Putting aside how much of a red flag that is,
Is there any foss self-hosted version of these location sharing services?
‘If I switch it off, my girlfriend might think I’m cheating’: inside the rise of couples location sharing
Submitted 8 months ago by return2ozma@lemmy.world to technology@lemmy.world
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jul/24/inside-the-rise-of-couple-location-sharing
Comments
rustyricotta@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
BobbyConstable@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Home Assistant seems to work well. Depends what functions you want.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 8 months ago
This article constantly reloads and alternates between showing and hiding some warning about my privacy lol. Unreadable.
My wife and I have it on Google Maps. I can’t remember why, but we’ve had it for years. I think my wife worries if I’m safe sometimes. I think I check it less than once a year. I checked it once to see if they were on their way home once, that’s about it.
meliaesc@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I check ours frequently just to see when he’ll be home from work, because I leave for my job when he gets home due to young kids.
VisionScout@lemmy.wtf 8 months ago
‘If I switch it off, my girlfriend might think I’m cheating’ - then fuck your girlfriend. How can you be in a relationship without trust?
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I feel like this shit would end badly for everyone.
Remember how people used to lie and say they were sleeping over at their friend’s house or going to so and sos so they wouldn’t have to say where they were. Now I guess they can hand their phone to their friend at school/bus and tell them to take it home and carry their watch/tablet/laptop that they can get/respond to texts without the tracking location being on with that device.
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
My best friend drove me to work the other day. We missed a turn and had to take a detour. Not two blocks after that missed turn, his girlfriend calls him asking where he’s going lmao
I would be willing to share locations because I worry about people and don’t want them to worry about me, but I’ll toss this phone in a Blendtec blender before I install an application that gives some creep in fuckin Dayton Ohio my and my girlfriend’s GPS coordinates 24/7. Tasker does the job well enough anyhow
JackbyDev@programming.dev 8 months ago
I’ll toss this phone in a Blendtec blender
Oof, iSmoke. Don’t breathe this!
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I think they did an iPhone, I know for a fact they did an iPad.
Portosian@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I’ve never read bothered with relationships, and everytime I see some shit like this, it validates that choice.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 8 months ago
This is atypical.
Ostrichgrif@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It CC we’s not uncommon honestly. From someone in their mid twenties I’d say at minimum 40% of people I know in a relationship have something like this set up and that’s being generous. I’ve never done it and no person I’ve dated has pushed it but it’s far from atypical
qyron@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
Meanwhile, I often work with immediate risk of death or injury and, by law, I can not be equipped with a panic button for rescue purposes, as it is deemed unlawful surveillance of the worker.
I am supposed to warn in advance what work I will be doing and agree on a reasonable time window for it to be done safely, before having to call in again to say I am not yet dead and if the task is done or not.
phutatorius@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
by law, I can not be equipped with a panic button for rescue purposes, as it is deemed unlawful surveillance of the worker
That makes no sense. What country and what law? For one example, GDPR has an exemption for cases like that. And for another, how can it be surveillance when the communication is initiated by the worker as part of their job?
qyron@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
I’m in Portugal.
I’ve asked if such devices could be supplied and I was given pretty much the same explanation I supplied here.
Strangely enough, vehicles can be legally tracked, in real time, yet the company I work at has some union agreement that prevents such installation in the work vehicles.
It’s a mess.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I think I would make an exception to that law for a panic button or other emergency device that only transmits when activated, like a ship’s EPIRB or an aircraft’s ELT.
qyron@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
It’s strange. Apparently it is one of those situations where the possibilty of something very useful being easily abused by companies to spy on their people is too great.
ChaoticEntropy@feddit.uk 8 months ago
If I was actively sharing locations with someone and theirs just abruptly vanished, I’d be concerned that something happened to them… either share or don’t share.
jerkface@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
It’s really disturbing how everyone sees this practice through the lens of trust. Can you really think of no other reasons? Absurd.
ChaoticEntropy@feddit.uk 8 months ago
“I trust you enough to monitor me at all times. :)”
“I don’t trust you enough not to. (:”
bigbabybilly@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Quit cheating or split up. It’s not complicated.
BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Also like, have we all forgotten about the possibility of someone having two phones.
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Yes, most sane persons I know have disavowed the entire concept of being with someone else.
And archaic leftover of a more dependant age.
Now it’s just handcuffs with no upside
Ending cheating is as easy as ending “being in a couple”
and for people who can imagine life without this crutch
it becomes more and more foreign why anyone
would ever accept such an oppressive custom into their householdrat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Could you explain what you mean by calling it an oppressive custom? Personally, I love being with someone. It has the upside of me getting to enjoy companionship with another human being, and it doesn’t feel like handcuffs. Sometimes I have to do things that I wouldn’t do otherwise for the sake of my partner’s feelings/wellbeing, but isn’t that the case in all relationships? Romantic, familial, platonic, or otherwise? If my partner wants me to do something I’m truly uncomfortable with (like allowing them to track my location), and we can’t agree on a compromise, I’d just end that relationship and find someone I’m more compatible with.
Jaybird@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Install a ROM on your phone and claim it no longer works on there :-)
viking@infosec.pub 8 months ago
Yeah right, rather than stand your ground, lie in your partners face.
Jaybird@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Oh guys I’m kidding of course. I was going with the OP’s theme here.
Should have added something like ‘/s’ I guess?
jhymesba@lemmy.world 8 months ago
My wife and I have location sharing enabled in case something happens to one of us. We usually don’t use it, but its good to have when we need to meet up at an unfamiliar place after something goes sideways for one of us.
But if your SO doesn’t trust you enough to allow you private moments and would accuse you of cheating, your relationship isn’t based on trust and thus is very weak.
supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
Do we all really think this is a great idea when fascism and toxic masculinity are catastrophically growing globally like a late stage mestastized cancer?
Do you think enabling all those men to abusively control their spouses is just the forward march of technological progress?
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I assumed the quote in the article was a man talking about his woman would think he’s cheating.
jumping_redditor@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
same
SonOfAntenora@lemmy.world 8 months ago
a common way to keep tabs on friends, family and romantic partners so I allow the app to alert him each time I reach my front door. In a disappointingly heteronormative and retrograde move, I’m more interested in knowing when he goes out – where’s he off to now? – and set up my own notifications accordingly. Having grown up with the internet, gen Z are, generally, more comfortable sharing their data online; Snapchat, the social media platform notoriously most popular with younger users, has long incorporated location sharing with its Snap Maps feature.
Does anyone even have a private moment at all? Also if I were to cheat I’d leave my phone in a very specific spot if I can. Faux location services may work, but mostly switching to a feature phone seems to be secret trick that shuts down these app fueled nightmare.
Oh, sorry, the battery is down I had to switch to my old phone for a moment! When did we stop having private moments and thoughts? I like tech when it aides me, but recently it has been feeding off my personal time and even some order of thoughts in ways it didn’t do before. It almost feels like it tries to fix and set up human emotions in ways that are forced.
Do you want technology to replace normal communication and socialisation skills? Or does it even matter to you that it is what happens now. Remember that only a few years before nobody followed you all the day, and even the internet access was relegated to a computer room. How far have we come from that?
crapwittyname@feddit.uk 8 months ago
PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Snapchat, the social media platform notoriously most popular with younger users, has long incorporated location sharing with its Snap Maps feature
Fuck me. I dont even share my first and last name with any social media site, much less my photo. My current location? The fuck is wrong with people?
SonOfAntenora@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Having public social media can be useful. And it was always possible even before (oh yes MySpace). My issue is having this eternal access as a proof of existance on you all the time. I am fine with the idea of having a public life, what triggers me is the normalisation of surveillance from subjects who never had the concept of being surveillance actors in the first place.
Not to mention, how many abusive partners are already using this feature already? I guess many more than just jealus couples. Airtags had the same problems, but thera are apps to let you spot them, even than they’re an invasive technology. Position sharing can be invasive too. Even voluntary sharing is probably worse than we think.
There are few cases where i can think this as a useful feature, like incidents or other unspecified situations.
The one thing that stands out is that this is active constantly. It’s not situational. The article doesn’t do a good job at detailing the possible abuses of the function but they’re there, they were the same with gps trackers and airtags. Gps devices are notoriously expensive relative to these alternatives so nowadays only a certain person would use them.
roserose56@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
Then brake up with her! Why you stay with partner that do not trust you? Yea not everything works perfect inba relationship, but people should allow some space.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Why you stay with partner that do not trust you?
Because the dating scene sucks.
That’s sort of the irony of it all. People are terrified of being cheated on, because it implies their partner has an attractive alternative they found with mysterious ease. Meanwhile, they’re stuck trawling for singles in the gutter.
But it’s illusionary. Hot Single MILFs are not, in fact, In Your Area Waiting To Fuck. Being single, particularly when you’re older, is miserable for a lot of people.
MashedTech@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I have location sharing between me and my friends because… What if something happens to any of us? That’s it, nothing else, I don’t spy on them.
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Immature crap like this makes me very grateful to be a grownup married to a grownup.
Taleya@aussie.zone 8 months ago
Same. I have no idea if the husband even uses location services
Demdaru@lemmy.world 8 months ago
So we have two camps.
-
It’s a tool to be used and it’s a good thing to exists and I have it enabled forever
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Keep a gun pointed at it at all occasions and even if you use it, do so with heavy restrictions
I trust my partner and my partner trusts me but the idea of stalking her via app is mindboggling and, honestly, disgusting to me. Like a dog on a leash, always observed, always controlled. That\s some pathologic shit going on. Trust your partner dammit. Ya all have issues.
On the other hand though being violently agaisnt it cuz “oh my god privacy” is also funny. The recipent is your partner. Setting it up for some specific use case shouldn’t be a bother. It can be extremely usefull for example for grabbing shit in a mall - if you are not interested in going to the same shop, enable it, split, get what you need, join back, disable it.
What I am getting at is - it’s a tool, but an invasive and overly controlling one. Use it how you wish but do not perceive having it on constantly as normal. It literally sounds disgusting.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
The specified recipient is your partner.
But that data gets created, so it’s vulnerable. Commercial aps on your phone, sketchy apps youve never heard of like facebook, google services, and potentially something from your carrier, plus the government in mosy cases, will have access, phone home, record it.
Then it gets transmitted to your partner somebody('s code) does this. Even if it’s e2ee, you need a program to do that, abd the general rule with phone apps is that your data is being sold.
Then it gets to your partners phone, where it is again vulnerable to third parties their apps etc.
stevedice@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
My wife and I have our location shared with each other 24/7. Furthermore, my sister also has mine and my wife has her sister’s. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with safety. Perhaps the real lack of trust is not assuming your partner will use your location to control you.
Demdaru@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Being tracked is control enough for me. But I do understand it in dangerous situations, returning through forest at night etc.
supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
No, that is creepy and you have just normalized it.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
For me, privacy is safety. The thing im most worried about is the government snatching me up in the night.
IsoKiero@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
The recipent is your partner.
And provider of whatever service you use to share your location. Being a bit paranoid about your privacy in this day and age is not just fearmongering and tinfoil-hats.
It can be extremely usefull for example for grabbing shit in a mall
Or communicate in advance that it’ll take 30 minutes for you to find your shit and then meet up at a cafe, by car, at lobby or whatever. Live location doesn’t add anything to that, assuming it even works reliably enough inside buildings.
phutatorius@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Live location doesn’t add anything
Yeah, seriously, how did society function before GPS?
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pyre@lemmy.world 8 months ago
if you believe the only reason your partner isn’t cheating is that you’d find out via location share; what the fuck is the point?
piecat@lemmy.world 8 months ago
There’s always gps spoofing via debug mode too
kepix@lemmy.world 8 months ago
today the guardian almost wrote something about a real concern that totally happened with sane people
sturmblast@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Sounds like trust issues
smiletolerantly@awful.systems 8 months ago
When we need to know each others location, we share it via element / matrix. Our own server, so no third party.
Happens maybe four times a year.
(Also, do you just always have location services enabled?? IMO it’s a battery drain, I pretty much only enable it for this and while I need to navigate)
Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Nobody to answer to (and share my location).
Despite being somewhat aware of the privacy concerns of having location services always enabled, the potential of having access to finding my phone based on the service to find it (Apples and Googles feature) is more important (to me).
Same reason I have cellular always enabled.Main reason I keep location services enabled is for geo-tagged photos.
At first I always kept it disabled because of privacy trust issues (e.g. sharing a picture might not always strip the geotags) but since going on a vacation in sri lanka and being able to trace back a picture to a location it became a very useful feature.Example from my vacation in Sri Lanka:
ImageRedex68@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Yeah I’d turn off location tracking where it not for photo geostamps. It’s so useful and fun to track down photos.
diptchip@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You’ll never be able to stop someone that wants to cheat. Best you can do is be funner and sexier than anyone your partner might be around. Never understood why that’s so hard for some people.
Obi@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
That’s the gist of the success of my marriage. Even before we met, we both had reached a point of maturity where we were confident in ourselves as single people, and then from that solid base you can build the relationship in a healthy way. We both try to be the best to our partner, while being ultimately independent. These over-jealous people are using their relationship as a crutch for life so they’re terrified of it going wrong. Either that or they’re guilty themselves and projecting.
Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
So essentially very good friends that chose to live together + benefits of being in a deeper relationship?
Sounds healthy indeed! Wish you the best to keep that bond :)
MellowYellow13@lemmy.world 8 months ago
If you have to use these things in a relationship, then you already have a problem.
Mangoholic@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
This is the correct take.
EnsignWashout@startrek.website 8 months ago
My partner and I used to use location sharing pretty much 100% of the time. We just felt better knowing we could find each other.
But today, we do not, because the trust is shattered.
Google just cannot be trusted with our locations.
ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
We use a self hosted reitti instance instead now
Routhinator@startrek.website 8 months ago
Home Assistant
Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
(And hoping the location sharing doesnt leak to other applications).
suodrazah@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Seconded.
And having each other’s location is really helpful. I’m nervous if my partner doesn’t know where I am.
Liberal_Ghost@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
You are still sharing it with google if you have an android phone lol
Bluewing@lemmy.world 8 months ago
And you don’t think iPhones and Apple don’t know your location?
Joeffect@lemmy.world 8 months ago
they still have it… if your using an android phone at least… and your cell provider…
Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Same for any other phone manufacturer. I won’t trust Apple any more than I do with Google.
The only ones I’d actually trust to keep it somewhat private and probably LineageOS and GrapheneOS (no experience with gOS)
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
If my partner could check my location at any time, how would I keep bday and anniversary gifts secret? The places where I go to buy things for her are not places I would normally go. She only has to randomly check one time when I’m at an unusual location for her to ask why and then I have to lie. Not worth it.
We use temporary sharing (can limit to one hour) when meeting somewhere. Beyond that, it’s a potential liability.
Example: she once got upset that I wanted to go to the mail room (apt building) alone and didn’t want her to go with me. She wanted to know what I was hiding. Turned out to be her bday gift and it was just in the commercial packaging with a shipping label. I let her go get it and she’s never been suspicious of my motives since (this was at the very start of our relationship and we hadn’t established the level of trust that we have now).
Anyway, again, the one-hour sharing is all we need.
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Sounds like you guys have some serious trust issues. If sharing your location with each other devolves that quickly, it ain’t the tech making problems.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
I already stated that it only happened once at the start of the relationship. I trust my partner completely and she has never second-guessed me since.
RagingRobot@lemmy.world 8 months ago
To share my location with my partner I need to share it with a third part also and I’m pretty selective about that so I never even signed up for this kind of thing.
I use location services but just leave them off until I need them. I’m not super hard to find anyways
moseschrute@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Me and my partner share locations. Never once have we done this. It’s purely a logistical thing. 10x faster to check someone’s location when you’re supposed to meet them instead of testing them “wya”.
gangdinesout@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It’s also really great when someone is driving to pick you up. You can see how far out they are, and be ready when they arrive.
Harrk@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Same. I don’t even recall setting it up until I stumbled on it one day and could track my wife. I pulled a few pranks until I revealed my hand but we’ve never turned it off. There’s nothing malicious about it and we’re both happy to keep it on.
FuckFascism@lemmy.world 8 months ago
That’s creepy af
null_dot@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
If the only thing stopping your partner from cheating is location sharing then you’ve got problems.