Why is living with your parents considered a bad thing?

Submitted ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

I have seen in many US shows where they portray guys who are living with parents as losers, or there are jokes or memes about it, I never get it.

source

Comments

Sort:hotnew top

Shadow@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Implication is that you’re incapable of being self sufficient.

Too broke to move out, your parents still cook for you / do your laundry, can’t bring a girl home without your parents hearing you get it on, etc.

source
- inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  Implication is that you’re incapable of being self sufficient.
  
  Holdover stereotype from when living on your own with a service job was realistically doable. Which just flat out is not the case in most cities now.
  
  Although not wanting your parents hear you bang is totally fair.
  
  source
  - Shadow@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Agreed. I think this is more of a late 90s / early 2000s thing. It’s become more acceptable today for sure, especially if you’re going to university or something.
    
    source
Red_October@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Traditionally, being self sufficient enough to move out of your parents house and live on your own was considered a major, basic, and early benchmark of growing up, adulthood, and success. Sort of like taking your first steps, it was just considered a “bare minimum” benchmark.

That impression, the idea of moving out on your own being the bare minimum start to being a successful adult, has not kept up with the modern age and the economy we’ve grown up in. The idea that anyone should be able to move out on their own came about in an age when a single adult working a basic job full time could afford a house and support a family on their income alone. That just is not even close to the case now, but some societal memes take longer to change than others.

source
- fine_sandy_bottom@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  It’s this. This is the eloquent and succinct answer OP. No an upvote wouldn’t have been enough.
  
  source
- solitaire@infosec.pub ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’ve been looking for rentals lately. Every inspection has dozens upon dozens of people show up. Rental vacancies are at a tiny fraction of a percent. No landlord will take someone if the rent will cost more than 30% of their income. To qualify for a studio apartment it takes almost double the median wage.
  
  I hate it so much. I’ve budgeted so that I know I can afford these places on my income, I have a significant pile of savings and a stable job. I have been looking for a place for six months and been rejected from them all.
  
  I’ve given up. Even if I could get a place it’d be cheaper to pay a fucking mortgage.
  
  source
- surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Very very well put.
  
  I’ll just add that it’s hard to fuck in a house full of your parents, and few people want to deal with that.
  
  source
foggy@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It isn’t anymore. That’s dead.

It was, like 25 years ago. Well, maybe 15 years ago.

Pre-2007.

Because back then people were making good money out of college, and they were able to buy a house for themselves. Shit, they didn’t even need to go to college. As long as you were working hard before 2007, and you were going to be able to find a down payment on a house as long as you didn’t have some kind of financial affliction.

That’s not to say that gen X had it easy as compared to those before them, but there’s a clear separation.

Millennials tried their hardest not to live at home, just because of the social stigma.

Gen Z is feeling that stigma less. That’s why you’re probably here questioning why it’s even a thing. You’re probably Gen Z.

Jen alpha won’t see it as strange.

source
- z00s@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I really hope the stigma goes away because unless the world economy improves, a lot of people will have to stay with parents until a lot later in life.
  
  It is a cultural thing though. It’s not an issue at all in most of SE Asia.
  
  source
hperrin@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Because it used to be a sign that someone was unsuccessful or “lazy”. Now it just means the housing market is absolute dog shit, and people making 200k a year still can’t afford to buy a house near their work.

source
kandoh@reddthat.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
For 58 years young people had enough income to support themselves fine, so living with your parents was due to either fear of being out on your own, laziness, or another dependency. All unattractive qualities.

source
blady_blah@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
The idea that if you’re still living at home that your parents are still taking care of you. That they still make your food, do you laundry, pay your bills, etc. there is also a stereotype that you’re emotionally stunted since you haven’t moved out and had to take care of yourself. This is often summarized in the neck beard living in his parents basement meme.

I’m not saying this is true, but that’s the idea.

source
- Difuefr@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Thats what they sell you, the real reason is that people living with their parents are not spending money in the house market.
  
  source
  - JustZ@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Well, yeah, but there was a time when you could buy a brand new home for like $125.99, and at that point living at your parents house would have been weird.
    
    source
  - SocialMediaRefugee@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    No, that isn’t it
    
    source
scoobford@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
In the US, wages were high enough that you could afford rent and a decent living as an unskilled laborer until fairly recently.

Also, if you lived with your parents you could not fuck. Even if your parents were not religious, it was a social value and they probably weren’t cool with it. And your date probably wasn’t cool with it wither, because it was weird.

source
P34C0CK@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
[deleted]
source
- DessertStorms@kbin.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I don't disagree with your point but for future reference, it's better made without the dog whistle.
  
  source
  - tux@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Curious about how the cabal can be a dog whistle. Can you enlighten me? The wiki article didn’t help. Though learning the etymology was cool.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
s_s@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I assume you are American, and probably not Hispanic?

Because these assumptions are extremely cultural.

Anyways, for white Americans “Self-sufficiency” (or Self-reliance as Henry David Thoreau called an extreme version of it) is an old Puritan value, like hardwork and monogamy.

source
- papertowels@lemmy.one ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Multigenerational living is also a big thing in Asia.
  
  source
- crashoverride@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Not just cultural, but also time sensitive. If this were even 10 years ago then living with your parents would seem like weird, but today? Understand why it would still live at home or live with a person or multiple people even
  
  source
  - s_s@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I disagree that the culture currents have changed that fast.
    
    If the economy recovered and gave much better prospects for young people and housing was cheaper, they’d still be expected to move out on their own.
    
    I think people understand the realities of our current situation, but usually multigenerational housing is still not considered an ideal situation.
    
    source
Breezy@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
So i started living back with my mom when i was in my late 20s, i lost a 70k job due to bullshit. Then i got back to working hoping to move out… and… covid hit… i was laid off after a year, and i just havent got back to working. I live with my mom who is disabled and in very bad health over conditions i dont know how to spell. Then i got a dui after my old boss died, i wasnt even driving just sitting in the car drunk by a lake. So now i cant drive for another couple years and am finding it hard to work some whete close that i can get a ride that also doesnt make me be around a shit ton of people who i might get sick from and then bring it back to my mother.

No i didnt answer your question, but i tried to outline the why of someone living back with their parents.

source
- Breezy@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Wow someone down voted me in 4 minutes. Bot? Or just some asshole?
  
  source
  - Asudox@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Why care about downvotes?
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
- GBU_28@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Were you going to sleep by that lake, or did the cops just catch you a bit early for your taste?
  
  source
  - Breezy@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I was sitting writing in a book when the park ranger came by, he asked me to move my car and as soon as i took it off the hand brake it rolled backwards. So i asked him to call the police to help deal with the situation. So i really brought it upon myself but i thought they would help pull a car out from the water? But instead they let it sink when a simple whinch wouldve gotten it out. So yeah its my fault
    
    source
Ilflish@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It suggests they can’t afford to pay rent. It’s an old stereotype that is kind of redundant nowadays since (a) most people renting can’t afford it anymore and (b) different cultures are way more accepting and even encouraged living with your family. Most people understand that now.

You still here the saying buts it’s more about NEETs taking advantage of family rather than being smart

source
squiblet@kbin.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Somehow this became a cultural thing in the US. In some other countries like South America it’s perfectly normal for 3-4 generations to live under 1 roof.

My guess is it’s tied to making people spend more money for capitalism. The effect it’s had on families is not very positive. It leads to things like elderly people draining thousands from their savings or family members a month for nursing homes. People have to hire child care when otherwise family members could watch a child. Children grow up with more distance from older relatives. Buying additional homes and cars is way more expensive than sharing them. Additional cable and utility bills. More appliances. More food waste.

source
- Steve@communick.news ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  In some other countries like South America
  
  source
  - squiblet@kbin.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    My family is from Venezuela but thanks for pointing out my poor phrasing as if I don't know the difference.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
neatchee@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Commenting to reply in a bit when I’m at my keyboard

source
- Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Are you there yet?
  
  source
  - neatchee@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I am now! Just edited
    
    source
Sensitivezombie@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It comes from the Individualism ideology that Western culture holds dear. Americans just hold it tighter. It can be argued that the cause of this is American capitalism, which has greater focus on measuring success by one’s ability to consume (can you afford it, how much can you afford, are you self-reliant, your ability to consume more and better than you did last year).

source
- Linuto@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’d add on that the expectation in an individualist society like the US is to become independent and move out. Those ideas are used synonymously in a lot of contexts. Someone who hasn’t moved out can be seen as lacking independence. Of course that isn’t necessarily true, but it’s the perception.
  
  For a young person growing up with these ideas as the standard, there can be a certain safety in forgoing that independence. That was my situation for years, where I was financially independent, but moved back home after my roommates moved away. I was in my mid twenties before I moved out for good.
  
  source
Boop2133@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m 23 and still living with my dad. Why wouldn’t I take the deal to have no rent while I work full time at a decent job so I can pay off my student loans? Sounds stupid to move out at least for me right now

source
- Mr_Dr_Oink@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Why dont you pay him any rent? Houses are expensive and you are using electricity, water, gas etc. Im sure he would appreciate it if you just decided to pay your way.
  
  source
  - Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    When my kids are old enough to be in position, I’ll tell em to use it on debt first, too.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - Spacehooks@reddthat.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Have child Paying rent while in debt is kind of counter productive If your goal as a parent is to maximize success of your children. Even if they were debt free I’ll probably just pocket the money into a ETF or something fo when they need a house.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - wjrii@kbin.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    This is also age and culturally contextual. If kid and dad are on the same page about why junior is still living there, and if Dad is financially secure, he may want kid to pay down debt and be ready to jump straight to a nice place of their own. Now, if the family unit overall could use the help, and there is no specific plan for junior to move out, and and they're just sandbagging to have more money in their pocket after paying down student loans, it could be kinda shitty. Paying down the debt is not bad; minimizing overall cost of living for the family is not bad; what Boop2133 does with their money beyond loan payments might be bad.
    
    source
hamid@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
[deleted]
source
- doctorcrimson@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Some people get paid to live there and clean the place, but it’s becoming a thing of the past as the individual tasks get compartmentalized by specialist jobs. Why hire a full time custodian, landscaper, heavy equipment operator, and records keeper extraordinaire when you could just hire part timers for each as needed?
  
  source
mods_are_assholes@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Mainly the push for a false family narrative called the ‘Nuclear Family’, which was idolized since the 60s as a pop psych experiment that has obviously failed.

Some claim it was deliberate to prop up the nursing home industry and to force middle class families into poverty by making it less likely they pool their resources.

Some claim it was a marketing move, as ‘nuclear family’ homes are significantly less happy per capita than homes with 3 generations living under one roof. Happy people buy less shit to make them happy.

source
- cmeio@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Nuclear families are already a big thing since the industrial revolution. Yes there was an idolizing happening, but this is not the main reason for it being so wide-spread. With wage labour, urbanization and higher mobility it is just fitting quite well to the overall circumstances, to not have multi-generational homes
  
  source
- JeffreyOrange@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  If both people in a marriage have very specialized jobs it’s hard enough to find two jobs in the same city. Imagine doing this with two or three generations of people.
  
  source
  - mods_are_assholes@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Um the kids and grandparents aren’t working, or to be more accurate: the grandparent’s job is taking care of the kids, and considering how expensive child care is, it’s cheaper just to give your granparents room and board. Plus they’ll love the time with the kids.
    
    PLUS 2 incomes required for a family is one of the most destructive economic moves we have ever made, and it has done untold damage to our child raising practices.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - shani66@ani.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    You find a job in your city, you don’t find a city for your job. Usually, anyway.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
BorisBoreUs@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
There are bootstraps you haven’t appropriately pulled up if you live at home.

The more legitimate reason is that there’s a school of thought that you can’t become a fully-fledged, independent adult without putting some distance between youself and the folks that raised you. There’s a difference between someone who never left home and is content to just stay in the status quo, vs an adult who maybe went to off to college or was away from home for some period of time while working that has had to come back due to challenging circumstances and doesn’t plan to stay longer than they need to. Obviously, the stereotype is of the former and not the latter.

source
brb@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
In Finland it’s very easy to move on your own because the government will basically pay your living costs if you don’t have any money. So very few people live with their parents past 20 years.

source
- Queen___Bee@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Just another reason I like the nordic countries. So much support for its citizens.
  
  Source: 30+ y/o American living with their aunt, who also can’t afford rent solo after a divorce.
  
  source
jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It depends on your age. Living with your parents at 10 is different than 20 and is different than 40.

Ever since I was older than 25 or so, if I was going to go on a date with someone, if they lived with their parents that’s a huge complication. How’re we going to fuck? What if their parents don’t have good boundaries? How can I gauge if they know how to be an adult? Like, what if their mom still does their laundry and they don’t know how to take care of themselves?

It’s a proxy measurement for independence and being able to take care of themselves.

It’s a little different if they’re taking care of their parents. Still not great, but doesn’t have the “Do they even know how to take care of themselves?” problems.

source
Flumpkin@slrpnk.net ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Because then you can’t yodel while fucking your girlfriend/boyfriend.

source
- tiredofsametab@kbin.run ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This is one reason "love hotels" are a thing in Japan where multi-generational living and/or thin walls are very common.
  
  source
- irreticent@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Well, you can… it’ll just be really uncomfortable around the dinner table afterward.
  
  source
  - acetanilide@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Image
    
    source
kat_angstrom@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Because they’re racist cult members and visits are awkward enough let alone living there. Might just be me tho

source
- Patches@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  r/QanonSurvivors but Lenny doesn’t have an equivalent yet.
  
  You’re not alone
  
  source
shani66@ani.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you want to get to the heart of a terrible practice or belief, look at who is pushing it (not simply buying it) and who is benefiting. This is a very recent idea (like, you might still be able to find a grandma who was raised before that stupid shit took off) pushed to keep people poor and generally weaker than they otherwise would be. If you’ve got multiple generations, or even families, living together they have far more breathing room economically.

source
- FluorideMind@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  “If you want to get to the heart of a terrible practice or belief, look at who is pushing it (not simply buying it) and who is benefiting.”
  
  Great advice for every belief.
  
  source
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you’re in an East Asian culture, it’s not.

source
- howrar@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Seems to even be expected that you live with your parents.
  
  source
Lemonparty@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Because the people at the top who greenlight everything are rich and think anyone that would live with their family past the age of 18 is a lazy shit stain. That’s the answer. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make a shred of sense, it’s just the truth.

source
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Because the people who write American media are the same people with investments in real estate.

source
ultranaut@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
My parents suck. If you have to put up with their shit you’re definitely a loser.

source
- Kolanaki@yiffit.net ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Good thing I don’t live with your parents.
  
  source
- 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Seing how most US parrents raise their children, I do believe you.
  
  source
NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
This dates back to when buying a house in your twenties wasn’t a crazy idea out of a science fiction novel.

source
UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It can be a bad thing for your parents if you are not contributing in any way. Humiliation doesn’t always help in promoting self-improvement but it is a social tool that establish social expectations. Producing value is expected in most societies. What changes is what value ought to be defined.

source
- Urist@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Why is being economically disenfranchised corrolated to not producing value? I could understand an inverse corrolation however.
  
  source
  - UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    That’s a different subject and wasn’t among the examples I brought up.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
SpaceCowboy@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Makes things awkward when you want to bring a lady back to your place.

source
- jigsaw250@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’m trying to find these places that a single person can afford because God damn, I can’t imagine that conversation being any less awkward with a roommate. “Like, hey bro, I know this is your place too and all, but you mind leaving for a bit so we can fuck for a while?”
  
  source
  - SpaceCowboy@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    It’s way less awkward when it’s a roommate. When I’ve had roommates and it’s the first time having a particular person over, everyone just kinda knows and no one needs to say anything.
    
    So it’s more like:
    
    “…”
    
    “Oh yeah, I just remembered I was supposed to meet someone, see ya later bro!”
    
    But generally even that’s rare. Mostly it’s just “[yawn]… I think I’ll turn in, enjoy the rest of the movie, you two!”
    
    Unless you’re sharing a bedroom with someone. But I’ve done this too, so someone has to sleep on the coach or whatever. So yeah that can be awkward. But still way less awkward than taking someone home to meet the parents when you just started dating.
    
    source
- LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Especially when one of your parents goes on about how Mexicans or Puerto Ricans don’t have any motivation and only want to collect money from the government and your only sibling is married to a woman who is a lawyer. (Half Puerto Rican)
  
  source
- acetanilide@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  High rent is why you learn the art of silent sex
  
  source

-> View More Comments