I turned 30 yesterday but I look 18. Nobody believes me when I tell them my age. What do I do? Do I date a 20 year old guy or a 35 year old guy who looks twice my age?

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Talonflame@lemmy.cafe⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

My 20’s are mostly a blur because I was semi bedbound because of a heart + neurological condition so I don’t even remember much of what happened. Despite all the stress my illness caused me everyone says I look 18 or 19. When I say my age people legitimately think I’m trying to prank them. If I put my photo on a dating website along with my age people are going to assume I’m doing a bad job at catfishing. I don’t know what to do. Do I get with a 35 year old guy (which would look weird in public) or date someone a little over my perceived age?

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peanuts4life@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Life’s too short to pick your partners based on other people’s aesthetic preferences. The whole, ‘is this guy too young for me thing’ is a more complicated choice IMO. Maybe you’re over thinking it. Have you been on any dates recently?

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anamethatisnt@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Obviously you find a 35 year old guy who looks to be 18 or 19. Then you can shock people together.

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- jacksilver@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Or the reverse, find an 18/19 year old who looks 35!
  
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Mothra@mander.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Date someone you feel comfortable with beyond appearances. Because that’s what relationships rely on.

Unless you plan on staying looking like you’re 18 until you die, or forever if you’re not planning to die, then yes just date hot guys under 25 only, indefinitely.

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gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
fuck what other people tell you, follow your heart

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- ABetterTomorrow@sh.itjust.works ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Ditto
  
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hitmyspot@aussie.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Worry less about your age, their age and what people think. Focus more on what will make you happy. If you feel like dating someone in their early 20s is not predatory, then go for it. Remember, some 20 year olds will be less mature, too.

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- Talonflame@lemmy.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Yeah I feel attracted to men in their early to mid twenties, but given my age I’m worried it’ll come off as predatory.
  
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  - protist@mander.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Dating someone in their 20s as a 30 year old is not predatory unless you’re preying on them (taking advantage of them by welding power over them or using their inexperience against them). It does not sound like you will be preying on them. Right now, focus on finding someone you like, their exact age doesn’t matter like you think it does.
    
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  - BakedCatboy@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Imo it’s not enough of gap to be a big deal, there are much worse age gaps, especially when you’re talking about only people above 21. I’ve often dated older and when I was in my early 20s I would go on the occasional date with someone around 30 and the biggest reaction I got from friends or people around me was light teasing, but most didn’t really care. Now that I’m 30 I don’t feel that uncomfortable dating down to around 25, but I also look young and don’t feel like I’ve matured that much since my 20s.
    
    I don’t think most people would care at the end of the day, I feel like it only becomes weird when you’re like in your 40s dating down to 20 something.
    
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  - angrystego@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    So it’s more like you’re into someone younger and you want to ask if it’s ok to date them? That depends on other circumstances, not just the age.
    
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- starlinguk@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Most 20 year olds are less mature, not some. It’s predatory.
  
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  - agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    OP specified that, due to mental haze in their 20s related to their health issues, they mentally feel closer to 20.
    
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  - hitmyspot@aussie.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Most 20 year olds are less mature than a 30 yo. What I mean is that some 20 yo are less mature than a typical 20 yo. Some are more mature.
    
    Op could be predatory, but it’s not predatory by virtue of age alone. there is also a big difference with, say, an 18yo. Or conversely a 23 yo. After 20, a 10 year gap is no big deal.
    
    There are predatory relationships at all ages. From OPs description, this is not the relationship type they are looking for, as they themselves feel less mature. I’d say 25 to 18 is worse than 30 to 20. It’s not the age gap that matters but the maturity difference and power imbalance.
    
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  - XeroxCool@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    In context, I suspect they meant to say some 30 year olds will be less mature, rather than saying look at a less mature age group, then go even lower
    
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daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Date a 30 yo that looks like they are in their 60s for true shock value.

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RBWells@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Why is it 20 or 35 if you are 30, and not, well, 30?

Date someone you like! Just go out with some guys and figure out what you like.

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toofpic@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I’m a 40yo, and when I play guessing game with people, they say something like “you’re not older than 26”. I just think that I’m probably lucky with genetics , but that doesn’t really change what I do or who I meet with. And I’m emotionally like 21, so it works for me

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Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

Mentally I’d say I’m at the age I was right before I got really sick, around 20.

So that’s what you are looking for in a partner.

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bacon_pdp@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
You date who you are attracted to, who cares what other people think?

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Libb@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I will only say that you should probably not that an age, but a person. It' snot their date of birth we may spend time (maybe eve our live) with , it's who they are.

Since we're on the Internet, I should probably make it clear that I mean dating a person of legal age.

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edgemaster72@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Date who you’re interested in, ignore the haters

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- blarghly@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  correct
  
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III@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Had a friend with this problem. All she could come up with was changing her wardrobe to reduce the appearance of youth. But as others said, date who you want. No matter how you look or who you date there will be judgemental eyes that should be rightfully ignored.

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Kazumara@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
If I had to guess the omptimum would be around 26. Not too much younger, and looks not too much older. Good luck haha.

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kameecoding@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Apply to work for Chris Hansen

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Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
People don’t often believe I’m old enough to have a daughter in her 20s. Take it as a blessing! Just do what feels right, and don’t worry too much about assumptions.

Hell, find a 35 year old that looks 55 and then you’ll REALLY mess with people!

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razorcandy@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I hope you’re doing better now <3

My suggestion would be to date whoever you like and have a good connection with without worrying how it will be perceived by others.

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Rakonat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Find a person who makes it worth getting out of bed every morning and they feel the same about you. Everything else is crap.

If you still want advice from a stranger on the Internet about dating advice, in your situation I’d probably be looking for people closer to my age than not. But if some 20-22 year old says and does everything that puts a smile on your face, then go for it.

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Beebabe@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
The difference between 20 and 30 mentally is huge. They are babies. That said, if you look super young you will naturally attract some of the worst types of people…be wary.

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- Talonflame@lemmy.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  The thing is, it’s like my 20’s were skipped, I can barely remember much of anything because I was in this constant state of near passing out and it didn’t get treated until recently.
  
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floo@retrolemmy.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
And someone else who looks far younger than I am, just be glad for it.

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chloroken@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
My partner and I both look younger than our ages. It works just fine. Just watch out for creepy men.

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NeatNit@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Happy birthday!

Just for the sake of anyone interested, OP recently made another post about looking too young (but not about relationships): discuss.tchncs.de/post/40800887

If nothing else, it might give more context.

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- Talonflame@lemmy.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Thank you!
  
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AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
39yo here. People never believe i’m more than 30yo. I don’t think it’s a problem, rather something positive because I was lucky with genetics (and also didn’t wasted myself during my 20s).

The one thing I’d tell you about finding a partner is to look for someone who makes you happy. Maybe, other than that, consider where their mind is. I know I could date women under 30 and wouldn’t look physically “weird”, but would we be at the same point when thinking about work, future, family, etc? That’s way more important than looks when it comes to age difference.

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FelixCress@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Date whoever you want.

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