Americans: How the hell do you meet new people or get into relationships after college?

Submitted ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Bonje@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

I cook at home because of restaurant prices and tip culture. Driving everywhere sucks. Everything feels miles away so good luck walking.

source

Comments

Sort:hotnew top

scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Volunteer. Audition for community theater. Get a job. Join a hiking group. Take an adult learning class. Download a dating app. Get yourself out there.

source
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
What do you enjoy doing that’s not work and not “adulting”?

Find a hobby. Then find a group that shares that hobby. Clean up a park day, maybe.

Or find a charity or nonprofit that needs volunteers.

The local library probably has things going on, too.

Find a third space whether it’s the magic the gsthering shop and shop tournies or church or a knitting circle ran by the local yarn shop.

source
- YetAnotherNerd@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Museums too. There are a decent number that have “adults night” now.
  
  source
  - TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    That’s a great suggestion! They also tend to host specific exhibits and events that give good opportunities to meet people with similar interests.
    
    Plus they’re just fun. One in a small city by me has an exhibit on local glass manufacturing techniques from the previous turn of the century and how some were invented locally, comparing them to ceramic techniques from across the globe and time. Absolutely fascinating stuff.
    
    source
hesh@quokk.au ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Work and hobbies

source
Zephorah@discuss.online ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Work and shared hobbies. I recently went to buy some hardwood from a work colleague. We don’t even work the same shift but they’re fond of asking what I’m building or showing me what they’re building because who else are they going to talk to about their hobby (I imagine).

We’re not friends, but there’s this hobby. I get there and it’s not a mere business transaction nor do we talk work. It almost had a kid feel to it. Like when you crossed the hedge to the yard of the kid next door and he welcomes you because it’s more fun if you can show off and share your toys. Only as adults. Kudos on reclaiming a small piece of that.

Adulthood is such a roadblock sometimes.

source
- Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Being an adult is hard, in so many different ways.
  
  I miss kindergarten.
  
  source
  - SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
    Naps, cookies, juice boxes, why do we ever stop that?
    
    source
  - TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I love being an adult. It’s amazing.
    
    I absolutely hated Kindergarten.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
FRYD@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
meetups, conventions, conferences, concerts, bars, hobbies, etc. It might be easier for me because I live in a very populous region, but I’ve found it pretty easy to meet people. 90%+ of those people don’t end up becoming long term friends, but that’s just how it is.

Also, the easiest way to start a conversation is to ask a question. “Hey what’s that?” “What are you doing?” It takes time to get a good feel for whether or not someone is actually looking for a conversation based on their response, but it is a skill anyone can learn and there’s generally no harm in short chats with strangers in public spaces.

source
TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Hobby groups. For board games, hiking, sports, etc.

You already have a shared interest, makes things easier.

source
- mushroommunk@lemmy.today ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  This is how I did it. You just have to find the like minded individuals and put in the time to get to know them. I did it through meetup.com some, word of mouth of events from other friends, and just talking a chance and talking to someone who seemed chill from work. Some of my best friends now.
  
  source
  - moroninahurry@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I hope Mayberry is nice grandpa. This isn’t the world anymore. If it was you wouldn’t be reading this post.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
- captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  It’s also just that it’s easier to talk to people while doing things. Chatting over a task/project/activity is kinda just what people do
  
  source
  - TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    True! Making friends out of strangers isn’t really all that difficult, but it does take some practice in being a normal human being and talking to people you just run into.
    
    The sense of community in America is really dying out hard as people isolate themselves further in their little islands of homes and apartments and only socially exist online. But it is possible to just chat with some person you meet in the park while going for a walk without being a weirdo, just many people have forgotten how.
    
    There’s a group of guys I meet up with in the warmer months to fish for bass under a bridge. How’d I meet them? I was fishing for trout in a lake and one of em asked if I had any bites. We had a normal chat between fishers, asking about what we’re targeting, what kinda bait and lures we’re using, comparing successes and failures. I peppered in some info about myself, e.g. mentioned a local noodle bar I liked, mentioned my partner, he did the same, we felt we were similar enough, he invited me to join him and his friends and now we meet up every couple of weeks between April and October.
    
    You just gotta talk to people and not make it weird.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
- SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
  I found bars full of people with self abuse issues.
  
  source
  - TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
    Then the other things seem more useful for you in particular.
    
    source
Modern_medicine_isnt@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Coed recreational sports team. Lots of them are mostly social with a little bit of sports tossed in. And almost all of them are looking for more players.

source
- unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Bouldering is the goat sport for this. Lots of little downtime in between routes which leaves room for talking. But you also always have something to talk about and compliment etc.
  
  source
captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Get a hobby, go to events, find social circles, and drink at the sort of bars you can chat with strangers at.

source
- TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Hey, I’ve also made long term friends from underground raves/sex dungeons. It’s a totally valid way to make friends. Like so many other methods, you already have a shared interest, that’s a springboard to explore if you’re otherwise compatible as buddies.
  
  source
Sunschein@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
image

source
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
For me, it was always through work. Meeting co-workers after work, and meeting other people that way.

You do need to make an effort, though, instead of excuses.

source
- ameancow@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  You do need to make an effort, though, instead of excuses.
  
  This really needs to be said more often, I don’t know what’s going on out there but I see this “I can’t make friends” sentiment all over the internet, but out in physical space people aren’t just going to “click” with you, you have to put in effort, use judgement if you’re putting in the right effort for the right company, and you have to decide what you’re setting aside to invest in this goal.
  
  “I don’t have time to do ____” surely applies to a lot of people and situations, but in my time coaching I always had to tell people that you don’t get good at something without making the time to actually work towards it, and making that time is always going to be a you problem. You have to decide if that 2 hours you spend “unwinding” after work is really doing you more good than hanging out somewhere and socializing or even just trying new things.
  
  I get being tired, we’re all fucking tired. But it doesn’t fix itself, all you can really do is force your body and brain to adapt to new kinds of stimulus and activity, which it will readily, you just can’t have both… you can’t spend all your spare time gaming or scrolling and expect you’re going to also be able to instantly shift gears if someone calls you up to go have dinner or play airsoft or go hiking or something.
  
  source
  - captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yep. I’m exhausted after work, but when I spend some time after work biking I find I’m less exhausted after work once I’ve gotten used to it. Then add social events and yeah, I might need a day of rest regularly, but I also need to get out and do stuff regularly.
    
    Also, learning to flirt is hard and vital. You will make an ass of yourself. Eventually though you get good at it. I’m an awkward dweeb with crap social skills, and yet after learning to flirt and years practicing I’ve managed to find myself making out with strangers on nights out every once in a while. The vital addendum is learning to chat with strangers and have a good time without it going further. Once again, awkward weirdo, but I’ve had so many lovely evenings out chatting with people I may or may not see again. It’s fun and results in a good reputation.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Or you could live in a less urban area, specifically one where transplants are less common than people who grew up less than 30 min away. People who never left their home town, whose friend group also never left, still have all their friends from school and don’t need or want more. They don’t really want to be your friend even if you do click. You can meet them out dozens of times and have running jokes when you see each other, but they’ll never go out of their way to make or keep plans.
    
    Everyone who moves to my current area says basically the same thing about how difficult it is to make friends here. People much more commonly get their friends hired with them than make friends with new people who get hired, so even that hasn’t been a super fruitful endeavor. Only people I’ve managed to make lasting friends with have also been from elsewhere and struggled.
    
    That’s not to say people aren’t nice and welcoming, they are, they just aren’t welcoming into their social circles.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    the problem is people watch social media all day and expect everything to be easy and instant like it is on there.
    
    source
dazzlingclitgame@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
As much as everyone hates dating apps, it’s dating apps. Keep an open mind and go on dates looking to just get to know another person. Apps put a large swath of people in your view that otherwise you may not have crossed paths with.

Otherwise, church, bars, hobby meet ups.

source
- TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  you don’t make friends on dating apps. you find dates.
  
  source
  - scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    OP did say “get into relationships.”
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - dazzlingclitgame@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I met my current friend group through dating apps. You gotta keep an open mind when meeting people - you’re there to get to know them as a person. Sometimes that leads to dating, sometimes it’s friendship.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
The house next door is empty and up for sale. I happened to see a real estate agent and a couple in the driveway, and she waved to me, in a sort of inviting way, so I went over and helped her pitch the house a little, telling them that the previous people were really great, kept up the house nice, did lots of upgrades, the street is really friendly and meets at the neighborhood pool every morning, etc.

The wife asked if there were any musicians, and I raised my hand. She asked what instrument, I said guitar, and she pointed to her husband, and said “So does he.” I said " Please buy this house!"

Yesterday, I heard the house is in escrow, and we’ll have new neighbors soon. I hope it’s the guitarist, I would love a guitar buddy, I literally have NOBODY to play with.

source
early_riser@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Hobbies. I got into ham radio for this very reason. It’s also adjacent to my job (IT), and it’s one of the quintessential “hobby hobbies” like stamp collecting and model trains.

source
- SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
  But doesn’t ham radio introduce you to people halfway across the planet?
  
  source
disregardable@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Well, I don’t live in a place like that, so there’s that. Consider moving to a better city for young people for a few years.

source
- moroninahurry@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  Consider moving to a better city for young people for a few years.
  
  I don’t have words for how much of a useless boomer answer this is.
  
  source
  - disregardable@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    the stakes of moving will never be lower than in your early 20s. one of my regrets is definitely not taking more risks, because worst case scenario I literally would’ve just moved back home without any judgement. obviously that’s not everyone’s situation, but it is the average American in their early 20’s situation.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - dazzlingclitgame@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Cities are better for dating. More people, more third places.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - WolfmanEightySix@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    They should get a better job while they’re at it.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - greyscale@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Its beautiful, isn’t it?
    
    source
- TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Totally true. Some cities/places are just not good for meeting people. Some have very insular and closed off social cultures, others are more open.
  
  source
SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
I met my eventual spouse an art gallery opening. Amazing how certain settings filter out the detritus of society.

source
tyrant@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Sounds like you need a bicycle. Not only do you increase range but you can also meet other bike people.

source
- captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  That being said bike people are certainly a certain type of odd, and if you’re looking for women, we’re definitely a minority of people really into bicycles. Like, I love bikes, if you’re interested in them look for bike groups and see if there’s a bike repair coop nearby, 10/10 hobby, especially if you’re looking for left wing people who aren’t super self destructive.
  
  source
  - TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I have been actively involved in the bike community in my city. There is about 1 woman for every 100 dudes, and she’s already dating another bike guy.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
- SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
  
  you can also meet other bike people. guys with ginger dreadlocks.
  
  source
  - tyrant@lemmy.world ⁨20⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago
    You all realize people commute on bikes all over the world that aren’t bike messengers, hipsters, or obsessive “bike people” right? A bike is a vehicle, not a flag.
    
    source
- TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  most people who ride bikes aren’t ‘bike people’.
  
  source
  - tyrant@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Oh jeez, by bike people I meant others that ride a bike. Not necessarily doing nude bike rides or critical mass or identifying as a bike
    
    source
Sir_Kevin@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Become a regular at the third space of your choice. Like minded people that attend the same things repeatedly tend to click.

source
moroninahurry@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Don’t ask old people.

source
- ameancow@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Yah because young people are absolutely killing it in the field of being social, forming communities and starting families and friend groups.
  
  source
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You talk to them.

source
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I really only meet people through work.

And most all of my rare social events are with friends I’ve had for 30 years.

source
IWW4@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I can only answer this based on what I did.

After college I joined the Army. it is easier to meet people in the Army than it is in college. The army was wild. The days last forever but the weeks go by quick. In the army it is not uncommon to meet someone and by the end of the day they are the best friend you ever had and two weeks later you don’t see them again.

After the Army I settled in a suburban area started working a civilian job and raised my family. I met my best friend as he lived two doors down from us and his two kids were one year younger and one year older than my kid, so we were the two dads watching over the kids in the neighborhood.

From there we started lifting weights together, taking our families to football games and having cookouts together. We also had other families in the neighborhood come and go.

I also made friends through work. I worked in IT so it was a fun job and the people I worked with were great.

The most important thing is proximity.

source
- TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Lmao don’t join the military
  
  source
- ameancow@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  While I get the sentiment about comradery and connection through the focused goals, intense time investment and hardships that military training gives you… I think I’m going to recommend people find ways to connect that don’t lead to potentially murdering Iranians or getting murdered by drones in the wreckage of Tehran or wherever we decide to “freedom” next.
  
  source
StrawberryPigtails@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
“Hi, my name is…”

Admittedly, most of my friends are made at work, however it’s not impossible to meet people in other places. It really just boils down to going places other people are, smiling, and saying “Hello” or “Cool <whatever you find interesting about them>” to a lot of people. If you’re at a store and see someone struggling to load their car or truck, ask if you can give them a hand.

Probably will go no further than that most of the time, however, it might just make their day. Which they will remember. Might have been the first compliment they’ve gotten in a while. Might have been the first time anyone has offered to help them without asking anything in return.

Ever now and then, though, you’ll find yourself with a new friend with a common interest. Probably just for the moment, but if you see them again, say “hi” again. If you’ve got something you think is cool that they might also find interesting, perhaps show it off.

And remember their name. It can help to work it into the conversation. Seriously, Bonje. People like hearing their own name in friendly contexts.

Relationships are really just a longer term version of this with people you already have met.

If this sounds a bit like sales, you ain’t half wrong. What you are selling is you. The payment you are asking for their time, their attention.

Don’t be pushy. Accept no as an answer. But say “hello” to everyone.

source
- TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Yep. Meeting people is boring and hard and most people are not going to be interested in interacting with you. But some will. And you will get to know them and maybe you will not be interested in them. That’s fine.
  
  The problem is people take stuff so personally.
  
  source
makeshiftreaper@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Since you’re here I’ll assume you’re a nerd and suggest getting into Magic:the Gathering. You can learn to play on Arena for free and then buy a pre-made commander deck. At that point you can go to local game stores and ask when they have open play nights. The nice thing about magic is that the games take a long time to play so there’re a lot of opportunities to socialize with the people you play with and people nearby. Similarly if you can find an active Killer Queen cabinet around you those people are always desperate for players and it’s super fun

If you’re less of a nerd dance classes are more active and likewise force you to be in an intimate space with someone which will usually force you to socialize. You seem opposed to bars but karaoke crowds tend to be the same week after week, and you have to wait your turn, so it’s another socialization venue

source
Signtist@bookwyr.me ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I spent a good few hours every day on a dating site, making sure to really read through profiles and think of something interesting and engaging to talk about. I might’ve just been lucky, but I got a good amount of responses despite my less-than-ideal looks. Found one girl I clicked with, and 9 years later she’s now my wife.

source
Asafum@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I don’t. Been single for almost 10 years now. Tried online dating for 8 of those 10 years with absolutely no luck. Made things worse by renting a garage “apartment” so I could live closer to my job which is way out in old rich people land…

So I just gave up and accepted that I’ll be single living in someone else’s garage/basement until I decide I’ve had enough and walk deep into the woods somewhere to “flip the off switch” as it were.

source
Nikokin@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Play pinball

source
- Janx@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  You’d have to be some sort of wizard to get good at that!
  
  source
cattywampas@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I met my fiancee on bumble.

source