[deleted]
cuckolds Hitler’s dad discovers that paradoxes don’t exist the hard way
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Submitted 3 weeks ago by throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works to showerthoughts@lemmy.world
Comments
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
Burninator05@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
It wouldn’t be a paradox if Hitker’s dad wasn’t actual Hitler’s dad. It turns out you went back in time to make that deposit and give us the timeliness we know.
meme_historian@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Then get hit with the plot twist that it was your “bumping” that actually conceived Hitler
Lemming6969@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
This is the correct answer in any single chain deterministic universe… It always happened just like that.
BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Oh man, this happened with my wife too, just bumped into her and next thing you know she’s pregnant. I can’t believe how fertile I am sometimes.
Siegfried@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
We have our own hitlers living now. I think we should care about them first before thinking on time traveling
throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Maybe someone did send a time traveler. But idk why they sent a kid with zero training and no scope lmao. It was so fucking close.
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Everyone is always assuming that these time travelers have good intentions…
Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
The butterfly effect refers to divergent chaotic systems. Chaos in math isn’t the layman’s chaos. It doesn’t mean wild. It only means there is no closed form mathematical solution. For example stepping on a butterfly can’t affect the weather such that the moon would crash into the Earth.
Bumping into Hitler’s parents wouldn’t necessarily change anything. You have to do something drastic such that he was conceived days to weeks apart such that the sperm was completely different. Even a minor delay wouldn’t affect it because the sperm that fertilizes an egg isn’t random. There are selection hurdles in mobility that the sperm passes such that the most “fit” is likely the one that fertilizes the egg.
LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Chaos means that a small change in initial conditions can lead to drastically different places in the long term, so I think OP was using the idea correctly. Though I agree that just bumping into the parents may not be enough to push the system into another trajectory.
Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Chaos means that a small change in initial conditions can lead to drastically different places in the long term
Yes, what I was trying to explain is that it could (no closed form) but doesn’t necessarily mean that is must. A chain with 2 segments is a double pendulum, the classic simple chaotic system. If you hold a piece of chain and give it a light tap, it will move chaotically for a few seconds and then come back to rest. The system will not have changed. Even with a hard push, the chain can’t move beyond the limit of the links.
If you gave Hitler’s dad a push, he would stumble for a second (chaotically), then go back to walking (return to initial state). Nothing would change.
vrighter@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
No it doesn’t mean that. It means that tiny changes in input result in big changes in the output.
By your definition, a simple ellipse is chaotic. Which it clearly isn’t. Tiny changes in the axes result in tiny changes to its shape, and by extension its perimeter. Yet there is no closed form formula for the perimiter of an ellipse.
This could also be verified using a simple dictionary, not even a math textbook.
Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
A tiny change could mean a big change but it doesn’t mean that change is unlimited. For example a double pendulum is a classic chaotic system. There is no solution but that doesn’t mean the pendulum can move greater than the length of its segments. It’s still a bound system.
LeninsOvaries@lemmy.cafe 3 weeks ago
Kick his dad in the nards!
donuts@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Don’t like your highschool bully, just bump into their parents back in time. Or you know, “bump” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) into their parents
Forcing your high school bully to call you daddy is one hell of a power move
philpo@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Dude, don’t you think we tried that? The first time we got Schickelcutlerstalin for some reason who killed everyone with his out off-control biological weapons. Then for some fucking reason we got a fucking snake hitler!
And now we are all out of time-travel juice and locked down in a reality where hitler lived AND an orange is also hitler. Well, I had a little bit left,but a giant testicle came along, kicked me in my testicles,shouted “you want fucking Mother Theresa torturing everyone to death” and disappeared.
Now I am stuck here. Fuck.
olafurp@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
But fuck Hitler’s mom just to be safe
Moonrise2473@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
Plot twist: Hitler was actually your son and become like that because of a missing fatherly figure
MBech@feddit.dk 3 weeks ago
Then there’s a LOT of Hitlers in the making from absent fathers, children of lesbians etc. If missing a fatherly figure is what makes a person a nazi.
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Knowing what his father was like, it’s very likely that they’d still produce a horrible kid.
throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I doubt that a child assigned female at birth would be as horrible in that patriarchal and misogynistic environment.
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Ehh, people are capable of doing pretty nasty shit regardless of sex or gender. But on the other hand, had Hitler not been a cis man, it’d have been a lot harder to get in a position of power that’d enable hitler to do what he did. So I see your point.
Freshparsnip@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
I don’t believe it would prevent the holocaust though. If it wasn’t him, it would have been someone else.
Just like now, if it wasn’t Trump, the Heritage Foundation would have found another fuck to carry out their bidding. Fascism is a systemic issue.
throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I wonder what that other timeline is like where that dumbass kid actually aimed correctly at the rally.
Freshparsnip@lemm.ee 3 weeks ago
Would have been cool if Nikki Haley were the nominee and there would have been a female president no matter what
NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
B. F. Skinner would like a word
For twenty-five hundred years people have been preoccupied with feelings and mental life, but only recently has any interest been shown in a more precise analysis of the role of the environment. Ignorance of that role led in the first place to mental fictions, and it has been perpetuated by the explanatory practices to which they gave rise.
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
The real criticism of this plan is that whether you assassinate Hitler or just prevent his birth, it doesn’t solve the societal problems that led to the world wars. Hitler wouldn’t have happened, but the Germans would still feel snubbed by the outcome of the Great War
MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
That’s not how time works. If you go back in time and kill Hitler Hitler already happened in your timeline so he’s going to happen again. You can’t change things that already happened in your past.
iglou@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
It’s not like we actually know how time travel would work. Because, you know, it’s not currently a thing at all.
MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I think that it’s fairly settled theory that if you perceived it it happened. If you went back to the past and caused it not to happen then it wouldn’t have happened and you wouldn’t have perceived it. Basically, you can’t change what already happened because whatever you did in the past had already happened when you perceived and therefore nothing that you did changed anything.
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Time is a one-way linear progression, you can’t go back in the first place. Any fictional story where time travel happens necessarily has its own rules, and all interpretations are equally valid
MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I don’t think that space time works like that.
IphtashuFitz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
If the same geopolitical environment still led to World War II but with a different German leader then the outcome of the war could very well have ended differently.
Leading up to major invasions like like D-Day in Normandy and the invasion of Sicily the allies implemented major deceptions to confuse the Germans. Despite some senior leadership recognizing at least some aspects of those deceptions, Hitler himself fell for them pretty thoroughly and ordered troop movements that reduced German defenses where the attacks took place, and delayed moving them back because he still believed the deceptions were real. There are other examples of poor decisions by Hitler throughout the course of the war that proved helpful for the allies as well.
If Germany had a more qualified military leader running things then events like the Normandy D-Day invasion could have had a very different outcome. If the Germans had the Normandy beaches better defended then that invasion could very well have failed. And if that happened then there’s a good chance Germany could have won the war.
Jarix@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
If the Germans had the Normandy beaches better defended then that invasion could very well have failed. And if that happened then there’s a good chance Germany could have won the war.
But then the allies would not have made the same plan and would have done things differently as well.
An entirely different operation would have been planned.
It’s all just speculation, which IS fun, but it gets out of control very quickly… Like butchering the wheel of time and then having to try and make their show make any sense
rtxn@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
That’s not how any of this works. Not-quite-Hitler would still be exposed to the same influences and grow up to be the same person.
throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
But its technically not your timeline’s hitler anymore.
Who knows, maybe this offspring produced by the same parents turned out to be XX chromosomes (aka: assigned female at birth) and therefore would not be in the same trajectory given the extreme-patriarchal and misogynistic society at the time. Or maybe even if he turned out to be assigned male at birth, he would have a slighly different personality that cause him to get shot in WW1.
But either way, you still caused your hitler to cease to exist.
Spacehooks@reddthat.com 3 weeks ago
This is how we get the red alert timeline. Killing Hitler only makes a stronger enemy
TastyWheat@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
“Heetler… ees… out of de way.”
/cue Hell March
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
REform LINE! Quick MARCH!
SplashJackson@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Someone should go back in time and convince monke to stay in tree
dutchkimble@lemy.lol 3 weeks ago
What’s even the point man, the world will still find a way to shit on us
unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
yeah. you, your parents, your grandparents, all your people, GONE. never happened. different versions of same still happen, possibly even happy and flourishing. love that for them. Also Hitler still happened, under a different name.
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
It’s crazy to think how recently you could make a small change, and you would swap out almost all of the human race with people who were never born in this timeline. Consider the fact that you have 2¹ parents, 2² grandparents, 2³ great grandparents, etc. How far back do you need to go before the number of great×n grandparents is bigger than the population of the earth?
2³³ is over 8,000,000. That’s 33 generations. A generation is what, 25 years? That’s like 800 years ago. It is fair to assume that, isolated villages in China or wherever notwithstanding, you are descended from every single person who was alive 800 years ago (who still has living descendants). More so than that, everyone can safely assume the same.
You could swap out almost the entire population of the planet with a wholly different set of humans, if you just cockblocked any of your ancestors 1,000 years ago
rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Believe it or not… You’ve got Hitler Squared now 🤷♂️
rumba@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Butterfly effect is as likely to make him more dangerous as it is to make him less
bizzle@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I read a short story… I don’t remember the name of it… Anyway the guy goes back in time and kills Hitler, only to discover upon his return that everything was worse. So he went back and stopped himself.
thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 3 weeks ago
make his dad pull out
LOL
Jarix@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
TIL Adolfs parents were cousins
jeffw@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Just rape people, no murder needed!
Okay bud, thanks
throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
TIL Philip J Fry and Kyle Reese were rapists
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I’m really curious how you managed to read the post that badly. Like, what combination of words do you have to misinterpret to get to that conclusion?
jeffw@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Really curious how you didn’t think it through lol
FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 3 weeks ago
Let’s say you’re right and you’ve prevented the birth of Adolf or altered him to send him to another life trajectory. Who is to say that there wouldn’t be another mad person, naturally a man, who would rise to power and commit similar if not even worse crimes. It’s not only the person that made the fuehrer possible, it’s also everything happening in the world, especially politics at the time. So you’ve bumped Adolf but you’ve created Anton who was similarly radicalized but he wasn’t a landscape painter, he was a physics major and he made Germany develop nuclear weapons much faster. So now you have to go back and disturb Anton’s conception. Which brings about fuehrer Armin and so forth. You might be stuck in a time loop you’ll never be able to stop because you can’t control all the variables.
throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
They told me to “stop hitler” and I technically acomplished the mission. 🤷♂️
GuyFawkes@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
Just following orders?
sxan@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
Without the Holocaust, there’d have been no international horror over the atrocities of concentration camps, gas chambers, human experimentation, genocide. Anti-Jewish sentiment was rampant around the world.
Progressives made a lot of progress off the back of WWII, and the anti-fascist sentiment in the US that survived until the greatest generation died and their grandchildren took over. It’s entirely possible that, without WWII, the fascism we see in the US today would have happened much earlier, and we’d have run our own concentration camps.
Ironically, the people who probably would have benefited most from preventing “Hitler” would be the modern Palestinians, because without Hitler, Israel would not exist today, and it wouldn’t be carrying out a genocide.
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Reminds me a bit of the setting for the Red Alert series of games. Although there they actually go back in time and kill Hitler so different from the scenario in this post but the possible alternate timelines are fun to think about.