Because you need to be brave. Cheaters are cowards.
Good point
Submitted 3 months ago by ilovecinnamon@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/4230ae50-c2e7-4604-8385-0b161acfc89d.jpeg
Comments
cmder@lemmy.world 3 months ago
SandmanXC@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Cause I’m single and trying to pass this math test
scarilog@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Betraying the trust of your significant other ❌
Flagrant violation of academic integrity ✅
ynthrepic@lemmy.world 3 months ago
People aren’t honest enough with each other and their own needs. Meanwhile we build other dependencies in line term relationships that have nothing to do with physical attraction, but are in most cases are more important for all kinds of reasons.
Monogamy is basis of a lot of unnecessary suffering because it’s resisting a very real need we continue to have even when our relationships become romantically stagnant. If we could all just be honest about it with our SOs without fear, and work together as we do anyway to maintain other commitments to each other, we could have a culture where there’s a lot more freedom to seek more intimacy and love in a way that isn’t dishonest, that isn’t “cheating”.
angrystego@lemmy.world 3 months ago
This is a very thoughtful and adult take.
mechoman444@lemmy.world 3 months ago
I’ve never understood the concept of cheating in general. Basically what a person says is that they don’t want their significant other to experience any kind of intimacy or sexual relationships with any other person except for them for the rest of their lives.
I’ve always seen that as kinda unfair.
On the other hand if I’m in a relationship I typically don’t feel the need or desire to have relations with any other person even when the opportunity presents itself.
I have a friend though that is hopelessly in love with his girlfriend but regularly engages in sexual relations with other women. For him, it’s not an emotional activity, it’s just a physical one.
But you’re absolutely right open honest communication is absolutely key.
ynthrepic@lemmy.world 3 months ago
What makes cheating, cheating, is the betrayal of trust involved more than any specific acts of intimacy. The reality is in monogamous relationships merely falling for someone else, even without then knowing how you feel, already feels like a betrayal in your heart as a loyal partner who wishes you only had eyes for your SO and nobody else. Even porn in some cases is a betrayal. It’s a whole lot of unnecessary suffering not to acknowledge how the overwhelming majority of us won’t mentally thrive under these conditions. Therefore, setting expectations appropriate for your situation is key.
For my part, my SO understands that due in part to her relatively low sex drive and complete lack of initiative, certain needs of mine aren’t being met, and we’ve talked about it. I still love her deeply, and we have recently had a child, and I have every intention of meeting my obligations as a father and partner for the rest of my life. But, there’s a real possibility I could fall for someone else one day. I already have friends who I can say I love and would jump at the opportunity to be intimidate with should they show that kid of interest. What interests me though, are loving bonds, not hookups (I mean STD risks and all sorts. Ew). I want to be close with those who I sleep with, and i want them to know I love my partner and will always be there for her and our child. But, there’s space for them too, if they want in. Ideally, my partner likes and accepts them too - and the more close they are as friends (or even lovers too) the better.
In any case, that’s the dream I guess. Nothing has happened yet, and I find with a baby to look after, I’m in no rush, and certainly even with everything out in the open, it’s still too much drama to navigate at the moment. But if it does happen one day, at least it won’t result in a litany of lies that lead to guilt and suffering all around. At least, that’s the idea. I know it will never be quite that easy in reality, but it wouldn’t be life otherwise!
gearheart@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Wonder how it would work out if his gf reularly engaged in sex with anyone she wanted for a physical activity.
I don’t think the relationship would continue “working”.
themeatbridge@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Remember that Beyonce song about the guy who cheated on her, but it’s cool because she wasn’t that into him and the other guy she’s been seeing is on his way over to replace him?
Sometimes everybody sucks at being in a relationship.
ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 3 months ago
I really hope songs like this die out.
Kinda like how millennials killed Boomer Humor and the “I hate my wife” jokes, GenZ should kill songs about being a POS.
themeatbridge@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Shaggy with his “It Wasn’t Me” bullshit always rubbed me the wrong way. “My girl caught me fucking another woman.” Gaslight that bitch. “She was staring at me balls-deep in another woman on the floor of our bathroom.” Gaslight that bitch. “No, really, she was standing there watching us both, buck-ass naked. She never took her eyes off me. I can’t believe I forgot that she has a key to my place, and she just walked in on us mid-coitus. I’m telling you, she’s not a fucking moron.” Gaslight that bitch.
ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Why not just have two relationships?
DigitalNirvana@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Because that might require honest, open communication. And result in more satisfying relationships, wherein the parties to the relationships can actually get what they desire. Who wants that? /s. Hmm, is there a polyamory magazine on the Fediverse? I hadn’t looked…
QuantumSparkles@sh.itjust.works 3 months ago
While it’s not my bag I very much believe people should love the way that makes them and all fully consenting members happy, but there’s not a lot of people that want to be part of something like that tbh
eatthecake@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Some people are monogamous and they are allowed to be in relationships that are satisfying and make them happy.
CluckN@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Because that might require huge, boatloads of cash. And result in more satisfying prostitutes, wherein the parties to the relationships can actually get paid.
xlash123@sh.itjust.works 3 months ago
Its not the most sensitive info here, but you shouldn’t censor things using non-opaque markings. It’s pretty trivial to throw the image in an editor, crank up the brightness, and see what’s behind the censor in this case. Just wanna let you know in case you happen to do this to some sensitive info
JPSound@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Someone should have told my exwife this handy life hack. Would have saved me untold grief and depression. However, life can throw you a beautiful little surprise after a nightmare. If it wasn’t for that godawful woman, I never would have met the love of my life, the woman who I spent my whole life waiting for and now enjoying what it means to be happily married to my biggest crush, my best friend and waking up right next to her and our little family every morning. I can safely say it was all worth it. It could have been easier to get here but I’d do it again on legendary difficulty if I had to.
gmtom@lemmy.world 3 months ago
I have an baseless theory that people that first has sexual experience when they were young or in strict households and had to sneak around and hide their relationships are more likely to want to chest because the “thrill” of hiding the relationship and tabbooness of it reminds them of their formative sexaul experiences.
Noodle07@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Aye, I think that’s why there’s so much step sister step brother porn as well
SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 3 months ago
I think that’s more because many Gen-Zers and late millennials have grown up in blended families. I bet many of them have fantasized about bangin an older step sister or step mom and even stepdads fantasize about banging an adult step daughter. Then they look up that kind of porn on the web. The algorithms will push that genre up in the rankings and then producer will follow the trend to appear at the top of those rankings.
todd_bonzalez@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Because people desire both romantic companionship and sexual exploration, but society pressures us to choose one or the other, and shames us for even trying to communicate our needs and wants to our partners as a form of selfishness, so we end up doing whatever makes us happy, at the detriment of others’ happiness, when it never had to be that way.
flerp@lemm.ee 3 months ago
There they go blaming society for being too afraid to have a conversation with their partner again…
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 3 months ago
Found the cheater
HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Because the government pays you to be married
Schal330@lemmy.world 3 months ago
notjustlurking@lemmynsfw.com 3 months ago
Tax breaks like dependency deductions.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 months ago
If you didn’t receive a healthy signing bonus for taking on your spouse, you got played for a fool. My bonus wasn’t crazy, but it bought us a modest house and meeting my 5-year performance goals covered our modest yacht.
dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 3 months ago
Sometimes ending the relationship will harm third parties, but the core relationship is harmful to one or both of the people in it. In a case like that cheating may be the least bad option.
Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 3 months ago
No.
tjsauce@lemmy.world 3 months ago
What third parties do you mean? How do the effects on them in either case compare to the effects on one’s partner?
davidagain@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Not agreeing with them, but I can tell they’re talking about staying together “for the kids”.
dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 3 months ago
Primarily children. Consider a situation where one member of a married couple is unwilling or unable to engage in sexual contact but is otherwise a good partner and coparent. Divorce is traumatic for children and has a significant negative economic impact, life with single parents is also difficult. So the parent who still wants sex seeks it elsewhere. They are fulfilling an important aspect of their life, and preserving a healthy home life for their children and partner.
Wilzax@lemmy.world 3 months ago
??? That’s not a recipe for cheating, that’s a recipe to either open the relationship or to get law enforcement to help you escape abuse, depending on the situation with your partner. In no way will sleeping with someone else behind your partner’s back and risk them finding out about it help ANYONE involved
undefinedValue@programming.dev 3 months ago
I think they were referring to harming children when they said 3rd parties and the harm was emotional trauma not physical.
Wxnzxn@lemmy.ml 3 months ago
Yeah, I never understood it either. Either have an open relationship with consent, or communicate whatever needs you have that you want to fulfill by cheating properly, and accept that it may not work out if there is truly no way to meet them. I guess I can at least abstractly understand when it happens spur-of-the moment and under the influence of drugs/alcohol, but I still can’t properly put myself in those shoes.
Aceticon@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Because being adult in age isn’t at all the same thing as being adult in maturity plus often people derive different benefits in different kinds of relationships so they want to keep both going (for example, somebody in his or her 40s happilly married with kids and yet getting excitement and sexual pleasure with a younger lover).
Also there are often huge social and financial implications to breaking up certain types of relationships or under certain conditions, but people might still be unresistibly drawn to something else, so they play a game to both sides.
It’s a mix of selfishness, immaturity, cowardice and people changing over time and discovering that the stable relationship they’re in doesn’t fit them (either anymore or they get to a point were they figure out it never trully did)
Emerald@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Cheating is more fun tho
caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 3 months ago
Fuck all the way off
Emerald@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Nah
boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 3 months ago
I’m a bad they them who needs a spanking
tfw_no_toiletpaper@lemmy.world 3 months ago
wat
boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Ifykyk biotch
Vilian@lemmy.ca 3 months ago
because someone can get stuck in a toxic relationship, not because the person was bad, but was suicidal and had so much issues that you’re afraid that ending it could make them kill themselfs, and you don’t want to hurt them because isn’t their fault, but you don’t want a relatioship anymore
meliaesc@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Being cheated on won’t improve their mental health. Surely you realize there must be some other way of handling that situation? You’re never responsible for what someone does to themselves btw.
Vilian@lemmy.ca 3 months ago
of course, i totally agree with you, but only after the end and a lot of therapy, i came to the conclusion that my mental health were already bad before everything, and continuing it fucked in a level that i needed antidepressants and anti-anxiety to get out of bed
You’re never responsible for what someone does to themselves btw.
i totally agree too, but as i said, i didn’t want that to happen, i liked them, maybe not as a partner but as a friend, and I didn’t think that were fair to them, “it was because of their toxic parents not their fault”, the classic “I can fix them” in the end I couldn’t, they were using me as a step ladder, and in the end I was worse mentally than them and they were the one to end the relationship to date others and let me alone
Surely you realize there must be some other way of handling that situation
Yes, lesson learned, don’t let yourself go that low, you’re going to get depressed and anxious, and do things that is going to make yourself even more depressed and anxious and you can only go one day per week to a psychologist for a reason, when you need tobe someone psychologist 24/7 something isn’t right
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Yeah that should be step one not step two
Matriks404@lemmy.world 3 months ago
CMV: Cheating always happen in some point when changing relationships. It sucks, but it I’d the way it is.
But what do I know, I have been single for the last 9 years, and only had a gf for few months. ☹️
Kedly@lemm.ee 3 months ago
That view and you only having a girlfriend for a few months miiiiight be linked
themeatbridge@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Nah, you want to sleep with someone else, you end your current relationship.
You might meet someone you like while you’re with someone else, but really if you’re window shopping, you should end the relationship anyway.
InEnduringGrowStrong@sh.itjust.works 3 months ago
It goes by different names, but some people treat relationships like monkey bars, making sure they grab the next one before letting go of the last one.
That’s also just like how soft-handoff works when changing cellular antennas while on the move.
Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Sometimes relationships aren’t over.
caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 3 months ago
Are the monos okay
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 3 months ago
Cheating isn’t poly. It’s just being an ass.
AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Alimony
Stovetop@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Because even though they feel the need to seek physical intimacy from someone else, they still want the stability and safety a relationship brings.
tiramichu@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Is the answer. Cheating is a mechanism to both have their cake, and eat it.
HyonoKo@lemmy.ml 3 months ago
Very nice analogy.
zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 months ago
I don’t understand why society demonizes that (the multiple people thing, not the lack of communication). If that’s what’s best for my partner, who am I to stop them? What does exclusivity even get me besides limiting my jealousy?
tiramichu@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Polyamoury is cool. Cheating is not cool.
That’s all it comes down to - consent
If someone needs multiple partners in their life to feel fulfilled, then wonderful, but they just have to make sure that everyone involved in that is cool with it before you get into the situation.
Kedly@lemm.ee 3 months ago
In most cultures betraying contracts is usually considered bad, and relationships are basically intimate and emotional contracts. Trust is important even in business contracts, but in interpersonal ones its ESSENTIAL. If you entered into a polyamorous relationship, cool, thats the contract all parties agreed to, but if it wasnt specifically polyamorous its defaults to monogamous, and if you breach that trust, you’re probably not getting it back, and without trust ever having a healthy relationship again is probably gone
aoidenpa@lemmy.world 3 months ago
That makes sense but I think real reason is they get off doing something so terrible and evil and immoral. I get it.
TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Very black and white view of things. Bad history?