[deleted]
When opportunity presents itself, say yes
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Submitted 20 hours ago by just1earthling@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
frightful_hobgoblin@lemmy.ml 20 hours ago
saltesc@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
Especially when the worst that could happen is nothing which is exactly what’s going to happen if OP says no. Literally can’t go backwards no matter what, but it’s possible they could go forward.
Well…unless something psycho happens, I guess. Then OP will bmsuffer greatly, go very backward, traumatised for life etc. etc. etc…
reactionality@lemmy.sdf.org 17 hours ago
Hell no. Fuck being controlled.
FooBarrington@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
This isn’t “being controlled”. Yes, the dad should have asked first, but it’s just a date for someone who seems to want to go on dates. That’s just being helpful in the wrong way.
Blackmist@feddit.uk 10 hours ago
Probably, but a date is date.
Best case, face full of 27 year old muff.
Worst case, harvested organs. But since your dad set it up, he was probably going to take them anyway.
CatDogL0ver@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
Probably Indian arranged date. He will need to marry her on third date
rumba@lemmy.zip 13 hours ago
Good people spend way too much time worrying about being embarrassed.
Take it, show up clean, well dressed, wearing just a hint of something that smells good.
Do something fun and engaging. This isn’t a girlfriend, this isn’t a perspective girlfriend, this is you, going out to do something fun. Your goal is to have a shared fun experience with the other person. If it turns into more, Great. If it doesn’t turn into more you had fun.
Your primary goal is to not make a bad impression everything else is left to the wind.
Crackhappy@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
I have a perspective girlfriend. She sees things I do not. That’s why we get along.
TheMinister@sh.itjust.works 12 hours ago
I have a periscopic girlfriend. She sticks her little eyeball up the to the surface so I can stay under the water cruising along and fire nukes and kill the Russians and Germans
elucubra@sopuli.xyz 10 hours ago
Oh, so thats where the expression seersucker comes form!
ameancow@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Good people spend way too much time worrying about being embarrassed.
The fear of embarrassment in front of imagined people is literally ruining our world, social media in particular has been like a cocktail of crack cocaine and steroids to this effect.
GiveOver@feddit.uk 11 hours ago
I believe everybody should get a downvoted comment every now and then. Have a real opinion, people!
(I mean things like enjoying Nickelback or hating dogs. No bigotry)
billwashere@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
I’m 54 and I’ve realized you can meet people in the weirdest places sometimes. She might be a very nice girl. Worst case scenario is you have a bad blind date. If he keeps doing it it might be a problem but humor him at least once.
chocrates@piefed.world 10 hours ago
Fucking do it! Worst case you get a little better at dating. I'm 37 and have had 3 girlfriends (and 1 ex wife) in my life and dating is miserable.
Being a companion to someone takes work and the earlier you can practice the better imo.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 12 hours ago
I’d be upset about the tone, he’s speaking a little condescendingly in my opinion, but the reality is that arranged dates have been a thing for a very very long time. It’s not embarrassing.
echodot@feddit.uk 10 hours ago
Just as long as there’s no expectations.
Also I wouldn’t trust my parents to arrange me a date, I’ve met my parents.
Saleh@feddit.org 8 hours ago
Well, they managed to find someone. So at least in their time and place they managed to do something right.
dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 hours ago
how would you feel if your parent arranged a date for you without discussion or consent, and posed it in such a condescending way? The parent is communicating contempt and violating boundaries, nothing about this seems acceptable…
JackbyDev@programming.dev 8 hours ago
How would I feel?
I’d be upset about the tone, he’s speaking a little condescendingly in my opinion
Being a bit cheeky lol, but I can expand.
If my parents did this to me I’d be furious, but I also have always had this teenager-like aversion to everything my parents do even into my 30s. Whenever I do anything that reminds me of my parents it sends me into a bit of a spiral. Even when they’re good things my parents do. My parents are nice, good people. Like I’ll notice myself being helpful to people like my dad does and I’ll be angry that I’m being like him (it’s not quite that general, it’s not like general altruism makes me angry lol).
It’s also really difficult for me to know exactly how I’d react in this scenario because I’ve been with my partner for over half of my life now and we got together in high school.
So I’ve never really not had a partner since I was 15 and I already hate everything my parents do for some reason and am cognizant that it’s an unfair reaction.
Another thing I know is that some older folks (gen x and older) tend to communicate differently, especially over texts like SMS, than younger folks (millennial and younger). So I try to account for OP being 22, assume they were 25ish when they had OP so they’re 47ish. People I’ve talked to in that age range tend to seem more cold over text without meaning to. (An example, just replying a 👍 seems rude or sarcastic, but it is somewhat typical from them and they don’t mean anything by it.)
So when I read this, I try to get rid of my innate aversion to my parents, imagine myself feeling desperate and unloved, and try to be very gracious in my interpretation of the text. When I do all those it, at worst, seems like a weird thing to do unprompted. But I have no idea how OP’s father talks to them outside of texts. I don’t know what their relationship is like. I don’t know if this is violating boundaries because I don’t know what sort of boundaries they have. There are even cultures where this sort of thing is more normal and I don’t know if OP belongs to any of those cultures or a culture like what I grew up in where it’s not normal.
madcaesar@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
I mean it’s a bit odd, but fuck it man it’s a date. You go out and have fun. If you’re not into it you pull the plug after 15 min.
Honesty we all need a kick in the ass sometimes to go out and do shit.
I don’t know your relationship with your dad, but if you two are on good terms and trust each other than this is actually kinda cool.
Have fun and enjoy.
BrowseMan@sh.itjust.works 10 hours ago
This
psion1369@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
I agree with the other comments, go out on the date. Dad says your complaining that you can’t find a girl to go out with, why are you worried that he’s found someone? Afraid they are some horrid person with a crappy personality and a face like a bowl of Spaghetti? Imagine how she is feeling. Now you have something to talk about.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Now you have something to talk about.
Spaghetti?
psion1369@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Sorry. Was supposed to be like a bowl of Spaghetti-Ohs, but the phone adjusted. Looks a bit messy and not the most conventionally attractive.
slazer2au@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
You can always not go. You are an adult and don’t have to do everything your parents say.
On the flip side, you could always give it a go.
MuttMutt@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
My stepson is likely a 37 yeast old virgin.
Don’t be like my stepson.
Get a haircut, take a shower, go out on a date. When you are with her ask her on another. Take the chance to see where things go. If you don’t before you know it you will be someone’s 40 year old virgin.
I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
yeast old virgin.
Ew.
Hobo@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
Look some people keep sourdough starter for generations. Just because they don’t necessarily make sourdough for 37 years with it is no reason to shame people for their hobbies. /s
Fun fact there’s an ancient sourdough yeast that is thought to be several thousands of years old. It’s not a virgin though and gets around quite a lot!
echodot@feddit.uk 10 hours ago
I do imagine though that after a certain point it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dating after the age of 25 is really awful, a lot of the people that age have already been in a relationship and have baggage. Some of that baggage walks around asking for juice.
MyBrainHurts@lemmy.ca 9 hours ago
Honestly, I found dating in my late 20s early 30s to be the best. Everyone’s been in a few relationships, people are starting to get their shit figured out, folks generally have some disposable income etc. Yeah, some folks have baggage but others had baggage from family, high school or whatever else and some have worked through it.
Late 30s onwards, there’s a lot of “I’ve been to 4 weddings this summer, when is it myyyyyyyyy turn!” Or on the 2nd date, “let’s make a baby!”
pedz@lemmy.ca 8 hours ago
Why is it a bad thing?
TheFogan@programming.dev 19 hours ago
I would be mad, but, I’d also say go. Honestly when I was about 19, my mom more or less did this, in short she spent weeks talking up a hair dresser friend at church, commented that she played D&D, Eventually arranged for me to join her, and get a hair cut.
I talked with her, didn’t really go anywhere, From my understanding the girl afterwards kind of responded to my mom something along the lines of “I know you are hoping I’d be your son’s future wife but that’s not where I am in life right now”, and all the embarassment went on my mom for that.
So yeah, if you ask me, give it a shot, if it sucks, you’ve got solid standing to tell your dad not to do that shit again, if it’s good, maybe something good can come from it.
TheFlopster@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
My biggest problems here are the phrases “no objections” and “evolve”.
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“No objections” is unhealthily controlling. You absolutely can object, and it’s gross that he seems to think you can’t.
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“Evolve” makes it sound like people who don’t go on dates are somehow not as human as the rest of society, and are not doing what they’re “supposed” to be doing. I don’t like that either. It strikes me as being in the same vein as how you’re “supposed” to be heterosexual, and get married, and have children. Because that’s what “normal” humans do.
If those two phrases weren’t in the response, I’d find the situation weird, but not overall objectionable.
It’s your dad’s attitude toward you that feels wrong, not the date itself.
KumaSudosa@feddit.dk 13 hours ago
There’s nothing wrong with pressuring your loved ones a bit - especially as a parent. I read it in a loving, paternal tone rather than a demanding, controlling one. Of course, if it was literal it’d be problematic.
The guy is complaining about not being able to find girls - so I wouldn’t read too much into it either.
Well, I don’t see the flags anyway. We don’t know these two people or what their relationship is like.
billwashere@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Well maybe not. The “no objections” is just him setting him up to give it a shot and not wussing out. And the “evolve”… not sure about you guys but I’m significantly different than I was at 22….
I’m not super fond of the phrasing either but I think his heart is in the right place.
brygphilomena@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 hours ago
Maybe not the best word choices. But I don’t think they’re problems without knowing more about their relationship. Sometimes parenting you have to be hard and direct. You don’t always give choices, now I know they are 22 and that makes it a little weird. But parenting doesn’t exactly stop when someone turns 18.
And “evolve” wouldn’t have been so strange if it were replaced with “grow”. It sounds more like “push yourself out of your comfort zone.”
Jhex@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
While I understand your point, I think it’s unwise to read too much into the language very close people may use. I have forever called my wife “Gorda” which is “Chubby” in English even thought she is not and has never been chubby, it’s a nickname she loves.
Same with my son and daughter, we have all sorts of pet names and inside joke language which won’t be understood by anyone outside of our circle without explanation.
Ultimately, language is no different from physical contact… I rough house my grown kid to show him love (and probably to see if I still have it hahahaha) but I’d never dare do that at work (very on the nose example, but you get my point I hope)
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 13 hours ago
i think “no objections” is a bit tongue-in-cheek maybe, or at least that’s how i use the phrase. like if you say “let’s go on a trip and have fun, no objections” :P they can obviously object, but it’s a figure of speech that they shouldn’t object because you think it’s fine or sth. maybe that’s a matter of dialect and local slang though :D
sad_detective_man@leminal.space 15 hours ago
fair points. I kind of like them just because of the context that the kid has been complaining about being single. I feel like I did that one time before I realized that people don’t give you other people to date. or if they do, that’s actually weird. but I think being told to evolve was even gentler than the language that was used to communicate to me that I needed to grow and be a person who anyone would want to be alone with (let alone date).
blargh513@sh.itjust.works 14 hours ago
As a father of sons who are nearly undatable, I would like to offer some thought.
The father here is probably worried for his sons future and happiness. He didn’t set up a date for no reason.
His choice of words are not awesome, but I understand being exhausted by ones progeny. Without an understanding of the relationship, making a judgement is a wild shot in the dark.
If OP wants to bail out of the date, they will. I would qualify this as weird but so is eating sushi, it is still good though.
Retro_unlimited@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
My guess of “no objections” is that the girl is experiencing a date, it’s not cool to stand people up.
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cdf12345@lemmy.zip 9 hours ago
Twist: he’s texting his daughter
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
Femcel Destroyed By Progressive Loving Father
RBWells@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
No, no way should you be embarrassed. One of my kids asked if I would matchmaker her and I said no way, but it’s not that weird, if he knows someone he thinks you would like, to introduce you.
I found “dates” intimidating like interviews, but really this is a night out on your dad’s money- think about it like if his friends kid was in town and he asked you to go show her the town while she was there, right?
HiddenLychee@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
These comments are weird AF to me. If I was your age and my dad gave me a “no objections” blind date, I’d fuck off right then. Personally because I never wanted my parents to meddle in my love life, but I would also not talk about it with them.
If you want to go on random dates with women for the sake of it, and you’re okay reinforcing this behavior from your dad, sure do it. Make sure you spend a shit ton of money so he thinks twice next time he gives you a “no objections” obligation.
But if you have no interest in blind dating I don’t see a reason why you should do it.
sanguinepar@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
Completely agree. Dad is totally overstepping here, it’s none of his business whether OP arranges dates or not.
I’d refuse to go on the date out of general principle.
Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works 9 hours ago
Agreed, if you want a relationship with somebody you should be the one to seek them out. Not let mommy and daddy setup a date for you.
And i feel you are not the only person whoms parents are a little to nosey. Ive been in 4 relationships and they all ended up not working out. Purely because my parents are a bit of a handful and are just a tad overbearing, aswell as extremely pious.
Life is not an anime/hallmark movie. Your not gonna get text message or phone call from a random stranger thats madly in love with you. Which if that does happen there probably batshit crazy and you should touch them with a 10 foot pole. But i digress, people need to learn how to interact with other people rather if thats a romantic sense or a friendship. In any healthy relationship it requires work, from both partys.
And REMEMBER FELLAS, dont put your steamed hams in crazy 👌👌👌```
finitebanjo@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
I think it’s normal to feel a little embarrassed over parents who don’t respect your autonomy at age 22, but other than that no reason to feel down: life is good if this is your biggest problem.
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 14 hours ago
Something like this used to be the norm for centuries. Do it, even just to see if our ancestors were onto something 😄
Rekorse@sh.itjust.works 12 hours ago
We do this still now but the recommendations come from other people.
Hubi@feddit.org 18 hours ago
Chad dad tbh
sexy_peach@feddit.org 15 hours ago
Pressuring grown child to do something they might be entirely uncomfortable with. Amazing
TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 hours ago
oh no think of the children, pressure kills
echodot@feddit.uk 10 hours ago
I’d be really interested to know about the logistics of this. Did he arrange this with the girls family or with her directly, both weird, but in different ways.
Although I suppose it can’t be any worse than online dating.
onslaught545@lemmy.zip 10 hours ago
Blind dates have been a thing for hundreds of years. It’s not that strange. The dad is just being an ass about it.
dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 hours ago
the dad is being denigrating, but don’t you also feel it’s a violation to set up a date without consent or discussion first? The dad seems so toxic in his behavior and it’s not surprising to read he is also controlling and “dominant”.
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 10 hours ago
The thing with online dating is, that you never even reach the stage of actually going on a date.
TheBat@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Where did he find her though? Is he pretending to be you on dating apps?
just1earthling@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
[deleted]TheBat@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
Damn. Appropriate our culture and get arranged married I guess lol.
Signtist@bookwyr.me 9 hours ago
After I got my first girlfriend, now wife, through a dating site at 25, I found out later that her best friend's mom and my best friend's mom are friends, and we only found out because the two of them just happened to be talking on the phone and got on the topic of how people in their lives had recently found love, then realized they were talking about the same couple. The connection may have been a little late for me and my wife, since we'd already gotten together, but it would've been a great match otherwise.
My friend himself met his wife through a recommendation from his pastor, whose niece was also a shut-in who loved manga and anime; you might as well take the opportunities that come along. It might not work out, but the only way to get good at asking people out and dating is to ask people out and date.
parody@lemmings.world 9 hours ago
Oh that’s awesome
If he found her on Craigslist you’d really have to question
This way,
… (if she cute enough, if she’s met that baseline for your monkey brain to want to get to know her personality—nothing shallow intended btw just reality of human attraction) …
sounds like one to YOLO full send to me baybeeeeeee let us know!! 💪
Brutticus@midwest.social 10 hours ago
He’s being kind of a dick, but not unkind. Try it.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 17 hours ago
Should have asked first.
If I was single I wouldn’t have really minded if my parents set me up. But I would have liked full transparency that they were going to.
I feel like his heart is kind of in the right place but the execution is wrong
bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works 16 hours ago
Honestly the tone is kinda condescending but if this is the start of your dating life, OP would never think about this again.
I am kinda jealous OP. I am not saying this way of communication deserves an award but you are 22. In the end my dating life turned out OK but personally I wished I started sooner. Just give it a go. You will learn so much.
But that is not the point. Meeting people is fun, dating even more so. Like, the best. Don’t forget to have fun!
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 14 hours ago
Especially if dad is paying. At worst, it’s free food.
markovs_gun@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Honestly your dad is doing you a favor. Probably going to be awkward but it might get you out of your slump to go on a shitty date and see that it’s not so bad. Or you might hit it off and it will be good. I think you should go. Worst case scenario you have a bad date and a good story out of it.
Menschlicher_Fehler@feddit.org 19 hours ago
Maybe the circumstances on how that date came to be aren’t ideal and you should talk about that with your dad. But I think you should still go on that date and gather some experience. Don’t see it is something potentially romantic, but as a chance to find a new friend. That will go a long way in terms of socializing and normalizing hanging out with women. And who knows who you might meet through her?
happydoors@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
His communication is harsh and demeaning towards you but he seems to be trying to help and care for you. All he knows is the life he has lived, sometimes people have a hard time imagining what you’ve gone through. Do what you want! I wouldn’t be too embarrassed. Parents and loved ones have helped each other out throughout all of time. Like others have said, just be polite and close the relationship if it’s a bad match!
Habahnow@sh.itjust.works 20 hours ago
yeah embarrassed for your dad. “evolve” wtf. this is too little context, but this can range from your dad genuinely caring about you(“complain you’re unable to find girls”) but the execution isn’t great, to just wanting to push you into doing certain things. This definitely requires a conversation with your dad about boundaries.
On another note, if you are trying to find people to date, you should figure why things aren’t working there, and see how you can improve your chances ( are you well kept? are you comfortable talking to new people? do you expose yourself to new people in order to both meet new people and also practice talking to new people? )
elucubra@sopuli.xyz 10 hours ago
No
HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
No, you shouldn’t be embarrassed.
I mean, it probably wont work out unless your dad has a good eye for matchmaking but it is worth a shot. Plus its like he is suggesting a chance to grow as a person.
Part of me wishes my dad had done this but I know he’d be a terrible matchmaker for me. Though again, at least I probably would have learned from it.
josefo@leminal.space 11 hours ago
This is the closer humans get to being kicked off the nest to learn to fly lol.
whaleross@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
Go on the date, have fun, spend dad’s money. When he asks, tell him it was great and she spent all night pegging you in the arse and her side dude joined in. Then ask him for more money so you can do drugs together.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
“Thanks for the introduction, dad. Turns out her fursona is a well-hung platypus, just like I always wanted!”
Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
😂
bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works 16 hours ago
👆