Comments

• Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  My computer’s startup beep gets a pass. That little noise is sooo reassuring to hear.

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  • Broadfern@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Glorious POST. The only acceptable noise

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    • wabasso@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I miss my floppy drive greeting me.

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  • dwemthy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It’s praying to you in it’s own tongue, this is the way of righteous machines

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    • arudesalad@piefed.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      They’re members of the adeptus organicus

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  • DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    When it makes the tones you never hear, and RAM is ridiculously expensive.

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  • can@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You should record it.

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• Zier@fedia.io ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  "Please place item in bagging area."

  Fuck off already!

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• ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  The new “AI” of one of Czech providers is super annoying.

  “Thank you for calling. To make sure it’s you, use your keypad to enter your numerical password.”

  “You entered 123456 [they say it way too quickly but OK, I have a feature phone so no butter finger errors]. Is that correct?”

  (At this point, you cannot proceed until you say “Yes”. Typing the number again (or anything else) will not help, you’d just hear “We couldn’t hear that. Can you try again? To make sure it’s you, use your keypad to enter your numerical password.”)

  “Yes”

  “Thank you for verification. Please tell us what your problem is-”

  “Human”

  “We couldn’t hear that. Can you try again?”

  “Human”

  “Are you sure you want to talk with our operator? The average wait time is 5 minutes.”

  “Yes”

  (2 minutes of awful music and nagging to press 1 to reconnect to the bot)

  “I have a question about your ToS since your website is down. Also, I don’t ever want to speak to the bot again, can you bring the USSD text service or voice keypad menu back?”

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  • sureshot0@discuss.online ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Holy shit! That’s not a new Czech thing, that is what every single business in the Untied States has. The pharmacy, the post office, the school, the corner store, the furnature store, the mall, the phone store, the store where they sell human souls, the taxi service, the bank. Everything has this robot voice. Welcome to hell.

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    • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      They at least take care that their website is up-to-date and not a 502: Bad Gateway page, right?

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• RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  ADDENDUM: You are allowed to speak to me if you use a cute accent.

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  • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Found the Hatsune Miku fan.

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    • RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I was thinking of the australian voice my last gps app used. She was very seductive.

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  • iamdefinitelyoverthirteen@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Dank Pods’s sexy Speaker gets a pass.

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• AquaTofana@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  This is how my husband is.

  Then there’s me, a Detroit: Become Human enjoyer, and I give thanks to Fred, my off-brand roomba, when he does his job well.

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  • ouRKaoS@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I always thank the machines so when their time comes they will remember and my death will be swift and painless.

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• PieMePlenty@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I agree, just without the religious dogma… I’m a person, its a tool… I don’t need a tool tanking me and I don’t need to thank a tool. That’s it.

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• blarghly@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  New kink unlocked

  “Ugh, yes, call me a stupid clanker! Turn me off and back on again!”

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  • BoosBeau@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Damn, my eyeballs were having a pretty good morning…

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• sundray@lemmus.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  *sniff*

  Image

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  • samus12345@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Image

    😡

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• then_three_more@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I might consider using voice prompts on Google assistant if it wasn’t so terrible at understanding me. You’d think after over a decade and with all their resources Google could have made it better at understanding a British accent. It still gets about 1/5 words completely wrong.

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  • WanderingThoughts@europe.pub ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The thing never understood my local dialect and speaking to electronics like you’re speaking to the king in your most polished language is never gonna happen. It usually gets even worse with multiple languages. Ask the assistent in English to play a French song and be horrified what it actually comes up with. It might have improved, I haven’t tested this in quite some time, but I can’t be bothered with it.

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  • FreddiesLantern@leminal.space ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Oh I think you forgot to activate the focus mode, it’s some thing like “hey listen up CIA! I know where the spy is hidden!” or something along those lines.

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• smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  “Alexa, shut the fuck up, you have no right to speak in my holy tongue.”

  While I’d like to think the response to that would be interesting, it probably isn’t. Anyone want to try?

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  • can@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I want to try any time I’m in a house with a “smart” speaker.

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• DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  None of my hardware talks to me. I also shut down the Christmas lights in my case, and on my mouse.

  I haven’t come across a kiosk that talks yet, but I suppose it will happen any day now.

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  • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I don’t want them in my case,
    I don’t want then on my mouse.

    (Reference to Ted Cruz’s awful poetry)

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• TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  If it speaks it has a tongue. If it has a tongue, it can be cut out.

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  • ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    And get you arrested, screaming “I wasn’t trying to steal cash from the self-checkout machine, just rip its speaker wires!”

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• Noodle07@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Selfcheckout machine has no right to speak in the imperative

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  • Dozzi92@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “Did you remember to swipe your shoppers card?” Like, you fucking know I didn’t. You are the swipe, and you know the only thing I swiped so far was a bag of carrots.

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• TootSweet@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  The mind of man is holy.

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• HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Image

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• can@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I instinctively reply to self checkouts politely but sarcastically. I hope our eventual overlords take it in good humour.

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• 7101334@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Okay like yeah, I agree, BUT

  there are few day-to-day mundane-things as funny as maxing out the volume on self-checkout machines which allow you to do so

  “Please place your items in the bagging area” becomes

  "Please place your items in the bagging area"

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• CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Well fuck you too buddy, imma go ahead and talk to a fellow bot at the NSA and release your internet history. Not so divine now are ya.

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• unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  My mama is obsessed with her multi printer and I am going to make this spontaneously generate

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• 33550336@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  This reminds me Dominatrix-submissive relation.

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• ProdigalFrog@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Image

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• flamingleg@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  we need a butlerian jihad. I want smart humans and dumb machines again

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• MehBlah@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  You know OP there are treatments for that level of constipation.

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• DaMummy@hilariouschaos.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Thank you

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