Humans Against Shitting

Comments

• robocall@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I shit every day and can’t stop. I can’t control myself and my desire to shit is so strong, I find myself putting it before my family, friends, job, I’ll even wake up in the middle of the night with the need to shit sometimes. This addiction impacts my life every day. If I don’t shit, I start to think about it and worry.

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  • ElBarto@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I’ve got the solution!

    Not eating!

    Never eat a single thing again and you’ll never have to be burdened with having to shit ever again!

    It’s free, easy and you’ll look great as well!

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    • feck_it@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Until the day you die!

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  • gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Bro you just gotta hold your poop in

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• kerrigan778@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  But when will I use Lemmy then?

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  • lugal@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Are you unemployed?

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    • dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I prefer the term freelance CEO

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    • kerrigan778@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I work in the food industry. Only time I’m on Lemmy at work is breaks/bathroom

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• FlyingSquid@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  If I had three wishes, one of them would be to never need to use the bathroom again.

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  • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Wish granted. You now have catheter and colostomy bags.

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    • FlyingSquid@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      STOP BEING THE TRICKY KIND OF GENIE PEOPLE!

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  • SapphireVelvet84839@lemmynsfw.com ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Everybody jokes but one day there’s going to be a Cyberpunk|40kMechanicus|DeusEx market part for purchase, and the world will be further divided by those that need access to sewage and those that do not.

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    • Olhonestjim@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      If I could buy an implant that compressed my shit into diamonds, I would be so happy.

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  • tweeks@feddit.nl ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Even if that would mean that we keep growing in size, fattening up completely with all we ever consume?

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    • FlyingSquid@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Well no, obviously I would stay the way I am.

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  • over_clox@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Were you aware that even the butthole itself is an optional accessory that can be removed?

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbvLk_R4kPU

    Can’t make this shit up 😂🤣

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• Kolanaki@yiffit.net ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Slogan should be “put a cork in it.”

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  • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Tampons work surprisingly well.

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    • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      How many do I need to eat for it to work?

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• someguy3@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  We went from 3 days to infinity?

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  • idunnololz@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    *until you die. Which I assume is not too much longer than 3 days.

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    • someguy3@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yeah but this is for all humans. I guess they would all die.

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• sagrotan@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Reading this shitting

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• chickenpotpi@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Shitting is so wasteful. People dont know that you just have to hold it in for a while, so your body can fully utilize it.

  Source: I am voice actor for GTA 6.

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  • rmuk@feddit.uk ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Oh my god it’s dickvamblerAU. Can you say “boop” for me?

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• parpol@programming.dev ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  [deleted]

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  • dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Nice try shit tard. I’m saving my turds in my bowels

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    • Da_Boom@iusearchlinux.fyi ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      You know its possible to hold turds for so long you start vomiting shit.

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• Lemminary@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’ll be sending TP! Thoughts & Prayers 🙏

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• LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  This really is happening in current events

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  • gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    What the fuck how is lemmy leaking into reality…?

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  • over_clox@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    No shit?!

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• GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Im doing it right now, cope and seethe amirite

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• gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Well how do you feel about shtanding, then?

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  • Bleach7297@lemmy.ca ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Shay, doesh know when Sean Connery will be showing up to Wimbledon?

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    • Bleach7297@lemmy.ca ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Anyone? No?

      Tennish. 🥸

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• jdf038@mander.xyz ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  You all are so weird. I love it.

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• autokludge@programming.dev ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Pro tip - Simply eat a light meal of shirataki noodles, around 200 Cal. With any luck you can form your very own bezoar and rid yourself of this adiction for the rest of your life.

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• Resol@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I imagine myself completely exploding after about a week of not shitting. It’s still gonna make a shitty mess everywhere.

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• Kusimulkku@lemm.ee ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Some Lemmy advocacy does feel like this

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• dutchkimble@lemy.lol ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  We need VaPOOrise

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• niktemadur@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Like that old Kids In The Hall sketch.

  “WE WILL NOT BE TYRANNIZED BY OUR BLADDERS!”

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• LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I may be accidentally joining this … um… movement

  because I’ve been procrastinating squeezing out a loaf I’ve had in the chamber for a couple hours

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  • feck_it@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Not much a movement then. Hopefully you got that loaf out by now.

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    • LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      OP proposed a movement.

      And I need a bowel movement.

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    • LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      update 12 hours later I finally got it out! Yeah that was an uncomfortable 14 hours.

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• ininewcrow@lemmy.ca ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  ALL HAIL DIARRHEA!

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• ArugulaZ@kbin.social ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I always leave it behind me. That tends to happen when your digestive system ends with your backside.

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• LordOfTheChia@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  There’s support groups for that.

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• intensely_human@lemm.ee ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I prefer Humans Against Masturbating And Shitting

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• dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Yeah I’m a HAS-been supporter and I’m PROUD

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• fossphi@lemm.ee ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It’s not the shitting which annoys me, it’s the wiping. It’s frustrating and such a time waste

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  • over_clox@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Wait, you wipe? I thought 2024 was supposed to bring in anal dry cleaning…

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    • fossphi@lemm.ee ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Born to shit, forced to wipe

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  • original_reader@lemm.ee ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    You will find a bidet to be your personal saviour.

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• brassorchid@kbin.social ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  gotta do as much disgusting shit as possible for the creepy watchers. this is what they get.

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• TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee ⁨10⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  these “stop doing X” memes represent a low point for meme culture. extremely, painfully unfunny and yet ever-present

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