Why is living with your parents considered a bad thing?

Comments

• AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  They’re seen as not progressing through the expected stages of american life. It comes off as a refusal to grow up but obviously that’s not always the case.

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• Olhonestjim@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Probably because so many parents suck.

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• nutsack@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  are you from east or southeast or south Asia

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  • Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yes

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    • nutsack@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      American culture values independence and individualism

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• JoMiran@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Historical cultural difference between the US and other countries. Although it is less prevalent now, it was expected for a male to be on his own and “leave the nest” as soon as they graduated high school, with college being that transition point if an education was pursued.

  The old America where you left home as soon as you could and built your own life with hard work and skill is long gone, but the trope and the expectations are still there.

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• ctkatz@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I would have but I got caught up in the great recession before I could leave.

  then when I finally got enough money to consider looking for a place, I received a very serious medical condition that wiped out finances and seriously affected my working ability. this condition also makes it almost necessary for someone to be around. so unless I hit the powerball or megamillions I’m going to be in my parents house for a while.

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• FlavoredButtHair@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I never understood this. If rent wasn’t so stupid high I would’ve had my own place long ago.

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• xmunk@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Purely for dumb reasons. If you don’t need to escape from them and it makes financial sense go for it and ignore anyone who judges you for it… they’re assholes.

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• Chocrates@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Back when I was a kid in the early 2000s we still had the mentality that it was easy to get a good job and buy a house and love by yourself. So when a young adult didn’t, the stigma was that they were too lazy to get a great job handed to them.

  Since at least the 2008 recession that really hasn’t been the case, but the culture hasn’t caught up, or was slower to catch up.

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  • rmuk@feddit.uk ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    and love by yourself

    I know that’s a typo, but making it easier to bring home hookups was, like, 80% of the reason for me.

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• Trollivier@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  In 10 years, that will be the norm.

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• ISometimesAdmin@the.coolest.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Scrolled through the thread long enough and I still only see people blaming stigma and capitalism but... Those just just the end effects.

  It's plain toxic masculinity:

  • A man must be strong
  • Independence is a sign of strength
  • Living with your parents is dependence (for good or for bad is irrelevant)
  • ipso facto, according to toxic masculinity, guys who live with their parents are weak and not "real men"

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  • Red_October@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Except it doesn’t just apply to men.

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    • ISometimesAdmin@the.coolest.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I totally agree, though I wrote this in the context of OPs post specifically saying (emphasis mine):

      I have seen in many US shows where they portray guys who are living with parents as losers, or there are jokes or memes about it, I never get it.

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• pan_troglodytes@programming.dev ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  in the US, we value independence - and living with your parents after you’re 18 is the polar opposite, or so society would lead you to believe.

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• TootSweet@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Now that a) it’s impossible to afford rent and it’s becoming more common and b) we’re transitioning from Boomers (who tended to have a more antagonistic and condescending relationship with their children) to Gen X being the “older generation”, I suspect that perception is in the process of changing now-a-days.

  But previous generations were expected to nag the shit out of their kids to get a job and/or spouse and a house so the parents could do cruises full time in their retirement or some such. So to a large extent, it was societal pressure and people got the idea that living with your parents was “pathetic” *from their parents.

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• Harbinger01173430@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Must be an american skill issue

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• mayo@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Because the last gen of parents struggle to let their kids grow up

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• gapbetweenus@feddit.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Love my family, would hate living with them - just because we are very different people.

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  • SpiderShoeCult@sopuli.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Fully agree with you there. I can never fully relax around family and it’d probably be a nightmare living with them.

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• boredtortoise@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Disregarding different societal norms, I find it interesting that some people don’t have the intrinsic need to gtfo to a more personal space, be it either nice or shitty parents.

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• Leap@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It’s a disgrace - but only because the system is so messed up. I’m old enough to own my own house but my kids probably never will unless they live with me well into their 30s and save like crazy. My generation and those before me have screwed up the housing market.

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  • DebatableRaccoon@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I have to admit it’s refreshing to hear from the haves acknowledging it was their and prior generations that fuckes things up instead of accusing the younger generations of being lazy.

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• Knoxvomica@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I think folks are missing a huge cultural point of moving out with roommates. It’s culturally acceptable to move away from parents but live with like 3+ roommates starting with college / university and then well into establishing your career. I did this and most folks I know did this in Canada. Honestly some of the greatest times of my life. I and my roommates moved out at 18 to do this and I wouldnt have done it any other way. So many great independence skills came up during that time and just a great sense of freedom (even with working and school being a huge part of everything)

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• cali_ash@lemmy.wtf ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Depends on how old you are. There is nothing wrong with living with your parents till your early 20s.

  But if you’re still living with them when you’re going on 40, something has probably gone wrong for you.

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  • Sidhean@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    could you maybe explain why instead of only reinforcing the stereotype? I’d be really curious to know what happens to you between your early 20s and your late 30s

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    • zettajon@lemdro.id ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’d be really curious to know what happens to you between your early 20s and your late 30s

      As some people said in this thread, it’s hard to get a job that pays well out of college. You’re supposed to be using the help of living at home to work towards getting an actual career so that you can afford to move out by/around 30. If you are in a difficult financial situation in your 20s and you instead spend them spending your money freely and frivolously without bettering yourself, you’d be rightfully seen as “lazy”.

      I graduated with a degree that didn’t work out in the path I originally saw for myself. I moved back in with my parents at age 22, and spent my 20s:

      1. Working whatever desk job I could
      2. Saving as much as possible
      3. Teaching myself programming at night

      I would not have had been able to do the 2nd and 3rd things unless I was living at home, because I’d be putting all my small pay towards rent and living expenses, and also probably be too tired to learn a new career as 1 entry level job is not enough and I’d probably be working more hours or a 2nd job to make ends meet. At the same time, if I was not doing those things while at home, I’m wasting an opportunity and my privileged position (not everyone can move back), and would see myself as lazy. In my 30s, I have an actual career and had put myself in a good financial situation thanks to that opportunity of being able to move back in.

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    • cali_ash@lemmy.wtf ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’d be really curious to know what happens to you between your early 20s and your late 30s

      You’re supposed to grow up and become independent.

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  • Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    My father is 50+ and still lives with his parents

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• curiousaur@reddthat.com ⁨8⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  How old are you?

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• soggy_kitty@sopuli.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Is it considered a bad thing? I haven’t seen memes or any modern shows joke about it

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  • LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yes ambitious young people view it as bad, and adults view it as bad in the U.S. Young person’s (for lack of better term) usually wish for a life with freedoms. Older adults look it as bad parenting to have a kid who hasn’t moved on to “adulthood” which includes independence in our culture. I see it all the time. My parents (Born in 61) hate on all parents and adults who still live with their parents.

    Also with media making extremists out of so many people it is more unlikely (not impossible) to find parents and kids that agree on much with viewpoints which can cause a lot of termoil between families.

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    • soggy_kitty@sopuli.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      That’s really interesting and quite unfortunate at the same time.

      I’m from the UK and have many friends still living with parents at 30, I don’t judge them for it until they say they start wanting kids. Imo you need a house and stability to grow into when bringing up children because it’s their life not yours you need to consider.

      However I’ve asked them if they get teased or pressured to move out by anyone at work or within their circle and they all say no.

      I can see how old 90s and 00s TV sitcoms target people “living in their moms basement” as losers but if you’re out in the real world and are able to differentiate badly aged media I think the situation on my side of the pond is absolutely fine.

      Property is just as expensive over here and young adults need to save for longer. I didn’t move out until mid 20s, my boomer parents had a 4 bed house so I had my own bathroom and everything. It’s not considered wrong in eastern culture so there was no problem staying.

      In fact I think I left one year too early lol

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• JustZ@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Thirstin Howl - Still Living with My Moms

  youtu.be/Ld7ncu2qi0I?si=gZ0N6uxwVwgkBnTk

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