you can’t climb the ladder to heaven if you’re short since the rungs are too far apart
heaven
Submitted 2 months ago by SSUPII@sopuli.xyz to [deleted]
https://sopuli.xyz/pictrs/image/bd5a1d97-5e0a-4944-9f6f-8b9c04e119e1.webp
Comments
halvar@lemy.lol 2 months ago
salty_chief@lemmy.world 2 months ago
They have to go in 3’s because cartoons tell me they can stack up. They would wear a brown trench coat with shades. Then they can climb the ladder.
darkdemize@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Some guy at the business factory tell you that?
_stranger_@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Spending eternity as the taint third of a three person centaur does not sound like paradise.
Geodad@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.
spicehoarder@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
I would sooner ride a camel through the eye of a needle than go to heaven
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
That’s what you believe.
Geodad@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That’s the logical conclusion based on neuroscience finding that souls don’t exist.
pyre@lemmy.world 2 months ago
how can you tell someone anonymous online is an atheist?
they’ll let you know
Geodad@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That’s fallacious reasoning.
Not all religions believe in heaven.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Geodad@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I gotta check that place out if I’m ever in the area.
burgersc12@mander.xyz 2 months ago
Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven
billyhopscotch@midwest.social 2 months ago
Undercook, no heaven. Overcook, undercook.
moseschrute@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Straight to hell
hansolo@lemmy.today 2 months ago
Did you ever pet a dog the wrong direction and make their hair all scrunchified? Also no heaven.
faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
No, but I have done that to a cat, so I can’t go to hell either.
leftzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Short people will not go to heaven.
Well, obviously. They can’t reach.
thefluffiest@feddit.nl 2 months ago
Heaven is boring as Hell
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Someone said that hell probably really is the place to be. Heaven has mega rules to get in, and everyone else just crashes at Satan’s place.
The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven. Be honest with yourself, would you pass up the opportunity to ram a hot poker up Hitlers arse?
BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world 2 months ago
phx@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
I thought it was supposed to be a pineapple?
CXORA@aussie.zone 2 months ago
Who knows, Hitler may well be in heaven. All it takes is a moment of repentance.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 months ago
i mean yeah. that’s so gauche. i’m gonna dunk him in the bee tank
Matriks404@lemmy.world 2 months ago
[scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7179](It is.)
bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 2 months ago
Sorry kids.
humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It’s ok, Uncle Roger.
aceshigh@lemmy.world 2 months ago
lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.
Valmond@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Santa was not on the Epstein list, I promise you.
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 months ago
but, like trump, he knew. santa knows about all the kiddo predators, he fucking sees you while you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, why isn’t santa doing anything?
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
I know… A while ago I was having a conversation with a Christian co-worker who was obviously working up to some kind of “witnessing” (as someone who grew up in an Evangelical Church, I know when it’s coming).
I told her that I know all about it, and I will never believe it. Before she could tell me I was angry at god, I told her that it isn’t possible and it wouldn’t make sense because it would be like “being mad at Santa Claus.”
I think she was seriously taken aback. Like it blew her mind haha
absolutejank@lemmy.world 2 months ago
i don’t know, as someone who has questioned god’s existence since age 14 or so, there have been events in my life where i swear some form of providence intervened. so after reflecting on this for a year straight i think i’m a christian again because i can’t accept that this world and its happenings are one cosmic coincidence. in my mind that’s impossible.
you’re free to choose to live as you wish and i’m gonna be real the heaven/hell stuff is decidedly bullshit, at least the way modern christians interpret it. i just wanted to get it out there that we aren’t all unquestioning buffoons. i don’t subscribe to any one specific sect. i don’t go to church. i haven’t read the bible in years. i accept that i may be wrong, but i believe that having a relationship with the christian god as i understand him is what i need and have been missing for some time.
KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
some form of providence intervened
Providence?!?! Rhode Island ?!?!?
Kiwi_fella@lemmy.world 2 months ago
When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I’d be in prison soon enough. So far I’ve managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I’ve got a plan for this to prove her right. When I’m about to go bye bye , I’m going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I’m might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 months ago
my mom said i’d go to prison if i got an electric bike and she’s right. the local prison has a bike shop as part of their programs and i bought my bike there
empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
short people cannot reach heaven. Without a stepstool
Lemminary@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That’s why I always carry my stilts with me, in case of an accident
defaultusername@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven
You guys, I think I decrypted the secret message.
bountygiver@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
Just the tattoos though, not whoever wearing them.
LSNLDN@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
tattoos eyeballs
HakFoo@lemmy.sdf.org 2 months ago
I know that Grok went Nazi but Gemini going fundie wasn’t on my bingo card.
InvalidName2@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
What about people who wear solid color t-shirts that have long-ass slogans on them which are super specific and seemingly only apply to a single person on the entire face of the Earth often written in a variety of fonts and font-sizes and including bizarre details about their lives like the t-shirt that was given to me by my same-sex lover on the second Saturday in June of 2021 to celebrate the fact that I managed to clear an entire thornless blackberry bush of berries that we used to make the most delicious blackberry cobbler from that very same evening?
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
What’s hilarious is I actually have that shirt
afox@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Who hurt you?
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?
SkyHeart@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
What if god said you may go to heaven only if you climb these stairs but you’re on a wheelchair type shit
MrSulu@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
AI doesnt appear to have gotten to the Old Testament yet.
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 months ago
it’s gonna be interesting when AI’s start fighting each other. Think religious wars are nasty? Wait until agentic AI starts driving automated trucks into ‘enemy’ data centers…
Wolf@lemmy.today 2 months ago
The AI will truly have to be able to think for themselves first. Whoever has written their parameters has done an impressive job of adding apologia into the algorithms about any religious topic.
Me: Does the bible say X?
AI: Yes
Me: Does the bible also say Y? (the literal opposite of X)
AI: Yes
Me: Doesn’t that mean the bible is inconsistent in this regard?
AI: Well you have to understand the cultural context of the time and be sure to approach such topics with sensitivity and blah…blah…
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 months ago
electricity usage’ll go down
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 2 months ago
tfw you’ve tried to be a good lad, prosocial a d kind to your fellow man, but God made you 1.70m
;_;
Tja@programming.dev 2 months ago
How much pork are we talking about…?
rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
four
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 months ago
If drinking alcohol prohibits you from going to heaven, all the church goers who practice communion are fucked.
SPRUNT@lemmy.world 2 months ago
You’re forgetting the primary rule of religion: everything you do is evil, everything I do is the exception.
leftzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Well, it’s supposed to transmogrify into (human) flesh and blood once it gets in your mouth.
Alcohol might be a no-no, but cannibalism is apparently a-ok. 🤷♂️
Aeao@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I mean … It’s not because they are short … Have you met short people? They are little demons.
PrimeMinisterKeyes@leminal.space 2 months ago
go the heaven
Tangent5280@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Do you think the pearly gates have one of those “You must be THIS high to ride” signs outside?
melsaskca@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Ah, so when entering heaven, I’ll get mind back?
KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Not excited about getting my impacted wisdom teeth back. I’m starting to think God’s a bit of a dick.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 months ago
my wife is happier without her lost organs just like i’m happier without my lost ones. please no.
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 2 months ago
So what’s the pork limit?
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 2 months ago
No more than 6 rashers per day
expatriado@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Martin Short is haram
salacious_coaster@infosec.pub 2 months ago
Damn, was not expecting this full frontal assault on me today
_AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
good to know I will never be at risk of going to heaven because I’m short
theangryseal@lemmy.world 2 months ago
A wise man once said that they had no reason to live.
Has it been confirmed that they have no reason to die as well?
BetaBlake@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Randy Newman approves
MissJinx@lemmy.world 2 months ago
when making rules it’s important to be as detailed as possible. In this case what does short represents? short related to what? also alcohol imcludes wine, wich all priests drink. Do this mean all priests are going to hell? (yeah we already know they are anyway for javing sex with kids, just making a point)
Pandantic@midwest.social 2 months ago
Well since I’m already short and can’t do anything about it, I guess I’m free to have as much pork, alcohol, and tattoos as I please!
AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 2 months ago
You just rediscovered Dark Calvinism
Pandantic@midwest.social 2 months ago
Yo, I like this.
humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Almost makes me miss /r/ketodrunk
somerandomperson@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
*c/ketodrunk
This is not reddit, this is lemmy. Just wanted to remind it.
snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Pork tattoos!
Wolf@lemmy.today 2 months ago
Tats of Piggies getting shitfaced.