I feel bad for people who have never licked a Himalayan Salt Lamp.
A And B
Submitted 9 months ago by Stamets@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/efcab065-1b56-4cb0-b84a-f188e2ddad23.jpeg
Comments
UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Yum.
Skin cells, dust mite shit and animal hairs.
UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
Oh boy wait until you hear about breathing.
Goblin_Mode@ttrpg.network 9 months ago
Yeah licking random objects in your house is a little unsanitary.
Thanks SatansMagottyCumFart
DAMunzy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 months ago
Why does it never taste like salt?
And why do I keep trying?!?
UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
I think you got a dud. It absolutely should taste salty
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 months ago
my ass is installing linux on the first machine capable of having linux installed on it.
You are not safe, there is nothing you can do to stop me.
Agent641@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Your tinder date brings you into tgeir home. While they are having a shower, you grab their laptop to install Linux mint cinnamon on it But the Ventoy is wont boot. The track pad is greasy and crusted up with yellow stuff. Screen hinge is cracked. You boot it up to get your bearings. Windows XP, service pack 1. No password. 1 GB RAM. 32 bit CPU. Super PC clean is running. Blatant malware. No antivirus in sight. Internet Explorer 6 lumbers to the foreground. Fifteen spyware toolbars visible. Popups start flooding the screen. You look at the desktop, its littered with zip files with random file names. The mouse cursor is a pirate with a wooden leg. The CPU fan loudens to an alarming volume even though there’s no programs running that you can see.
Do you:
-
Continue and try to install a 32 bit version of linux
-
leave silently, unmatch them on tinder, and block their number
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
leave, performing a mercy kill on the laptop.
No associate of mine is going to be using windows xp.
-
SpeakerToLampposts@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Nobody has ported Doom to a Himalayan salt lamp.
Yet.
This is your opportunity!KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
one step at a time my friend, one step at a time…
jol@discuss.tchncs.de 8 months ago
Had an annon grindr date try this on me once. Except I already had Linux on all my electronics. Hottest sex ever. Happily married for 6 years.
NegativeInf@lemmy.world 8 months ago
More romantic that 99 prevent of my Grindr dates. Hard jealous.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
damn, guess that’s a green flag then.
__dev@lemmy.world 9 months ago
There’s a decent chance that’s still the salt lamp.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
as long as i can make it do my bidding for me!
spader312@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Fuck that’s hot
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
free and open source software is inherently sexy!
milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee 8 months ago
The toilet!
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
THIS is a classic.
pythonoob@programming.dev 8 months ago
You got a go stick ready for this at all time?
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
you think me, a linux user, is leaving home without a handful of bootable drives?
miversen33@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I have an Ubuntu live disc and a Windows install on a USB drive on my keychain lol. The amount of times I’ve needed one of those and not had it is more than 0 lmao
synapse1278@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I would rather check under the bed in case there are knives.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Yeah if there are no knives we ain’t fuckin
UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
If you go to someone’s house and they don’t have an elaborate and named knife collection that they’re oddly cagey about, don’t fuck them
RealFknNito@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Gold karambit means she’s wife material
Cryophilia@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Are all of you cows
garbagebagel@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Some may be horses
xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
I am an Alpine Ibex scaling near vertical slopes just to lick that salt lamp.
thorbot@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Moooo I mean NO of course not
Kase@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I’m a hamster (they lick salt too) 👅🧂
Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I had never seen a hamster lick anything until today. You’ve enriched my life!
TengoDosVacas@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Si, y tengo dos
madmaurice@discuss.tchncs.de 9 months ago
I’m going with neither.
bort@feddit.de 9 months ago
are you sure you don’t want to share an indirect kiss with all her past tinder dates?
tourist@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Same. That lamp has absolutely been licked before. You don’t know by whom and you don’t know how recently. If you’re at least a tiny bit of a germaphobe, those statements should frighten you.
BarrelAgedBoredom@lemm.ee 9 months ago
The high salinity should take care of any bacteria in short order. It may not be clean, but there ain’t no bacteria on it!
bort@feddit.de 9 months ago
tiny bit of a germaphobe
iirc salt is a has antimicrobial properties. So if anything, then licking that salt, will reduce the germs in your mouth. So a true germaphobe would be all over that lamp
1rre@discuss.tchncs.de 9 months ago
If you’re a germaphobe then surely you should know that 100% salt is enough to yeet literally any microorganism to the back of beyond; in fact anything over 30% is
That lamp is more hygienic than your dinner plate, more than the inside of any food package and infinitely more than your hands even after you’ve just washed them
ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 9 months ago
If everyone thought that way though the lamp would never get licked
Revan343@lemmy.ca 9 months ago
It’s pure salt, there’s nothing alive on it
Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Right I’m confused.
You’re in the bedroom but they go to the restroom
Which fucking one are they in?
camr_on@lemmy.world 9 months ago
restroom == bathroom
Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 9 months ago
So there has to be a bath in it? Is that not inconvenient?
funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
I’m in my kitchen right now
ok
now im in my living room
how are you handling that?
Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 9 months ago
You don’t live in your kitchen
You don’t rest in your toilet
Unless, like I say, throwing a whitey
GBU_28@lemm.ee 9 months ago
You’ve never seen a bedroom with an attached restroom?
Mr_Blott@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I’ve never seen anyone rest on a toilet
Wait, no, I have done while throwin a whitey
Empricorn@feddit.nl 9 months ago
I don’t— it’s one sentence! Is this a language issue…?
xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
They are trying too hard to force a language issue when there isn’t.
chaosppe@lemmy.world 8 months ago
There are many reasons toilets are called the restroom dated back in history. However these days it’s mostly just considered a polite way of taking care of one’s business, without projecting to a partner that you may be taking a massive duce.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 months ago
are you not familiar with houses having attached bathrooms in the master bedroom?
Its a thing here in NA for suburban homes, and for houses in europe to some degree im guessing.
Senseless@feddit.de 8 months ago
You guys get dates? I only get ghosted…
Oiconomia@feddit.de 8 months ago
Protip: If they have a lava lamp instead, you can take the lava lamp bottle out, unscrew the bottle cap and drink some lava lamp fluid.
Hedoking@lemmy.world 8 months ago
My stepbrother did this once. He kept saying his throat was dry and we found the empty lamp a week later. After rushing him to the hospital to treat his near-fatal injuries, we were saying our goodbyes only two months later…
“Can I get you any thing?”, my heartbroken mother said as she stepped into the room.
“Yeah… I’d lava another lamp…”
Thoroughly disgusted, the rest of our family shuffled out of the room muttering bye. I stayed, as I could take a joke. Suddenly, a monstrous shart leaked out of his ass. “Oh God!!! NURSE” I screamed frantically. “Good Lord,” she gasped while grasping several bedpans. “He should be dead!” “Auuughooohyeh” My stepbro moaned. I looked on in horror as the red ass ham began to burn away and melt his gown and the now 30ish bedpans lining the walls. The poop accelerates. “Somebody get Dr. Kruger!!!” The many nurses exclaimed. At this point they were frantically shoveling shit out the window as I desperately tried not to get burned. After around 10 minutes, Dr. Kruger arrived. “GREAT HEAVENS!!! We’ll need Kevin for this.” He waded into the dookie and tossed my stepbrother into pit dug into ground. The poop accelerates. Suddenly, a wiry, greasy, crazed looking man appeared at the door. At this point, the floor was disintegrating, so he leaped over the many holes and started devouring the kaka. “HOLY HELL,” I shouted in surprise. “Actual Zombie” I began to lose feeling in my legs. However, Kevin vrrmed like a anteater and sucked that shit up harder than 10 year old me getting hit by a Ferrari! Kevin leaped out of the room and slurped up all the poo poo in the ditch. But… something was wrong. The poop accelerates. Kevin didn’t stop. Kevin crawled into my stepbrothers anus and licked it clean. Before he could reach his colon, somebody said “call the exorcist!” and the Poope himself came down from the heavens and uttered three holy words…
“no u”
Kevin’s body is forcibly expelled from my stepbrothers colon and writhes in pain. He began to slowly and excruciatingly crawl into his own anus. The legion of nurses surrounding him pick him up and toss him- no it, into a coffin. My stepbrother staggered to his feet and exclaimed “What a nice shit! I feel great now!” and left. Fortunately we live in Europe so we didn’t have to for anything. All the feeling returned to my legs, my stepbrother is taking care of his 13 kids, and Kevin is probably chilling in some SCP containment unit somewhere. Good times!
TengoDosVacas@lemmy.world 8 months ago
A whole lot of thise lamps are in my area so I dont understand why we still have a hospital
Cowbee@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Sadly, some are plastic…
shalafi@lemmy.world 9 months ago
But my salt lamp is in my bathroom.
Ephera@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
Hmm, now I wonder, if the lamp would slowly ‘melt’, from damp air condensing on it.
Tangent5280@lemmy.world 8 months ago
ew poop particles every time they flush
poop lamp poop lamp poop lamp poop lamp
tabris@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I used to work in a new age shop that sold rock salt lamps. A woman came in one time to complain about the lamp she bought.
Woman: My salt lamp was dusty and dirty.
Me: Okay…
W: So I took the rock salt off the base.
Me: Hmm?
W: And I washed it with hot soapy water.
Me: Ah.
W: And it just dissolved!
Me: Yep, it’s salt.
W: I want a refund.
Me: laughs.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 months ago
This has me wondering if art supply stores have people coming in complaining that their pencil ran out of lead when they were in the middle of drawing.
MightyGalhupo@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Yes, I have seen that first hand. Crayons too.
vithigar@lemmy.ca 9 months ago
Aren’t those things like the size of a fist? How long did she wash it for?!
usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 9 months ago
I’m guessing it just lost all of the desirable texture of the crystals
robocall@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I’d like to subscribe to more new age shop stories!
spader312@lemmy.world 8 months ago
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