Ryan, you time stealing motherfucker. If you did this every day, for 1 year, barring any days off, holidays etc. Based on a 5 day work week, you’d have stolen 13 hours from your place of employment in the year. 13 hours, Ryan! If you’re paid, say $25/hr you just stole $325 pre-tax dollars from this poor company. How do you feel about yourself, Ryan? My goodness. Won’t you think about the company, Ryan… now they have to consider skipping raises the following year because of your selfishness. Jesus Christ.
When you know your boss is an insane moron
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/bd0ddf53-0751-4135-8f10-526d1465d81b.png
Comments
Soulphite@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
CombatWombatEsq@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
[deleted]rustbuckett@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Or the minutes that I get in early. Or take a short lunch.
probablymissing@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“no! this isn’t how you’re supposed to play the game!”
fartographer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Good morning Sharon,
I apologize for leaving three minutes early yesterday. In my day-to-day, I tend to focus on completing my tasks efficiently and effectively. Labor is the force that turns the gears in our company, and productivity is the grease that makes our labor fruitful. While I spent 7 hours and 57 minutes yesterday ensuring high productivity, unfortunately, I found it difficult to keep track of every minute that passed during my highly effective contributions.
To my great fortune, you prioritize monitoring clocks. That is your great value-add to this company: you observe the segments of each hour, and provide a human-generated report that cross-references the passively generated output from a clock with identified employees and include a general description of start-stop milestones. Yes, we already have software that features this exact function, and one could argue that you most likely leverage these generated reports to send your findings and summaries to employees who made the same observations during their interactions with the software. But that’s an impressive and unique quality of yours! Where others see plagiarism and redundancy, you’ve strived to prove that persistence and insistence can justify your attendance at this company.
Others may ask, “What value does that bring?” Or, “How does she still work here?” But they lack the imagination to see your amazing potential! Because you’re known for your expert timekeeping and ability to synthesize truths about value-loss based on arbitrary observations, you must also be able to identify value overages from other such arbitrary observations during your daily efforts to observe the passage of time!
While you’re obviously busy generating evidence of your value to this company, I ask for your assistance within your area of expertise:
“Find a way to cover this from one of the days that I accidentally took a short lunch or left late, you useless fuck.”
Much appreciated,
TheFartographerOpenPassageways@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
She seems like the kind of person who isn’t capable of reading a paragraph so would just tune out when she sees one.
fartographer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That’s why I always CC their supervisor. But usually with fewer direct insults in my request.
Archer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Tune out… entire paragraphs… at a white collar job?!?
funkajunk@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Hey Sharon, how about you shut the fuck up?
Supervisor194@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can’t see me, and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour. Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
In the time since I last watched that movie, I’ve accidentally started living it, except I work remotely so it all sucks way less
Zikeji@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
I had a similar experience. I’d clock in from the mobile app while walking into the office, this way I could more efficiently make my morning rounds by starting from the entrance instead of going to the onsite terminal.
They pulled me in, showed me security footage alongside the time clock timestamp showing me clock in a full what, 15 seconds before I enter the building? Said I was stealing time and wrote me up. Put it “on the record”. And required I use the physical terminal to clock in unless make an oncall visit to the datacenter.
My daily routine changed from finishing the daily rounds efficiently in under 10 minutes to clocking in, going to the break room, getting a coffee, sitting down at my desk for half an hour catching up on work email and whatnot, then finally getting to the morning rounds, but I’d be extra thorough with the checks, so it’d take about half an hour instead of 10 minutes. Gotta be extra careful right?
For context that was the time I worked IT and morning rounds was checking each device in the building that wasn’t employee equipment, so the TVs with their signage, clock in terminals, printers, etc. I’d come in at the rear entrance and could hit each checklist item without backtracking before finishing up at my office.
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Work teaches you to be in efficient as possible or you get more work piles on top. Or get in trouble.
crazycraw@crazypeople.online 2 weeks ago
Sharon, your name is Sharon right?
You see, Sharon, scientists have recently developed a microscope so granular in its detection capabilities that one can basically image singular atoms.
Now Sharon, if we were to use this machine on me, you would still not be able to see the level of give-a-fuck about you, your email, or your three fucking minutes that I have.
So, Sharon, do us all a favor, fold yourself in half 6 times and fuck off.
regedit@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
At my company, at the first position I held, I was an FTE at a help desk. Management thought it was a good idea to mix it up and put people in change of units that were outside the expertise of those holding positions. Some shitty lady from finance, with an MBA, became our boss. She had this sort of mentality about time.
Previously, I’d stay until the job was done and not think anything of the time I was losing. I liked my job and helping people. She decided one day, when I left about 15-minutes to make a doctor appointment across town, that I had done something wrong and needed to work my entire 7.5-hour shift. She wanted us to note everything we did and document it for her review.
She fucked up. To comply, I wrote a program to track when I locked and unlocked my computer and log it with date time and show the running total of the time worked per day. I stopped staying late. I stopped returning from lunch early if I knew we were busy. People stood at the counter waiting while I finished incidental things at the end of my shift to prevent any late departures. I made sure to never leave early, but I never stayed late or took walkups near my 7.5-hour day.
Malicious compliance is my favorite kind of compliance!
Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
Did it have the desired effect of changing the policy or torpedoing the department hard enough she was replaced?
regedit@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
The latter. She was loathed by almost everyone. We had a new FTE position open and a student hire (higher ed) applied and got offered the position. He was a fuckin’ rock star at this shit. Real personable and great at tech?troubleshooting.
He had a 1-on-1 with his Team Lead, who was cut from the same cloth as the interim director, and asked him how he felt things were going in the department. He laid out thoughtful points of ways things could change to improve morale, didn’t even mention the interim director or blame anyone for specifics. She didn’t like this new hire telling her how things could be better and he got fired by the interim director. Since he was a new hire, he was on probation.
It was fucked. Dude had been a student worker longer than the interim had worked in her previous finance position! She probably would have fired me had I been on probation as well!
1984@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Its not even real. I see people engage wirh fake posts here, and fake Ai channels on YouTube. Its like some people cant see what is fake.
MrRandom@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
You mean ragebait?
I’ve read some talesfromthejob, amd had some personal experience with shitty management, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was real.
btsax@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
I had a corporate job where I never interacted with customers and I was salaried and my boss would still keep Teams up on his computer all the time and come and check in on my cubicle if I wasn’t showing available on Teams exactly at 7:30 in the morning. I got lectured once for showing up at 7:35. Not late to any meetings, not late on “deliverables”, etc. Just not “professional” enough for him. I have no doubt believing this post.
1984@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I know there are people like that but this is literally just a screen shot of someone writing in a text editor. And nobody would put 3 minutes difference in a mail like that. Its for effect. :)
But I know there are people like that, they exist. Its just that this specific post is very likely fake because it gets reactions and thats fun.
trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Corporate job haver here! This is real!
crazycraw@crazypeople.online 2 weeks ago
haha I know right? when I apply SCHMECKLES SUN SCREEN it’s like I’m wearing nothing at all!
nothing at all!
nothing at all!
Syndication@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
“We are a team!”
Oh fuck off with this fake ass BS, you clearly don’t care about “the team”.
BallShapedMan@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Shit boss alert!
Unfortunately the economy is even shittier or I’d say just leave and go someplace where you’ll be appreciated.
menas@lemmy.wtf 2 weeks ago
- unionize
- direct action
totally balanced reaction
CitizenKong@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Story time: I once had an employer who had me defend myself personally because he saw my Skype go online a few minutes after the official start of work. That same boss was known to sleep half of the day in his own office.
A few months later I was fired and sued their asses. I got a nice compensation out of the settlement.
wabafee@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This is easy don’t clock out
shads@lemy.lol 2 weeks ago
Oh, oh no. I’m having severe flashbacks to working in a call center. Quick someone tell me the company pays me to turn around the customer within a reasonable time, and that I should be balancing my call metrics, having a near perfect FCR, NPS and hold time doesn’t excuse me having an AHT 40% higher than my colleague who is getting coached around dropping every call that seems more than middling complex.
I feel like Ryan isn’t getting the full experience unless Sharon has 2 levels of middle management over her in that office alone, all 3 levels trying desperately to justify their existence.
shithawk@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Unfortunately the call center statistics cage has infected other job types too, it’s fucking mad. If you want me to (not hyperbole) actually count every minute of the day I’d rather be homeless or dead.
shads@lemy.lol 2 weeks ago
I had a manager tell me that my unproductive time was right on the borderline once, like 1 more minute of unproductive time and I would be getting coached. Then casually mentioned that the timer resolution is down to 6 seconds, so I was actually 24 seconds off coaching. The same manager wanted to have a company representative (aka a company Doctor) present for my Doctors appointment when I got diagnosed with Shingles, since people in their 30s can’t get Shingles according to her Telco middle manager training. My Doctor offered to have his lawyer present at the same appointment and they backed off, I miss that guy.
Xerxos@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
You guys don’t have flexible work times and overtime?
thermal_shock@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Maybe in 1993
bagsy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Holy shit, i would be so fucking lazy and difficult for the next week probably 2 if someone sent me an email like this.
My pettiness knows no bounds when it comes to power hungry twats like this one.
johnyreeferseed@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I would 100% look in the employee handbook and see exactly what time would be considered late for a disciplinary notice and start coming in at that time exactly. My last job it was 11 minutes after scheduled start time. And I would always tell people that whenever they’d say “you’re late”
bagsy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Thats awesome. Malicious compliance.
I used to really dread working for shitty bosses, but the older i get the more i enjoy fucking them. They are like spoiled children, conpletely incapable of dealing with an employee that pushes back.
I like to imagine i’ve inspried other employees to also mess with their shitty bosses. one can dream…
monke@lemmy.cafe 2 weeks ago
Fake af
Wren@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I’ve seen this. Knew a guy who couldn’t keep a community manager on staff while at the same time making them clock out when they went to the washroom. Literally paid them by the minute and all of those minutes had to be “work.”
monke@lemmy.cafe 2 weeks ago
That’s craaazy!
veni_vedi_veni@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
That’s how you know she’s a good manager
Phil_in_here@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
You can buy my effort or you can buy my time.
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“In order for me to be at my station at 9am I arrived at 8:55am and got my work items arranged accordingly. I’ll take the extra 2 minutes during lunch. “
Elw00t@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
And the worst part is if you stayed 3 minutes too long they would chew you out like you just stole the crown jewels. It’s not about accuracy or doing your job, it’s about control of your life down to the minute. They would do down to the second if they could.
chunes@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Hey Sharon I noticed you clocked out a few zeptoseconds before the end of your workday. Let’s try to be a little more accurate, hey?
DupaCycki@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
(…) we need to make sure we’re being fair to the rest of the team (…)
Let everyone go early then, fucker
ChonkyLincoln@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
OMFG - quit now. Like today. Fuck these people.
BaraCoded@literature.cafe 2 weeks ago
Sharon is the new Karen
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This is why I always showed up several minutes early and left several minutes late. No boss I ever had could accuse me of watching the clock or ducking out early. But some clearly wanted to.
HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Funnily enough, if you actually follow “work to the job, not the clock” you get more work done, and you generally go home early.
You’re also less likely to quit, and more likely to develop and share good practice.
OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Just go for a 3 minute wee wee before leaving
henfredemars@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
Take a dump that’s three minutes longer and think of Sharon during.
Corporal_Punishment@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Or have a wank.
87Six@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Both is good if Sharon is his wife