How do I stop hating children?

Submitted ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.

It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.

I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.

It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?

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TootSweet@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Therapy. It’s clear this is causing you problems in your life. And that’s exactly what therapy is for.

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NABDad@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m just a dickhead on the Internet, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound normal or healthy to me. Have you tried therapy?

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- ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’ve done therapy a few times now and we never really covered this.
  
  It doesn’t help that I live in a small town so the therapists here are extremely underqualified for actual mental illness and not just helping people through “tough” times
  
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  - TootSweet@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    There’s such a thing as remote therapy.
    
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- PullUpCircuit@iusearchlinux.fyi ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  That’s not a terrible idea. They might even tell you that your emotions are not uncommon and give you some tips for dealing with it.
  
  Or something else could be going on and you could get some more complete therapy.
  
  Source: being some other jerk on the Internet.
  
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  - NABDad@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Internet jerks unite!!!
    
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givesomefucks@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.

Yeah, that’s actually a thing for some people to various degrees.

It’s called misophonia

my.clevelandclinic.org/health/…/24460-misophonia

I had it for high pitched sounds as well, went on Beta Blockers for migraines and it fixed this as well.

The noises are triggering your adrenal response and your body is screaming at you that the noise has to stop and it doesn’t matter what it takes. Beta blockers block adrenaline, so now noises that used to set me on edge are just normal noises to me.

I think one of the current hypothesis is that it might be close to a sound that would attract predators, but sometimes wires get crossed and you have the reaction to a random noise.

Most commonly it’s people hating the sound of others chewing.

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- krellor@kbin.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I was unfamiliar with misophonia so I went looking into it. I know it is a poorly studied issue, but I wasn't able to find any peer reviewed research where children's noises in general were used or reported as a trigger. I found lots of discussion forums, but that is anecdotal.
  
  The reason I went digging is because the op describes all children's noises, happy, sad, whatever, whereas what I read in the literature was very specific noises were reported as triggers. E.g, lip smacking, chewing, pen clicking, etc. In one study, they even used videos of children and dogs playing to help participants calm down and establish a baseline. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0227118
  
  While I'm admittedly ignorant, it seems OP may have a more general aversion to children than I would expect of misophonia given what I've read from medical sources.
  
  I only mention this as a counter suggestion to help op avoid self diagnosing and maybe going down the wrong track.
  
  I think counseling is warranted to help sort it out.
  
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  - givesomefucks@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Not specifically kids.
    
    But kids make lots of really high pitched noises, and those can be a trigger.
    
    Happy, sad, for no reason at all.
    
    Kids make a lot of noise, and it’s almost all high pitch
    
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- HootinNHollerin@slrpnk.net ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’ll have to look into this again thanks, but Just a cautionary note that it can be hard to get off of beta blockers iirc
  
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  - givesomefucks@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    While true, it’s not that they’re addictive or dangerous or anything.
    
    It’s just a long half life so they stay in your system for days when taken as prescribed.
    
    So if you take your doses regularly, your body gets used to never having adrenaline.
    
    Take a week off, and your body is suddenly dealing with adrenaline again while having like zero tolerance for it.
    
    So if you’re on it for cardiac reasons, stopping abruptly can very likely lead to a heart attack.
    
    So (like most meds) if you’re going off them you need to titrate slowly so your body adjusts. But it’s not like Benzos where it causes withdrawals or anything.
    
    If someone takes them “as needed” then they can just stop taking them whenever without cause for concern. Because their body is still used to occasional adrenaline.
    
    Obviously consult your doctor though, I just took a few classes on this stuff over a decade ago
    
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Kolanaki@yiffit.net ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.

This is actually a neurological thing. It has a name and everything (though I can’t recall what the name is). A lot of people on the spectrum have it.

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- OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Misophonia.
  
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  - AmidFuror@kbin.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    That's the fear of soy paste.
    
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  - Xariphon@kbin.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I have this too. The sound of chewing is like nails on a chalkboard all through my bones. It's awful.
    
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- CADmonkey@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Oh just what I need more evidence.
  
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  - Kolanaki@yiffit.net ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Never hurts to check.
    
    Unless you’re American and don’t have health insurance. Then it might hurt.
    
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- june@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Yep, autism was my first thought too.
  
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BleatingZombie@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I have no advice, but I have to say I really admire and appreciate you for acknowledging that it’s unfair for the children and trying to change that. Most people aren’t strong enough to introspect

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morphballganon@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve noticed a correlation between the trait you describe and high-functioning autism. I’ve dated two women with the trait you describe, and one of them was diagnosed HFA, and the other showed signs of HFA but was undiagnosed last I heard.

We have a tendency to expect others to show the same level of maturity as we’ve learned to exhibit ourselves. Being accepting of those who haven’t learned that level of maturity is a skill that must be learned. Learning teaching skills/methods helps with this.

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- Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  fwiw some people REALLY hate the term “high functioning”, i’m myself what would be called really high functioningly autistic and have been quite condescendingly informed that the term is somehow terrible.
  
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  - monsterpiece42@reddthat.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    To follow up, you’ll have better luck saying “high succeeding”
    
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Surp@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Seek mental help from a therapist for a start. Instead of talking to people online that you have no idea what their intentions are or which way they wanna steer you best bet is get therapy…you need it.

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wooki@lemmynsfw.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
See a shrink you have at minimum anger management problems being triggered here. Anxiety and perhaps some form of neurological disorder if you’re sensitive to loud noises in general but it’s worth finding out to manage it.

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Ech@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Could be worth looking into Misophonia. Basically it’s an irrational anger response to specific noises that vary person to person. I don’t know enough about it to say how it can be dealt with, but it may be something you could find a specialist for.

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Artisian@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Can I just say that it’s very weird to me that you’re only listing loud things children do… Like, have you ever been around a sleeping child? Do they bother you? Average volume of a child is higher than adults, but only by a factor of 2 or so. And their noises are honest, unlike the adult noises.

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- Witchfire@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  Average volume of a child is higher than adults, but only by a factor of 2 or so.
  
  Most adults are also unbearable so that’s not convincing anyone
  
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  - Artisian@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    But I think blaming children for the fact that all people are unbearable is… idk, you’ve mistaken a symptom for a problem? Working on the general misanthropy is probably a better start?
    
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- DacoTaco@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  At this point it might as well be a natural response to childeren to link them to the loud noises ( which irritate op ). Tbh, i was thinking the same and it might help you realise what you hate ( childeren, or just loud noises )
  
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- arin@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  As an adult I’m louder sleeping (snoring at 80 dB) than being active in the day
  
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  - Bgugi@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Lol, OSHA gonna visit your bedroom!
    
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  - Montagge@kbin.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Someone probably needs a CPAP or APAP
    
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z00s@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m wondering if you’ve got Misophonia

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- umulu@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  My first thought as well.
  
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- Trollivier@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Wow I had never heard of this. Interesting.
  
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test113@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I know of one person in my wider circle who reacts also pretty bad when children are being children around him. In his childhood, every time he was loud, wanted attention, or just did what a child does, his parents (they did not even want children; he was an “accident”) got really angry at him. So children being children is a trigger for him.

Talking to a trained professional helped him immensely to handle this.

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wide_eyed_stupid@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I recognize everything you’re saying, and I know it’s presumptuous, but I doubt it’s actually hatred. It’s a very visceral reaction that turns into frustration because it’s often situations you can’t change or extricate yourself from. And if there’s no outlet, anger/rage is one of the easiest emotions. Maybe you should look up Misophonia and see if you recognize it. For me it’s not just kids, I also need to get away when I hear people eat. Loud eaters just kill my apetite instantly and the response to it is physical. I just can’t be around it.

Whenever kids make noise, I get this uncontrollable, physical reaction. It’s kind of like nails on blackboard stuff, you know, but a thousand times worse? All it makes me do is wanting to get the fuck out of there. I can actually FEEL it. It’s visceral. And I know they’re not doing it on purpose, and I would never ever let the kid know, because it’s not their fault. But I just can’t deal with it. It’s so bad that I’ve gotten off buses/trams when some baby starts crying, just to wait at the stop for the next one. I’ve actually exited stores, when kids are being loud, which as you know, in some stores is pretty useless because there are almost always kids around. Internet really saved me there, I haven’t been shopping in years, just order pretty much everything online. The worst time for me was a flight where I got stuck with a screaming 4-year old for hours, which actually brought me to tears from frustration, because I couldn’t leave and I couldn’t blame the kid, especially because his mom was a total moron and only made it worse by yelling. Luckily the flight was only a few hours across Europe and not transatlantic, because I might have offed myself.

Sadly I don’t have a fix for you, but if you find one, please let me know. ;) I’ve been luckier than some, in that I only have one sibling, who also doesn’t want kids, and while I do have 2 cousins with kids, we never see each other, which is mostly because I moved abroad over a decade ago. Avoiding places where kids congregrate is easier if there are no kids in your social circle, although of course you can never avoid them 100% of the time.

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- FraidyBear@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’m neridivergent and have issues with misophonia. Your description of listening to people eat was spot on. Hearing people chew food or smack gum makes me want to smack the gum the fuck up out of their mouth. I like these people but the reaction that misophonia causes in me feels barely containable. I’ve had to walk away from people to collect myself or have someone else help customers because of the physical and psychological reaction it causes. It feels violent and torturous. I also have this same reaction to kids and babies being loud or crying. Yes, your crotch goblin is cute. Yes, I recognize that they are kids and these things aren’t controllable. But that doesn’t stop me from having serious sound stimulation overloads that bring me to the brink of sanity, that’s not controllable either no matter how much I wish it was. .
  
  OP, best way to deal with it if it is a misophonia issue is to carry around ear plugs or do what I do and get some nice noise cancelling earbuds. If you’re in a situation that you cant use these things, like a family gathering of people who won’t understand what you’re going through, take frequent breaks. Go outside, go take a breather on the bathroom, talk with someone you trust and see if they will step aside with you for a bit because I’m 100% sure there are others there that don’t want to hear the kids being loud.
  
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  - Perhapsjustsniffit@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    My misphonia is so bad. Crunching is like blinding red rage for me. Smacking your lips or sucking on your fingers…forget about it. I have to leave the space. I can not manage it within my being. Just attempting to walk away in a rational manner is difficult. I am most likely also neurodivergent but the undiagnosed 70’s kid kind. I just got some of those fancy new earplugs and use noise cancelling headphones a lot. I also have to just get out of there sometimes. It’s so seriously irrational. When I was a lot younger I had a lot of anger problems that I now realize were frustration at certain noises or situations.
    
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PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
OP, don’t feel alone or hopeless. There are more of us out here who know exactly what you’re describing because we experience it ourselves.

It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that it’s your fault for experiencing this - there’s not much you can do to “fix” it, if anything. I’ve been to a therapist and medical professionals, and basically noise cancelling AirPods or ear plugs in public are the only solution. And maybe some medications.

We used to have neighbors with several small children who would - at the same time every day - go play in their backyard. Normal kid thing. But if I was outside, I’d have to go back in. The frequency or pitch or whatever you want to call it of the loud shrieks was literally painful. I would cry.

I see other replies saying it may be a factor of you not being able to express yourself in the same way as a child. I wasn’t either because my mom is terrified of the outside world & it would make her think I was in danger. Whether this played a role or not I have no idea. I don’t want to attribute it to purely psychological reasons when it sounds like there is potentially also an actual physical medical explanation. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe not. Who knows.

It’s a fact of life that IMO you cannot control and will have to have a plan for if and when it occurs. Earplugs, leaving the triggering situation, medication, I hope you find something that works. It is fucking painful. And I can’t control that. And it’s no one’s fault…we just try to avoid situations where young children will be present (which is really fucking hard at times for a woman, btw…baby showers! Parties where the women are expected to be the caretakers because….uterus, I suppose?).

Anyway, best of luck to you, it’s not your fault, and feel free to reach out any time.

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- A_A@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  You were writing it before i could :
  Quick fix : good ear plugs 😄👍 (and the rest of your comment is very nice as well : that, I could not have wrote)
  
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whalebiologist@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
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- Acters@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  At some point, i did what you said and stopped judging the kid for how they are. It was mostly from the sadness of knowing the world they will have to explore, as adults, a world that will be extremely competitive and aggressive. I wanted to shield them from it all and make them live a stable, happy life. At least until they start becoming more independent. Eventually, we all have to let them live their own life.
  
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Terces@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
You might have misophonia.

Also…I try to imagine kids as little robot machines. They do their thing and they make their sounds like little choo choo trains. This image also underlines that they often just react to things. Input; output. So the focus shifts from the kid to the situation and the surroundings (as does the blame).

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- givesomefucks@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Yeah, it’s likely misophonia.
  
  Anytime someone knows that a noise makes them irrationally angry, it’s probably musophonia.
  
  Adrenaline blockers are given out for all types of stuff tho, and they fix the irrational anger that misophonia causes.
  
  Not sure if you can get them prescribed for it tho.
  
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Fallenwout@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I have exactly the same. Therapy doesn’t work. There is no cure other than faking it. You have to let your rational mind win from that primal repulsive feeling. I also feel immense guilt for feeling this way about innocent little humans.

I still avoid children when I can. This has created a gap between my friends and me, they all have kids. I never go to their place, we always meet in public. I never told them but I think they know, because they don’t treat me differently when I tactically withdraw when children get involved.

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- Cinner@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.
  
  A stress response is a stress response. Maybe you have a bit of a mind/body disconnect - I realized I did many years ago in therapy when I was upset about something and he asked where I felt it and I asked what he meant. I’ve worked on it since, paying attention to whether I feel a tightness in my stomach, chest, butterflies, etc. It’s helped me notice patterns I didn’t before.
  
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- PutangInaMo@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I got 3 kids, don’t blame you one bit. Don’t feel guilty about it, I think it’s normal. Kids are stressful as fuck.
  
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BassaForte@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
That’s the neat part, you don’t

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macrocarpa@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Are you diagnosed neurodiverse? This is a common trait.

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mateomaui@reddthat.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I just want to commend you on asking for help, and based on your post and replies, it sounds like you can at least offload the belief that you hate children, because it doesn’t seem that way, only that you’re very triggered by the noise, which I can totally relate to. It happens for me with kids and barking dogs, and I have to manage the sound with music and earbuds. Sound sensitivity and being stressed by it is very real for a number of conditions or conditioned mentalities, so I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself about it when it’s clear you’re empathetic and don’t want to feel that way, but seeking therapy with someone familiar with such reactions is probably a good idea. Though ultimately personal noise management may still be a big part of the solution.

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NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

the moment I stopped being a child

There was probably a moment when you decided to dislike the “child part” of yourself.

Normal people start being a grown-up, but do not totally turn away from that “child part”. It is still there. It is always there. It is a normal part of a normal life.

Try to make amends with that part of yourself, and allow it to resurrect in you.

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- ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  The more of these comments I read the more I’m starting to realize it’s because I wasn’t allowed to be that loud kid.
  
  The moment I started getting loud whether happy or sad I just got punished.
  
  Resentment through jealousy I suppose. Looks like I have some things to think about
  
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  - marshadow@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I was also expected to be very quiet and perfectly behaved, and have also struggled with resentment toward rowdy children as a result. Even now, at 39 years old, I sometimes want to retaliate with an Aztec death whistle.
    
    Therapy can be really helpful in learning to deal with that resentment. If possible and reasonable, so can talking about it with your parent(s).
    
    Several years ago I said to my mother, “I’m feeling angry right now because I’m thinking about that loud kid we saw in the store today and remembering how I had to repress myself as a child.” Then we had a really productive conversation about the pressure to defy stereotypes about poor parents, being a parent with unrecognized and unsupported neurodivergence, and sensory issues.
    
    I hope you’re able to dissolve a significant amount of your resentment, too. In the meantime, there’s a kind of reusable earplug that reduces noise just a little bit so you can still have a conversation (can’t remember the brand name though).
    
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  - LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    My husband had that kind of childhood too, and loud kids really trigger him, just like you’ve described in your post.
    
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  - God_Is_Love@reddthat.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    That’s a great insight for you to have! It’s easier to address a struggle if you can identify the root of it ❤️ Also many of us can empathize with being treated that way as children.
    
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OrderedChaos@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I don’t know how much patience you have for long term efforts. I have done this for other issues. Meditate on it. Spend initially 5 minutes a day and then lengthen and increase frequency to something like 10-20 minutes 2-3x a day. Figure out what works for you.

Recreate the situations and scenarios where you get triggered. And be in the situation. Stew in it. Notice more and more how you react. What is happening before your reaction? What is happening in the space between each reaction. You most likely will not find out the solution while in meditation. But the meditation will ingrain the ability to slow your processes down. So when you’re back in the situation you will start noticing the issues that are making you lose it.

Once armed with that knowledge you’ll either find new coping mechanisms or you’ll have better information for a mental health professional to help you see those new coping mechanisms.

Rinse and repeat.

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some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I hated children until I had friends who are great parents and have great kids. I found out that I hate shitty parents, not kids. You can’t turn this comment into actionable life advice, I’m afraid.

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- Rukmer@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I used to think “good” kids had “good” parents and vice versa but I learned this isn’t always the case. I should have realized, I was only such a “good” (quiet) kid because my parents scared me. I didn’t feel safe. But some good parents raise genuinely respectful yet also self-respecting kids.
  
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  - RBWells@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    My mom said she used to judge parents with bad kids, the ones having tantrums in the store, etc. “My kids would never do that”, she assumed she was doing something right and they were bad parents . "Then God gave me Janet ". My little sister, who was a tantrum throwing hellion of a little kid and the teenager who got brought home by the cops.
    
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- Boiglenoight@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  THIS. Good parents are rare. I have one friend that has somehow raised 3 amazing kids. Don’t get me wrong, they occasionally act up, but on the whole I spend more time admiring how smart and thoughtful they are for 9, 13 and 15 year olds.
  
  I used to hate kids. I gradually got over it in the course of 40 odd years. I still hate parents and can’t control their kids, but I don’t blame the children.
  
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- Trollivier@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Very good observation
  
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Shakezuula@lemmynsfw.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
What you are feeling is similar to how I used to feel. What changed was my understanding of children. A child behaves the way it does because it is literally experiencing things for the first time. That’s why they over react. They aren’t bad all the time. They can be more fun to be around then adults. They don’t care what you look like. They’re easy to impress and pal around with. And when they do act out it’s not nearly as serious as adults.

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Pirky@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
One thing you could do to at least mitigate the issue is carry a set of ear plugs on you at all times. That’s what I do and it’s really helped me out in certain situations. It obviously won’t solve the problem, but if it reduces the noise level, it should make it less irritating.

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- corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  carry a set of ear plugs on you at all times
  
  So, this form of victim-shaming is okay?
  
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  - Pirky@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I carry a pair on me at all times, too. And it’s a bigger help than one might realize.
    If someone is sensitive to loud noises or particular sounds, earplugs can help prevent them from being overstimulated by those sounds. If I enter a loud bar, I put them in. If I have to be around loud or crying kids, I put them in. Loud college party or hockey game? Ear plugs. Crowded fair? Ear plugs.
    They allow me to stay in social situations that I would otherwise have to leave. It makes much more sense for me to put my plugs in than to expect kids to be quiet all the time. Or for everyone at a party to be respectful just for me.
    
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zanyllama52@infosec.pub ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Have you ever spent any one-on-one time having fun with a kid?

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- arin@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Sounds like a dangerous time for the kid
  
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  - Staiden@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I laughed really hard at your comment. Seriously thank you.
    
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- _g_be@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Yeah and now I have to go door to door to let my neighbors know about how great a time it was
  
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MamboGator@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Is it just the loud sounds of children that irk you, or do other things they do bother you as well regardless of the noise they makr? And if it’s just the noise, do other loud noises not associated with children bother you as well?

Sensitivity to loud noises could be something like sensory processing disorder, hyperacusis, or even a form of autism. I have had to move multiple times because of loud neighbours doing things that would certainly annoy other people too, but they could put up with it whereas I became absolutely consumed by the noise and even resorted to self harm to deal with it before giving up and leaving.

I don’t have a solution for the above. It’s just what I know from personal experience, but maybe it can help you figure out a cause and panacea for your issues with noisy kids.

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- Squiddles@kbin.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Sensory processing disorder associated with autism is exactly what came to my mind because it's exactly what I deal with. I usually shut down instead of melting down, but kids playing at anything past a barely-audible level is extremely difficult for me. Other attention-grabbing noises are also difficult, like dogs barking, car doors closing, people yelling, etc., and other stimuli cause me to shut down too, like dogs jumping/breathing on me (basically everything about dogs, unfortunately) or someone touching the back of my head/neck.
  
  It took a lot of research into how my sensory processing reacts to different things, and I still struggle frequently, but I'm a father now and most days I'm very happy about it. I have noise canceling headphones for when I get overwhelmed, and I keep a clicky mechanical keyboard switch and barrette in my pocket to fiddle with, which helps a lot.
  
  OP, I can obviously only speak from my own experiences, but I think dissecting what exactly causes these sudden emotional bursts and finding sensory distraction or blocking techniques to dampen them might work for you too. Headphones are a godsend.
  
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lightnsfw@reddthat.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
My brother’s wife bought me a set of earplugs that deaden sound but still let you hear. These have greatly increased the amount of time I can be around children before it starts stressing me out. To the point that I don’t mind going over there at all anymore and they have 3 kids in a small house. The brand is Loop but their may be other brands that are the same thing. Its like an earbud with a metal ring attached to it. They also help with other noise induced stress that I have.

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HubertManne@kbin.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Goosfraba. seriously though I don't think there can be anything you do but remove yourself from the area unless they are your children. Its sorta funny but I was a way quite kid but I generally get kids. Its like dogs wanting to play. They just want to play. cyring and its like a dog wimpering. somethings wrong. Granted I have no kids and I don't go out of my way to wrangle other folks but it never really bothers me.

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- PlutoniumAcid@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  What’s that first word mean?
  
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  - corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    
    Goosfraba
    
    That’s an important question.
    
    a quite kid
    
    cyring
    
    somethings
    
    But, can we get these ones checked too?
    
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  - HubertManne@kbin.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    its from the movie anger management and sorta a joke but it only makes sense if you saw the movie.
    
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Witchfire@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I am exactly the same as you. I’ve stopped caring, neither me nor my friends have kids thankfully. Kids are terrible.

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- ook_the_librarian@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  instantly hits a nerve in my head
  
  Agreed. But, it is supposed to. We are wired for it.
  
  [Facetious content warning: cheesy “as a parent” talk] Having a kid completely changed how the wires hit your empathy-center. The fact something you love inexplicably more than anything makes that sound, is looking at you for relief, and then you provide it (sometimes), it changes you. And other people’s babies don’t really bother you anymore. It fires up a different nerve center.
  
  When I hear parents apologize to strangers about their baby and they get the response “it’s ok, I’m a parent, too.”, I take it as shorthand that they mean “our brains have been rewired too. We get it. So if your baby cries, we’ll just frown with our bottom lip way down. We don’t know why. There is no control anymore. The wires, they’re all fucked up. Oh god why? Will I ever be normal again?”. Then they catch themselves, and hide that instant of self-awareness by cooing at the baby. Tale as old as time.
  
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