Confidence goes so much further than you imagine. You don’t need to be tall and physically attractive, but you will figure that out. If you think of yourself as unattractive, so will others. I have a gnome-esque friend who embraced his geekiness, found a style that worked for him (outdoorsy/woodsman style) and since then has had plenty of romantic success. If you can have non-romantic relationships, you can also have romantic ones. You really think the only thing preventing them from becoming romantic is the thought ‘if only they were taller /more physically attractive’? You have things to offer, you just need to recognize that fact.
How can a ugly and short guy compensate for his looks?
Submitted 8 months ago by Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
Purple_drink@lemmy.world 8 months ago
200ok@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Seconding “confidence”.
I wonder if people have suggested becoming rich/successful because it can build confidence?
DessertStorms@kbin.social 8 months ago
One thing's for sure - reducing women to nothing but shallow height obsessed monsters (projecting your own insecurities on to a whole gender, the individuals of which you know nothing about, and worse - aren't interested in finding out) isn't it.
What will make you attractive to women? Stop acting like a victim - there are plenty of short and ugly guys in healthy loving relationships, your external body isn't why you're not in a relationship. Quit the toxic manosphere and any other space that confirms this bullshit bias for you cold turkey and never look back. Work on becoming a person other people would actually want to be around, rather than a stereotypical incel (you might not think of yourself as one, but you absolutely come across as one).
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I never said girls are bad or monsters, stop making stuff by yourself, be humble and listen to other people first
DessertStorms@kbin.social 8 months ago
be humble and listen to other people first
Lmmfao, says the person rejecting every single piece of advice being given to them.. 🤣
(hint: you don't have to explicitly use a word for the implication to be oozing from your post)
andrewta@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You need to go reread what he said. No where did he even imply what you said.
TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
Looks and height aren’t as big factors as you think. Carry yourself with confidence (fake it til you make it if ya gotta) and you’ll find a lot more success. Also, rejection isn’t life ending. No Means Next. Don’t let it destroy you.
EddoWagt@feddit.nl 8 months ago
And get off the dating apps. They all suck for everyone.
I still don’t know where I’d find someone not on dating apps, I can only think of clubs or something but I definitely do not enjoy being there
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Sorry, but your first paragraph is very flawed
neptune@dmv.social 8 months ago
Yeah I get it. If there’s not attraction, it goes no further.
I’d suggest you get into a venue with more women and ask them (assuming this is the audience you want to woo)
And then second: get out in the real world. Attraction as a filter works on your side IRL. Anyone who keeps talking to you is already past your looks.
Also, have you considered a career that is associated with money?
Akuchimoya@startrek.website 8 months ago
People are saying being funny and having confidence, and they’re right, and I’m going to tell your why that’s right. When being around you makes someone feel good, they will want to be around you more. That’s not exclusive to romantic relationships, it’s true also of friendships and business relationships, too.
An acquaintance asked me out not long ago, I declined. A mutual friend asked me “Why? He’s not bad-looking”. His looks had nothing to do with it, his negative personality had everything to do with it. The few times I’d talked with him, all he ever did was complain about stuff in general. The complaints were valid, but there’s nothing in a list of complaints that makes me think “I really liked taking to him today”. Complaints (without solutions) are inherently negative. I don’t need negative energy in my life, there’s enough of that already. It’s in going to add someone to my life, it’ll because he makes life better.
A big thing is having interests. You having a life and interests is interesting. Even if they’re not shared interests, you having something you love is having something that makes you happy. You being happy gives people positive feelings about you.
If your expectation is for someone to come and make you happy, then you are a happiness-sink. You drain joy from other people instead of mutually building up each other. No one wants a joy-drain, and I’ll be honest with you, your attitude is one of a drain.
So, the question is, how do you make a someone’s life better? Do you being laughter to her? Do you make her feel safe? Do you give her confidence in herself? Do you bring interest to her life? Do you make her feel heard and seen?
And to be clear, someone should do all those things for you mutually, too. Two people should be building *each other * up.
nandeEbisu@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Maybe not the most helpful answer, but self confidence is a huge part of it. I think that’s why a lot of guys feel like they get more attention when they’re in a relationship compared to when they are looking.
There’s nothing wrong with dipping your feet in the dating pool while you’re working on yourself, but spend some time doing things for yourself, not for other people to like you.
If you’re into music, listen to stuff and play stuff, if you’re into computer games play them and try connecting to people along that avenue. Don’t worry about it you’re hobby is dorky, just worry about if you enjoy it and are happy doing it. That should help develop a sense of identity and purpose separate from what other people think of you.
474D@lemmy.world 8 months ago
There’s plenty of ugly people out here fuckin, either groom yourself well and work on your personality or lower your standards.
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Wdym by lower you standard
474D@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Try your shot at equally as ugly other people, it’s a numbers game
c0mbatbag3l@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Well for starters your assessment of your own attractiveness might be overstated, it’s also possible that it’s accentuated by poor grooming, fashion, or fitness standards.
So let’s assume you just have an unattractive face, full stop. Do you have a patchy beard? Maybe keep it only in areas where you grow hair more fully like a goatee, or clean shave if you don’t have any areas where it grows well. Make sure your hairstyle fits the shape of your face, if you have a longer more oval-like shape a fade on the sides and longer on top works well. If you have a round face then longer hair usually pairs well with that as it helps even out the width.
Physically you’ll need to be in better shape than most, if just to keep up. You don’t need to be a body builder necessarily, but having muscle and a beer gut looks better than being “skinny-fat” as they say. A lot of the stigma around short guys surrounds us not being as capable of defending ourselves and our families due to size, but anyone who’s ever been in martial arts can tell you weight is more important than height, and while height can allow higher weight capacity, not every tall guy gets shredded. Being bigger will help offset that stigma, the worst thing a short guy can be is scrawny.
Also important is personal hygiene, I’ve always been complimented on this especially when getting head, and believe me it’s the quickest way to show someone you have attention to detail. If you can get and afford baby wipes they make a great finisher so you can actually get clean after going to the bathroom, and take showers regularly.
Now this last part is the hardest since it has no tangible existence that can be measured, but you have to accept a couple of truths. Keep in mind when I say these things that I myself am 5’4-5’5" depending on time of day so I’m not some 6’ chad giving you useless info. I have LIVED this for a large part of my existence.
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Everyone has preferences, and it’s OK that some women need their guy to be taller than them. It sucks, but no matter who you are there’s a guarantee you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s just life.
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Think of these preferences as a filter, the women that care aren’t your dating target anyways. Find the ones that don’t seem to mind and focus on those.
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Even the women that don’t mind WILL be turned off the more you harp on how being a short guy is the cause of all your problems. You must be the bigger man when it comes to this, if you get made fun of find a way to respond that doesn’t show you’re insecure about it even if you are, but getting angry is the one thing you absolutely cannot do. It’s literally the goal of people who ridicule you to make you angry so they can point and go “look at the pissed off short guy he’s such a stereotype.” You have to rise above this in social situations until the person making fun of you for it is seen as the weird one for focusing on it so much. It’s the only way to win. Either way you have to reframe the way you see yourself so that you’re not a victim. It’s the most difficult part of the mental hurdle to overcome but you’ll not see success until you do.
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xmunk@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Fuck off. You’re perfect as you are and if you managed to “land” a partner in spite of their revulsion to your appearance you’d be fucking miserable. Find a partner based on shared interests and don’t obsess about appearance, that shit is unimportant.
LastYearsPumpkin@feddit.ch 8 months ago
To what end?
Many people view “looks” with a strong filter of personality. So being active, funny, nice, kind, etc. would actually, really, make you look more attractive to people.
Dress well, stay clean, get fit, improve yourself as much as possible. But do these things to make yourself a better person, not with an ulterior motive.
Steve@communick.news 8 months ago
If you want Y, do X.
But don’t do X because you want Y.TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
Self improvement to realize an idealized self is it’s own reward. In doing so, you become more attractive to people in a natural way. It’s not contradictory. Chasing self improvement as a vehicle to love or sex has the pitfall of losing your motivation for self improvement when you suffer rejection, but rejection is normal, common, and not as big a deal as it can sometimes feel.
FlembleFabber@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Just date short and ugly girls
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Even they think they deserve a tall guy for some reason . Ever noticed that short girls are more height obsessed.
FlembleFabber@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Short and hot girls might be height obsessed, but short ugly girls probably aren’t
Paragone@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Women have much more words-orientation than we guys do.
Invest in:
- Wonderworks
- The Anatomy of Genres
- The Anatomy of Story
- a couple of Gottman’s books
- Logan, King, & Fischer-Wright’s "Tribal Leadership"
- Halvorson’s “The 8 Motivational Challenges”
& understand both how to woo women much more competently, as well as how to make your woman live a healthier life ( the “Tribal Leadership” book & Gottman’s stuff ), & know how to recognize different unconscious-mind styles from Halvorson’s book, so you aren’t investing in a lost-cause.
- Kegan & Lahey’s “Immunity to Change” is required if you’re in it for the long-haul ( in your own life, or in a marriage/family, both paths need this leverage, in our world ), and want to competently dismantle your unconscious-mind’s obstruct-growing-up-to-protect-status-quo mechanism…
Life’s worth much!
A little study can go a long way, if one knows what one ought be studying, you know?
People judge others by appearance … when we have nothing-else to go-on.
When one has significant evidence of someone’s worth, and that evidence isn’t their appearance, their appearance becomes rather irrelevant…
Some people are entirely-visual, some are entirely non-visual ( like me ) in thinking.
Unless you’re clawing-your-way-out-from-reincarnation ( like me ), there likely are good-matches for you.
The significant-evidence item, though, identifies that you need to be hanging-around among women, for them to get to know you, like volunteering somewhere, or something…
Do well, eh?
_ /\ _
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You don’t. Who cares. Find some short ugly lady to marry and you’ll be happy.
I don’t understand this feeling of being alone forever. For every ugly dude there’s an ugly lady. For every fat guy, there’s a fat chick. For every poor dude, there’s a poor lady. That’s just how distributions work.
So go out there, be confident, find your beast and take her home. And love her and be happy.
june@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Oh bullshit. I know so many absolutely stunning and conventionally attractive women who are wildly attracted to fat ugly men. And I know plenty of conventionally attractive men who are attracted to fat ugly women.
There is no set principle for matching with people, none at all. You don’t have to settle for someone you’re not attracted to, you just have to put the effort into finding the people who find you as attractive as you find them. It’s not always easy, but the people are there.
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I’m giving the worst case and default scenario. Of course people can do whatever they want.
nihilvain@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
First of all, it’s very common for a woman to say they like tall guys. Just like most guys would say they like girls with big breasts. But at the end of the day no one can get their ideal person. It’s either looks or personality. Everyone has to compromise.
But if your crush is obsessed with height then she’s a dispecable human being who doesn’t deserve anyone’s attention or love. If it’s any consolation there are a lot of tall fuck boys that will use and dump those kind of height obsessed women. And those guys will only pick the best of the best for romantic partners. All other women will be devoid of happiness and forever keep on searching. So scratch all women like that off your list!!
Now, you mentioned money to get attention of women. Although that would work to some extent, most of the attention you’d get would be from gold diggers. They are experts of manipulation and gaslighting, they would take all your money and will leave you in a worse mental situation than before. And no, it’s not that easy to spot a golddigger. Again, they are experts in their craft.
But there are some things you can do:
- As others mentioned, grooming and looking your best. I won’t go into depth here.
- Being funny. Women really are more inclined to like a guy that makes them laugh. The trick is to find the right amount of funny. You shouldn’t be a clown. Smart and a bit of sarcastic goes a long way. If you can also be able to make fun of yourself (a healthy amount) that will also show confidence. And confidence is always a winning feat.
- Success / Passion. One of the reasons (besides golddiggers) that women like men with money is that it’s a form of being successful. Be passionate about something and try to be good at it. Creative endeavors like art and music will attract a lot of attention. Make you more interesting. Yes, that won’t help out with all women but quite a sizeable amount of women. Also keep in mind that to some level everyone likes to show off their partners. A tall but boring accountant wouldn’t be as good as a partner than a short king who creates art, puts up exhibitions, being passionate about his subject, fun to talk to.
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I literally never heard a guy saying I will never date a girl who doesn’t have boobs big enough or if she is not above B or C something like that
ChexMax@lemmy.world 8 months ago
And I have literally never heard a girl in real life say she wouldn’t date a guy if he’s not above 6 ft. I see guys say it about women, but none of the women I know actually care about height. I have heard women say they’d prefer if their partner is taller than them, but even this is a preference, not a deal breaker. If you’ve actually heard the height thing from real women in your life, you just need to start hanging out with different women because that’s a shallow requirement.
morphballganon@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Yeah boob size isn’t super important, per se, but it can be one of many factors that nudge you toward getting the ball rolling.
bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
There really isn’t such a thing as ugly in an objective sense. Certainly some people have looks that will appeal to more people, but there are a lot of people out there who have unusual taste in terms of what they find attractive. There are girls out there who are into skinny guys, fat guys, short guys, hairy guys, guys with weird facial features, etc.
Some women don’t care that much about looks and are more interested in personality traits anyway. The looks just need to pass a minimum threshold for them and then they’ll care more about what you’re like as a person.
You’re not ugly, your just a niche. I’m saying this as someone who is thus far in the same situation you’re in (28M, haven’t ever kissed or anything with a woman), but I recently started dating someone, and it’s always a shock to me when she honestly tells me she thinks I’m cute.
pan_troglodytes@programming.dev 8 months ago
you could have a winning personality - make women laugh (with you, not at you)… alternately, you could obtain a lot of muscles, that’s all some women need. or move somewhere where men are in short supply - or where you’d be seen as exotic… and it’d be cheaper than leg lengthening surgery.
Death_Equity@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Money and personality. The money is optional.
There is someone out there that finds you attractive and wants a life with you, in all likelihood there is more than just that one person. Don’t expect to land a supermodel, but treat every girl that shares a bed with you as the perfect 10 that she is.
june@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You might think you’re ugly, but I guarantee there are plenty of people out there that find you wildly attractive.
The first thing to do is believe that and start working toward finding yourself attractive. I’ve been working on this for the past few years and just yesterday had my first moment where I looked at my naked body in the mirror and was like ‘oh…. That’s nice’. Having that confidence is a game changer.
Also, short kings are a whole demographic of highly sought after people. Being short is not a detriment except to toxic masculine men.
Lath@kbin.social 8 months ago
The point of dating is having it as an option for people who like dating.
The point of love is having someone who will care for you relatively as much as you care for them.
That person doesn't have to be the opposite sex.Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I am looking forward to marrying my guy best friend
amio@kbin.social 8 months ago
The reality is, you often can't. People will both intentionally and unintentionally judge you for both - it's often not even conscious - and lie to your face about it.
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
That is the only correct answer here. Thanks for honesty.
GoodStuffEh@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
Why would you ask a question if you already know the “correct answer”?
xmunk@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
NoStupidQuestions doesn’t include “Let’s have a pity party to reinforce my own preconceived notions” - I met my spouse on a MUD (basically a text based multi-player role playing game). We formed a connection before we knew what the other person looked like or their gender (I’m pan so whatever in that regard).
The answer above is wrong, relationships built on appearance alone are doomed to be miserable… don’t buy into the pity party.
amio@kbin.social 8 months ago
I'm a cynical bastard though, based on my own experience. It is arguably not the only experience, so be aware of confirmation bias. That being said, in general, a lot of people seem to have an actual unwillingness to consider negative trends in society. If one doesn't want to believe society can be judgmental, it turns out it's very easy to ignore, deflect and rationalize people's negative experiences. That way one saves on empathy which is just a lot of work.
wall_inhabiter@lemdro.id 8 months ago
Literally just work out and take care of your skin and hair.
tygerprints@kbin.social 8 months ago
These are all bad ideas. The more you change yourself to "please" everyone else, the less happy you will ever be. One of the hardest lessons of life is to learn that, you can't ever please everyone, and when you change to please someone, they'll soon change what they want and you'll never stop having to change to please them.
The real secret to happiness is not to change yourself at all. It's to learn how to like who you are, the way you are. Yes the world is cruel and cold - and it's awlays going to be that way. You aren't the problem here. You are fine just the way you are, and it's a secret that could save many lives and keep many people from self-harm if they only realized it at a younger age.
The truth is, nobody wants someone around them who is trying to please them all the time. They want to be around someone who is self-confident and radiates a healthy well-adjusted persona that says "this is who I am, love it or leave it."
Becoming rich to attract people may work to attract people, but they'll only be attracted by the money, not by you. As soon as that runs out, so will they. And usually they will run out anyway, even if the money doesn't.
You need to get some help with your attitude about yourself, and start deciding that you're OK as you are. Do not do the surgery option - it's wrong. Women who get surgery to "look more like so and so" are never happy. Surgery isn't the answer to your problems in life, at all.
Lolman228@kbin.social 8 months ago
Try getting better genetics loser
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
There is only one way now
i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
How fulfilled is your life without a romantic partner? Do you know what you want?
The worst partners I had were the ones that had nothing going on. No goals, no hobbies, nothing. They expected me to be their world.
The better relationships I had were with people that knew what they wanted from life. They didn’t need me to complete them, but I was definitely a welcome addition.
I do not believe I am conventionally attractive, but there are people that like me. For every fella that only dates skinny blondes, there’s another that wouldn’t give them a second look. Additionally, if someone really likes you for you, you might just get more physically attractive to them even if you’re not their type. (It has happened to me!)
As for money, yes some people will only look at you if you have a lot of money. At least they filter themselves out if you don’t have it. You don’t have to be perfect with money, but as long as you are reasonable enough with money, you should be fine.
Some low self-esteem is workable, but if you are always ragging on yourself it gets grating. I was with this guy and he kept telling me how ugly he was. I would always reassure him. It was exhausting after a while. I think everyone needs validation every now and again, but constantly?! Ahhh!
If you get this stuff down, at least then you will have better chances with women. (Or whatever gender you prefer.) If your only goal is to get a girlfriend, then that is not so great. If it’s only one of your goals or something you’re passively open to, then you are in a much better position. Relationship opportunities, romantic or not, seem to crop up when you’re doing something else you enjoy.
_haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Be funny, very good at socializing, and rich?
Also, don’t have unrealistic standards in your romantic pursuits.
leaky_shower_thought@feddit.nl 8 months ago
There’s a lot of preferences out there. Most try to chase unicorns but each of them have their own phases.
I think you can compensate it by not giving up, or just know when your time to chase unicorns is over.
Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I am not the one who is chasing unicorn
leaky_shower_thought@feddit.nl 8 months ago
so the next best thing is to never give up.
you’ll find the one that can see you over those imperfections!
Num10ck@lemmy.world 8 months ago
if you take the time to really get to know someone and make them feel understood and comfortable around you and trust you, you’d be amazed at what you can pull off.
be handy, be emotionally available, be good company, be funny, be functional and fun.
theres countless dime pieces that are tired of being abused by gorgeous losers.
reddig33@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Good grooming goes a long way. As does dressing nicely (clean, flattering, well-fitting clothing).
Also keep in mind that what you think is “ugly“ someone else finds attractive.
TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
Seconding good grooming habits and fashion. You don’t have to go crazy spending on this, just stuff that looks nice that fits you well.
WeeSheep@lemmy.world 8 months ago
People keep saying “looks nice” but I want to be more specific in that different people think different clothes look nice. Some think business casual should be standard unless you are a laborer and prefer those. Some prefer very casual t-shirts and jeans, or sometimes jeans of a specific style, usually as long as they are clean and not stained. There are a ton of different styles you can choose from. I would suggest that overall most people prefer no stains and smelling nice (very light cologne, or even just scented laundry soap), and clothes that are not too big or too small. The area where you live probably has specific taste/style, and you can look at others want determine what you think will work for you. You can also try on a bunch of styles and see what feels good and what you think looks good on your body specifically.
I also want to say that, regardless of how you look, try and be a well rounded person. Look for a social group that you enjoy being in, stay in shape, learn to care for yourself and others (like cooking and cleaning, this can go a long way in attractiveness). Although some relationships start by one person they can help the other, either with money or emotional support, those are not often stable nor healthy relationships. If you are in a healthy place by yourself, you can develope better relationships.
fuckwit_mcbumcrumble@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Also if you’re overweight then losing some will help a lot.