Submitted 2 weeks ago by liyah27@lemmy.world to showerthoughts@lemmy.world
It’s not just Bikinis. It’s all swim wear, saunas in Europe, baths in Japan. It’s just socially acceptable and expected in the right context, and that expectation plays a huge role in comfort. The context seems to flip a switch in people’s brain.
It’s definitely a part of socialization. When I went to an all nude Chinese spa I was intensely uncomfortable and decided to wear shorts. I figured they were all gonna stare at me either way so I minds well not have to think about my dick.
Swimming apparel is explicitly made from slightly thicker and very different material, keeping you from looking like you entered a wet-tshirt-contest. That alone is a big subconscious help. Or are you talking about the amount (or rather lack) of clothing?
It’s more of the general exposure of my midriff, cleavage, and cheeks. But I’ll probably just say fuck it and rock it anyways lol.
The counterpoint is that, for many women I know, their swimwear exposes way more skin than their underwear.
People here saying consent (fair enough) but let me tell you, clothes are suggestive. There is more to suggestion and context than the actual content. Is anybody shocked to see a nude statue in a museum or something? Or in a painting? Now how about somebody wearing nothing but a g-string and a harness? You can argue the harnessed person in a gstring is less exposed than any nude. I say no. Clothing adds to the exposure sometimes. Underwear isn’t meant to be seen, so when it’s seen, it prompts judgement.
I go to a nudist resort fairly frequently. Most of it is clothing optional except for the pools, so you see people walking around in various states of undress depending on the weather and what they’re doing (watched a guy weedwacking naked last time I was there, seemed ill-advised IMO)
You pretty quickly stop seeing nudity as being sexy there . It certainly doesn’t help that the average nudist is middle aged or older and often not in the best shape.
This resort also attracts a decent amount of swingers. While the nudists aren’t particularly trying to impress anyone, that’s pretty much the whole reason the swingers are there. So how do you make yourself look sexier than just walking around naked? You wear something. Bathing suits, pasties, big flashy jewelry, crazy hats, see-through dresses, ropes, etc.
And though many of them aren’t much more attractive than the nudists, they turn some heads.
watched a guy weedwacking naked last time I was there
In case you were wondering, this is a weedwacker
Hell no I won’t use a weed whacker without jeans, and boots are preferable. Had one kick a pebble though my car window.
See also: tvtropes.org/pmwiki/…/TheissTitillationTheory : “The sexiness of an outfit is directly proportional to the perceived possibility that a vital piece of it might fall off.”
Exactly. I see a bikini every time I see people swimming. Underwear though, that implies some form of intimacy
To summarize your statement, social conditioning
There was an old Piers Anthony series about a society where the masses, mostly slaves, went naked and only the owner class could wear clothes. The more clothes, the sexier.
This makes zero sense to me. It’s all just cloth. The person in a g-string & harness is, literally, less exposed. You’re conflating the context of “being exposed” and “adds to the exposure”. Those two phrases mean different things. The first is referencing how much skin is visible while the second is referring to how noticable and attention-grabbing the individual is. You would be arguing an entirely irrelevant point to what was being discussed.
Clothing being “suggestive” is entirely a subjective concept. What is “suggestive” to you might just be something the other person finds comfortable. It is also the same general logic behind “look at what she is wearing, she was asking for it” and I find that really problematic.
The underwear example is also just dumb to me. It’s just cloth. It isn’t “meant to not be seen”, it’s just there to avoid regular clothes chafing sensitive areas of the body. It being seen is irrelevant and simply a coincidence of being worn under other articles of clothing. There are no inherent, underlying implications except for what you put on them through your own bias.
This just reaffirms for me that people like to add arbitrary, subjective aspects to things and then try to assert these as intrinsic facts instead of personal biases.
Is anybody shocked to see a nude statue in a museum or something?
Sadly, some are. I remember as a teen visiting my aunt and uncle who had a giant Catholic family. We were sitting around watching one of the Pink Panther movies, where the main character is in a museum at night. As he scans his flashlight across the room, it passes over some nude Greek statues. My aunt took the remote and switched the channel, saying “We don’t need to watch this smut.”
🤦 Well yes there’s always the fringe cases
People are right in saying it’s context and consent, and it’s not completely gendered. Men’s swimsuits are basically just boxer shorts. Normally I’m not self-conscious about that, but a few months ago I signed up for a toddler swimming class with my son where I wound up being the only Dad, and suddenly I felt a bit exposed. I think the normalcy of walking around in nothing but a small pair of shorts kinda evaporated once I was the only man in the room.
Yeah, and if you get out of the water and have a “flattering” outline in your shorts, its suddenly becomes a much larger issue being the only adult male, and with children around… eesh.
Well, I wasn’t even thinking about that, but now I’ve got a whole new thing to be self-conscious about.
The difference is consent
Obviously consent is the non negotiable standard nowadays (or I wish it were so) but it’s true that beaches/swimming pool as a social construct allow for a lessened sense of prudishness I public. Underwears simply do not belong to this construct
The difference is one is battle armor.
And I doubt you would feel comfortable with someone staring at you in a bikini either.
And the version of that meme is also censored of course.
sorry i tried to find this meme, but after 15 minutes i gave up trying to find a higher-quality one, and settled for this one.
The cognitive dissonance I see here is people wearing just the clothing they need, vs wearing clothes they think their Invisible Friend told them to.
social conditioning
The same way that pigs are food and dogs are not. Cognitive dissonance.
what the fuck. HOW DARE YOU. Ive been eating dogs my whole life and they are beautiful creatures and we give them a good life on our family farm. We never waste anything and even drink their blood. Implying that its wrong to eat dogs goes against human nature. We have literally been hunting and eating dogs for hundreds of thousands of years and you could seriously mess up your health by not eating them.
As long you give them a good life before you murder them and eat them, that changes everything.
I just got done working a comic convention this weekend. You might be pretty surprised by the general lack of clothing most people wear to those things (calling it a “costume”).
Just this weekend alone, I saw at least five guys walking around without a shirt, and I don’t know how many women wearing things that showed basically everything. Like so tight and thin I could tell what kind and color underwear they were wearing.
And this was in Indianapolis, far from a beach or lake, right in the middle of downtown.
Shoot, was GenCon this weekend?
Seems a little early for it.
Like the other reply said, it was PopCon, so you got at least a couple weeks.
IMHO it’s really all about you being worried about how others react. Speaking as a 50 year old guy, I would walk around naked if it was normal in society. Put the bikini on and stand in front of a mirror. Make sure you’re confident that it looks normal (no tags still showing, nothing that is too revealing or pinching in the wrong spot or whatever… then put it on and go out in public and don’t think about it. It’ll be fine and nobody will think twice about it other than maybe saying “damn she’s keeping herself in shape!”
It’ll be fine. Don’t let others get in your head so much that it determines what you’re going to do or wear.
I can’t speak from a women’s perspective, but wearing swimming trunks in public feels very different than wearing boxer shorts in public.
Honestly I can’t feel the difference between swimming shorts and normal shorts, maybe except those nets inside
Boxers reveal a bulge and that is a no-no
This is especially the case if you don’t wear underwear with your short
Why is a bulge showing a no-no?
It’s the mesh briefs they sew into swim trunks for some reason.
We have an ad for ice-creams in NZ that covers this topic youtu.be/h-Lx2ihpGbc
Did he call them budgie smugglers?
Yup! Cause it looks like you’re smuggling some small birds in there!
Tog tog tog tog
Something about feeling like a mom I guess? Idk I don’t have kids! xD For me, rocking a bikini = feeling confident about my body. I used to wear smaller bikinis when I was younger but now I find swim shorts much more comfortable, practical, carefree. Why are us women wearing small tight swim clothes anyway, while men wear comfy shorts? Well it helps that I’m not at that stage in my life where I’m looking to date or impress anyone lol
I’ve never in my life been comfortable with anyone seeing me on a bikini, no matter how good I feel about my body. The “difference” between that and underwear or virtual nudity never permeated my brain 😂
Basically I think it’s weird that they’re treated so culturally different and don’t feel comfortable in them myself, but also support the choice of whatever bathing suits people prefer or nudity in designated areas
I can’t contribute much except that I’ve asked myself this question many times. I guess some underwear is see-through but other than that it’s kind of the same attire.
Do what makes you comfortable.
You’ll be out with family and friends, in an environment where most any swimsuit would be expected. Any lack of confidence would come from your own internal comfort, so you do you.
As a more practical suggestion if you’re on the fence, wear a wrap? Then you can decide how you feel in the moment.
It does feel like going out in underwear, to a place where everyone is in underwear, and the people wearing full clothing look out of place. I don’t even have a perfect body but grew up near the beach, saw every possible body type in swimwear. So I am comfortable enough looking near naked in public, since everyone is. It’s nice.
Context and culture and expectations. I agree with your point, but there isn’t a logical/sensible answer to these things.
I’m a man and I don’t think it would be acceptable for me to wear a Speedo swimsuit or have my bum exposed the way some thong bikini bottoms do. Communities, societies and cultures dictate what’s acceptable in an unsaid way. It is what it is.
Ehm, not the same… but I think that how everybody is dressed affects how we perseive our nakedness. Once i went in a trip to Brazil, and felt a little ridicule by how long my swimming shorts were. I ended up buying a swimsuit there… that I can obly wear if i ever go back to Brazil.
Consent. If you see a woman in her swimsuit in public it’s because she wants you to. If you see a woman in her underwear in public it’s because she wants you to. If you see a woman in either when she DOESN’T want you to then she’s likely to have the same reaction. Same as dude’s in swim trunks. Public? Fine. Walk in on changing? Likely to be a bit “ahhhh!”
I just read your other post, which was deleted. The one with the photos. Here is my response to that one:
I have to say, i thought this was a bot account. I then read your history.
My advice would be to delete the photo, so you’re not leaving a personally identifiable trail online.
My short answer to your question, as I am low on time, is you are just fine. More than that, and must be feeling a bit low, to feel like asking.
My longer answer would revolve around self worth, not requiring other’s approval, etc
I think you’ve got this. I hope you have a great time, with whatever is coming up!
You get used to it, especially when nobody cares. Walking into a corner shop in nothing but shorts is pretty Sus in a city in winter, but if it’s a hot summer day and the corner shop is near the beach, it’s fine.
There’s a restaurant at the end of the pier where I grew up that always has a sign that says “no shirt, no shoes, no problem”
Yep. Nobody cares. Having been to nude beaches, nobody really cares.
The small fraction of people who do judge are reflecting their own insecurities.
It does tbh
I wouldnt go out with my underwear in the garden.
But going with my bath shorts is totally fair game to my mind.
I would even hesitate dipping into the beach with my underwear even if it was with my mother/father.
It’s somehow weird to me. Even if it’s totally irrational.
Were you confident or just lacked a more adult understanding of nudity plus you had a greater desire for praise for your physical attributes?
Prettying sure they said confident. You have trouble reading?
Frills
Disclaimer: I am a strait white mail
I’d say it’s the intention.
Imagine hating your own body this much
gigachad@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
We are on vacation right now and my SO actually wears only the bottom of the bikini and goes bra less to the beach, because she says it’s unfair I can free my nipples and she can not. Well that’s pretty fair I would say?
We are European though and probably a bit less prude than US Americans.
Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Doesn’t sound like she can’t.
UltraMagnus0001@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Society and shit
Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If boobs had guns like in Austin Power, our heads would explode trying to figure out if we cared about the 2nd amendment more or being prudes.
liyah27@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Well considering I’m going to be around my son and other family members that’s not really possible lmao.
grue@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
To be fair, if your son cares it’s only because you/society taught him to care.
comrade_twisty@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Why does your son not understand human anatomy? We all grew up seeing our moms boobs at some point.
MarieMarion@literature.cafe 2 weeks ago
Social conditioning, once again. We’re French, and it’s totally possible for us.
Yesterday, among strangers, at the local lake, my 42 year old friend was topless, playing with her 7 year old son and her 5 year old (naked) step-daughter. A 36 yo pregnant friend was wearing a string bikini around her husband, 6 yo daughter, and in-laws. It was a non-issue.
Not saying all rules can always be broken, but they’re heavily context- and culture-dependant.
AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
You should reflect back on that “less prude than Americans” part of his statement. It’s only “not really possible” because of widespread American taboos about nudity. If boobs were visible in everyday life - on TV shows and at a typical day to the beach - in a non-sexual way, your son wouldn’t give a crap.
It’s interesting that in many US cities, there’s no law against women going topless, but if a woman does it, it’s outrageous. Hell, some women get chastised for breastfeeding in public. We’re a messed up society.
gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
There actually is a drawing challenge (called MensSwimsuitChallenge) that tries to depict this.
example:
Image