I know you’re not from the South because down there the first wave of divorces is at about 21 years old with three kids
I've heard it clears up again after the first wave of divorces
Submitted 4 months ago by merari42@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/b9077ea4-bf02-4a7b-ad43-ed5e5eda6bdd.jpeg
Comments
remer@lemmy.world 4 months ago
buttfarts@lemy.lol 4 months ago
Marrying the first person you ever fuck and breeding uncontrollably only to become deeply miserable and unfulfilled in your locked down life is very human and not at all a good idea. Every success story of first love is a random aberration that fuels the myth that this should be the status quo.
Most people are a lot sluttier than that
Facebones@reddthat.com 4 months ago
Southerner here to confirm. I’m 36, graduated in 2004, I know a few people my age with 20 year olds now. 🙄
bitwaba@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Did you graduate 2 years early?
2004 was 20 years ago. You’d have been 16
Tyfud@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Not all of the kids have to be theirs.
Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 4 months ago
And you know they’re not from NYC, LA, or SF - because there are tons of good looking single people over 35.
VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I hate how true this is.
What’s worse is that many of the people who didn’t fall into that trap have been waiting to responsibly have children later, which I also don’t want. Finding anyone down here that is interested in being child free down here is a challenge and finding someone who doesn’t expect to have a busy life to make up for it is even more difficult.
Speiser0@feddit.org 4 months ago
I didn’t know penguins could marry.
ChronosTriggerWarning@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Four suitors? What is she, a billionaire?!
Got_Bent@lemmy.world 4 months ago
No. No it does not.
frickineh@lemmy.world 4 months ago
No kidding. I’m apparently the only person who has ever had an amicable divorce where we just realized we weren’t compatible and never felt the need to bash each other. The post-divorce crowd can be pretty dire. They should mandate a certain number of therapy sessions before you can sign up for a dating app.
peopleproblems@lemmy.world 4 months ago
From what I’ve learned, it has a lot to do with attachment styles.
My ex is avoidant, with some pretty narcissistic traits (love bombing, then refusal to even hug because it’s too much).
I was/am anxious, or as the couples counselor told me “clingy.”
In our one-on-ones, she summarized up a book we had been assigned (which my ex didn’t read lol) that it was a statistic thing. 50% of people are secure style - they meet, and tend to stay together cause it just works. ~25% are anxious, and they do ok together and work fine with secure. ~25% are avoidant, and unfortunately, unless they work towards secure attachments, are pretty much always in and out of relationships. There’s a small amount of “disorganized” that has both insecure styles, but they tend towards secure over time.
The result is that the older you get, the dating pool shrinks. There will always been avoidant people available though. Secure style people are great at recognizing avoidant and typically don’t put up with their bullshit for long. Anxious attachment though end up with avoidants and it becomes a terrible thing, the anxious will do anything to stay, causing the avoidant to do things out of the relationship more.
If you could guess one common thing amongst avoidants that finally ends the relationship, what would it be? If you said cheating, you’d be completely right. It’s really hard to end amicably after that.
Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
I don’t think the divorce part isthe point of the meme…
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 months ago
what i don’t get is why people married people they knew were awful people, or awful for them.
anytime someone lies, cheats, or steals from me (or shows any disrespect, like verbal/physical abuse) i dump their ass.
kinkles@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
I had one too. My ex and I are on great terms. It makes for some fun moments when we can joke about our divorce and make people uncomfortable.
TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
I worked for one of the major dating sites about a decade ago. Let me assure you, that people act like debased hyperhormonal chimps in heat when they think nobody is watching. Oh, and by the way - someone is ALWAYS watching.
If you’re a male who has some combination of a steady job, are remotely reliable, not drug or booze addled, have most of your teeth and hair and can tell a joke and hold a conversation - you’re golden. It is UTTERLY unfair to ladies, but just being able to hold that low bar will get you much farther than you might think.
BrokenGlepnir@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I think the joke and hold a good conversation are where I run into problems.
CanadianCarl@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
I can’t keep jobs because of my agoraphobia, and anxiety. I was thinking of volunteering at the library, but transportation sucks in my city, and I don’t drive. I have mental rumination, and depression, while I also suck at keeping a good conversation. I do a lot of sucking, but not the good kind, except when I have a bowl of noodles.
TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
That there is already a good self deprecating joke. Don’t sell yourself short. Unless you ARE short, then may I recommend entering the priesthood
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
This is a good ad.
Except that “the women” on your sites are often bots controlled by the site. Men will drag themselves through hell when they’re led on by a bot, too. And the site gets to control the bots.
INHALE_VEGETABLES@aussie.zone 4 months ago
Surely they can’t start browsing DMs?
bitfucker@programming.dev 4 months ago
Anything not advertised as E2EE can be assumed to have some 3rd party able to look at the conversation, malicious or not.
TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
Of course. How do you investigate harassment and identify site-killing lunatics without keyword searching.
It’s all stored and anyone who needs to see stuff their site hosts can get it. Plus - you’d be surprised how much criminal activity people are willing to discuss with strangers.
MNByChoice@midwest.social 4 months ago
After 35 is the first wave of divorces?
volvoxvsmarla@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Dude most people I know don’t start thinking about marriage or kids before 30
kriz@slrpnk.net 4 months ago
What’s the movie? I really identify with corpse #3
v1605@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Poltergeist
Quetzalcutlass@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Also she’s swimming with real bodies because it was cheaper.
remer@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Do I remember correctly that these were real bodies because it was cheaper than fakes.
Socsa@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
The bigger problem is everyone has kids already. But by 45 or so you can start looking for people with adult kids.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 months ago
nobody has kids at that age in the urban coastal cities.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 4 months ago
They must all be in the midwest…
AA5B@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I had my first kid at 40, which was on the later side but not at all unusual.
I came from a more rural area and occasionally here about people my age back there being grandparents already and just have to shake my head at those choices. It just doesn’t happen here
bouldering_barista@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I feel this in my core. Dating in your 30s is like dating at max difficulty
BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 4 months ago
I find it much easier!
- People are less shy
- They have more experience
- They know better what they are looking for
- Their fantasy marriage/life has been renounced
- People are much more chill about sex matters
- Their romantic histories are quite telling
- Most people have their own place
- Careers are mostly stable
/
Cons
- Much smaller dating pool
- Many have kids already
- More difficult to make friends/meet people in general
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 months ago
speak for yourself. i have found dating as a 30+ adult to be way more dramatic and miserable than it was in my 20s.
nobody in my 20s was having a temper tantrum at dinner because the restaurant isn’t expensive enough for their ‘brand’.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
- Many have kids already
Why is that a con?
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 4 months ago
This is where I have massive respect for gay guys who just use Sniffies for outright hookups and sometimes don’t even bother to learn the other guy’s name. Listening to drag queen podcasts has taught me a lot, and that a sex life can be pretty straightforward for gay guys.
NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Meanwhile, gay women, 🦗🦗🦗
Lemjukes@lemm.ee 4 months ago
As a 35+ would you rather be with someone who’s had bad experiences in relationships, or no experience in relationships?
anivia@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
Depends how many bad experiences. If all your relationships were a bad experience, then there is a good chance you were the reason for that
Speculater@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Line a guy I know who is divorced four times… Thinks he has really bad luck. Nope buddy. It’s you.
Lemjukes@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Very true
TonyOstrich@lemmy.world 4 months ago
The issue I have run into a lot is that they have the “wrong” kind of experience. Somewhat inline with the adage “practice doesn’t make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect”. I spent a lot of my teens and 20s being introspective, working on myself, and becoming the kind of person I would want to date. A lot of people I have had experiences with in my 30s spent a lot of that time in bad relationships creating reactive responses to various things rather than addressing the core issues or learning how to, and as a result they often have a lot of “bad habits” or expectations going into dating or future relationships.
I have met more than one person that has said they need someone who can be patient with them while they heal and deal with their past, while also not necessarily wanting to, or being capable of, providing that same level of patience and understanding to a partner. That seems…uhhh not really appropriate or fair? But I’m the one that’s been single for quite a while, sooooo it’s just as likely I could be the one with my head so far up my ass I can taste my tonsils.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 months ago
bingo.
gist of most people who are terminally single is they aren’t capable of offering as much as they demand. so for anyone that is a bad deal.
and being i relationship like that is draining and soul-sucking. i used to be depressed and suicidal in the past… because I as in relationships that were sucking my soul out. When I broke up, stayed single, and worked on myself… my life had value again and i was no longer depressed and suicidal.
Lemjukes@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Ding ding ding! The key is actually learning and growing from those bad experiences and bettering yourself as a result. A lot of people seem caught in the loop of searching for someone to make them better instead of looking for an actual partner.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 4 months ago
I’d rather be content by myself.
You_are_dust@lemm.ee 4 months ago
No experience. All bad experiences means more potential for either a lot of unchecked baggage, that person is the cause of the bad experiences, or both.
RBWells@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Bad experiences. No experience at my age would be a very bad sign. With my husband, we each had one crazy ex, then he had a couple of two year relationships that weren’t bad just sort of ran their course. Apparently when he met me he knew it could work out long term but I was afraid he was only good for two years, so just took it kinda slow, not sex-wise but relationship-wise. Waited two years to move in together (we both had kids so it was a good idea regardless) then he started making noise about getting married, I told him he could ask after we’d lived together two years.
Best relationship of my life so far, we are both well aware how good we have it, because we have both had the bad times. His kids won’t even talk to their mom - in the divorce the courts gave him custody not just of his kids, but his step kids too, that is how bad she got, and she has not improved. My ex’s mom said if it came to it she would argue her son should not even have visitation, that’s how bad he got (we weren’t married so that part was easier). He has improved when he quit drinking, thank God and now sometimes hangs out, like at holidays, parties, etc.
So I would argue for experience use but caution. Not someone with a string of crazy exes.
Banichan@dormi.zone 4 months ago
Is there a third option?
Lemjukes@lemm.ee 4 months ago
See above I guess lol
where_am_i@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
Solution: don’t live in the US, live in Europe
FatTony@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Why?
where_am_i@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
Because I barely know people in their 30s who married even once in their life. Most of the 30s crowd is single and dating.
– yurobro
bitwaba@lemmy.world 4 months ago
The skeletons have a French accent
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I do not recognise the bodies in the water!!
No, wait, I do actually, that’s Steve, he died last week, I wonder how he got a movie part after that.
Oh, and there is Shelly, looking sexy as ever.… oh shit.
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 4 months ago
I’m just waiting til I get to the retirement home in about 35 years, they’re like huge orgies.
variants@possumpat.io 4 months ago
Orgies and Lan parties all day
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 4 months ago
Aww man, that sounds so awesome! Hopefully weed will be legal by then in the UK too.
Gingerlegs@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I wish I didn’t know this first hand
BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one 4 months ago
What happened?
variants@possumpat.io 4 months ago
They removed the headstones but left the bodies!
KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 months ago
The solution is to just stop bothering trying and accept that you’ll always be alone, or that at some point you’ll stumble upon a person who you like and likes you back.
Im lesbian and know 2 lesbians, so like, I doubt that’s going to happen, so I just do the former.
JackLSauce@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Am I the only one having a stroke trying to understand:
“clears up again after the first wave of divorces (after 35?)”
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 months ago
yeah you are. it’s really easy to understand.
the pool was clear before people got married. it clears up again after the first wave of divorces. clear meaning ‘there are desirable people to date’
are you ESL?
Paradachshund@lemmy.today 4 months ago
Not OP, but I think it’s fairly confusingly worded because clear implies empty, but the intent seems to be to imply lots of choices.
menemen@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Seems plausible. Mist of my friends got married between arround 28 and 32, then the divorces happened between arround 35 and 38. Those who survived that wave are still married.
jenny_ball@lemmy.world 4 months ago
is this poltergeist lolll
Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I believe so. If so, those are real skeletons
TinklesMcPoo@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Not that I didn’t believe you but I needed to understand it. This article not only confirms they were real but the actress wasn’t aware until after filming. Nuts.
HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 4 months ago
The real secret to dating after 35 - don’t.
Folks are not looking to “date”: they’re after long term commitment OR quick hook ups. The middle ground really vanishes when you get older!
peopleproblems@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Im not that ugly am I?
I’m at least a little bit more self-secure that at least I have eyes and hair!?
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
I don’t quite get it. Is the problem that you miss being pursued by younger people?
AshMan85@lemmy.world 4 months ago
This is so sadly accurate lol
TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
The thing is, everyone thinks they’re the woman in this meme.
BruceTwarzen@lemm.ee 4 months ago
True, in reality everyone in the ghoul. Dating does become harder the older you get. When you’re 18 and you date an 18 year old, both have very little life and dating experience. You basically mix water with water. When you’re 35, you’re vinegar and even if you like your date, she might be oil and you just don’t mix. You have to compromise, which only gets harder and harder.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 months ago
It’s not harder, objectively.
It’s just that people’s expectations aren’t realistic. And nobody is more bitter than average folks who think they are the top 1% of the dating pool.
Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 months ago
Bad analogy. Vinegar and oil make a tasty vinaigrette but I get your point.
CanadianCarl@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
I know a 30yo woman that I am interested in, and is 40mins away. The problem is she is not interested. She likes guys that are 20yo and live long distance(other countries), and they all end disastrously. I am just her 34yo friend.
Jon_Servo@lemmy.world 4 months ago
They do? Oh… oh, I might need therapy.