Nefara
@Nefara@lemmy.world
- Comment on [deleted] 1 day ago:
Ace and demi men are out there, but I won’t pretend they are easy to find. I’m demi and looking for someone else on the ace spectrum pretty much eliminated the idea of meeting someone out in the world and locked me in to finding someone online. Back when OKCupid was data driven it was the best way to find other aces and demis but I don’t know the current state of it. There’s still not much visibility for aces so a lot of people still don’t know to identify themselves as such.
I dated a variety of people but always came back to people who were ace/demi having the most potential for long term companionship. It just simplified everything, removed the tension and potential for hurt feelings. Allosexuals might think they can manage a situation like you’re describing but in the long term might end up feeling frustrated and sad about not being desired. I had trouble finding other aces to date but it was worth it when I did find them.
- Comment on YSK How to cook a perfect (hard) boiled egg 1 week ago:
I guess everyone has their own way of boiling an egg!
I’ve been very happy with the steamed egg method. I put a steamer basket in a pot with just enough water that it touches the bottom of the basket, bring it to boil and then put as many eggs as I want in to the basket using a pair of tongs with silicone grippies. I set a timer for 11min, put it on medium heat and set up an ice bath. After 11min the eggs go in the ice bath for a minute or two and I crack them and roll them on a cutting board to loosen the shells. They come out exactly how I like them with a golden yolk with a soft orange center and the shells are super easy to peel as long as I get my thumb under the membrane.
I’ve made them this way with fresh eggs, week old eggs, month old eggs, home chicken eggs, storebought eggs, and never had issues with peeling.
- Comment on We shouldn't have to go to college in order to afford a house by 30. 1 week ago:
I’m going to say something controversial in that this post should be home that you own. In the US, since that’s what I know about, I actually think houses should be expensive. I think a single family dwelling >1500sqft on a half acre or more of land is a luxury, most people don’t need to have that much land and space all to themselves. The problem is that that’s ALL that’s available for most regions in the US. The US is suffering from foolish post-war suburban centric zoning codes that prohibit building medium density housing (“the missing middle”). We need to change zoning codes across the country to encourage building up “gentle density” and mixed use areas, even in rural areas, because they use land much more effectively and efficiently. They raise more revenue for towns while bringing down home prices. If everyone had the option to buy a place of their own <1000sqft with a small land footprint, I don’t think there would be as much dissatisfaction with not being able to afford a “house”.
- Comment on Despite having heard the phrase 'passive aggressive' several times, I still don't know what it means. 1 week ago:
It’s a tactic used by people who don’t have the confidence or power in a relationship to communicate directly. It’s usually used to be spiteful, take revenge, or express displeasure, thinly veiled behind some plausible deniability. A passive aggressive action can be something like:
A person preparing food for someone they feel is unappreciative might deliberately over-salt or overcook it to spoil that person’s enjoyment of it
A person who doesn’t like things being left on the floor might purposely step or trip over/kick something they see there, damaging or dirtying it
A person resenting being asked to do a task might make very little effort, do it wrong, or make the situation worse than it was to avoid being asked in the future
It’s essentially a way to be hostile to people you socialize with, but if called on it, the person being passive aggressive can make excuses or deflect blame. It’s not a healthy dynamic and leads to frustration and erosion of trust, and the perpetuation of problems rather than their resolution.
- Comment on Twinkle twinkle little star 2 weeks ago:
Yes, believing that they will be discriminated against for things that they like and face negative consequences for expressing who they are will discourage many people from doing things, not just girls.
There are plenty of girls who fit into a more masculine standard of behavior and will integrate better into male dominated spaces. However, some girls will want to enjoy feminine coded things without judgement in those spaces and that is valid too.
- Comment on Twinkle twinkle little star 2 weeks ago:
I have a female friend in STEM who has dealt with an immense amount of misogyny in her field. She’s been the only woman in the room more times than she can keep track of. She has achieved a lot academically, but feels a pressure to conform to a standard of behavior set by men. She loves pink, collects dolls, paints her nails and is unabashedly feminine, and has suffered real social and professional consequences for her gender presentation. It’s literally an act of bravery for her to go to work in a soft fuzzy pink sweater.
I get that the question here is implying that either all little girls are so obsessed with pretty sparkly things that the lack of it would be a detractor, or that it’s reductive to assume that they would and that femininity can take many forms. However, it’s a valid desire to want to do a thing and be accepted for how you are. If a little girl does love pink and glitter and all classically coded feminine things, seeing someone like you in STEM blazing that trail and making a place for you, is just as validating as seeing other minorities in admirable positions. Representation matters.
- Comment on If video games actually determined our real world behavior, we wouldn't be violent we would be obsessed with powerwashing and all have CDLs. 2 weeks ago:
You don’t?
- Comment on Who's your favorite female protagonist in a video game? (Add pic of character in response) 1 month ago:
She got an honorable mention from me in my post. She was a lot of fun to play as and the game would not have been the same with any other MC.
- Comment on Who's your favorite female protagonist in a video game? (Add pic of character in response) 1 month ago:
Probably April Ryan from the Longest Journey. She was clever, empathetic, funny, and well grounded. She certainly had more than enough opportunity to get annoying over the many, many hours it takes to play that game but I think I could only call her somewhat bland at points. I found myself reading the journal that served as a story tracker just to see what she had to say about what had happened. I genuinely missed her during Dreamfall. Though I had a few other favorite games with female protagonists that I loved (like Rynn from Drakan), it says something that decades later I still remember April’s name, and major character traits.
- Comment on Is Star Trek Discovery that bad? 1 month ago:
I don’t have much time to respond so I’m going to just hit one bullet for now:
Are you going to try to argue that Khan and Gul Dukat weren’t given nuance and development? Some of the things that made them such compelling antagonists is that we were given insight into their motives and backgrounds and perspectives. Khan absolutely was nuanced and the persecution and illegality of genetically enhanced humans was a great stepping off point for him. Just about every antagonist that pops up in Star Trek gets some kind of explanation why they are doing the things they are doing, and the crew takes a moment to acknowledge their inherent worth as living beings and, if they’re sentient, discuss possibilities for negotiations or nonviolence. I haven’t forgotten that Klingons, Ferengi, Borg, Cardassians and many others start off as villains, but we are given many opportunities for them to be “humanized” through characters like Worf, Quark, Hugh/Seven, Garak and others. There are no “good” or “bad” aliens in Star Trek.
So keeping that in mind, how did things go with the Ba’Ul? How did they handle Control? What nuance was Lorca given? In Discovery, your first impression of a bad guy being bad is always correct.
- Comment on Is Star Trek Discovery that bad? 1 month ago:
I have an intense distaste for Discovery, and wouldn’t recommend it.
I could rant about it a la Jenny Nicholson for 4 hours but here’s my main issues boiled down to a bulleted list:
Some things I like about Star Trek:
• Optimistic future, humans can create greatness and beauty if they continue to check and overcome their faults • No black and white villains. All antagonists are given nuance and development and many become favored allies • Themes of teamwork, a functional ensemble, core crew are all valid and valued, no one star of the show. • No such thing as magic or gods, everything is in the realm of human understanding if we have sufficient knowledge
Guess what Disovery has?
• Nihilistic, apocalyptic future • Bad guys that are just bad, they’re evil, don’t ask questions • One principal star of the show that is the focus of nearly every episode • No attempt to explain “divine” phenomena/magic
Then add on some blatant examples of total ignorance for the universe it’s set in, attempts at ham handed fan service by shoe horning in clumsy references to characters from other series, and just medocre drama in general, you have a show that is farther from Star Trek than a 14 year old’s submission on IO9.
If you don’t really care,about Star Trek or know anything about it it can be entertaining I guess, but why watch it when there’s Strange New Worlds, Lower Decks and The Orville?
- Comment on Repair leaky foundation? 2 months ago:
First thing I would look into is how water is getting into those cracks in the first place. Check your gutters and make sure they’re cleaned out and at appropriate angles, and check the downspouts. Water should be draining away from your home, not into it. You might need to put up some sort of awning or tarp, and fix the angles of those pavers/concrete. If there’s water flowing into the foundation then it’s going to be a reoccurring problem.
- Comment on Chicken of the Woods 2 months ago:
We were lucky enough to have a bloom by our house and I cleaned them, cut them and pan fried them with butter. Truly delicious, intense chickeny flavor and great texture. Would actually prefer to eat them over chicken, but they are so hard to cultivate and very unpredictable as to when to find them.
- Comment on A tiny thin knit sweater would be a chunky sweater for a mouse 2 months ago:
This reminds me of Althea Chrome, the artist who made all of the knit accessories for Coraline. She uses silk thread to make them in scale.
- Comment on [deleted] 2 months ago:
Sounds great, Photuris for supreme dictator!
- Comment on Should you look for a relationship if it feels like a compromise? 2 months ago:
It can be a healthy way to have a relationship as long as you’re honest with your partners. Don’t promise them the moon and eternal love. Don’t lie about your intentions. Keep up with STD testing and use protection obviously.
There are people out there looking for friends with benefits and are happy to find a regular partner who respects consent, takes feedback and is a known quantity. There are also aromantic people out there who are happy to have a purely physical relationship. There’s someone for everyone. Finding that kind of relationship might have its challenges but the internet helps with that at least.
- Comment on Not stealing 2 months ago:
My kid just had a screaming fit with big fat tears rolling down his face because he reached the bottom of the stairs. The other day, he was howling crying because I had a different colored bowl than he did. I have indeed had to carry my kid out of a public space to go calm down. I do my best to be calm and empathetic to him but emotional regulation is something they grow into.
- Comment on what are the grievances with the "male loneliness epidemic"? 2 months ago:
You might not be identifying reasonable feminists then, because the “men are trash” ones are more visible. You’re probably surrounded by feminists and encountering them all the time, but unless you’re asking them their stance about reproductive rights or equality in parental leave or something else in conversation you wouldn’t know it.
- Comment on what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god? 2 months ago:
I imagine for OP it was a bit like picking up a salve for a rash in the pharmacy and realizing it says “homeopathic remedy” on the side.
- Comment on what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god? 2 months ago:
I just picked up a book called Unfuck Your Boundaries. It’s written by a trauma therapist but the style, if you can’t guess from the title, is very casual and easy to read. I am still reading it, so I can’t give a full review, but it’s approachable and entertaining while covering the fundamentals.
- Comment on what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god? 2 months ago:
Faith in others or trust in others has absolutely nothing to do with thinking there’s an invisible, ultra powerful person just chilling somewhere in space just because someone wrote a book about it 2000 years ago.
- Comment on what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god? 2 months ago:
Why do you fear Batman?
- Comment on [deleted] 2 months ago:
I’ve had this kind of situation in my life, I helped out my mother around the house when I was young and home from school, and I took care of my grandmother when she needed someone in the house. I’m now a stay-at-home mom so I can say I genuinely do get the appeal.
Here are some questions you should ask yourself though, and really consider your answers.
What are your life goals? If you knew you were going to die in a month, what would be the first things that came to mind that you would be sad you didn’t accomplish? Does your current path lead to these things?
What is your plan for when your dad’s current financial situation changes? If he loses his job or business, if he retires, do you have other means of making an independent income or other people in your life you could make similar arrangements with?
Do you have any of your own income, money, or savings tucked away? If something happened between the two of you, do you have options to get out?
What sort of preparation do you have for if something suddenly happened to your dad, like in the event of an accident or heart attack? Are you in his will? On the deed/lease? Do you have a joint bank account? Are you a beneficiary of his life insurance?
Do you want a romantic relationship, partnership, or kids? If so, what steps are you taking to make that happen, and how would that fit in to your current situation?
What sort of social or support network do you have? Do you have friends who would let you stay with them if you needed it? Do you have people in your life you can connect to and who will give you outside perspectives?
Domesticity can be alluring because you’re directly improving the lives of people you love, can make your own schedule, you’re not selling your soul to a corporation etc, but it’s extremely easy for the situation to go bad. There are so many ways people have been trapped, isolated, abused, or suddenly found themselves in changing circumstances that turn a good thing into a personal hell. The day to day of things can make a decade go by before you realize you never took that trip or learned that skill or made that thing.
Don’t just try to make your answers fit your current situation just because change is uncomfortable. If this lifestyle appeals to you there’s nothing wrong with that, just make sure you have your own contingencies. Make plans, make friends, have your own savings.
- Comment on Have you encountered this? 3 months ago:
That would be quite optimistic, but this is something I’ve noticed at multiple restaurants myself. I saw the tip “suggestions” were not accurate so I checked to see what numbers they might have been using and tried the after tax amount etc, but nope the numbers are just inflated artificially. It’s happened with or without alcohol on the tab, with and without sale items, and I don’t ever really get anything “comped” unless it’s a sauce on the side or something. I wouldn’t say it’s a scam, but I did roll my eyes the first time I noticed it.
- Comment on What game sequel ruined a beloved franchise or character for you? 3 months ago:
I don’t think that’s a fair assessment of Guild Wars 2. It was not a true sequel to Guild Wars 1 but it’s a decent game in its own right. I can see that if you’re playing a great city builder game and they announced a sequel, you would be thrown if that sequel was a 4x instead. But in this analogy, it’s a damn good 4x and maybe even the best amongst its contemporaries. Plus the original game is still there in all of its charm and originality, they’ve kept the servers running this long and seem to plan on keeping on doing so until no one is playing.
- Comment on What are the best free mmorpgs for a beginner? 3 months ago:
Yep absolutely seconding this one. Everything is very much a play-as-you-want playground, with many ways to level and a low stress, community based world. Pretty much everything that causes friction against other players in other MMOs (kill stealing, limited resource mining, open world pvp etc) just isn’t in the game or in its own little spot.
I will say that it has a lot of complexity and systems on systems that have built up over time that can be opaque and overwhelming. But again, you have the choice not to engage, and can do perfectly well running your character around maps exploring and picking cabbages and pumpkins and doing whatever you think looks interesting. Just remember to change out your armor and weapons every few levels on your way to 80.
- Comment on Vintage gaming advertising pictures: a gallery 4 months ago:
Kolanaki linked it above. It’s a disgusting crusty gamer den implying the game is so addictive you’ll live in filth. I remember that image being on the first couple of pages of a PC Gamer issue from the late 90s or early 00’s.
- Comment on Vintage gaming advertising pictures: a gallery 4 months ago:
I remember seeing these ads as an impressionable young gamer and getting the idea that Playstations had games that were scary and weird, and Nintendo games and handhelds were for boys. Generally the ads told me “this is not for you”. Because I only ever saw ads for specific PC games and never for PCs themselves, (they were aimed at adults, not in the kind of magazines and comics young me was perusing) even though I was still not the target market it clicked more with me. I think that might be a part of why I’ve only really gotten into PC games over the years. I knew there were games I’d like and games I wouldn’t, and never got the same platform level messaging
I remember seeing an ad for Thief and thought it looked cool, and I remember being super grossed out by that Quake 3 ad, but I never felt unwelcome or out of place playing PC games. The focus on marketing to young males is really obvious in these console ads.
Examples of some PC game ads I remember working for me and led to me getting them:
cdn.mobygames.com/…/18308445-thief-the-dark-proje…
- Comment on Star Wars is an ode to the stupidest use of battle lasers 4 months ago:
A humble farm boy’s parents and village are burned, leading to him leaving his home and finding refuge with a wise old man who has special powers. He tells him he knew his father, that he was a knight and they fought together. He gives him his father’s sword, and teaches him to use his own special powers. They receive a message from a princess in distress, who tells them she’s being held hostage by the evil emperor. They travel to save her with the help of a roguish anti-hero and free the princess. Once freed, they learn of a crucial weakness in the emperor’s fortress, and together they lead a raid to siege it. They succeed with the help of a rag tag bunch of rebels and the princess awards them with medals in her throne room.
That doesn’t sound like a story about how technology, science or knowledge effects people or society to me.
- Comment on Ethical frameworks are detrimental to Scientific Study because Science is by nature unethical. 4 months ago:
Yes, because context matters. Exceptions don’t make the rule, and speaking generally about things is allowed when they are related.
So what is the exception here? You said, and I quote, “science is by nature unethical”. So you’re saying any experimental methodology in any school of science exploring any number of completely benign things is somehow unethical.
This isn’t debate club.
I see you’re new to the internet.
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