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Well no, but I guess supportive transmedicalism is a step in the right direction, even if it’s still quite fucked.
(Equivalent being back in the day seeing being gay as being a mental disorder).
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Submitted 1 year ago by u_unicorn@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
jol@discuss.tchncs.de 1 year ago
Sorry, but I have an honest question. Isn’t gender disphoria a mental issue? And isn’t it addressed with medical procedures? I don’t understand the consequences of transmedicalism.
myusernameis@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
Hi, Happy to try and answer, though with the caveat that this is just from my own experience.
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Disphoria happens on a social, mental, and physical level. For some the social hits strongest, basically they feel like their true gender internally and would like to act and be treated in a way that matches the social contruct of their true gender rather than their AAB gender, but they may care less or not at all about the physical appearance. Transmedicalism denies that their experience is very much the trans experience. For some, like me, my lifelong dismorohia (e.g. eat disorder, body shame) meant that my physical disphoria only presented after I found queer communities will to accept me as trans while I still looked very cis. To put it in TLDR terms, no woman should have to shave her legs to be a woman (and trans women are women). Which leads me to #2.
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Transitioning can take a long time. I am now addressing my physical disphoria, but the time and money required is significant. Transmedicalism (perhaps unintentionally) creates hierarchies: passing > surgeries > hormones etc. Which can be emotionally destroying along the way, and even more for a late-bloomer like me, who may never pass. And so rejecting that helps change the standard for me, makes sure every step I take is for me which leads to the last point.
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NB and trans NB people exist. Specifically why what OPs dad said is still troubling, it still forces a binary when gender is more of a 4d spectrum.
TL;DR transmedicalism gatekeeps a lot of people out, when we all have far more in common.
Again, not the gospel, just my take. Thanks for asking. ❤️
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FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
Many societies and cultures allow for forms of changing your gender, or have other gender roles that fulfil these.
The concept of “mental disorder”, just like “gender” is a social construct.
In a society where these other genders or changing genders is not commonly allowed, like modern western cultures, someone who doesn’t fit into the binary vision of gender might be seen as having a “disorder”.
Just like back in the day, in a society where gayness is erased and does not exist, a gay person might be seen as having a mental disorder.
It’s very important to note that what is considered a “disorder” or not is very much a social construct.
DimlyLitFlutteringMoth@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
He’s somewhat gotten the point and it’s definitely not the worst reaction but be prepared for things not to be smooth and for the acceptance and understanding never to come. This may not be the case, but from my experience, those who state that they would rather you explore other options first will always have an alternative option that is perceived by them to be a better outcome.
Just be ready to cut this person out of your life. I really hope it doesn’t come to that for you, but I’ve had people like that which still fail to accept and understand after multiple diagnoses and over a decade later.
foggy@lemmy.world 1 year ago
That’s a supportive parent doing their best to understand something they seem to nearly realize they’ve been brainwashed to have a knee jerk reaction to.
If that ain’t love… 😊
I sure things aren’t perfect, but this person respects you.
RejZoR@lemmy.ml 1 year ago
I mean, don’t everyone who want to officially transition go through some sort of psychological evaluation anyway?
RobotToaster@mander.xyz 1 year ago
Like anything you can find doctors with dubious ethics willing to preform any kind of surgery for the right price.
TheDoozer@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I think he’s saying seeing a therapist that doesn’t specialize in gender dysphoria (kind of the “to a hammer, everything is a nail” thought). So going in and talking about all their mental health issues, and seeing if gender dysphoria comes out with it.
I don’t think it’s a terrible read, if it seems like gender dysphoria is coming out of nowhere. Very different if OP was showing signs of it most of their life, and their dad had just refused to acknowledge it. Tough to tell just from what’s written, but I think the dad is remarkably reasonable.
cabbage@piefed.social 1 year ago
That's awesome.
As for therapy before surgery, I think this is not a bad suggestion. An unbiased and professional therapist would not try to change who you are, but to see if you can learn to be happy with who you are.
Personally I'm a big fan of breaking down gender norms, and for people to say a big "fuck that" to all the expectations that comes with a specific gender. I know being trans is different, but I can't help but suspect that in some occasions (not all) feeling like not belonging to a given sex is contingent upon not so much the body itself, but the stupid-ass expectations we place upon a given gender as a society. Breaking down these norms is hard and important work in its own right, and something one could explore with a (serious) therapist before taking it to a surgeon. So in my (possibly ignorant) mind, suggesting therapy alone first is not a bad thing, though it can sound like it.
Most importantly, it seems he loves you and supports you unconditionally, and he has made a real solid (and successful) effort to understand as well. So whatever you do, it seems he'll be there for you even if it requires effort from his side. You have a good father.
ocassionallyaduck@lemmy.world 1 year ago
So long as this is genuone, and not a stealth sabotage, that’s a genuinely good response and reaction.
I would respond to them that that isn’t a bad idea, so long as the therapist isn’t “primed” on the issue, and you’re able to actually go in with a blank slate.
Also, no idea where you live, but in the US make sure your therapist agrees to keep your therapy notes in some kind of shorthand. Musk and Trump don’t care about violating HIPPA to harm your rights, so be smart yea?
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 1 year ago
The difference between understanding and accepting.
SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
Without knowing the nuances of OP’s relationship with their father, it would seem that dad is trying. That text sounds like someone who did a lot of research and is trying to show that they cared enough to read up on the trans experience. Whether that leads to acceptance is something only OP will know or at least have an idea of.
guy@piefed.social 1 year ago
Stand out like a freak
Thanks dadLH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
I would say that that is a legitimate concern of a parent who wants their child to have a “normal” life. Badly worded, of course.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I can only ever somewhat begin to understand the amount of stress that my “not normal” existence has caused my normie mom.
Yet it must be a drop in the bucket compared to the amount of stress I experienced being raised by someone who cares more about what others think when they look at her kid, than by anything her kid is actually experiencing.
It sounds like this dad is at least trying. If my mom showed even this much ability to listen to my concerns, I’d consider it a win. Instead I just get shut down at Christmas when I respond to, “How are you?” with, “Not sleeping well, not eating well,” and when asked why, respond honestly with, “Concerned about my and my loved ones’ safety under the upcoming authoritarian regime.”
Everyone else at the table: Knows exactly what I’m talking about. Offers understanding and support
Mom, and only Mom: “Hey we shouldn’t talk about politics at a party, it makes people uncomfortable.”
Everyone else at the table: Acquiesces
I mean, we picked the discussion back up as soon as she left to go home, but it’s still disheartening to know that my mom would rather appeal to “not offending” imaginary people who aren’t even at the table, than to listen to the valid concerns that threaten her own child. Even my dad came up to me after this and offered tangible support. It’s just my mom, my “apolitical” mom who truly believes “bOtH siDeS sAmE” and refuses to entertain the slightest political thought.
It doesn’t surprise me that fascism is winning, when I consider that there are millions of people across the U.S. who view “politics” through the same lens she does.
guy@piefed.social 1 year ago
Yeah I get that as well since the dad obviously wanted to understand and support his child, but come on.
I'm not trans but in my teens I definitely looked like a "freak" but all my dad ever said was something in the lines of that he was proud of me for being who I wanted despite what others might think.
Bet he worried internally though. :)
Sunshine@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
They’re on the right track at least. It’s not a mental disorder and no one is a “freak” for not passing, also that “unbiased therapy”comment wasn’t needed.
Tgo_up@lemm.ee 1 year ago
It 100% is a mental disorder, just looking at it logically…
Your mind feels like the body it’s in is not correct. If that’s not a mental disorder I don’t know what is.
I’m not saying people who have it are freaks, just like I don’t see people with physical disabilities/disorders as freaks.
Tgo_up@lemm.ee 1 year ago
The fuck is up with all this censoring on feddi? I left reddit to not constantly be censored but it seems like this place is no better.
I haven’t attacked anyone, I’m not acting threatening, and my comment has twice as many upvotes as downvotes, but some mod didn’t like it so they removed it.
Fuck you to whoever mod did that. You’re a fragile piece of shit.
There. I was nice enough to give you an actual reason to moderate something.
Sunshine@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
It is not a mental disorder. Dsm-5 does not classify it as such.
cabbage@piefed.social 1 year ago
I think the different interpretation of "standing out like a freak" part is more generational. He's not saying people with gender dysphoria are freaks—standing out like a freak is the feeling you have somewhere when you feel completely out of place and uncomfortable. Like if you're wearing yellow socks to a funeral. Nobody comments on it and you're not sure anyone even sees them, but you feel like you're standing out like a freak because you're constantly thinking about it and feeling out of place and as if you don't belong.
whaleross@lemmy.world 1 year ago
He had completely gotten the point but is afraid you’ll do an irreversible mistake. He is clearly looking out for your best interest. Because he loves you.
miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
He’s trying for baby steps, but he’s actually almost running, trying to balance, and reaching out for your hand…
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 year ago
:)
cheese_greater@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Honestly, it would be great if people actually held themselves to being required to actually read the Wikipedia page for whatever controversial issue it is they are woefully ignorant of and have an actual discussion about that as it was analyzed and described
rowinxavier@lemmy.world 1 year ago
This is heavily medicalised but yes, this is better than basically anyone from a conservative background could hope for. There is a lot of misinformation out there and it is easy to find an echo chamber that would support rejecting you, so keeping in line with his current sources is a good idea.
bogzi@lemm.ee 1 year ago
I’d say best response you could hope for, given that he is conservative before he’s dad :) best of luck
u_unicorn@lemmy.world 1 year ago
[deleted]FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 1 year ago
Uh … So then he’s nit s conservative, is he?
null_dot@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
You can describe someone like this as a socially conservative democrat.
bogzi@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Yea, gathered from his response he’s not a douche. Also want to tell you that I’m usually a lurker but the fact that he can say he loves you is way beyond most dads (at least my own with whom i have a good relationship) capacity. So I think you got whatever comes your way covered, just keep that man close and in the loop cause I think he wants to see you happy :) cheers from Romania, buddy
tanisnikana@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Honestly everyone needs therapy, but when you’re trans, you just *know*. You know deep down in your shivers, in your half-light. You know in a way that cis people can articulate in language, but will never truly be able to feel, to understand, to appreciate, to resonate.
BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one 1 year ago
You use very wonderful language. When you say “half- light” what does that mean to you? Please elaborate.
IonAddis@lemmy.world 1 year ago
It sounds like a Disco Elysium reference
wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 1 year ago
Isn’t that what Pennywise would use to incapacitate the kids?
AntY@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Idk. There have been cases where people have regretted having the treatment. They are few compared to the number of people who think that the treatment was the best thing they ever did, but they do exist. I guess that being trans might cause some effects, like people being mean and bigoted or just the stress of knowing that you don’t fit in to what society seem to expect you to. I think prioritizing mental support through therapy might be a good start before the physical treatment. It will be good for both those that would regret the treatment but also for those that will get all sorts of weird interactions with others during the transition.
Sunshine@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
You’re not transgender so stop gatekeeping. Medically transitioning is still not accessible enough all around the world. We don’t need this transphobic fearmongering about “needing a therapist” when it’s often not required and can be expensive to see. The regret rate for medically transition is astonishing low, We don’t have this same concern for people seeking nose jobs or hip surgeries which have much higher regret rates.
Some studies suggest that rates of regret have declined over the years as patient selection and treatment methods have improved. In a review of 27 studies involving almost 8,000 teens and adults who had transgender surgeries, mostly in Europe, the U.S and Canada, 1% on average expressed regret. For some, regret was temporary, but a small number went on to have detransitioning or reversal surgeries, the 2021 review said.
Nanook@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Good dad
InfernoVision@feddit.nl 1 year ago
Yes
hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
There’s a long road waiting for him, but seems like he is walking in the right direction now.