Comment on I've heard it clears up again after the first wave of divorces
MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 3 months ago
- Many have kids already
Why is that a con?
Ahhh they are inextricably linked to a previous partner and you’re expected to become a parental figure if the relationship goes anywhere serious.
Some people (like me) really don’t want an instant family.
I take my hat off to those who don’t have kids but date parents; they are better people than I.
I wouldn’t mind doing it, but I would have to know the partner really well and feel confident that it would be a stable relationship. I remember having a hard time as a kid when I lost my aunt because her and my uncle had a nasty divorce where she went no contact.
Pros of dating a parent:
Getting older, with an established career makes spontaneity harder as it is. Add kids to the mix and it’s pretty much impossible.
I … don’t want that. I like making last minutes plans, 1-2 week long trips, etc. The most limiting factor for me is dropping off my cat at one of my many friends/family members that can watch it (and I reciprocate with their pets).
If I’m going to date it’s going to be with someone with a compatible lifestyle. I’m not a homebody, and I wouldn’t date someone that by choice or necessity is.
Not OP, but I was sterilized in my mid 20s. Not only am I not interested in having kids, but I would not be a good parent. I have still dated people with kids who made it clear there would never be an expectation that I become a parent or interact with their kids, which does address those issues, but there are others. Understandably their kids take priority over basically everything except for maybe the factors that effect their ability to provide for their kids (or at least I think they should). That often means they don’t have nearly as much time to hang out and build a connection, nor are they able to be as free to do other things due to constraints on their time, finances, or both like going on fun trips. Another factor I have run into that is that usually the reason someone is single and has kids due to entirely positive reasons, and there is often at least some amount of trauma in their past that is often not entirely behind them.
To be clear the above is in no way an absolute and are merely my anecdotal experience and correlations in the given area I live. It is also always worth keeping in mind that I am in no way perfect myself and that it’s possible there is something about me that results in the above being my experience.
BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 3 months ago
It introduces more factors to consider. One, the kids will be involved in the relationship, so that’s more people that have to get along well. Two, they take up time, energy, and resources that could otherwise go to the relationship. Three, the parents are more anchored to their current life, so things like going on vacation or moving become much more complex and expensive. Four, the person will almost certainly have to maintain a relationship with their ex/other parent of the children. Five, if you yourself want to have kids, they may not be willing to do so anymore.
I acknowledge that having kids has its benefits too though. It’s not all bad.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 3 months ago
Valid reasons.