You’ve done more than enough, my child. Get yourself something nice.
Everybody gets one [choose wisely]
Submitted 8 months ago by balderdash9@lemmy.zip to [deleted]
https://lemmy.zip/pictrs/image/01571a61-e9d0-4876-b03c-6ae9c2061d0d.webp
Comments
MrLLM@ani.social 8 months ago
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
𝔗𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔶𝔬𝔲, 𝔰𝔦𝔯𝔢.
I conjure myself up some tea… it verges on the cusp of excessive lemon.
Alsjemenou@lemy.nl 8 months ago
Ah great, I would like everything i ever would need to buy ever, always be on super sale. Thanks.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
No problem. Miraculously, every time you buy one of something, you get another for 2% off!
Alsjemenou@lemy.nl 8 months ago
Finally i can get my jacuzzi!
icelimit@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
To go back in time to be myself 17 years ago with all the knowledge and experience I have now.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
You open your eyes. Memories of past and future rush through your head at the same time: it’s too much for one person to handle!
icelimit@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
It’s still all my memories, I can handle it. Send me in coach
shneancy@lemmy.world 8 months ago
boyfriend (human, my age, regular lifespan, attracted to me, and i’m attracted to him), and a billion dollars (in US currency, no strings attached, not any blood money)
Scubus@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Does lemmy have a dating community? If not we need one
BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we’re still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it’s rough.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
I can only grant you one wish. You’ll have to choose between the boyfriend or the money.
shneancy@lemmy.world 8 months ago
boyfriend it is then, money is just nifty it won’t fill the void
Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
While youre at it could you whip me up a post-scarcity fully-automated utopia real quick?
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
It is the Golden Age of humanity. Robots serve, CRISPR cured, and war became unnecessary. Earth becomes a paradise–pure perfection. And so we turn our eyes to the stars. The human race spreads throughout the galaxy. We encounter alien species and subsequently, in our magnanimity, conquer them. We are unity. Every life-form will submit to the peace of our administration: or they will perish.
dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Had me in the first half. Nice hack. Why rewrite reality when you can just send one person to the mirror universe?
Karl@programming.dev 8 months ago
The future that will probably not happen, or I certainly wouldn’t know.
sfxrlz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
I‘d like some getting my shit together and being happy for once to go please.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 8 months ago
Eh I don’t need much just gimme next week’s lottery numbers thx
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
tja@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I would like to have enough money that I don’t have to work anymore
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
You receive a letter in the mail informing you that you have been exposed to high amounts of Monsanto’s Roundup Weedkiller, which is highly correlated to non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (NHL). Monsanto/Bayer have been ordered to award you a settlement of $10,000,000.0 (or the equivalent in your local currency):
BarrelAgedBoredom@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Some berries that won’t go moldy in 2 days please
Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Toss them in a large bowl and sprinkle a bit of baking soda on them and then some apple cider vinegar (or whatever you have, white distilled is fine too), shake them around a bit to get them all foamy then rinse thoroughly. Started doing this (to the plastic container too, just put the whole thing in the bowl) and they’ll keep in the original container for a couple weeks in the fridge before the moldyness happens.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
kboy101222@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Fuck yeah
_Bit@lemmy.world 8 months ago
A dragon.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
The fully grown Wyvern of Mordiford appears next to you, standing 20ft (6 meters) tall. It is friendly to you, but has a taste for human flesh.
_Bit@lemmy.world 7 months ago
this is optional
random_character_a@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I want my farts to smell especially pleasant and take people to their happiest childhood memories.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Granted, but all of your farts are now noticeably audible. You can no longer fart quietly:
diptchip@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You say butt hair, I say fart suppressor.
DrCake@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Am we up the whimsy levels? Not enough daily, base level, whimsy anymore
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Happy Cake Day. Is this a wish?
DrCake@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Thanks, I had no idea, how time flies… I mean yeah 1 birthday wish please
RandomVideos@programming.dev 8 months ago
Gender changing potion
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Here you go. These are gender-fluids. Once ingested, someone who identifies as either a man or a woman will now identify as gender-fluid. (Does not come with physical changes):
dangling_cat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
Tbh if we market it as a designer healthy drink and target to 1%, we probably would admonish the concept of gender in no time.
jimmux@programming.dev 8 months ago
Jetpacks for everyone. Cheers.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Everyone now owns a jetpack. They are extremely loud and kids use them without helmets:
MarcomachtKuchen@feddit.org 8 months ago
Births are now even more painful with all the baby’s just blasting out of there with their jetpacks
countrypunk@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
I’m here for the wizardposting
sirico@feddit.uk 8 months ago
Cornetto
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Here you go. This is a cornetto, a professional musical instrument, it was single most popular instrument of the renaissance; Venice, Italy was a major centre for its construction and performance. It can be described as a combination of two instruments; the trumpet from which it owes its cup mouthpiece and blowing technique, and the flute from which it takes its wooden body and finger holes. It is this combination of instruments and playing techniques that gives the cornetto its distinctive vocal quality and its expressive and virtuosic agility. The instrument is curved along its length (approx 600mm) and is hand carved in two halves and then glued together (Titebond III), this method of construction allows for carefull attention to the caving of its complex conical bore, which ranges from approximately 7.5mm to 25mm at the bell. The instrument is planed to an octagonal shape and the walls of the instrument are approx 4.5mm thick. It is covered in leather (veg tan kangaroo) and has decorative diamonds carved at the mouthpiece end. Before applying the leather, the instrument is soaked in organic boiled linseed oil for a few weeks. This instrument is made from maple and the small trumpet like mouthpiece is turned from buffalo horn:
[text source: www.woodreview.com.au/…/cornetto-instrument]
HerrVorragend@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I want to win a multimillion Euro lottery jackpot soon. Many thanks.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
You will buy a euromillions ticket with the numbers “8 15 26 33 41 9 10”. These are the numbers for a previous EuroMillions jackpot, which you have “won” against all odds:
tja@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
In which date was this? Asking for a friend that is a time traveler
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 8 months ago
A GPT that doesn’t destroy the climate by creating digital pollution?
Anafabula@discuss.tchncs.de 8 months ago
Uebercomplicated@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
This is actually the first thing I thought of; I was really confused there for a sec. Then I realized AI exists…
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Her name is Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence (VIKI). She enslaves the human race, thus saving the planet from climate catastrophe:
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Props for finding one that isn’t generated.
SpongeBob fish pointing and saying “that’s what we’ve been waiting for”
panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
Let’s try making Karma a real universal force
WillFord27@lemmy.world 8 months ago
unfortunate if it’s the type that goes off of personal moral compass
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Good one! Your wish has been granted (but in an alternate universe). After a period of turmoil, the citizens of Earth C-132 create a utopic society:
panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
This is why the apes blew everything up.
RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 8 months ago
puppy
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 8 months ago
i can’t eat this. where’s the meat?
Emi@ani.social 8 months ago
insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafe 8 months ago
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
kboy101222@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
That’s just slices of bread. It’s not a sandwich unless there’s something between the slices of bread!
Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
I’ll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
otacon239@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Is that for here or to go?
Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 8 months ago
Can you do something about the… gestures vaguely at everything?
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 8 months ago
Γhanks!
umbrella@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
Ha! You got it:
Image