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Mid Career Marine Biology

⁨936⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨fossilesque@mander.xyz⁩ to ⁨science_memes@mander.xyz⁩

https://mander.xyz/pictrs/image/dccbcd95-a45f-4959-82b9-442eb73fa646.jpeg

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Comments

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  • Kevlar21@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Re: assasination

    Dear Mr. Shamoon

    No reason. Please proceed.

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    • InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      They wanted to be an architect anyway.

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  • TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Dear assassin,

    What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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    • voodooattack@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Thank you for your service

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    • blackbrook@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Never mess with someone trained in gorilla warfare. Those gorillas don’t mess around.

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      • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Image

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    • Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      A classic!

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    • MissJinx@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      poetry lol

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      • Akasazh@feddit.nl ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Copy pasta of yore

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    • ivanafterall@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      A long time ago, I used an AI James Taylor voice and had him cover this. Sounds like he had a stroke or had a few too many. It’s pretty stupid.

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  • Kellenved@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Every top assassin knows to start your emails by explaining you are in fact a top assassin.

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    • Rusty@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Noone wants to be confused with a bottom assassin.

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      • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        the assassassin is to be feared

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      • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        If there’s a “best” assassin, it only stands to reason that there’s also a “worst” assassin.

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        • -> View More Comments
    • AngryishHumanoid@lemmynsfw.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Well it would be stupid to say you are a bad assassin, think it through dummy.

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      • antsu@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Pull an “Albanian virus”:

        “Hi, I am an Albanian assassin but because of poor technology in my country unfortunately I am not able to assassinate you. Please be so kind to assassinate yourself and then forward me the proof. Many thanks for your cooperation! Best regards,Albanian assassin”

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        • -> View More Comments
      • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        think it through dummy.

        Pacifier or mannequin? What kind of dummy are you thinking it through?

        (The comma splice didn’t have the same potential)

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        • -> View More Comments
      • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        yeah i want to get referrals from the widow and new husband

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    • umbrella@lemmy.ml ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
      [deleted]
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      • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        The names’s Bond. James Bond.

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    • Tiger_Man_@szmer.info ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Professionals have standards

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    • kautau@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Once there’s 47 Re:’s in the subject of the final email a call comes in

      “Contract complete. Well done 47.”

      Another classic Hitman assassination of getting someone to kill themselves due to never ending meaningless emails

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    • Flocklesscrow@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Top top, or like top 10 in the graduating class?

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      • shalafi@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Know what they call an assassin that graduated last in his class? “Assassin”

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    • moody@lemmings.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      All you gotta do is convince them you’re a bottom and they leave you alone.

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    • dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Everybody knows this information goes in the signature.

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  • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The scammer, seeing every Westerner saying “pull the trigger, pussy”

    Image

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  • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “Let’s make a deal. I’ll kill myself, and we can split the bounty?”

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    • BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Love it, the scammer would be so confused

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  • AppleTea@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    xcancel.com/alharry/status/1450288983745785862

    I guess this is a phishing attempt? Would have worked on me because I immediately needed more context and had to track down the post

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    • drspawndisaster@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Now THAT’S a cool ass fishing attempt. Gives me a chance to role-play.

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    • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Me: “Nah, I’m a piece of shit. Come kill my ass.”

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  • latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    "Oh, of course! You see, it’s because my Social Security Number is… "

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  • other_cat@piefed.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “And now, ignorant whale-lovers, we’ll see who’s boss when I make Mushu jump through this hoop! Jump, Mushu! "

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    • AnarchoEngineer@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      And now, introducing Mushu the educated whale who thinks he’s BETTER than you!

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  • thelastaxolotl@hexbear.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Jotaro Kujo opening his work email between part 4 & 6

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    • dalekcaan@feddit.nl ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Image

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  • matlag@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Dear Assassin,

    Where do I send all the corpses of you and your colleagues? I already have 2 here starting to rot.

    Oh, I have traced back your address from your IP.

    See you in a few hours!

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    • Event_Horizon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      This is a marine biologist. He would have fed the corpses to his various aquarium animals and ocean friends.

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  • dovahking@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    This must be the work of enemy stand.

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  • Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Ha! Jokes on you, I welcome my assasination.

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  • Ludrol@szmer.info ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Dear Assasin

    There are many benefits to being marine biologist

    Best regards

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  • homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    plot twist: the marine biologist is a Nigerian prince.

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  • xep@discuss.online ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Khalifa,

    I don’t know who you are. I don’t know why you are asking. If you are looking for closure, I can tell you that I won’t give you any. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let this go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and you know what a Marine Biologist does.

    Regards

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  • Bosht@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Such a weird email. Would be hilarious as a skit and the evil doer responds and is like ‘Yes, 100 percent I am evil and you should assassinate me. Please do so with haste.’

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    • Chakravanti@monero.town ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      OK, Dr. Horrible.

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  • Derpenheim@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Fuckin finally. Life insurance will pay out, too.

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  • ThePyroPython@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Why would an assassin go after a Marine Biologist? Does OP happen to be Dirk Pitt?

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    • MonkeMischief@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Fantastic reference :D

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  • mycodesucks@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Jotaro? Is that you?

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  • JennyLaFae@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Who do you think hired you?

    The safe word is B̸̡̡̯͈̤̝͎̭͓̞͚͉̜͚͙́̈̀͌͌̔̂͆̿͋̾̔̀̍̚͜͝͠ͅa̵̜̠̖̫̝͙̓̒ṕ̸͈̬͎̐h̴̡̢̢̢͓͚͕͙͓̞͈͍̳̖̳͓̻̩̦̝͍̃͗͐͆͌̊͛̀̑̿̾͜͝͝͝ͅö̵͇̗̯̯̜͓̟̩̺̣̜͙͇̫͓̲̮̬̞́̈́̾̓͛̂͘͜͝m̵̧̿͐̇̐͜ͅe̴̬̞̖̲̯̗̠͑͆͐͛̂̈̈̕t̴̨̩͍̞̪̮̘̥̺̻̫͚͓̭̼̪͕̤̟̪̹̊̋̉͋̓̾͒̄͜͝͝ͅ

    I’m waiting.

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  • M137@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Shamoon-AH!

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