Do you think the pearly gates have one of those “You must be THIS high to ride” signs outside?
heaven
Submitted 8 months ago by SSUPII@sopuli.xyz to [deleted]
https://sopuli.xyz/pictrs/image/bd5a1d97-5e0a-4944-9f6f-8b9c04e119e1.webp
Comments
Tangent5280@lemmy.world 8 months ago
NikolaTeslasPigeon@lemmy.world 8 months ago
“Fuck short people” - Randy Newman
xiwi@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Sounds like heaven is not for cool kids
Notyou@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners have much more fun. Only the good die young
cley_faye@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Heavn is a human construct, so really, nobody’s going there.
InvalidName2@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
What about people who wear solid color t-shirts that have long-ass slogans on them which are super specific and seemingly only apply to a single person on the entire face of the Earth often written in a variety of fonts and font-sizes and including bizarre details about their lives like the t-shirt that was given to me by my same-sex lover on the second Saturday in June of 2021 to celebrate the fact that I managed to clear an entire thornless blackberry bush of berries that we used to make the most delicious blackberry cobbler from that very same evening?
afox@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Who hurt you?
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
What’s hilarious is I actually have that shirt
ToadOfHypnosis@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Did they pull that last bit from the Doors song?
leftzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Short people will not go to heaven.
Well, obviously. They can’t reach.
melsaskca@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.
KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
Not excited about getting my impacted wisdom teeth back. I’m starting to think God’s a bit of a dick.
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
Ah, so when entering heaven, I’ll get mind back?
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 months ago
my wife is happier without her lost organs just like i’m happier without my lost ones. please no.
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?
_AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
good to know I will never be at risk of going to heaven because I’m short
Kiwi_fella@lemmy.world 8 months ago
When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I’d be in prison soon enough. So far I’ve managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I’ve got a plan for this to prove her right. When I’m about to go bye bye , I’m going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I’m might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 months ago
my mom said i’d go to prison if i got an electric bike and she’s right. the local prison has a bike shop as part of their programs and i bought my bike there
SkyHeart@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
What if god said you may go to heaven only if you climb these stairs but you’re on a wheelchair type shit
defaultusername@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven
You guys, I think I decrypted the secret message.
bountygiver@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Just the tattoos though, not whoever wearing them.
LSNLDN@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
tattoos eyeballs
Geodad@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Geodad@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I gotta check that place out if I’m ever in the area.
pyre@lemmy.world 8 months ago
how can you tell someone anonymous online is an atheist?
they’ll let you know
Geodad@lemmy.world 8 months ago
That’s fallacious reasoning.
Not all religions believe in heaven.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
That’s what you believe.
Geodad@lemmy.world 8 months ago
That’s the logical conclusion based on neuroscience finding that souls don’t exist.
spicehoarder@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
I would sooner ride a camel through the eye of a needle than go to heaven
beemikeoak@lemmynsfw.com 8 months ago
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 months ago
in my belief system artwork is a gift and you should carefully adorn yourself. there’s like two of us tho
Dasus@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Tldr monotheism id boring and toxic
joel_feila@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Should not be altered and yet they give it a little snip snip
MrSulu@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
AI doesnt appear to have gotten to the Old Testament yet.
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 8 months ago
it’s gonna be interesting when AI’s start fighting each other. Think religious wars are nasty? Wait until agentic AI starts driving automated trucks into ‘enemy’ data centers…
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 months ago
electricity usage’ll go down
Wolf@lemmy.today 8 months ago
The AI will truly have to be able to think for themselves first. Whoever has written their parameters has done an impressive job of adding apologia into the algorithms about any religious topic.
Me: Does the bible say X?
AI: Yes
Me: Does the bible also say Y? (the literal opposite of X)
AI: Yes
Me: Doesn’t that mean the bible is inconsistent in this regard?
AI: Well you have to understand the cultural context of the time and be sure to approach such topics with sensitivity and blah…blah…
But_my_mom_says_im_cool@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Randy Newman is the gatekeeper of heaven?
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 8 months ago
you got a friend in me
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Too tall to die, too short to go to heaven
burgersc12@mander.xyz 8 months ago
Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven
hansolo@lemmy.today 8 months ago
Did you ever pet a dog the wrong direction and make their hair all scrunchified? Also no heaven.
faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
No, but I have done that to a cat, so I can’t go to hell either.
billyhopscotch@midwest.social 8 months ago
Undercook, no heaven. Overcook, undercook.
moseschrute@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Straight to hell
aceshigh@lemmy.world 8 months ago
lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.
absolutejank@lemmy.world 8 months ago
i don’t know, as someone who has questioned god’s existence since age 14 or so, there have been events in my life where i swear some form of providence intervened. so after reflecting on this for a year straight i think i’m a christian again because i can’t accept that this world and its happenings are one cosmic coincidence. in my mind that’s impossible.
you’re free to choose to live as you wish and i’m gonna be real the heaven/hell stuff is decidedly bullshit, at least the way modern christians interpret it. i just wanted to get it out there that we aren’t all unquestioning buffoons. i don’t subscribe to any one specific sect. i don’t go to church. i haven’t read the bible in years. i accept that i may be wrong, but i believe that having a relationship with the christian god as i understand him is what i need and have been missing for some time.
KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
some form of providence intervened
Providence?!?! Rhode Island ?!?!?
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
I know… A while ago I was having a conversation with a Christian co-worker who was obviously working up to some kind of “witnessing” (as someone who grew up in an Evangelical Church, I know when it’s coming).
I told her that I know all about it, and I will never believe it. Before she could tell me I was angry at god, I told her that it isn’t possible and it wouldn’t make sense because it would be like “being mad at Santa Claus.”
I think she was seriously taken aback. Like it blew her mind haha
Valmond@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Santa was not on the Epstein list, I promise you.
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 8 months ago
but, like trump, he knew. santa knows about all the kiddo predators, he fucking sees you while you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, why isn’t santa doing anything?
theangryseal@lemmy.world 8 months ago
A wise man once said that they had no reason to live.
Has it been confirmed that they have no reason to die as well?
Fredselfish@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Dont we welcome alll that and more in hell. We have AC with all the scientists down there.
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 8 months ago
tfw you’ve tried to be a good lad, prosocial a d kind to your fellow man, but God made you 1.70m
;_;
ThatGuy46475@lemmy.world 8 months ago
That’s not what google ai tells me
SSUPII@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
The UI quite old. This is the old summary AI model.
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 8 months ago
So what’s the pork limit?
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 8 months ago
No more than 6 rashers per day
BetaBlake@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Randy Newman approves
PrimeMinisterKeyes@leminal.space 8 months ago
go the heaven
Kolanaki@pawb.social 8 months ago
If drinking alcohol prohibits you from going to heaven, all the church goers who practice communion are fucked.
leftzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Well, it’s supposed to transmogrify into (human) flesh and blood once it gets in your mouth.
Alcohol might be a no-no, but cannibalism is apparently a-ok. 🤷♂️
SPRUNT@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You’re forgetting the primary rule of religion: everything you do is evil, everything I do is the exception.
MissJinx@lemmy.world 8 months ago
when making rules it’s important to be as detailed as possible. In this case what does short represents? short related to what? also alcohol imcludes wine, wich all priests drink. Do this mean all priests are going to hell? (yeah we already know they are anyway for javing sex with kids, just making a point)
all4one@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Lemmyshortpost