Comments

• Moobythegoldensock@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I’ve got me some IBS, and have had a raw asshole on several occasions from the multi-poops.

  Got a cold water model off Amazon for under $100, and love it. Not too much of a pain to install, and once it’s set it works great. No more raw ass.

  How I Use It

  I lean forward so the cheeks open up like a delicate flower, then I turn the knob until I get a nice steady firehose blasting my asshole. I then shift my weight so the water runs along my crack, power washing both surfaces, then return to center for a final rinse of the dirty mud hole. If my butt’s a tingling from my unholy addiction to hot peppers, I might linger a bit to let the cool water soothe the pain, before finally turning off the water.

  After a few seconds of dripping, it’s time for the paper. Grab a sheet or two and give a wipe, see if there’s any residue left. If so, keep wiping till it’s gone as usual, but using like 1/3 the paper you’d normally use for the same job. Now there’s no more raw anus unless I get the shits at work, and have to wipe with the literal tree bark they call toilet paper.

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  • knightry@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Bidet poetry.

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  • nieceandtows@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I try to wipe after bidet, and the paper disintegrates and sticks to my ass in a million pieces. What am I doing wrong?

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    • weedwhacking@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Since you’ll be using way less TP overall, go for the nice thick 2-3 ply with ripples it’s worth the extra cost.

      Once you become a bidet pro and feel confident in your ability to be squeaky clean each time (I’m not afraid to go in there with some soap as if I’m in the shower after a particularly messy movement) you can opt for cutting up old undies and using them as reusable/washable towels to dry off with and stop using toilet paper all together.

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    • JoBo@feddit.uk ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Get better toilet paper and/or use more sheets.

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  • Ransom@lemmy.one ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I like to fill my asshole with water and then blast it out a couple of times. Keeps them insides clean, too.

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• tunetardis@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I can only think of 2 downsides to our bidet:

  • Ours attaches to a regular toilet, and it does make it harder to clean particularly around the jet mechanism. Someone needs to invent a bidet for cleaning bidets.
  • Going anyplace without one now makes me hate life.

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  • DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Downside #3: my asshole is now too soft and coddled, so it gets irritated and raw super easy when I do have to use TP for an extended period

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    • Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Yep! And boy does it take a bit for the hemorrhoids to calm back down. Pretty much need to go on any trips with the hemorrhoid wipes.

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    • richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      You use the bidet instead and not after? 😲

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  • snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I spray mine with scrubbing bubbles once a day and walk away. If you do this daily, it will stay clean.

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  • Damage@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Google Italian bidet

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    • Reborn2966@feddit.it ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      so confusing reading bidet and is a totally different thing from what i have in the bathroom

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• AttackBunny@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I can’t believe I’m saying all this on the internet but here it goes.

  I have TONS of food sensitivities, and IBS-C (mostly). Needless to say, I see the toilet a fair amount. I can’t believe I’m posting this. lol.

  Pre bidet, things got tender, fissures, hemorrhoids, bleeding, etc were all pretty common. Post bidet, like never, or at least very rarely. I have to something incredibly stupid for any major issues now.

  I got one of the expensive ones that has heated seat, deodorizer, heated water with multiple temp settings, multiple spray options, dryer (takes too long), etc. it wasn’t cheap. Every time I have to use the toilet in the wild, it’s terrible.

  We went on vacation a while ago, and that whole week was rough. Never felt clean, and my rear was definitely sorer than when at home.

  Basically, totally worth every penny. I can never go back.

  To answer the bonus question, it will partly depend on the budget you get. If you get a manual one, it has a lever to move the water flow around. If it doesn’t, you just wiggle around a bit, to get the water where you want it. If you get one of the expensive ones, with a moving water nozzle, it does the bulk of the work for you, but you may still have to wiggle a little to get everywhere.

  Once the water has washed everything away, you can either wait to drip dry, or if your bidet has a dryer you can use that, but typically I just take like 4-5 squares of TP to dry off. I use WAY less TP than ever.

  Depending on the bidet you get, be ready for needing to get some conversion hardware to install it. The kohler one I got, didn’t have the correct fittings for standard American plumbing (doesn’t make a lot of sense but Home Depot guy already knew exactly what was going on and said it was super common).

  I can answer any other specific questions you have too. Just ask.

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• scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  You sit down. You turn on the spray of water. You shift around a little bit to wash around your anus. You turn the water off. You dry yourself (this also serves as an “insurance wipe” to find any shit that wasn’t washed off). That’s it.

  A bidet will not cause pain if used appropriately. Toilet paper wiping is much more rough, especially when it takes 5 or 6 passes.

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  • ohlaph@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    5 or 6? Those are rookie numbers.

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    • Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      They call him The Sharpie

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    • mhredox@reddthat.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Don’t stop til you see the flag of Japan.

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• s_s@lemmy.one ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  how do I use a bidet?

  1. After pooping, you continue to sit on the toilet.

  2. You turn the knob on the bidet handle.

  3. The stream sprays the shit flecks off your asshole, they go down into toilet.

  4. Then you use a tiny portion of the TP you are accustomed to use to dry the whole situation.

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  • JGrffn@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Alternatively, if your bidet has the strength and you’re manly enough not to be confused by getting ass fucked every day, loosen up a bit and let the mighty Poseidon fuck your ass, then push the water [and the extra poop] out once you feel the water mounting up. Repeat a few times, then tighten back up for the wiping shot.

    Warning: this can make your anal muscles lazy, and it’s admittedly taboo to get ass fucked by your bidet, but I’ll swear by it until the day someone tells me it causes cancer, and then I’ll keep swearing by it until I get cancer.

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    • s_s@lemmy.one ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I mean…I started out getting buttfucked by my bidet and now I’m leaning hard into being bisexual.

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    • TheDoctorDonna@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      So…you ass gargle? I am greatly amused, mildly curious and slightly horrified all at once.

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    • Leviathan@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      this can make your anal muscles lazy

      Do you have a source on this one?

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• clive@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I am not a naysayer so I cant answer that part of your question, but as for what I do with our bidet: theres a little knob that I turn that starts the water spray at my butt, sometimes I might have to adjust the way Im sitting for it to hit the right area. For regular poops I spray for only a few seconds, but for gnarly ones I might do 10-20 seconds with some moving around to cover the whole area. Once I consider myself sprayed, I grab a few squares of TP and wipe to dry. Flush, wash hands, done

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  • wilberfan@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Yes, this is the procedure. I would miss my bidet if it went away. And the cold water doesn’t bother me–it’s rather bracing and refreshing!

    The only thing I would change about mine is that I wish I could fine-tune the pressure dial. There’s a very small range between “OFF” and “FIREHOSE”–but I have the basic, entry-level model.

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  • radix@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    The knob can also control the strength of the stream; if I recall correctly, digital bidets’ (the kind with warming and a whole set of buttons) spray strength options are more discrete. Maximum intensity is too much for me, but turning the knob only a little and adjusting the way I’m sitting is quite effective.

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    • poppy@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I truly don’t want to meet the person with the butthole than can withstand my bidet’s max stream. Mine has like 7+ dots to mark intensity and I can barely go to 2 and I feel like I’ll start striping skin anything higher. Idk maybe it’s for hairy butts?? If so then I understand, but that pressure on raw hole is scary.

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• TheTick@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I’ve had one since about 2018 and I swear by it. Same kinda issue as you, sensitive stomach that results in 2+ BMs a day. I have the cheap kind because I have no access to the hot water or an outlet at the toilet. The cold water takes a little bit to get used to but once you’re used to it, it can be refreshing, even when it’s -40C out.

  Like others I set the strength where I want and then blast the sides of the arse followed by some sustained starfish soaking. Let drip dry for a few min then use a few squares to dry and check for skids. The cleanliness afterwards is SO much higher than just TP. Plus on hot days sometimes a shot of cold water to the bum is refreshing and helps cool you down. Definitely helps with swamp ass.

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• Tedrick02@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I have 2 in my home, one is the fancy one (not that fancy but 200 bucks from Costco on sale) the other is basic. Fancy one I feel like anyone would love, seat is warmed a little on cold mornings, has a heated tank for a perfectly gentle temperature, can adjust pressure and position (forward or back), can have a gentle pulse for extra cleaning assistance, and a dryer. The basic one is unheated and has a pressure knob that can go from gentle all the way up to blast you off the toilet, and you have to adjust yourself to the right spot. If you’re willing to spend more for the nice options and have an outlet close enough to your toilet you’ll likely be very happy. The basic one I’m very happy to use if the other is inaccessible and took some getting used to but still miles better than nothing. I never feel clean without a bidet anymore.

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• thorbot@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Naw I love high pressure ice water blasted deep into my anus

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  • theodewere@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    are there private clubs for that or something?

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  • Kerfuffle@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    This, but not ironically. Okay, might be too strong a word but it’s very effective for thorough cleaning and you get used to it pretty quickly.

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    • thorbot@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I wasn’t being ironic. I truly love it.

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• Lifecoach5000@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I bought a deluxe model($400) at the beginning of the pandemic and I’ve never looked back. The model I have has a seat warmer, internal water heater, fan for drying and a few different spraying options.

  I will say the fan is a bit lackluster but dries you as long as you don’t mind waiting a few mins. The different spraying options are nice - there is one called turbo mode that can be a little harsh but def leaves your butthole clean!

  I honestly have no regrets at all and I’m pretty spoiled at this point. Curious to see if there’s any haters that will chime in as well.

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  • reev@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Fan for browsing Lemmy for a bit after doing the deed.

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• yiliu@informis.land ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I don’t mind bidets, though I’ve never installed one, since I can’t imagine they’d be fun to clean.

  Here’s the thing, though…I have a system I consider superior to a bidet in pretty much every way. See, I noticed a long time ago that I poop somewhere between 0.9 and 1.1 times per day on average, and I aim to shower at least once per day. I don’t know about you, but I noticed a certain opportunity for synergy there. I call it the PoopShower system (patent pending), and after many years of using it, I don’t feel adequately clean even after using a bidet. So my personal ranking is: PoopShower, (looooong gap), bidet, TP, newspaper, leaves.

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  • macrocephalic@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    You waffle stomp?!

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    • themeatbridge@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Not op, but I believe their system involves pooping in the toilet followed by normal wiping and then a full shower. Most of the bulk should end up in the toilet, rendering any stomping unnecessary.

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    • Chickens@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Still the funniest word picture the internet has created.

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  • havokdj@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I feel like this is more common than people are willing to admit. Thank you for being brave enough to admit what many of us never have before. This is 100% the best method, especially if you have the “hose/faucet” setting on your shower head.

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• sleepisajokeanyway@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  The only downside I can think of are firstly that the water pressure for an attachment one can be painful if you turn it up to fast at first if you haven't gotten used to the knob. I did buy a cheap one without hot water at first but ended up buying another one with hot water as well. I'd be fine with the only cold water one, it's still 1000x better than toilet paper, but the hot water is nice in the winter.

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  • Feddit@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Check out the Toto Washlet - they have heated seats but are $$$ though

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• weedwhacking@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  The answer is no, bidets are the best way to clean up. Humanity has been using bidets dramatically longer than toilet paper has existed

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• Blamemeta@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  It feels really uncomfortable, to the extreme. Theres no pain, but it feels wrong.

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• Trekman10@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I don’t own one, but any of the times I’ve ever tried using some sort of fancy toilet seat with a sprayer, it squirts at such a force that it’s uncomfortable. It sucks because I have IBS and I have to be really picky about TP.

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  • speff@melly.0x-ia.moe ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    You get used to it after a couple uses - as in knowing where to position and how much knob to use. It’s always uncomfortable if you aren’t used to it.

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  • pineapplelover@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Most models have adjustable pressure settings. I suggest you give another go at it but turn it all the way down. I’ve used bidets during many diarrhea occasions and my behind wasn’t left bleeding as opposed to using just toilet paper.

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• Geth@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I have the type that is basically a little shower head with a hose attached to the water supply next to the toilet. We use it to wash with soap after every toilet visit and it is fantastic. When I am away from it on holidays or trips I suffer.

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• Kinglink@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Let me put it this way.

  If you don’t like your bidet, you don’t trigger it. If you like it, you enjoy it.

  My wife and I enjoy it quite a bit. To the point that when I used the other bathroom, there’s been at least one case, where I’ve cleaned up in there, went into the other bathroom and got a better clean.

  As for “how to use it” It will depend on the bidet on how to use it, but for ours you turn the knob, spray your special areas (There’s two directions to turn, as a guy I don’t notice a major difference, but I imagine a woman might, as one spray feels a bit “longer”, but not to the point where I think it’ll hit everything down there" You get jet water on your bum, I tend to move around a little to make sure it’s getting the whole area, then turn it off. Then wipe (I use toilet paper).

  You wipe more to “Dry” than to “Clean” which is a lovely feeling.

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• Sabata11792@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Just be careful about the pressure. If I don't set mine to use both sprayers, it's going to jet water into your ass hole.

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• big_lab_111@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I have 2 bidets one electric and the other fancy and electric, I kinda like the mechanical one more. Better pressure

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• kool_newt@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  There should be a bidet that sprays you with ~60ppm hypochlorous acid.

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• Mane25@feddit.uk ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Honestly I once owned one and I didn’t like it. This may get downvoted because it seems to go against popular opinion but with a bidet I never felt properly clean until I’d wiped myself with paper afterwards - washing myself with water was fine but took time and I’d always get some more off with paper.

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• cedarmesa@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Protip. Buy a pile o’ white rags and a small lidded trash can. Wipe le` bunghole with cotton. When the trash can fills up throw rags in wash with bleach. With proper bidet usage hardly anything ends up on rag anyway. Goodbye toilet paper.

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• wholemilk@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I just don’t like the way it feels, but that might be due to personal sensory issues. My family uses bidets and there was a time when the seat heater malfunctioned and would heat up on its own, which was inconvenient and unpleasant in the summer but nothing serious.

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• morphballganon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I only use my bidet if I had a very soft movement. I find if I use it after a harder one, it causes irritation (I use a wet wipe instead).

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• LanternEverywhere@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  We have a bidet attachment and my partner loves it, but i don't like it at all.

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• miz_nocturnal@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Since my question on bidet use for women was answered here, what about for obese people? Would using a bidet make things easier or more difficult? I see a lot here about shifting your weight and all that but I wonder if this is feasible for someone who is 100lbs + overweight.

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• snailwizard@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Get a washlet brand bidet if you can. Have had mine several years now and it still works great. I miss it when I’m not at home

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• jerkface@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Eat some fricking fiber.

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