Heavy metal. Literally. Singing, listening, playing, headbanging to heavy metal. Just like listening to sad music helps with sadness because it provides a safe outlet for emotion. So does engaging with angry music. Some of the mildest and emotionally well adjusted people I’ve met were metal heads. And they were social activists as well.
What is a good, healthy, unhurtful, socially positive way to express anger?
Submitted 8 months ago by Dr_Satan@lemm.ee to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
dustyData@lemmy.world 8 months ago
DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I combine two of the suggestions in this post.
I blow off steam by simultaneously listening to, and lifting, heavy metal.
Bougie_Birdie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
ShellMonkey@lemmy.socdojo.com 8 months ago
uq.edu.au/…/head-banging-tunes-can-have-same-effe…
There have been a few similar studies that support this. Largely that it has a catharsis effect to let someone else be angry for you.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Listening to sad music can cause a spiral. Absolutely do not recommend unless you’ve specifically setup a playlist to transition emotionally and at least looked up how to do so in a healthy manner. (Like don’t go from sad songs to rage metal.)
Anticorp@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I’ve never found a better song for this than Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine.
WeeSheep@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Exercise and processing emotion without letting yourself explode from it. Then, assess how you felt and determine how to avoid the situation in the future. If possible, talk to the person or people who you would like to build a better, healthier relationship with. Or, leave that portion of your life if possible, if it is truly toxic.
thezeesystem@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Kill pixels and destroy the pixelated worlds of video games and then create a paradise in it.
DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world 8 months ago
What, and let those video games turn me into a serial killer?
Pepsi@kbin.social 8 months ago
I’m convinced that there is around 50% of the general adult population that has zero emotional intelligence and lives in a state of emotional ping pong. Just raw emotional energy that is entirely at the whim of whatever happens to be in their line of sight.
Dr_Satan@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Agreed. Like a scrap of paper, slave to every breeze.
Anticorp@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Are you saying that sometimes you feel like a plastic bag?
Croquette@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
What works for me :
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I remove myself from the situation that caused the anger.
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I let myself live the anger for a minute or two, or a bit more if needed.
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When the anger is gone, I identify what emotion is the cause of anger. Anger is 99% a reaction to a negative emotion.
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I say outloud to myself the reason of my anger. Otherwise, I feel like the anger is pent-up.
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If my anger was directed at someone, I apologize and explain why I was angry.
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Finally, I reflect on the situation and the emotions I experienced. Sometimes it’s 30 seconds, sometimes it’s a few days, depending on the gravity of the situation. By understanding what caused the negative emotions, I can handle it better in the future.
apolinariomabussy@lemmy.calvss.com 8 months ago
This is a nice way to look at anger. Kind of similar to something my therapist said a long time ago. #3 specifically is a huge one.
Croquette@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I figured out that my issue was that I wasn’t able to identify the emotions I had.
I worked with my therapist to learn to catch myself when I get angry, then I learned to accept the anger and finally identify the negative emotion.
By doing that, I don’t hold on to that anger most of the time, and when I do, it’s a lot shorter.
And by identifying the underlying emotion, I can live the emotion and then redirect it. Overall, it made a big difference in my life.
I will always be stuck with anger as my first reaction to a negative emotion. But it is a lot healthier now.
tygerprints@kbin.social 8 months ago
Usually with regard to the 3rd step, I realize it's a series of smaller frustrations that have led up to the huge angry outburst. One or two things go wrong, OK I can usually handle it. But after that, get outta the way because I'm like an exploding nuclear warhead. I've driven off more than one friend and roommate with my 0 to suddenly 100 rage.
Croquette@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
This is why it is important to learn to identify the smaller frustrations to stop them from building up. Smaller frustrations are easier to deal with, so it is a good idea to take a minute or two to just deal with them right when they happen. It will stop most of the bigger outbursts.
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joneskind@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Swearing. This is the purpose of bad words.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Conversation of the person you’re angry at is available and willing to engage in good faith.
Otherwise you’re going to need an outlet like music, crying, video games, crying, outdoor meditation, crying, throwing a half full plastic water bottle at a metal dumpster until your worn out, crying, getting active in politics, or … Crying.
Seriously we get told we’re not allowed to cry and that’s bullshit. We have a built in stress response system. Go have a good cry and then think about long term solutions to whatever is making you angry. Someone is ignoring you? Disassociate from them. (Not from yourself, that way lies much therapy) Someone is violating your rights? Call the government. It’s the government doing it? Vote and protest.
Dealing with anger is always a multi step thing. The worst thing you can do is meditate and then nothing else. All you’ve done is escaped the moment. It will come back.
EatATaco@lemm.ee 8 months ago
40% of time I get angry there is absolutely nothing to do, 55% of the time it isn’t worth doing anything, and that 5% of the time really maybe only should do something.
So I would disagree and say that meditating and doing nothing is absolutely the best thing to do almost all of the time.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Sometimes that long term option is to do nothing. The important thing is to process it clearly and without catastrophizing it. I didn’t mean to make anyone think there had to be a physical action to take or else.
1984@lemmy.today 8 months ago
This is a question that should be asked and learned in school. Maybe then we wouldn’t have so many broken people.
Cinner@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Ever notice how no schools have any emotional intelligence lessons whatsoever?
I don’t remember it being a thing when I was a kid but both my kids have had classes that teach these things.
I also remember I was having issues with a kid in school and the school counselor sat us down and talked to us about anger and emotions, etc. I think we had a short daily session for a few weeks. This was in the 90s.
1984@lemmy.today 8 months ago
Yeah I think we had it also, but today’s kids don’t seem to have it anymore…
fluidrock78@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Weaponized positivity.
idiomaddict@feddit.de 8 months ago
Hello fellow service worker
SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
😃🤜🥴
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
Beating your partner. No, wait… Shooting up a bunch of strangers. No, that’s still not right.
Fuck, living in America has deprived me of the ability to answer this question correctly. (this is satire. see my other comment.)
Deestan@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Punk rock karaoke
Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 8 months ago
And mosh pits
bruhbeans@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Mutual aid. Helping people directly defuses a lot.
Weightlifting. Squatting is like screaming into a pillow but with gainz.
BumbleBeeButt@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Exercise and drag racing.
FenrirIII@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Plant a tree. Lots of work to dig a hole.
Nefara@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Using it to fuel the motivation to change things. Get mad that you tripped over a cable? Time to finally do something about cable management. Is your boss or your job making you furious? Take the time to explore new opportunities. Pissed at how politics are going? Find out who represents your district and write them an email about the topic and make your voice heard. Anger can be a good thing when it makes someone get off their butt and make a change for the better.
ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Get some time and space to yourself, 10 to 30 minutes, depending on the complexity of the situation. Think about exactly who/what you are angry with, and why (including yourself*). Don’t worry about solving it, just get it front and center in your mind. Pile up a huge number of couch cushions. Beat the ever livin’ fuck out of them with your fists and feet until you break down or wear yourself out. Repeat as necessary.
*Note: One of the reasons some emotional things never die is because we try to solve them without including ourselves from the equation: we see forgiveness is needed but we don’t include ourselves, for example, or guilt needs addressing but we don’t want to measure our own part in it because someone else’s betrayal was so overwhelming, thus it’s almost unbearable to think of the self as participatory in that destruction. Yet those are examples of exactly the kind of inner situation that keep us stuck in unhealthy emotional patterns. If you really want to get out of an emotional trap, including anger that doesn’t quit, and you think you’ve tried everything, try specifically looking for exactly what you don’t want to see about your own part in it.
Phegan@lemmy.world 8 months ago
See a therapist
1984@lemmy.today 8 months ago
Ok some examples that makes me angry:
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People being mean to animals
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People who don’t care about others (plays loud music, talks loudly on phone in public places etc).
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People who treat others badly because they look good and think they are better because of it
I think the right response to this is to get angry. Not saying its helping, but getting angry at someone is perfectly fine sometimes.
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Kolanaki@yiffit.net 8 months ago
I go break bottles behind the WaWa.
I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 8 months ago
There is something very therapeutic about smashing things that shatter. I go for dollar store flower pots in my driveway (I live in the country and the neighbors can’t see me).
samus12345@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Okokimup@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I’ve gotten some of my best house cleaning done while angry.
BuddyTheBeefalo@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Music
cali_ash@lemmy.wtf 8 months ago
Shouting and cursing at my computer. It definitely helps with debugging, too.
Railison@aussie.zone 8 months ago
Invest in a manual typewriter and cathartically type out ranty letters by pressing each key as hard as possible.
friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Scream into a pillow.
Argue with yourself from the other perspective.
Think “Fuck you! I’m going to make the world a better place!” And then actually do something constructive with all the energy your anger gave you.
tygerprints@kbin.social 8 months ago
These "isms and phobias" are used as excuses to rationalize violence, but really they are just excuses based on irrationality and on hurtful stereotypes.
So if you're angry about someone or some group of people, the way you handle it positively is to use that energy to lift up people.
Instead of being negative and downward, trying to stomp on other people like they are bugs, what about trying to get to where you can help someone who is struggling. Doesn't have to be a person of the group you hate, but anyone who needs a helping hand.
Think of it this way, the person you're really mostly hurting when you're out of control angry, is yourself. All that energy expended on bitterness and stress - why not instead use it to go out and be proactive with people. The world is a stupid place, so - go flip it the bird by helping someone out.
It sounds weird I know. I'm usually a pretty angry reactive person. At the store yesterday, a lady was buying like eight cartons of soda, so I asked her if I could help her with loading them into her car. She was a little unsure at first but then was really grateful for the help.
It's a tiny thing. But I felt good, in a way. Sure it's not going to change the world, but it's better than putting more dents and dings in it.
Holyginz@lemmy.world 8 months ago
This is a very useful way to funnel energy in a positive way. But it doesn’t really help in dealing with frustrations/anger. Those tend to build up over time and being able to act it out in a safe way can be very helpful. My suggestion is something like a rage room if available. They have things you can smash up with bats and such and let’s you take the rage out on objects that are already broken/junk. So it provides relief without hurting anyone or anything still in use.
tygerprints@kbin.social 8 months ago
I get that completely, as someone who could use an anger management session or two myself. I just couldn't encapsulate everything into one brief (and it wasn't brief) posting. I like your suggestion of a rage room, what I do is I usually punch a wall or something, which ends up hurting me more than the wall.
MrPoopyButthole@lemm.ee 8 months ago
I’d have to agree that anger isn’t usually it’s own emotion, it’s a specific expression of fear or sadness. There are always exceptions I think, but usually there’s more to it.
My favorite thing is to express those things through humor. It’s not for everybody. If you’re not funny enough you can just sound like an idiot or an asshole, as I can. Other times it enables you to attack the root of the problem in a digestible way that doesn’t make a person feel attacked.
otp@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Especially in men, as men are generally socialized to keep most of their feelings to themselves. The only ones that are socially acceptable for a man to display tend to be ones like anger and maybe joy (or just contentment). So instead of fear or sadness, men have to express those emotions as anger to fit the expectations for their gender.
I think this is where most road rage comes from. We feel fear because someone does something stupid, or something bad happens on the road…but men aren’t supposed to feel scared, even if they could’ve gotten into an accident. So they express that strong emotion as anger, because that’s an acceptable outlet.
_haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
“I feel angry because (X).”
snooggums@kbin.social 8 months ago
Calm down.
_haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
[anger intensifies]
algorithmae@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
Metalworking? Pounding a piece of steel with a hammer for an hour or two sounds like a great way to blow off some steam
ABCDE@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Kicking a football, you can hit it as hard as you can at the goal and it’s more acceptable than at a person directly.
Archelon@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Once a therapist told me that a lot of the time anger is a secondary emotion; that is, it’s an emotion that comes out of another emotion.
So you don’t necessarily get angry out of nothing, but you get angry because you’re scared, or disappointed, or you feel wronged, or something else.
So their recommendation was to identify the emotion that’s making you angry, and express/rationalize that instead.
snooggums@kbin.social 8 months ago
I get angry because of frustration about things beyond my control that impact me negatively and can't simply be ignored. Knowing that extra step is great and all, but doesn't reduce the frustration or the anger. I'm sure that identifying the difference is helpful to some people who can ignore or address the actual cause of their anger.
Note: I don't get angry about frustrating things that I can do something about, or can be ignored.
Pepsi@kbin.social 8 months ago
Why would you let things you can’t control have any control over your emotional state?
Seems more productive to get angry about the things you can change.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
As a teen, I would consciously turn hurt into hate to avoid it. I was emotionally aware enough to know that I was running from it, but not emotionally aware enough to confront it. Therapy works, folks.
kby@feddit.de 8 months ago
Excuse me but sometimes, I just want to be angry and not “rationalize the causes of my anger”. I think it’s fully okay to be pissed about something and wanting vocalize your anger without immediately extinguishing it by “rationalizing” the thing that made you angry.
asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 8 months ago
So if someone you love tells you if you want to have good job prospects you shouldn’t get a face tattoo, it’s okay to get angry at them right away because they hurt your feelings?
I think the point here is people get angry at stuff all the time that they shouldn’t be angry at. Helpful advice, someone pulling in front of them in traffic, online comments disagreeing with them, etc. it’s good to make sure you understand why you’re angry, or else you’re just blind.
A lot of people might be angry about the face tattoo comment, and leave it at “the other person is being mean / closed minded”, then proceed to go and get one, then continue to be angry the rest of their lives when they can’t get a job.
Reflecting on things in general, especially emotion, means you grow. It’s self education.
Dr_Satan@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Agreed. Past trauma leads to present anger. Consider nazi germany and what led to it for a fine example.
I don’t put much hope rational analysis.
Maybe solitude and meditation. Maybe a month in the forest with a bag of shrooms.
Tier1BuildABear@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Usually it’s my own stupidity, clumsiness, dumb decisions, or ignorance, and knowing that just makes me more angry :/
Archelon@lemmy.world 8 months ago
And it’s good to recognize that! It means now you know to work on self-compassion (which is really hard but really worth doing)