[deleted]

Comments

• whaleross@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  He had completely gotten the point but is afraid you’ll do an irreversible mistake. He is clearly looking out for your best interest. Because he loves you.

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  • miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    He’s trying for baby steps, but he’s actually almost running, trying to balance, and reaching out for your hand…

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    • ivanafterall@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      :)

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• MolochAlter@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Sounds like he’s done a lot of research and has kept an open mind. He’s also wise in suggesting to go into therapy and see if there may be other causes/co-causes.

  Anecdotal, but a friend of mine has ADHD and once she started treatment for that she also lost like 95% of her feelings of dysphoria and decided to postpone transitioning until she could figure her shit out a bit more.

  Years later she’s decided she’s fine as she is and saved herself shittons of money and physical suffering with no real drawback.

  It’s important not to be emotionally attached to a diagnosis.

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  • jol@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I’m afraid that the whole discussion is so polarize at the moment that it is hindering progress. On one hand, conservative people want to completely ban hormone therapy and puberty blockers. On the other hand, progressive people want to ban the pathologizarion of gender affirmation. There a huge lack of nuance in the discourse.

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    • Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      When human and social situations are interpreted in simplistic one-size-fits-all ways by people who have linked such interpretation to being a member of a “political side”, their takes are not really about what’s best for the people involved, even when they claim otherwise.

      There really isn’t any “one size fits all” approach for most human subjects, specially something as socially significant as gender.

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    • Nollij@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I agree with you, and would go further.

      A while back, there was a study (IIRC) from the UK that recommended against gender transitioning for children. No surprise, it created quite an uproar before it was retracted.

      At no point in any of the media coverage or comments on Lemmy, etc, did I see any discussion of the study itself. To this day, I have no idea if there was an issue with the methodology. It seems that no one, neither supporters nor opponents, bothered to read past the headline. Many of them were very fervent in their beliefs, but that wasn’t enough to get them to look at the details.

      This is also very bad for science - there are countless headline-grabbing “studies” that fail basic requirements. I’m sure you’ve seen things like “Is coffee/chocolate/etc good for you? A new 10-day study of 23 people suggests that…”. Which of course should get picked apart.

      If we aren’t following the science, then what are we even trying to do?

      (As an aside, I suspect that study was flawed, but I can’t confirm. It goes against the conclusions widely agreed upon, and would require significant rigor and evidence to support the claim)

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  • Grassgrowz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I suffered from severe depressions as a teenager, and my therapist at the time suggested it might be due to gender dysmorphia. I was raised by women, no father figure, which made me a lil feminine in some characteristics. As a confused teen, i ate that idea up…

    Years later i realized that wasnt it, and felt like my therapist was way too quick go with that idea. Clinging to a diagnosis was my way of keeping hope alive that i could fix the issue. I did fix it eventually, but not through gender reassignment surgery…

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    • Korhaka@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Shouldn’t hormones and surgery be the last option as that’s the most extreme, expensive and difficult to reverse option? Like make sure its not something else that can be treated with less invasive options first. Would be awful to go through a sex change when actually you just needed antidepressants.

      But mental illness is in a pretty shit state right now.

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  • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I’ve learned from trans friends that we share some experiences of gender, because I generally don’t fit the traditional masculine model despite being a cis male. I remember being interested in “girly” things as a kid and being frustrated that I wasn’t “supposed” to play with the toys that I wanted to I could see where in another life, with the right people saying the right things at the right times that could lead me to believe that I’m trans when I don’t actually seem to be

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• shaggyb@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Yes, actually. Rational response. Good on him.

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  • earphone843@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    That’s an amazing response from a conservative.

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• bogzi@lemm.ee ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I’d say best response you could hope for, given that he is conservative before he’s dad :) best of luck

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  • u_unicorn@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    [deleted]

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    • bogzi@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Yea, gathered from his response he’s not a douche. Also want to tell you that I’m usually a lurker but the fact that he can say he loves you is way beyond most dads (at least my own with whom i have a good relationship) capacity. So I think you got whatever comes your way covered, just keep that man close and in the loop cause I think he wants to see you happy :) cheers from Romania, buddy

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    • null_dot@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      You can describe someone like this as a socially conservative democrat.

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    • FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Uh … So then he’s nit s conservative, is he?

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• kandoh@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  This is the best that anyone can hope for, i think.

  I would remind him that you love him and appreciate his support.

  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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  • theangryseal@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    This is almost identical to what I said to my kid. I explained that it would be a process for both of us and he would need to be as patient with me as I was with him.

    My kid has not spoken to me in 4 years. Two slip ups (said she or her twice accidentally) and me saying I was just going to avoid pronouns until it sunk in. Nope. “Fuck you dad. You’ll never see me again.”

    His mother messed him all up though. We were very young when she got pregnant (I was 15) and naturally we didn’t make it as a couple.

    He was allowed to eat family packs of Reece’s multiple times a day until he was so overweight it was ungodly. I was the bad guy for trying to do anything about it. He had to have a meal separate from everyone his entire life. If the family was having baked chicken and vegetables, my son was having ramen noodles or chicken nuggets. The body issues started there. When I refused and said, “Eat with the rest of us and eat healthy or I can’t help you. I can’t in good conscience feed you pop tarts and ramen for dinner.” Mom used this to paint me as some kind of monster who was starving my kid.

    When the kid got to middle school those kids ate him alive. He ended up developing an eating disorder and starving/surviving on lettuce. Mom finally decided it was time to do therapy and blamed me for it. “You just had to make a big deal about what he ate!”

    My kid has been spoiled and turned into a self obsessed person who I don’t recognize and I’d cut a foot off to just have my kid back. He’s an adult though, and I can’t change any of it.

    All I can do at this point is hope that he regrets this one day but I don’t have much hope. That kid could have a best friend and love them with everything, and then just cut it off like it was nothing over some small thing and never speak to that person again, so my hope is very small.

    Sorry to spill all that here. This just made me spin when I read it.

    All I can do to show my love is keep paying for the services. (Netflix, Spotify, Hulu, etc.) And it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’s laughing at me for it, but I’m happy to be doing something, anything. As silly and small as it is, it’s all I have left.

    Y’all take care and if a trans kid reads this and can relate to this story, please don’t skip on your family because things aren’t going the speed you like. My kid stopped talking to everyone in my family overnight and never had a conversation with anyone but me. I get that it can be hard and I’m certain there are people who you will have to leave behind, but don’t cut your lifeline/support network and burn bridges unnecessarily. You could end up regretting it and causing yourself and everyone else a lot of unnecessary pain.

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    • NikkiDimes@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      That is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. It sounds like there isn’t much you could have done differently, though. It’s an absolute shame that trying to be the responsible adult caused you to be painted so negatively. 😞

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    • RinseDrizzle@midwest.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing, sending love from the other side of the screen.

      I have a sister who similarly decided the rest of us were “toxic” because my parents tried to motivate her into getting off their couch and doing something with her very hireable college degree.

      Haven’t heard a peep from her in years. Shit stings every day.

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• Carrolade@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  For a conservative that’s amazing, I’d be kinda proud of him. I’d comply with his request, assuming he wants you to see a couple other doctors and not attend some conversion camp or something. I’d just frame that as getting a second/third opinion, basically, which is always a good idea anyway.

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  • JackbyDev@programming.dev ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I’m just worried “unbiased therapy” means “therapist who doesn’t believe trans people exist.”

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    • duplexsystem@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Given he seems to bwlive they exist, I doubt thats the case.

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• foggy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  That’s a supportive parent doing their best to understand something they seem to nearly realize they’ve been brainwashed to have a knee jerk reaction to.

  If that ain’t love… 😊

  I sure things aren’t perfect, but this person respects you.

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• indecisiv@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Assuming “unbiased” is being used authentically here, this sounds like a good plan. An additional perspective is usually a good thing, especially when a lot of “brain stuff” is co-mingled and affects our emotions in ways we often can’t predict.

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• rowinxavier@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  This is heavily medicalised but yes, this is better than basically anyone from a conservative background could hope for. There is a lot of misinformation out there and it is easy to find an echo chamber that would support rejecting you, so keeping in line with his current sources is a good idea.

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• hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  There’s a long road waiting for him, but seems like he is walking in the right direction now.

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• Nanook@lemm.ee ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Good dad

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• scbasteve7@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Yes. He’s not knocking you for who you are, and is suggesting less expensive and dramatic treatments first, but is saying that if it doesn’t work then he supports the transition.

  I think this is about supportive and level headed you can get, especially for a conservative.

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  • eronth@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    It’s honestly fairly level headed for anyone. Make sure your loved ones aren’t making dramatic and life-altering changes without being sure they want it? Seems reasonable to me. Especially for a topic that is largely a muddled mystery for the average person.

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• kava@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I think his is absolutely the right course of action. We as humans have a weird psyche and we sometimes externalize internal issues and project them outwards either onto ideas or people.

  So for example, incels have serious issues with self-worth and they externalize those issues into hatred of women and society at large for their position in life. They feel, perhaps, they are not the man they feel like they should be- strong, handsome, wealthy, etc. And so they take blame at external circumstances in order to lessen the cognitive dissonance that if they are lonely and undesired- it’s almost always due to their own decision making and perspective on life.

  So for example a young male teen may feel all sorts of negative emotions and decide that gender dysphoria must be the diagnosis- when maybe he’s just a little feminine and attracted to men. But if they start to identify with the trans label prematurely, they could end up doing unnecessary damage to themselves and their development.

  I wholeheartedly and unapologetically support trans people and in my opinion if transitioning is determined the most effective treatment to gender dysphoria by one or two clinical physicians, I would absolutely support my kid transitioning. Trans kids have a very high rate of suicide so this is actually a very serious life and death diagnosis. It’s more dangerous statistically than some types of cancer. And if my kid had cancer, I would want to obviously look at all possible treatments plans we could take.

  But just like the dad, I would start with regular therapy and work our way up. See what else is going on. I would also spend time with my kid and really try to get a sense for what’s troubling them. I don’t think there is a substitute for a parent who cares.

  Anyhow, interesting post, thanks for sharing this intimate exchange. It’s a reminder that we are all humans and even those who we may label as “conservative” cannot be condensed down to one statement. This is one of the reasons, for example, I love Florida even though it’s a red state. I’m the furthest thing from right wing, but you’ll find that many Latinos who identify as right-wing have many views that would be considered “progressive”.

  We’re all ultimately people who hold multitudes.

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• FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Well no, but I guess supportive transmedicalism is a step in the right direction, even if it’s still quite fucked.

  (Equivalent being back in the day seeing being gay as being a mental disorder).

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  • jol@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Sorry, but I have an honest question. Isn’t gender disphoria a mental issue? And isn’t it addressed with medical procedures? I don’t understand the consequences of transmedicalism.

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    • FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Many societies and cultures allow for forms of changing your gender, or have other gender roles that fulfil these.

      The concept of “mental disorder”, just like “gender” is a social construct.

      In a society where these other genders or changing genders is not commonly allowed, like modern western cultures, someone who doesn’t fit into the binary vision of gender might be seen as having a “disorder”.

      Just like back in the day, in a society where gayness is erased and does not exist, a gay person might be seen as having a mental disorder.

      It’s very important to note that what is considered a “disorder” or not is very much a social construct.

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    • myusernameis@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Hi, Happy to try and answer, though with the caveat that this is just from my own experience.

      1. Disphoria happens on a social, mental, and physical level. For some the social hits strongest, basically they feel like their true gender internally and would like to act and be treated in a way that matches the social contruct of their true gender rather than their AAB gender, but they may care less or not at all about the physical appearance. Transmedicalism denies that their experience is very much the trans experience. For some, like me, my lifelong dismorohia (e.g. eat disorder, body shame) meant that my physical disphoria only presented after I found queer communities will to accept me as trans while I still looked very cis. To put it in TLDR terms, no woman should have to shave her legs to be a woman (and trans women are women). Which leads me to #2.

      2. Transitioning can take a long time. I am now addressing my physical disphoria, but the time and money required is significant. Transmedicalism (perhaps unintentionally) creates hierarchies: passing > surgeries > hormones etc. Which can be emotionally destroying along the way, and even more for a late-bloomer like me, who may never pass. And so rejecting that helps change the standard for me, makes sure every step I take is for me which leads to the last point.

      3. NB and trans NB people exist. Specifically why what OPs dad said is still troubling, it still forces a binary when gender is more of a 4d spectrum.

      TL;DR transmedicalism gatekeeps a lot of people out, when we all have far more in common.

      Again, not the gospel, just my take. Thanks for asking. ❤️

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• POTOOOOOOOO@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I’d say they are making an attempt. They are researching and making that effort. The first time I met someone who was trans, I just didn’t understand it at all. They let me ask a ton of questions. My opinion has changed over the years because of that.

  Good luck on your journey.

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• cabbage@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  That's awesome.

  As for therapy before surgery, I think this is not a bad suggestion. An unbiased and professional therapist would not try to change who you are, but to see if you can learn to be happy with who you are.

  Personally I'm a big fan of breaking down gender norms, and for people to say a big "fuck that" to all the expectations that comes with a specific gender. I know being trans is different, but I can't help but suspect that in some occasions (not all) feeling like not belonging to a given sex is contingent upon not so much the body itself, but the stupid-ass expectations we place upon a given gender as a society. Breaking down these norms is hard and important work in its own right, and something one could explore with a (serious) therapist before taking it to a surgeon. So in my (possibly ignorant) mind, suggesting therapy alone first is not a bad thing, though it can sound like it.

  Most importantly, it seems he loves you and supports you unconditionally, and he has made a real solid (and successful) effort to understand as well. So whatever you do, it seems he'll be there for you even if it requires effort from his side. You have a good father.

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• cheese_greater@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Honestly, it would be great if people actually held themselves to being required to actually read the Wikipedia page for whatever controversial issue it is they are woefully ignorant of and have an actual discussion about that as it was analyzed and described

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• InfernoVision@feddit.nl ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Yes

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• ocassionallyaduck@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  So long as this is genuone, and not a stealth sabotage, that’s a genuinely good response and reaction.

  I would respond to them that that isn’t a bad idea, so long as the therapist isn’t “primed” on the issue, and you’re able to actually go in with a blank slate.

  Also, no idea where you live, but in the US make sure your therapist agrees to keep your therapy notes in some kind of shorthand. Musk and Trump don’t care about violating HIPPA to harm your rights, so be smart yea?

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• SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  My mom made no such effort, and gave up on calling me Jessica a couple of years ago. I’d cry my eyes out if she had sent me what your dad sent you. I know that she loves and cares about me, but she also refuses to see me as how I truly am. It’s such an odd experience, hurtful at many times. But she also bought me a car last year, and has offered to help me bridge the gap when I was off work for 2 weeks due to an injury. In spite of her non-support, I love her dearly.

  What I’m getting at is that familial relationships are nuanced. Give your dad some credit for taking the time to research what being trans is about. Of course there is more to it than just the medical side of things, but he is trying.

  Your age also factors into this as well.

  My stepfather made several transphobic statements while he was alive. If he was still with us, I’d bet his conservative worldview would have changed a bit. I still hold him in high regard, because I know that he loved me and just wanted what he thought was best.

  TL;DR: Family relationships are hard, and it seems like your dad is trying.

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• MoonlightFox@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I’d call this a win and love. Being open to being wrong is a great quality.

  I see some people here not recognizing that this is a great development, or enough or whatever. These things take time for society to adjust to. Going from being skeptical / negative to a full blown ally is unreasonable to expect from someone in a short timeframe.

  Being open to change and different opinions is something we should always support. That path might be rocky and hard, sometimes almost impossible.

  For the sake of diplomacy and making him even more supportive seriously consider getting that “second opinion”, even though it might feel valueless for you. He just wants to make sure that you don’t make a huge irreversible mistake.

  Makeup, dressing in clothes and taking some hormones or whatever is one thing, irreversible surgery is another thing. So I kinda get where he is coming from, but you probably know what’s best for you.

  Anyways, good luck, and I wish you the best going forward, and am happy this is going in the right direction for you 🌈❤️

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• tanisnikana@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Honestly everyone needs therapy, but when you’re trans, you just *know*. You know deep down in your shivers, in your half-light. You know in a way that cis people can articulate in language, but will never truly be able to feel, to understand, to appreciate, to resonate.

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  • AntY@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Idk. There have been cases where people have regretted having the treatment. They are few compared to the number of people who think that the treatment was the best thing they ever did, but they do exist. I guess that being trans might cause some effects, like people being mean and bigoted or just the stress of knowing that you don’t fit in to what society seem to expect you to. I think prioritizing mental support through therapy might be a good start before the physical treatment. It will be good for both those that would regret the treatment but also for those that will get all sorts of weird interactions with others during the transition.

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    • Sunshine@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      You’re not transgender so stop gatekeeping. Medically transitioning is still not accessible enough all around the world. We don’t need this transphobic fearmongering about “needing a therapist” when it’s often not required and can be expensive to see. The regret rate for medically transition is astonishing low, We don’t have this same concern for people seeking nose jobs or hip surgeries which have much higher regret rates.

      Some studies suggest that rates of regret have declined over the years as patient selection and treatment methods have improved. In a review of 27 studies involving almost 8,000 teens and adults who had transgender surgeries, mostly in Europe, the U.S and Canada, 1% on average expressed regret. For some, regret was temporary, but a small number went on to have detransitioning or reversal surgeries, the 2021 review said.

      Source:apnews.com/…/transgender-treatment-regret-detrans…

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  • BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    You use very wonderful language. When you say “half- light” what does that mean to you? Please elaborate.

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    • IonAddis@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      It sounds like a Disco Elysium reference

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    • wesker@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Isn’t that what Pennywise would use to incapacitate the kids?

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• monkeyman512@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Therapy is probably a good idea regardless. If you spent your life “in the wrong body”, I would imagine it would still leave you with thousands of small mental wounds that add up. Granted, finding the right therapist can be an ordeal.

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  • ArchRecord@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Yeah, whether or not someone believes they have gender dysphoria shouldn’t affect if they get therapy or not. I’d recommend it regardless, it helps a bunch.

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• fadingembers@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Just make sure he doesn’t pull a fast one and send you to a conversion therapist

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• RejZoR@lemmy.ml ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I mean, don’t everyone who want to officially transition go through some sort of psychological evaluation anyway?

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  • TheDoozer@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I think he’s saying seeing a therapist that doesn’t specialize in gender dysphoria (kind of the “to a hammer, everything is a nail” thought). So going in and talking about all their mental health issues, and seeing if gender dysphoria comes out with it.

    I don’t think it’s a terrible read, if it seems like gender dysphoria is coming out of nowhere. Very different if OP was showing signs of it most of their life, and their dad had just refused to acknowledge it. Tough to tell just from what’s written, but I think the dad is remarkably reasonable.

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  • RobotToaster@mander.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Like anything you can find doctors with dubious ethics willing to preform any kind of surgery for the right price.

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• Sunshine@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  They’re on the right track at least. It’s not a mental disorder and no one is a “freak” for not passing, also that “unbiased therapy”comment wasn’t needed.

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  • cabbage@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I think the different interpretation of "standing out like a freak" part is more generational. He's not saying people with gender dysphoria are freaks—standing out like a freak is the feeling you have somewhere when you feel completely out of place and uncomfortable. Like if you're wearing yellow socks to a funeral. Nobody comments on it and you're not sure anyone even sees them, but you feel like you're standing out like a freak because you're constantly thinking about it and feeling out of place and as if you don't belong.

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  • Tgo_up@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    It 100% is a mental disorder, just looking at it logically…

    Your mind feels like the body it’s in is not correct. If that’s not a mental disorder I don’t know what is.

    I’m not saying people who have it are freaks, just like I don’t see people with physical disabilities/disorders as freaks.

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    • Sunshine@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      It is not a mental disorder. Dsm-5 does not classify it as such.

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    • Tgo_up@lemm.ee ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      The fuck is up with all this censoring on feddi? I left reddit to not constantly be censored but it seems like this place is no better.

      I haven’t attacked anyone, I’m not acting threatening, and my comment has twice as many upvotes as downvotes, but some mod didn’t like it so they removed it.

      Fuck you to whoever mod did that. You’re a fragile piece of shit.

      There. I was nice enough to give you an actual reason to moderate something.

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• scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  It’s a start. He’s still thinking that the dysphoria can be addressed on the mental side, not the body side.

  Ask him how he would feel if he woke up with big sagging breasts tomorrow. He’d be afraid to go outside. He’d wear bulky clothes if he had to. He’d look in the mirror and not recognize himself. He would start calling his doctor to see what could be done. Get him to visualize this and then tell him That’s EXACTLY what it’s like. Ask him if he woke up with big sagging breasts, if instead of calling his doctor, he might consider going to therapy to make sure he isn’t just experiencing some other mental issues that are preventing him from being happy with his knee-knockers.

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  • GaMEChld@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I mean… It’s a feeling. Dysphoria is a complex thing, it’s not as clear cut as, let’s skip right to surgery.

    healthline.com/…/can-gender-dysphoria-go-away

    Therapy and/or hormone treatment certainly might make enough difference to not require surgery anymore.

    Let’s not pretend that the act of transitioning is something that should be taken lightly. There are trans people who have been wholly unprepared for actually living life as the opposite gender and kill themselves. For example, I’m seeing cases of Female to Male trans saying they were completely unprepared for how lonely it is to live as a man compared to a woman. So for some of them that negative feeling of loneliness ended up being even more detrimental and unpleasant to them than the original dysphoria.

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    • andros_rex@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      The thing is - no one skips right to surgery.

      I don’t want to minimize the experience of detransitioners, but they’re extremely rare. They just get platformed more, it’s a narrative that the media wants (especially the “Irreversible Damage” narrative - that trans men are little lost girls mutilating ourselves in response to misogyny). The vast vast majority of people who detransition/regret usually do so because of societal factors - eg, that transitioning can often cost you your job, social support network, put you in danger…

      I’m entering middle age and have been on testosterone my entire life. I have still had doctors try to talk me into going off. Heck - to even get started, I had to lie about my sexual orientation - no one was giving me shit if I didn’t start off with “when I was four years old I threw a fit every time they made me wear dresses and only ever play with GI Joes.”

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    • scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Yeah and even more people have killed themselves over the dysphoria and the world not listening to them or validating their right to make a choice.

      Yes there is a complex mass of issues that can be difficult to separate out. But I ultimately think 2 things:

      1. a trans person’s certainty about their body is more important than my doubts about their mental state

      2. the complex mass of issues is partly created by a world that doesn’t validate their choices and condition. You can give them as much information as possible but then you have to back off and let them choose. It’s ultimately their body, their risk, their choice. There are examples where it doesn’t work out. Okay, fine, but don’t make everything about those. Most health care interventions carry some risk.

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  • Angelusz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    It’s a good start. It’s where everyone starts I think. Even trans people themselves first need to do a lot of soul searching and/or therapy in order to understand what they feel and why. It’s even harder for people on the outside to comprehend.

    I see literally nothing wrong with this parents response; wanting your child to check all the boxes before making a life changing decision is good parenting.

    One could always nitpick tone, but perfection is the enemy of good enough.

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    • hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      The one thing I will add is that the soul searching isn’t always visible, which was what made it so hard for my family/friends to understand when I came out. To them, it seemed like a very sudden and “snap” decision, when the reality was that I had spent years at that point reflecting and doing soul searching, but was so terrified about what it meant and how they might see me, I never told anyone about it.

      I definitely think that this dad did a solid job overall, and even as an adult transitioning in their late 20s, I would have loved this response vs how my parents handled it…

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• DimlyLitFlutteringMoth@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  He’s somewhat gotten the point and it’s definitely not the worst reaction but be prepared for things not to be smooth and for the acceptance and understanding never to come. This may not be the case, but from my experience, those who state that they would rather you explore other options first will always have an alternative option that is perceived by them to be a better outcome.

  Just be ready to cut this person out of your life. I really hope it doesn’t come to that for you, but I’ve had people like that which still fail to accept and understand after multiple diagnoses and over a decade later.

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• guy@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Stand out like a freak
  Thanks dad

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  • LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I would say that that is a legitimate concern of a parent who wants their child to have a “normal” life. Badly worded, of course.

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    • guy@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Yeah I get that as well since the dad obviously wanted to understand and support his child, but come on.

      I'm not trans but in my teens I definitely looked like a "freak" but all my dad ever said was something in the lines of that he was proud of me for being who I wanted despite what others might think.
      Bet he worried internally though. :)

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    • Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      I can only ever somewhat begin to understand the amount of stress that my “not normal” existence has caused my normie mom.

      Yet it must be a drop in the bucket compared to the amount of stress I experienced being raised by someone who cares more about what others think when they look at her kid, than by anything her kid is actually experiencing.

      It sounds like this dad is at least trying. If my mom showed even this much ability to listen to my concerns, I’d consider it a win. Instead I just get shut down at Christmas when I respond to, “How are you?” with, “Not sleeping well, not eating well,” and when asked why, respond honestly with, “Concerned about my and my loved ones’ safety under the upcoming authoritarian regime.”

      Everyone else at the table: Knows exactly what I’m talking about. Offers understanding and support

      Mom, and only Mom: “Hey we shouldn’t talk about politics at a party, it makes people uncomfortable.”

      Everyone else at the table: Acquiesces

      ---

      I mean, we picked the discussion back up as soon as she left to go home, but it’s still disheartening to know that my mom would rather appeal to “not offending” imaginary people who aren’t even at the table, than to listen to the valid concerns that threaten her own child. Even my dad came up to me after this and offered tangible support. It’s just my mom, my “apolitical” mom who truly believes “bOtH siDeS sAmE” and refuses to entertain the slightest political thought.

      It doesn’t surprise me that fascism is winning, when I consider that there are millions of people across the U.S. who view “politics” through the same lens she does.

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• wheeldawg@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Good first step, but I’m scared by the word “unbiased”.

  For a conservative, there’s no way that means “unbiased”, it’s gonna man “un-leftist”, because clearly there are only “wokes” and “normals”, and he’ll expect you to see a “normal”.

  Maybe he’s ahead of the curve, but that word strikes great in me.

  At the very least he does seem to actually understand it without resorting to insulting terms or snide comments, so I have hope for him.

  I really hope this works out for you, OP.

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  • Anomaline@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    This is similar to what I thought. I’ve seen a lot of people really reluctant to accept dysphoria that’s almost always stemmed in like, believing there’s a right process to be trans explicitly so they can deny that belief to people they don’t want to be trans, so this could be a good first step but that mindset may prove to be toxic down the line; only time can tell.

    You can see similar stuff in all the cis people eager to dictate that you should avoid accepting your own transness because, of course, you wouldn’t want to be trans if it weren’t something dictated to you by someone else who wasn’t biased in how you feel and…etc etc. Cis people are weird about that stuff and it’s become genuinely more rare that they don’t try to find ways to weasel in their discomfort over it in language of care these days, which is a constant difficulty to navigate.

    I would say, get care at your own pace, and don’t go backwards just to follow the process dictated to you by others if it’s not what you want; more often than not whether they accept you is already decided regardless of the avenue you take for it.

    Best of luck with everything. It’s a rough journey, but one you kinda have to take in the end.

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