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Have vendor take you out to lunch.
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Walk into bosses office and regurgitate the lunch onto their desk.
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Profit?
When you work for a company owned by a A..hole
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/1673772d-81fe-4421-a635-ed70ee44051e.png
Comments
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Take long enough and you can just shit on the boss’s desk, slap down the paper, and be mad at their ungrateful attitude for bringing back lunch.
_stranger_@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Take a picture of the shit and add it to the expense report. Make sure you notate that you did not keep the gift and instead rescinded ownership to your boss.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Let’s be fair: by that stage you should probably also draw some blood and leave it there.
Wouldn’t want to be unwittingly keeping from the boss the nutrients from that free meal.
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
For good measure, you should skip breakfast and make sure you have a big lunch.
No reason to give your boss any of your breakfast tho. That’s on your time.
ThatGuy46475@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Some companies would tell you not to take gifts in case they look like bribes
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
When I worked for a major database company they made me take annual training to explain that I wasn’t allowed to buy sex workers for potential clients.
bacon_pdp@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
So Oracle.
Was after the catapult incident?
Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
My handbook at work specifically bans buying illicit drugs for customers with the company card.
It doesn’t say anything about buying it with my card and getting reimbursed though…
Intheflsun@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Duh, buying them would be capex. No one wants to do depreciation. Short term lease with a damage clause.
Redredme@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
“buy”
So renting is not an issue! Or as a Service…
So many options left. Next time I talk to big red I’ll ask the rep about his interpretation of this training.
;)
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
…it feels like they told you whixh sex workers not to hire.
red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
One place i worked at collected all gifts and had a lottery at Christmas, where employees could win them. I feel that’s a fair way to deal with this.
Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Oh that’s neat! I bet it could get out of hand though at a particularly high dollar company
scytale@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
That’s true, but this directs them to the owner anyway, which is the same thing. It just goes to someone else. If this was actually anti-bribery policy, gifts should not be accepted full stop.
swizzlestick@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Vinstaal0@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
In some type of job it is even illegal
ornery_chemist@mander.xyz 3 weeks ago
Pretty sure I just got ~anti-bribery~ ethics and compliance training that said no one in my company is allowed to accept such gifts lol
echodot@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Yeah we had that training. Not that anyone ever offers me bribes anyway.
It’s like all the lies about the drug dealers giving kids free drugs. Never happens.
Evotech@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Same
renzhexiangjiao@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
usually, you're supposed to turn down the gift, this is just wrong
Natanael@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
I’ve heard stories of clients giving gifts getting pissed when the wrong person claims them, so it’s risky for not just legal reasons
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
The only time I’ve ever had to agree to anything like this in writing was when I worked for a publicly-traded company.
Luccus@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Once a user came into our office on the verge of tears. Her notebook wouldn’t boot and she thought that meant her thesis was lost.
Didn’t make a backup either.
But luckily it was the mainboard that quit and not the SSD. So we were able to decrypt it and get her up and running again. After we told her to make a backup next time, she was so happy that she wanted to give us money. We refused.
Come next day, she stormed in, without saying a word. Just threw a pile of candy and a handful of soft drinks on our table and ran off before we could do anything about it.
Fuck you, boss. That’s our candy now.
Frostbeard@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Thats a great feeling. I did extremely low level tech support for other students while at uni. in 2003 (Think issuing user names, filling copy paper, sorting out storage spave allocation on the shared drives.) Small part time job that paid for boze. A girl came in with a 3.5" floppy disk on the verge of tears and said she couldn’t get the file on it. It was her master thesis and the only place she had stored it. We still had floppy disk drives and I slitted it in and used a dos shell to acess a: but nothing. No disk in drive. I took the floppy out and noticed that the metal protection of the actuall disk (that soft plastic circle) didn’t slide properly. To me it looked like the spring was just to worn and had no tension. Took it of and could then access the files on it. Error was that the spring wasn’t able to slide the metal protector away when inserted into the reader.
Copied the files to her “home” area, sent a copy by email and gave her a new floppy with the files and told her about the importance of back ups.
The sheer look of relief and gratitude was priceless.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
The whole story just warms my heart.
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Food? So if a client takes me for a meal I have to make sure to vomit it onto my boss’ desk when I get back to the office?
SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Obviously not. You order it to go, sit there awkwardly while the client eats, then bring the box of cold food to the manager who the gives it to the owner eventually.
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Vomiting is not as much fun as waiting for it to be ready for you to deposit on the boss’ desk the other way.
don@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
True, but it’s good to have options.
amorangi@lemmy.nz 3 weeks ago
You can generally wait 2 or 3 days before giving him the food. Of course by then it’s been processed.
Gork@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
Yes. Malicious compliance.
Rubanski@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
It’s all about the proper regurgitating technique
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
We need to start recognizing corporate greed as a mental disorder. This is a company large enough that employees don’t interact with the owner directly, and all the profits from the company aren’t enough for the owner: they also want the pen the delivery guy gave you. It’s a sickness.
ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
The Native Americans recognized a greed sickness in white men. They called it watika, IIRC.
dotslashme@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
Thanks for this! Watiko look like an interesting rabbit hole to explore.
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Both derivatives I find of that word come outside the Americas. One from Africa meaning creative, the other from Hindu meaning garden. Where did you see that?
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 3 weeks ago
I would simply refuse all gifts rather than give them to the owner.
binarytobis@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Better to just accept the gifts for yourself and let them fire you. I imagine a juicy wrongful termination suit would be appropriate.
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Explain to the client that your refusing because of the policy that all gifts must go to the owner.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 3 weeks ago
Even better. Make clients look for better companies.
umbraroze@slrpnk.net 3 weeks ago
Yeah, that company has red flags.
Red flag number 1: the contents of the note
Red flag number 2: using duct tape to attach the note to the wall. Hints at a huge managerial Skill Issue.
TheRealKuni@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
A proper company would instead be talking about compliance and how gifts of really any meaningful value have to be rejected outright.
JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
This is illegal most places. Might want to look into that.
jaupsinluggies@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
“Oh, thanks! What I’d like is some extremely hot sauce in a bottle labelled ‘ketchup’”.
Grimtuck@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
That lovely aged fish in a can from Scandinavia called Surströmming. Make sure to ask for that.
Little8Lost@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
or mayo in a pudding glass
altphoto@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
In our company this is a bribe and we don’t accept bribes.
deltapi@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Same in ours.
Myself and another guy went to a tech junket that was by invite only and they gave away a laptop to one person from each company who attended. My boss tried to take the laptop from the other guy saying “that was a gift and you need to turn it over to me”
I’d already cleared it with our corporate conflict of interest ombudsman - if I’d accepted it, it would have been an issue because I had purchasing authority, but other guy was “just” a tech who couldn’t sign off on anything or even make recommendations to anyone other than me, we didn’t have an existing business relationship with the vendor, and we’re not obligated to conduct any business with them as a result of the gift.
I told my boss to take it up with head-of-department (whom I’d copied in on the ombudsman comms.)
Other guy kept the laptop, and boss got ‘audited’ for gifts received (they pulled his emails) and was demoted into a position he wasn’t able to handle (more technical than he was capable of, but on paper should have been able to do) and pushed out of the company soon thereafter.
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
What are you, a cop?
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
They can’t be a cop, they don’t accept bribes.
altphoto@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
Wait, if I am, do I have to tell you?
Limonene@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Last company where I faced external suppliers, I had to take a training where they said we couldn’t accept any item worth more than like $20, except food or alcohol during a presentation. But we could accept such items on behalf of the company, and they would be raffled off to a random employee. One time a guy in purchasing got a giant brass horse head from a Chinese supplier. I guess nobody signed up for the raffle, so it became a permanent fixture in the cafeteria.
synapse1278@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
My company forces everyone to take a training that must be repeated every year, teaching us that we have to always refuse gifts because of corruption and collision laws.
antbricks@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
I can only hope that was an autocorrect, otherwise you’d better retake that training. Or maybe full-contact corrupting is a thing now…
synapse1278@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I meant collusion 😅
Kolanaki@pawb.social 3 weeks ago
lol
Usually these things will just say you can’t accept such items because it could be considered a bribe or at the very least unprofessional. And here we have an asshole straight up saying “give your bribes to me!”
the_q@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
The whole schmoozing (bribing) culture is messed up regardless of who is on the receiving end.
jim@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
They hang notices with duct tape…
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Best start having takeaway cups at home next time somebody comes by to install something, just in case they need to take the gift which is my offering of coffee or tea, to their bosses…
the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
No.
lennee@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
i would just consider those not property of the owner considering anyone can consider anything to be anything
Treczoks@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Time to update you CV and head elsewhere.
crazycraw@crazypeople.online 3 weeks ago
“the beatings will continue until morale improves.”
Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
When I’d get stuff, I’d always offer it to the employees first. My employees used to encourage vendors to show up to get free stuff. I’d let them get whatever they could. One employee got free night vision goggles.
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Yeah, I’m a manager and I fully encourage my staff to take tips and gifts even though it’s against company policy. If a client offers a tip, I normally respond with something like “I don’t take tips, but if you and the part-timer want to to walk around the corner where there’s no security cameras, I’ll stay right here so I don’t see any money change hands.”
The part-timers need the money more than I do anyways. $50 won’t make a huge difference to me, but could be the determining factor in whether or not the part-timer has enough gas money to get to class next week. Plus they’re the actual boots on the ground making sure the day-to-day runs smoothly. I’m just doing paperwork and hanging out in case any big issues pop up.
UncleGrandPa@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Why does HE get to make a unilateral decision on a subject of legal ownership. When did he get elected to the Legislature?
fadhl3y@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Client gifted me a truck load of manure
w00t@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Oh the second hand embarrassment…
ieatpwns@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I dont know how to read
Kurious84@eviltoast.org 3 weeks ago
Isn’t that a bribe?
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
bribes are for preferential treatment.
gifts are given to people who help you out and appreciate your efforts.
all this does is tells employees that customer satisfaction isn’t a concern and they only have to make sure the customers are satisfied enough to not complain with zero effort to reward employees that go above and beyond the role.
if you work in a place like this, wake up. you’re a cog in an orphan grinding machine.
Asafum@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
This is probably one of the few places my job doesn’t do it horribly.
Any gifts that aren’t perishable get saved up and then before Christmas we do a grab bag type thing where we all take a number and pick a “present” from the swag we’ve been sent.
The only way they do it “wrong” is that the perishables (usually cookies) always go to the office and we never get them on the factory floor! I want cookies DAMNIT!! Lol
mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
My office is bad about the cookie thing too. My office is split across two different buildings.
I have worked here for several years, and we only found out a month ago that the main building has free bagels in the break room every Monday morning. The main building never bothered to tell us, because it’s donated from the local bagel shop as a “there until they’re all gone” situation. And the office drones in the main building didn’t want to share, so they just never told any of us in the secondary building.
We only found out because the bagel shop wanted to do an event in our secondary building. The main building was extremely pushy about us making sure it went well, and offered a bunch of free shit too. We finally chatted to the bagel shop owner about how odd it was that the main building was so invested. She casually dropped the “oh that’s probably just because of all the free bagels we send y’all every week haha” type of comment.
Did some digging, and sure enough the owner sends like a hundred bagels over to the main building every Monday morning. She always assumed that they were sharing, because it’s way too many bagels for just the primary building… But it turns out the employees over there were just hungry hippo’ing the break room table and taking like six bagels home every week.
F_OFF_Reddit@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
make me
Intheflsun@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
If you’re in the USA, please feel fee to photograph and submit to NLRB for review. They like it when the guilty type it up and post it.
Jimmycakes@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Nlrb is dead in the trump era. Rip
Ledivin@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
State Labor boards should be largely unaffected, and are usually the ones to actually punish the offenders anyway.