I’ve been activelly managing my mobile phone pretty much like that since the 90s because after getting my first mobile phone I quickly figured out that if allowed to the thing just turned into a source of near-constant urgent non-essential alerts, in other words, unnecessary stress.
Decades ago, I learned about the whole 4 quadrants thing in management: testprepchampions.com/…/4quadrantstimemanagement-…
You’re supposed to work mostly in the “Important Non-Urgent” quadrant as much as possible and mobile phones if not properly managed constantly pull you to the “Not Important, Not Urgent” which is the worst quadrant to be working in.
In this perspective the problem with mobile phones (and e-mail also to a great extent have a similar problem) is that all notifications/calls look equally important from the outside, so you have to stop doing what you’re doing to check them because they might actually be stuff from the “Important and Urgent” quadrant, but unless you tightly manage it, most of them are not, not least because, if you push back on it hard the people who constantly work in the “Non-Important, Non-Urgent” quadrant (i.e. those who are bad at managing their own time) will make that your problem too.
So what do I do to manage it so that my phone is not a source of stress:
- Calls to my phone for work subjects outside work always (this is important) get a “I’ll talk to you when I’m back at work”. You have to inflexibly refuse to handle work stuff outside work otherwise the number of work calls will just creep up. Also do it from the very start of a new job: your work colleagues need to be trained to expect that from you and you need to provide them with an actual positive out (i.e. “I’ll talk to you when I’m back at work” and actually do it). If an employer needs you to provided out of hours support, that has to be in the contract and there has to be a work phone just for that which will be ON during the hours contracted for that and OFF otherwise.
- Call to my phone for work subjects during work time get triaged and non-urgent or non-important stuff get’s back a “I’m busy now, I’ll talk to you about this when I have the time” if I indeed have something more important or urgent on the plate. Again, train your colleagues to expect that if they call you with non-urgent or non-important stuff there you will not be giving them that sweet feeling of having dumped the problem on somebody else - the objective here is not to “deny service”, it’s to as much as possible have other people do the triaging for you so that you’re only interrupted by things which are worth it.
- E-mail is for non-urgent stuff: when I have the time I’ll look into it. On my phone E-mail arrival notifications will be turned off. Again, work colleagues need to be trained by you to expect exactly that from you. Be organised yourself and have regular “check e-mail” times - this is part of getting other people do the triaging for you.
- All application notifications default to OFF. Very few ever get turned ON and if they abuse it they get turned OFF on the settings. The sending of a notification by an application is a choice of whomever is the maker of the app, hence follows their choices and generally serves their purposes, which means that most application notifications are in some way or another a marketing choice, either directly some kind of sales pitch or indirectly to “remind you of that app”, which means they’re most definitelly neither urgent nor important. Only a handfull of applications deserve to have notification enabled IMHO, and sometimes even some of those abuse that and stop deservings it.
TL;DR - Triage things so that you’re as much as possible spend your time doing Important Non-Urgent things (You go after the non-urgent to reduce the number of things that through doing nothing about it whilst they’re not urgent, go from potential problem into “Oh, shit everything is burning!”). Activelly segregate contact channels based on the triaged level of subjects. Train your colleagues from the start to expect just that (i.e. that e-mails don’t promptly get responded) and always push back from the start against misuse of contact channels (i.e. non-urgent non-important stuff coming via phone gets a response along the lines of “I’m busy with more important stuff, so send me an e-mail about that and I’ll look into it when I have the time”), so that essentially other people will be triaging that stuff for you before they even contact you. As for smartphone Apps, by default assume that notification sending is driven by Marketing considerations of the maker of that app and hence are neither important nor urgent (personally I default to notifications OFF for most apps).
toothbrush@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 days ago
Theres a “do not disturb at night” option on all modern phones nowadays for people who dont want to become unreachable
Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 days ago
And you can configure certain apps or contacts to be excluded, at least on Android. I assume iOS can do the same.
Magister@lemmy.world 4 days ago
True, one of the first thing I did on my phone, set to DnD from 22h to 7h,except for phone calls and SMS from known contacts.
GhostlyPixel@lemmy.world 4 days ago
iOS also has a nice feature where if you get called by the same number twice in a short period of time it will let the second call through.
The pessimist in me knows it’s just a matter of time until robo callers figure that one out and start double calling, but it is nice peace of mind for now.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Please don’t tell anyone I know about this feature.
Here’s how my next family gathering would go if I were in the movie Liar Liar:
“Why?”
“Well, I love all of you, but it is EXAUSTING to talk to most of you for more than 30 minutes, and not very often. If you notice, at Christmas, and other holidays, I tend to flutter. I don’t want to spend any more than 15 minutes with any one of you, so when you start building up your bs, I flutter to the next person, and the cycle renews. Look, I know my niece is only 13, but she better start dating by 15, and have a kid by 18. Look, BEST case scenario, I don’t get to play retro video games with a kid seeing them for the first time for AT LEAST 8-9 years. And that’s assuming my niece grows up waaaaaaay faster than I expect her to. She may not have a kid until she’s 30! I’m not going to be the cool uncle in his late 40s, spending time with the kid, so he feels included…I would be the weird uncle in his late 60s, trying to show his great nephew novelty video games from 80 years prior. And at that point I lose my buffer! Ok, I’m sorry. I would absolutely prefer to play video games with a kid I talk to once a year, and show him games of the past, than have to go have “grown up conversations”. Which roughly translated means hearing my boomer mom get progressively more openly racist, which historically was NEVER the case, and my boomer dad become increasively more peaceful, and accepting of others, and less racist…which is even MORE surprising! Because before Obama, he would not hesitate to throw the n-word around casually. So basically I don’t understand life right now. Then you got my sister, who I feel I should feel guilty for thinking she’s a bad person…but I don’t. She belittles anyone, even those close to her. She loves to argue and make those around her feel bad. Then there’s my other sister who used to be this social animal party drinker when she was in her 20s, and now in her 50s she loves judging people, and gossiping about the neighbors or whoever. Again, historically unlike her. Then there’s my brother in law, who I feel like is the reason my sister turned from free spirit to mean judgy type. And then there’s his parents, who aren’t bad people at all. His parents are salt of the earth people. They’re just really really…boring in every way. Finally there’s my niece. She’s 13, so she’s in that self awkward phase where she doesn’t talk to anyone and somehow gets away with it. Maaaaaan, just a few years ago she was my buffer! I played untitled goose game with her, pokemon with her, some driving game…now she stays in her room and avoids everybody! Lucky…”
And then everybody would look at me and stare. Everybodys feelings are hurt. So instead I just say
I swear to god, their dog better live like 30 years. She LOVES me everytime I come over. And she gets super excited and energetic. So I’m just like “I’ll Maisey for a walk!” And my sister is like “It’s 10 degrees, and blizzarding out there!” And I’m like “So does she have little doggy boots, and maybe like a sweater with overlaying wind breaker…orrrrr…what are we doing? Is this like a pulling her on a sled situation?” And she’d say “No there’s no doggy boots or sweaters, or sleds!” And I say “Well, I mean that’s kind of cruel though, don’t you think? To take her out in this without protection from the elements?” And she says “I WASN’T GOING TO TAKE HER OUT AT ALL!!!” and I just say “Woooowwwwwwww! Hear that Maisey? I’m the only one who loves you enough to take you for a walk. C’mon, we get the old wagon, and at the very least a blacket!”
And then leave the house for like…45 minutes to an hour.
Look, I love my family. I just don’t have the social stamina to interact with them.
valentinesmith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 days ago
Thanks for sharing, it really did feel like a sketch out of the movie.
I guess I would also focus on the dog and the niece when they are more approachable and not as combative and so many people in your family are changing quite profoundly
I hope you have a lovely day without phone calls!