Submitted 8 months ago by just1earthling@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
No, no way should you be embarrassed. One of my kids asked if I would matchmaker her and I said no way, but it’s not that weird, if he knows someone he thinks you would like, to introduce you.
I found “dates” intimidating like interviews, but really this is a night out on your dad’s money- think about it like if his friends kid was in town and he asked you to go show her the town while she was there, right?
Something like this used to be the norm for centuries. Do it, even just to see if our ancestors were onto something 😄
We do this still now but the recommendations come from other people.
Honestly, a bit fucked up your dad takes control over who you date and spend time with. But as the others said, you can atleast go there for a free meal and hopefully make a new friend. I do understand the weird pressure this would put on you though. I hope all goes well, and dont feel pressure to pursue a relationship if youre not feeling it. Your dad cant be the deciding factor in that
A free meal and possibly good company. I would take a shot ay it for sure!
I agree with the other comments, go out on the date. Dad says your complaining that you can’t find a girl to go out with, why are you worried that he’s found someone? Afraid they are some horrid person with a crappy personality and a face like a bowl of Spaghetti? Imagine how she is feeling. Now you have something to talk about.
Now you have something to talk about.
Spaghetti?
Sorry. Was supposed to be like a bowl of Spaghetti-Ohs, but the phone adjusted. Looks a bit messy and not the most conventionally attractive.
If you mean should you be embarrassed about being set up on a date by your parent then no, as others have pointed out in these comments it’s been happening since the dawn of time. I’m 38 and I’d love to be set up on a date by my parents or frankly anyone. But I think I’d find not being consulted about it a bit annoying.
Your old man knows what he’s doing. She’s 27.
Go on the date, try and be cool. Let her do most of the talking. Given the age gap, it probably won’t ever be anything serious.
However, she’s 27. You’re getting laid on the first or second date as long as you don’t turn her off. She’s looking to get lucky.
Cut your fingernails, shave your balls, keep some gum or mints in your pocket. Bring rubbers. Be cool.
gussy
The internet has atrophied my brain.
Try to relax, have fun, and even if you don’t want to be there, fake it til you make it.
You may feel awkward or strange about this but yer old man’s doing you a solid.
Worst case, you’ll have a great story.
Damn skippy! Your old man is taking care of you, even if the delivery was rough.
If your hobbies/pastime are mostly gaming, don’t talk about it much other than a casual mention. Do talk about books, if you read and she’s receptive. Assuming US, try and stay away from politics, unless your dad tells you her political orientation; and even then just insult Trump. Talk about pets, animals, hiking/camping/outdoors. Some science talk can be good. Let her lead.
Kiss her when she gives you the look, you’ll know the look. It will make you very nervous. Do it anyways. Go with her when she asks, “you want to get out of here?” Suggest her place if you need to.
When it gets down to the get down, let her lead. Check in and ask if she likes what you’re doing. It’s okay to be inexperienced, she’ll be expecting it and will accept it as long you’re teachable. If you pop early, laugh, make fun of yourself. Very important, say something like, "welp, at least I’m 22, gimme like 15 minutes and we can try again.’
If my dad had tried to do this to me I’d probably go along with it. Knowing what he was like, he would’ve set me up with a gay man, and we’d both have a laugh.
Lol
Man, if my parents set me up on a blind date with a woman Id be beyond thrilled.
I was going to upvote this before I remembered that my parents are actual fascists, and I haven’t spoken to them since late January.
Should you feel embarrassed no.
Parents introducing their kids to romantic partners has happened since the dawn of time.
The difference here is how you are being told about it.
The hardest part of parenting is figuring out when the kid needs a hug, a challenge or just a swift kick in the ass.
This looks to me like a parent providing for his kid.
Honestly your dad is doing you a favor. Probably going to be awkward but it might get you out of your slump to go on a shitty date and see that it’s not so bad. Or you might hit it off and it will be good. I think you should go. Worst case scenario you have a bad date and a good story out of it.
i would be a hypocrite if i said yes.
I’m 54 and I’ve realized you can meet people in the weirdest places sometimes. She might be a very nice girl. Worst case scenario is you have a bad blind date. If he keeps doing it it might be a problem but humor him at least once.
Bro your dad is the best! The communication sounds like a dick move, but in between the letters I find nothing but love from your dad. Look, things were different when he was your age.
I mean, let’s be honest, there is a very very small chance you’ll find the love of your life with this date. But as others said, this could be a kick start to a much more fun life. Just enjoy it! Who knows what doors this experience will open for you!
My biggest problems here are the phrases “no objections” and “evolve”.
“No objections” is unhealthily controlling. You absolutely can object, and it’s gross that he seems to think you can’t.
“Evolve” makes it sound like people who don’t go on dates are somehow not as human as the rest of society, and are not doing what they’re “supposed” to be doing. I don’t like that either. It strikes me as being in the same vein as how you’re “supposed” to be heterosexual, and get married, and have children. Because that’s what “normal” humans do.
If those two phrases weren’t in the response, I’d find the situation weird, but not overall objectionable.
It’s your dad’s attitude toward you that feels wrong, not the date itself.
My guess of “no objections” is that the girl is experiencing a date, it’s not cool to stand people up.
There’s nothing wrong with pressuring your loved ones a bit - especially as a parent. I read it in a loving, paternal tone rather than a demanding, controlling one. Of course, if it was literal it’d be problematic.
The guy is complaining about not being able to find girls - so I wouldn’t read too much into it either.
Well, I don’t see the flags anyway. We don’t know these two people or what their relationship is like.
i think “no objections” is a bit tongue-in-cheek maybe, or at least that’s how i use the phrase. like if you say “let’s go on a trip and have fun, no objections” :P they can obviously object, but it’s a figure of speech that they shouldn’t object because you think it’s fine or sth. maybe that’s a matter of dialect and local slang though :D
Well maybe not. The “no objections” is just him setting him up to give it a shot and not wussing out. And the “evolve”… not sure about you guys but I’m significantly different than I was at 22….
I’m not super fond of the phrasing either but I think his heart is in the right place.
While I understand your point, I think it’s unwise to read too much into the language very close people may use. I have forever called my wife “Gorda” which is “Chubby” in English even thought she is not and has never been chubby, it’s a nickname she loves.
Same with my son and daughter, we have all sorts of pet names and inside joke language which won’t be understood by anyone outside of our circle without explanation.
Ultimately, language is no different from physical contact… I rough house my grown kid to show him love (and probably to see if I still have it hahahaha) but I’d never dare do that at work (very on the nose example, but you get my point I hope)
Maybe not the best word choices. But I don’t think they’re problems without knowing more about their relationship. Sometimes parenting you have to be hard and direct. You don’t always give choices, now I know they are 22 and that makes it a little weird. But parenting doesn’t exactly stop when someone turns 18.
And “evolve” wouldn’t have been so strange if it were replaced with “grow”. It sounds more like “push yourself out of your comfort zone.”
As a father of sons who are nearly undatable, I would like to offer some thought.
The father here is probably worried for his sons future and happiness. He didn’t set up a date for no reason.
His choice of words are not awesome, but I understand being exhausted by ones progeny. Without an understanding of the relationship, making a judgement is a wild shot in the dark.
If OP wants to bail out of the date, they will. I would qualify this as weird but so is eating sushi, it is still good though.
fair points. I kind of like them just because of the context that the kid has been complaining about being single. I feel like I did that one time before I realized that people don’t give you other people to date. or if they do, that’s actually weird. but I think being told to evolve was even gentler than the language that was used to communicate to me that I needed to grow and be a person who anyone would want to be alone with (let alone date).
Embarrassed? My dude, you should be angry. I’m sure your dad’s coming from a good place but he’s still running roughshod over your agency and free will by doing this. This is pretty close to abject disrespect of your choices (and possibly hers).
You need to nip this in the bud and make it clear you won’t tolerate being pushed around like this. Time to show some of that steel spine, buddy.
Okay young one, we have a few things to get through.
First, you should feel whatever you do feel. It’s not as embarrassing to have your parents help you than you might think. You’re in your early 20s, which means most of your life experience comes from when you were a child and embarrassing parents were a social death sentence. You’re an adult now and to a lot of older adults stuff like that becomes insignificant compared to other things. That said if you feel embarrassed, you feel embarrassed, there is no should to feelings.
Two, I suggest you tell your Dad that you appreciate what he’s trying to do, and that you’ll go on the date (because I think you should). You need to tell him that doing this without keeping you in the loop made you feel uncomfortable. He’s trying to help and it comes from a good place but the execution was a little off.
Third, go easy on yourself. Finding a partner is not easy, and at your age you’re going to make mistakes, big ones but that’s okay. That’s what living is. Just make sure you don’t an STI or you or someone else pregnant. Unless future you is trying to have a kid, in which case good luck!
🌻
Look at what might happen: say you go on a date, you like each other. Maybe you end up together, maybe for just a while, maybe for a long time or you get married. Do you really care why or how you met then?
Even if the opposite happens, so you go on a date, you don’t really get along or aren’t each other’s type. What did you lose? An afternoon or an evening? And you (probably) still get some nice conversations out of it, or just “experience” in dating. Not really a big loss either.
It’s hard enough to find someone. Take any chance you can get, no matter how much of a long shot it may be. You said in some comment that he has a “wide social circle” or something like it. I would be glad he managed to use that for you in this way. If it doesn’t work out, nothing of value was lost (if anything it might be embarrassing for him in his social circle, I don’t know). If it does work out literally everyone just wins.
I mean it’s a bit odd, but fuck it man it’s a date. You go out and have fun. If you’re not into it you pull the plug after 15 min.
Honesty we all need a kick in the ass sometimes to go out and do shit.
I don’t know your relationship with your dad, but if you two are on good terms and trust each other than this is actually kinda cool.
Have fun and enjoy.
This
Love. The language of love.
Hahahaha. It’s just a date mate, why not go for it?
Its more typical to be introduced to partners through social media or friends than from family where I live but all sorts of cultures do it in all sorts of ways. You set your own boundaries if you feel like your dad is overstepping there are plenty of ways to go about it. Parents are naturally concerned for their kids and the world we live in pushes young people to stay at home longer and push back starting a family. That can be very concerning for parents you grew up without such socioeconomic pressures.
Typically the way I go about things with my parents (and all people in general) is I don’t mention things I don’t want them involved with.
Go on the date, have fun, spend dad’s money. When he asks, tell him it was great and she spent all night pegging you in the arse and her side dude joined in. Then ask him for more money so you can do drugs together.
“Thanks for the introduction, dad. Turns out her fursona is a well-hung platypus, just like I always wanted!”
😂
👆
Based largely on your self-stated lack of experience, I’d say it’s a good idea to just give it a whirl and see where things go, and see how you feel about it.
I’d feel pissed off more than anything. I don’t know your situation obviously but my mother would be aggressively pushy like this and the best solution for me was to stop telling her shit about my life.
Things greatly improved when I did that.
You? No. It’s not something you did.
Personally I find this fucked up. Especially the way it’s written, but I can’t expect anything else from someone who sets up dates for others without their permission.
This is not the same as buying you some snacks that were on sale, but seems to be taken as lightly from him.
I imagine the comments here would be quite different if you were a woman.
If you feel comfortable with it, then go ahead. But keep in mind you don’t know how it’s arranged on the other side, and the other party may not. Well, just the usual “be nice”.
Should have asked first.
If I was single I wouldn’t have really minded if my parents set me up. But I would have liked full transparency that they were going to.
I feel like his heart is kind of in the right place but the execution is wrong
Honestly the tone is kinda condescending but if this is the start of your dating life, OP would never think about this again.
I am kinda jealous OP. I am not saying this way of communication deserves an award but you are 22. In the end my dating life turned out OK but personally I wished I started sooner. Just give it a go. You will learn so much.
But that is not the point. Meeting people is fun, dating even more so. Like, the best. Don’t forget to have fun!
Especially if dad is paying. At worst, it’s free food.
That’s pretty high on the scale of toxic parenting,
Tell him that you’re already with someone, and not interested
There’s nothing here that indicates OP is not interested.
rumba@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Good people spend way too much time worrying about being embarrassed.
Take it, show up clean, well dressed, wearing just a hint of something that smells good.
Do something fun and engaging. This isn’t a girlfriend, this isn’t a perspective girlfriend, this is you, going out to do something fun. Your goal is to have a shared fun experience with the other person. If it turns into more, Great. If it doesn’t turn into more you had fun.
Your primary goal is to not make a bad impression everything else is left to the wind.
ameancow@lemmy.world 8 months ago
The fear of embarrassment in front of imagined people is literally ruining our world, social media in particular has been like a cocktail of crack cocaine and steroids to this effect.
GiveOver@feddit.uk 8 months ago
I believe everybody should get a downvoted comment every now and then. Have a real opinion, people!
(I mean things like enjoying Nickelback or hating dogs. No bigotry)
Crackhappy@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I have a perspective girlfriend. She sees things I do not. That’s why we get along.
elucubra@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
Oh, so thats where the expression seersucker comes form!
TheMinister@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I have a periscopic girlfriend. She sticks her little eyeball up the to the surface so I can stay under the water cruising along and fire nukes and kill the Russians and Germans