“RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”
Don't tell me what to do.
Submitted 4 weeks ago by BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/26abd5ba-7628-4c54-b4a8-92b4cc468c0d.jpeg
Comments
FancyPantsFIRE@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Geodad@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Is that him or the worm talking?
MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Maybe the worm likes spring rolls.
Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 4 weeks ago
Literally 1984
tourist@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
olafurp@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Don’t shove spring rolls up your ass, shove autumn wraps into the digestive system in reverse. :)
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
The surveillance is a bit anal.
Willy@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
I missed that page.
genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 weeks ago
FLARED. BASE.
Machinist@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.
wanderwisley@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
What goes up must always come down
huppakee@feddit.nl 4 weeks ago
Thank god I’m not a patient then ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
For now
barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn’t find them anywhere, not even Walmart.
The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read “Not to be inserted rectally.”
So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.
Anomalocaris@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don’t think the government should tell you not too
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
It’s the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan’s eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they’ve fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn’t get Thursdays off, it’s been a minute.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 4 weeks ago
First they invented great barrier reef, now they make great barrier ointment. My God what horrors and highlights, the hubris of humankind.
musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.
Appleseuss@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
My body, my choice.
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Doctor: can you at least wait a few seconds after you take them out of the deep fryer?
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Doctors don’t know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 4 weeks ago
First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they’re telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It’s like doctors don’t want us to find any joy in our lives.
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Or give them reasons to earn money while also telling crazy ass stories to their friends and family. Literally.
Senseless@feddit.org 4 weeks ago
Use summer rolls instead. They’re usually bigger anyway.
kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 4 weeks ago
just gonna leave this here walesonline.co.uk/…/doctors-warning-people-not-in…
lowered_lifted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 weeks ago
“I can almost recognize my bottom again” is an all time quote
Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Fuckin’ big pharma. I ain’t sticking Pfizer’s goddamn wantons up there, I’m sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.
_AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 weeks ago
Well, I wasn’t going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??
Deceptichum@quokk.au 4 weeks ago
Well excuse me for being a good host during my digital rectal exam.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
He didn’t complain about the tea kettle at least, that’s just being hospitable
terminhell@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Well DUH! It’s summer idiots.
bampop@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
I’m sure you can get frozen spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
More importantly, is that soy sauce? Y’all eat spring rolls with motherfucking soy sauce? Ewwwwww
JustARegularNerd@aussie.zone 4 weeks ago
The fuck? First person I’ve met that objects to this. Even the sushi places usually throw in soy sauce for your spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
Wait, sushi places have spring rolls? I thought it was a doner kebab thing, I get them with cream sauce or garlic sauce or something. Definitely not soy sauce yuck.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
Yeah. You should be lubricating your spring rolls with sweet&sour sauce.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
“Insert from other end”
D_C@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Instructions unclear. Urethra is now also unclear.
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he’d never considered before.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
No. Secret third thing. If you find out, do not tell them.
Poach@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
I think there is only one way to find out…
Honytawk@feddit.nl 4 weeks ago
If you put enough up there, sure.
You’d be like one of those PEZ dispensers.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
I have moved on to egg rolls.
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Well I am on pineapple satay skewers. Get with the now.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
Challenge accepted!
nectar45@lemmy.zip 4 weeks ago
Just watch me motherfucker
LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
The new sexually frustrated boomer trend
olafurp@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
“Breaking news”
elevenbones@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
Yeah probably the same “doctors” that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 4 weeks ago
A spring roll a day…
ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.
sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Breaking news
TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Image
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Chaotic Good Karen.