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Because you can’t get a girlfriend, or because this is your dad?
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Submitted 8 months ago by just1earthling@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 8 months ago
zero@fek.xyz 8 months ago
Did your dad just pimp you out?
Kirp123@lemmy.world 8 months ago
No? He set up a date for him, he can just not go if it bothers him.
ramenshaman@lemmy.world 8 months ago
No reason to feel embarrassed here. I would be a little mad/annoyed, your dad seems like he can be a dick. It’s a nice gesture but he didn’t say it in a nice way. Sure, you could just not go, but I would recommend going. Even if it doesn’t work out it’s an opportunity to get more comfortable talking to a woman, which is something I’ve definitely struggled with. I’ll be watching for an update!
Hubi@feddit.org 8 months ago
Chad dad tbh
sexy_peach@feddit.org 8 months ago
Pressuring grown child to do something they might be entirely uncomfortable with. Amazing
TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
oh no think of the children, pressure kills
Fedizen@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Bring some pocket sand in case you have to run but otherwise you’re just meeting a new person.
lime@feddit.nu 8 months ago
ew wtf
Mouette@jlai.lu 8 months ago
I’d tell my dad to f off and mind his own business only to make it clear that he has no right to infere in my love life, especially to force thing on me.
Melobol@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Depends on how much complaining the OP does. If he is always moping about girls then he has no right to tell the parents to butt out. Because he is burdening them with negativity - so they have the right to try make things better.
If he mentioned it once in six months in passing, now that’s a different matter.Fondots@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Yeah, how much OP actually complains about this is kind of a big factor here.
I run up against something similar with a few of my friends. They spend a lot of time complaining that they’re bored and lonely, but no matter how many invites you throw their way, they never seem to make any effort to follow through with any plans. They say they’re interested, but they never let you know when they’re available, or they don’t show up, or they come up with flimsy excuses, etc.
And there are times I really wish I could force some of them to just show up to something so they’d stop complaining.
Having a social life is hard, I get it, we all only have so much time, energy, money, etc. shit comes up, we have other obligations, we all like to just veg out on the couch sometimes
But if you’re not willing to put forth even a little effort to follow through on plans, rearrange some things, inconvenience yourself a little, at some point you kind of lose the right to complain.
And it’s not that you’re not allowed to complain about it once in a while. But at some point, it’s just not fair to the people you’re complaining to if you’re not actually making an effort to do something about it.
Mouette@jlai.lu 8 months ago
If the son has issue i’d say the good parenting would be to try to fix the son, not pass the burden to a random girl . Let’s say OP is an incel constantly rambling about how feminism has ruined girl which prevent him from dating, i’d try to work on deconnecting him from internet and have social relation rather than find a girl that suit him.
Visstix@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It’s a dick move but the woman seemed to have agreed on her part so she doesn’t find it embarrassing. And don’t take it out on her if there is a date. Maybe the date is awkward, maybe it’s fun. No harm there at least.
user224@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
the woman seemed to have agreed on her part
Unless it’s just the same situation arranged with her parents.
Visstix@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Then the second point still stands.
TheBat@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Unless it’s just the same situation arranged with her parents.
Netflix, are you reading this?
Lumisal@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It would be kind of funny if they ended up bonding over that
fartographer@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Your dad found you a date and is willing to pay for it. Like some sort of reverse-pimp. Pimpzarro.
I say go for it. I’m more of the “I hope they cancel so that I can wallow and spiral alone at home” kind of people, but I loved dating at your age. Primarily because it was an opportunity to possibly gain a friend and you might make someone’s night better by just being yourself.
And if they wholly reject you as a person, you can brush it off as “dates are awkward to begin with, I’m sure I started with a disadvantage.” And then learn from that. If y’all decide to be friends instead, you can ask her what parts of the date she liked and how you could improve your next date.Everyone’s talking about how the worst she can do is say no. I disagree. The worst she can do is want a second date because then you have to charge up your social battery for that. Sometimes, though, you find someone who’s worth tapping into your social battery, and sometimes, it just comes naturally and you find someone who makes you feel like you can be you.
Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 8 months ago
OP are you going to go?
If so please update us on how it went etc.
I'd at least want to know what she looks like, being attracted to someone is importantjust1earthling@lemmy.world 8 months ago
[deleted]Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
So you got the pics, then.
Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 8 months ago
!RemindMe 24h
don't think that bot exists, but I'll try to remember to follow up if you do feel like sharing
Mac@mander.xyz 8 months ago
Don’t worry, i just bailed on my mom trying to set me up with a lawyer. hahaha
The one picture she sent just didn’t give off the right vibe 🤷♂️
aoidenpa@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It is humiliating but in the long run it might be ok.
PlzGivHugs@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Embarrassed? No.
Annoyed/mad? Maybe a bit?
It does feel like its a boundary violation, and inconsiderable to both you and the woman to suprise you and force a specifc date and time on you like that. At the same time, you didn’t do anything wrong, and if the opportunity has presented itself, and you areinterested in dating, its still worth it to go.
TheFogan@programming.dev 8 months ago
I would be mad, but, I’d also say go. Honestly when I was about 19, my mom more or less did this, in short she spent weeks talking up a hair dresser friend at church, commented that she played D&D, Eventually arranged for me to join her, and get a hair cut.
I talked with her, didn’t really go anywhere, From my understanding the girl afterwards kind of responded to my mom something along the lines of “I know you are hoping I’d be your son’s future wife but that’s not where I am in life right now”, and all the embarassment went on my mom for that.
So yeah, if you ask me, give it a shot, if it sucks, you’ve got solid standing to tell your dad not to do that shit again, if it’s good, maybe something good can come from it.
Zoldyck@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It’s a little weird from your dad tbh, but you could try to see if it’ll be fun. Remember: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
just1earthling@lemmy.world 8 months ago
[deleted]zero@fek.xyz 8 months ago
Lol that's fucking hilarious.
frankenswine@lemmy.world 8 months ago
quality assurance
TheFunkyMonk@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Your dad’s weird af but no downside in trying it out.
Maxxie@piefed.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
It would upset me, but holy crap what a topic for the first half an hour of the date. Will get you right through the awkward phase!
_
So, wild story, my dad set this date. Can you believe this crap? I have no idea what he put in the profile, hopefully nothing too cringe. He said I love trains?? FFS you make ONE model train when you're 12, and you're a "train girl" forever. Honestly I almost no-show, but you didn't deserve being stood up..
Anyway, wanna vent about stupid shit your parents did?_wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 8 months ago
next to each other are their respective parents, acting as chaperones
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 8 months ago
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Can I squeeze them on seafood instead?
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Make life taken the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?!
Zoldyck@lemmy.world 8 months ago
When life gives you lemons and they give you consent, squeeze them
MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 8 months ago
that would be melons
Menschlicher_Fehler@feddit.org 8 months ago
Maybe the circumstances on how that date came to be aren’t ideal and you should talk about that with your dad. But I think you should still go on that date and gather some experience. Don’t see it is something potentially romantic, but as a chance to find a new friend. That will go a long way in terms of socializing and normalizing hanging out with women. And who knows who you might meet through her?
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I’d be angry.
Even being set up isn’t a problem- doing so without bothering to ask first is.
FelixCress@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I don’t know why someone downvoted your comment. Setting up a date for someone WITHOUT ASKING is not acceptable.
frightful_hobgoblin@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Getting angry when someone helps you is neurotic.
Honytawk@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
It isn’t a blind date, it is a coma date.
lowered_lifted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
I would just try to go to study the kind of woman who would listen to your dad like that? It seems weird lol. Try to befriend her
just1earthling@lemmy.world 8 months ago
[deleted]dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
getting a girlfriend isn’t about being dominant, even if being charismatic usually would be helpful, it’s also not required
you shouldn’t feel pressured to get a girlfriend unless you want one, and you certainly shouldn’t be pushed into a relationship on someone else’s terms
I don’t think you should feel embarrassed, but I would understand if you felt angry - your autonomy is being violated, and ironically your dad is only enabling and promoting the behavior he seems to be judging you for. Either way, I’m sorry you were put in this situation, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.
blarghly@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Then do that. Like, you can see the solution. It’s right there. Just be more charming and charismatic and confident. Will it take time and effort and embarassment? Yes. But then you come out the other side a better person. And also, you’ll have a girlfriend.
NutinButNet@hilariouschaos.com 8 months ago
My mom did this. She went into the post office where a woman who I went to school with many, many years ago was now working and asked her out in front of everyone. I wasn’t there, but she told me about it and I legit felt embarrassed.
Thankfully the woman was nice about it and did go out with me on one date but politely declined a second date. She was very kind and nice and made, what I think, was the best attempt to legitimately give me a chance at a date but we just weren’t compatible to her and that’s fine.
Say that to say, it’s perfectly normal to feel embarrassed because parents asking out someone for their child (for lack of a better term as you are an adult) is weird and abnormal.
But if you’re up for it, go for it. This can be both embarrassing and a real opportunity to find someone nice. Hopefully she’s nice like my date was and can give you a real chance.
But if you don’t want to, that’s fine too. Everyone moves at their own pace and your dad needs to respect that. Regardless whether this works out for you (and her) or not or if you decide not to go, he needs to respect you moving at your own pace and making decisions when you want to move and when you don’t. And if he wants to help, he should respect you by asking you or waiting for you to ask him for help.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.
BananaTrifleViolin@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Personally I’d be pissed off to be honest. It’s none of his business and this is crossing boundaries.
Being set up with random women you’ve never met and he himself likely barely knows is very unlikely to be successful. He’s also aggressive and rude about it. Why is he so angry you’re single?
This isn’t about the random date, this is about the way your dad treats you. You’re 22, not a child, it’s none of his business. How you react to this determines how he behaves in the future - if you don’t want him doing this again you need to tell him where to go.
reactionality@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
Absolutely agreed. I’d probably be on no speaking terms with my dad if he pulled that. It shows a complete lack of interest in the son, as he thinks it’s an opportunity issue as opposed to possibly anything else going on. He just wants to dump a shitty solution and call it a day because he “did his parenting job” so that he can absolve himself of anything to do with his son’s lack of a dating life.
If anything I’d bet OP’s upbringing by such toxic and careless parents is what’s causing him to not have found someone yet.
So fuck the dad.
TheBat@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Where did he find her though? Is he pretending to be you on dating apps?
just1earthling@lemmy.world 8 months ago
[deleted]Signtist@bookwyr.me 8 months ago
After I got my first girlfriend, now wife, through a dating site at 25, I found out later that her best friend's mom and my best friend's mom are friends, and we only found out because the two of them just happened to be talking on the phone and got on the topic of how people in their lives had recently found love, then realized they were talking about the same couple. The connection may have been a little late for me and my wife, since we'd already gotten together, but it would've been a great match otherwise.
My friend himself met his wife through a recommendation from his pastor, whose niece was also a shut-in who loved manga and anime; you might as well take the opportunities that come along. It might not work out, but the only way to get good at asking people out and dating is to ask people out and date.
parody@lemmings.world 8 months ago
Oh that’s awesome
If he found her on Craigslist you’d really have to question
This way,
… (if she cute enough, if she’s met that baseline for your monkey brain to want to get to know her personality—nothing shallow intended btw just reality of human attraction) …
sounds like one to YOLO full send to me baybeeeeeee let us know!! 💪
TheBat@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Damn. Appropriate our culture and get arranged married I guess lol.
Habahnow@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
yeah embarrassed for your dad. “evolve” wtf. this is too little context, but this can range from your dad genuinely caring about you(“complain you’re unable to find girls”) but the execution isn’t great, to just wanting to push you into doing certain things. This definitely requires a conversation with your dad about boundaries.
On another note, if you are trying to find people to date, you should figure why things aren’t working there, and see how you can improve your chances ( are you well kept? are you comfortable talking to new people? do you expose yourself to new people in order to both meet new people and also practice talking to new people? )
just1earthling@lemmy.world 8 months ago
[deleted]supamanc@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Your dad is a legend, get him a bottle of whiskey and tell him you love him!
Habahnow@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
It still feels like that’s crossing a boundary, i don’t know how you feel about that. I do recommend practicing socializing. Go to bars, events, etc. and just try to make conversation with people. Yeah you may start off being awkward, but you’ll get more comfortable as you practice.
slazer2au@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You can always not go. You are an adult and don’t have to do everything your parents say.
On the flip side, you could always give it a go.
frightful_hobgoblin@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
When opportunity presents itself, say yes
reactionality@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
Hell no. Fuck being controlled.
FooBarrington@lemmy.world 8 months ago
This isn’t “being controlled”. Yes, the dad should have asked first, but it’s just a date for someone who seems to want to go on dates. That’s just being helpful in the wrong way.
saltesc@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Especially when the worst that could happen is nothing which is exactly what’s going to happen if OP says no. Literally can’t go backwards no matter what, but it’s possible they could go forward.
Well…unless something psycho happens, I guess. Then OP will bmsuffer greatly, go very backward, traumatised for life etc. etc. etc…
daggermoon@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Embarassed, no. Pissed off? That’s up to you. For me, I’d be both happy that someone gives a fuck about me and highly scepticle that my dad would be able to set me up with a woman that I wouldn’t hate. Most people piss me off. Then again I don’t get out much and I tend to interact with the worst of humanity.