@lemmy.ca ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I got raptured but I was hung up on my bedsheets an just floated in the bedroom for 20 minutes. I guess I’ll have to catch the next one.

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  • MeatPilot@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Ah that sucks! I got halfway up and my beam started sputtering, letting me go a little, and struggling to pull me up again. An angel flew down to warn me there could only be one person per beam due to weight constraints and realized it was just me.

    They slowly lowered me back down, stuttering the whole way. Dropped me the last 5ft, than I heard a booming voice from the sky say “No fatties”.

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    • jimmux@programming.dev ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      It sucks that the beams were calibrated for the average human body weight 2000 years ago. Apparently they weren’t kidding when they made gluttony a sin.

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