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Have vendor take you out to lunch.
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Walk into bosses office and regurgitate the lunch onto their desk.
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Profit?
When you work for a company owned by a A..hole
Submitted 2 days ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/1673772d-81fe-4421-a635-ed70ee44051e.png
Comments
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Take long enough and you can just shit on the boss’s desk, slap down the paper, and be mad at their ungrateful attitude for bringing back lunch.
_stranger_@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Take a picture of the shit and add it to the expense report. Make sure you notate that you did not keep the gift and instead rescinded ownership to your boss.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Let’s be fair: by that stage you should probably also draw some blood and leave it there.
Wouldn’t want to be unwittingly keeping from the boss the nutrients from that free meal.
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
For good measure, you should skip breakfast and make sure you have a big lunch.
No reason to give your boss any of your breakfast tho. That’s on your time.
Intheflsun@lemmy.world 2 days ago
If you’re in the USA, please feel fee to photograph and submit to NLRB for review. They like it when the guilty type it up and post it.
Jimmycakes@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Nlrb is dead in the trump era. Rip
Ledivin@lemmy.world 2 days ago
State Labor boards should be largely unaffected, and are usually the ones to actually punish the offenders anyway.
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
We need to start recognizing corporate greed as a mental disorder. This is a company large enough that employees don’t interact with the owner directly, and all the profits from the company aren’t enough for the owner: they also want the pen the delivery guy gave you. It’s a sickness.
ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 hours ago
The Native Americans recognized a greed sickness in white men. They called it watika, IIRC.
dotslashme@infosec.pub 11 hours ago
Thanks for this! Watiko look like an interesting rabbit hole to explore.
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Both derivatives I find of that word come outside the Americas. One from Africa meaning creative, the other from Hindu meaning garden. Where did you see that?
ThatGuy46475@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Some companies would tell you not to take gifts in case they look like bribes
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 2 days ago
When I worked for a major database company they made me take annual training to explain that I wasn’t allowed to buy sex workers for potential clients.
bacon_pdp@lemmy.world 2 days ago
So Oracle.
Was after the catapult incident?
Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.world 1 day ago
My handbook at work specifically bans buying illicit drugs for customers with the company card.
It doesn’t say anything about buying it with my card and getting reimbursed though…
Intheflsun@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Duh, buying them would be capex. No one wants to do depreciation. Short term lease with a damage clause.
Redredme@lemmy.world 1 day ago
“buy”
So renting is not an issue! Or as a Service…
So many options left. Next time I talk to big red I’ll ask the rep about his interpretation of this training.
;)
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
…it feels like they told you whixh sex workers not to hire.
red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
One place i worked at collected all gifts and had a lottery at Christmas, where employees could win them. I feel that’s a fair way to deal with this.
Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Oh that’s neat! I bet it could get out of hand though at a particularly high dollar company
scytale@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
That’s true, but this directs them to the owner anyway, which is the same thing. It just goes to someone else. If this was actually anti-bribery policy, gifts should not be accepted full stop.
swizzlestick@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Vinstaal0@feddit.nl 1 day ago
In some type of job it is even illegal
riquisimo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 hours ago
This is because the gifts must be tossed in the hole. The hole that runs the company. Because the company is run by a hole.
Once the hole is filled the company dies and you are free.
Source: I fill holes.
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 1 day ago
Food? So if a client takes me for a meal I have to make sure to vomit it onto my boss’ desk when I get back to the office?
Rubanski@discuss.tchncs.de 6 hours ago
It’s all about the proper regurgitating technique
amorangi@lemmy.nz 11 hours ago
You can generally wait 2 or 3 days before giving him the food. Of course by then it’s been processed.
SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Obviously not. You order it to go, sit there awkwardly while the client eats, then bring the box of cold food to the manager who the gives it to the owner eventually.
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Vomiting is not as much fun as waiting for it to be ready for you to deposit on the boss’ desk the other way.
don@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
True, but it’s good to have options.
Gork@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Yes. Malicious compliance.
JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 1 day ago
This is illegal most places. Might want to look into that.
Luccus@feddit.org 1 day ago
Once a user came into our office on the verge of tears. Her notebook wouldn’t boot and she thought that meant her thesis was lost.
Didn’t make a backup either.
But luckily it was the mainboard that quit and not the SSD. So we were able to decrypt it and get her up and running again. After we told her to make a backup next time, she was so happy that she wanted to give us money. We refused.
Come next day, she stormed in, without saying a word. Just threw a pile of candy and a handful of soft drinks on our table and ran off before we could do anything about it.
Fuck you, boss. That’s our candy now.
Frostbeard@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Thats a great feeling. I did extremely low level tech support for other students while at uni. in 2003 (Think issuing user names, filling copy paper, sorting out storage spave allocation on the shared drives.) Small part time job that paid for boze. A girl came in with a 3.5" floppy disk on the verge of tears and said she couldn’t get the file on it. It was her master thesis and the only place she had stored it. We still had floppy disk drives and I slitted it in and used a dos shell to acess a: but nothing. No disk in drive. I took the floppy out and noticed that the metal protection of the actuall disk (that soft plastic circle) didn’t slide properly. To me it looked like the spring was just to worn and had no tension. Took it of and could then access the files on it. Error was that the spring wasn’t able to slide the metal protector away when inserted into the reader.
Copied the files to her “home” area, sent a copy by email and gave her a new floppy with the files and told her about the importance of back ups.
The sheer look of relief and gratitude was priceless.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
The whole story just warms my heart.
umbraroze@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
Yeah, that company has red flags.
Red flag number 1: the contents of the note
Red flag number 2: using duct tape to attach the note to the wall. Hints at a huge managerial Skill Issue.
TheRealKuni@lemmy.world 1 day ago
A proper company would instead be talking about compliance and how gifts of really any meaningful value have to be rejected outright.
fadhl3y@feddit.uk 12 hours ago
Client gifted me a truck load of manure
F_OFF_Reddit@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
make me
ornery_chemist@mander.xyz 2 days ago
Pretty sure I just got ~anti-bribery~ ethics and compliance training that said no one in my company is allowed to accept such gifts lol
echodot@feddit.uk 1 day ago
Yeah we had that training. Not that anyone ever offers me bribes anyway.
It’s like all the lies about the drug dealers giving kids free drugs. Never happens.
Evotech@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Same
altphoto@lemmy.today 1 day ago
In our company this is a bribe and we don’t accept bribes.
Limonene@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Last company where I faced external suppliers, I had to take a training where they said we couldn’t accept any item worth more than like $20, except food or alcohol during a presentation. But we could accept such items on behalf of the company, and they would be raffled off to a random employee. One time a guy in purchasing got a giant brass horse head from a Chinese supplier. I guess nobody signed up for the raffle, so it became a permanent fixture in the cafeteria.
deltapi@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Same in ours.
Myself and another guy went to a tech junket that was by invite only and they gave away a laptop to one person from each company who attended. My boss tried to take the laptop from the other guy saying “that was a gift and you need to turn it over to me”
I’d already cleared it with our corporate conflict of interest ombudsman - if I’d accepted it, it would have been an issue because I had purchasing authority, but other guy was “just” a tech who couldn’t sign off on anything or even make recommendations to anyone other than me, we didn’t have an existing business relationship with the vendor, and we’re not obligated to conduct any business with them as a result of the gift.
I told my boss to take it up with head-of-department (whom I’d copied in on the ombudsman comms.)
Other guy kept the laptop, and boss got ‘audited’ for gifts received (they pulled his emails) and was demoted into a position he wasn’t able to handle (more technical than he was capable of, but on paper should have been able to do) and pushed out of the company soon thereafter.
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 1 day ago
What are you, a cop?
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 1 day ago
They can’t be a cop, they don’t accept bribes.
renzhexiangjiao@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
usually, you're supposed to turn down the gift, this is just wrong
Natanael@infosec.pub 1 day ago
I’ve heard stories of clients giving gifts getting pissed when the wrong person claims them, so it’s risky for not just legal reasons
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 1 day ago
The only time I’ve ever had to agree to anything like this in writing was when I worked for a publicly-traded company.
jhoff90@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Do these people work for the government 🤔
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 2 days ago
I would simply refuse all gifts rather than give them to the owner.
binarytobis@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Better to just accept the gifts for yourself and let them fire you. I imagine a juicy wrongful termination suit would be appropriate.
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
Explain to the client that your refusing because of the policy that all gifts must go to the owner.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 day ago
Even better. Make clients look for better companies.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Best start having takeaway cups at home next time somebody comes by to install something, just in case they need to take the gift which is my offering of coffee or tea, to their bosses…
jaupsinluggies@feddit.uk 1 day ago
“Oh, thanks! What I’d like is some extremely hot sauce in a bottle labelled ‘ketchup’”.
Grimtuck@lemmy.world 1 day ago
That lovely aged fish in a can from Scandinavia called Surströmming. Make sure to ask for that.
Little8Lost@lemmy.world 1 day ago
or mayo in a pudding glass
the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 1 day ago
No.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 day ago
lol
Usually these things will just say you can’t accept such items because it could be considered a bribe or at the very least unprofessional. And here we have an asshole straight up saying “give your bribes to me!”
the_q@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
The whole schmoozing (bribing) culture is messed up regardless of who is on the receiving end.
jim@lemmy.today 2 days ago
They hang notices with duct tape…
kaklerbitmap@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Not saying a business/person wouldn’t try to do something this shitty, but this seems like such a low effort thing to fake. Literally just a word doc printed out and duct taped to a wall.
lennee@lemmy.world 2 days ago
i would just consider those not property of the owner considering anyone can consider anything to be anything
Treczoks@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Time to update you CV and head elsewhere.
crazycraw@crazypeople.online 2 days ago
“the beatings will continue until morale improves.”
Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 2 days ago
When I’d get stuff, I’d always offer it to the employees first. My employees used to encourage vendors to show up to get free stuff. I’d let them get whatever they could. One employee got free night vision goggles.
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Yeah, I’m a manager and I fully encourage my staff to take tips and gifts even though it’s against company policy. If a client offers a tip, I normally respond with something like “I don’t take tips, but if you and the part-timer want to to walk around the corner where there’s no security cameras, I’ll stay right here so I don’t see any money change hands.”
The part-timers need the money more than I do anyways. $50 won’t make a huge difference to me, but could be the determining factor in whether or not the part-timer has enough gas money to get to class next week. Plus they’re the actual boots on the ground making sure the day-to-day runs smoothly. I’m just doing paperwork and hanging out in case any big issues pop up.
UncleGrandPa@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Why does HE get to make a unilateral decision on a subject of legal ownership. When did he get elected to the Legislature?
w00t@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
Oh the second hand embarrassment…
synapse1278@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
My company forces everyone to take a training that must be repeated every year, teaching us that we have to always refuse gifts because of corruption and collision laws.
antbricks@lemmy.today 7 hours ago
I can only hope that was an autocorrect, otherwise you’d better retake that training. Or maybe full-contact corrupting is a thing now…
synapse1278@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I meant collusion 😅