How many squirrels do you think you could take in a fight to the death?

Comments

• Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Everyone who thinks they could take a huge number of squirrels should consider what the jaws of a squirrel look like, how they were made for cracking open hard nuts, and what they could do to you if even one had it in its head to really hurt you:

  Image

  I don’t think I could take more than a couple at a time, even if they weren’t coordinated in any way.

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  • Grayox@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Image Ok im scared now.

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  • noughtnaut@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Are they evil attack squirrels of death? If so, one should be plenty.

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• prime_number_314159@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  There are details missing in this question that matter tremendously. Squirrels are faster and more agile than us. If they are well coordinated, and behave optimally to win (without concern to their individual survival, only the group’s success), I think it would take only a small number of squirrels to brutally murder most people, something like 5. I think their best strategy would be to go for the eyes first, then inflict bleeding injuries and escape again before the person can react. Without tools, and without backup, this approach wouldn’t take long to wear down most people.

  If the squirrels don’t care about their own survival, but make straightforward attacks, I’d think closer to 10-20. The person’s injuries will still compound quickly, but once thet have a grip of a squirrel, it wouldn’t be especially hard to lethally injure.

  If the squirrels still behave like squirrels, and are instead attacking because (for example), they are starving, then the number probably doesn’t matter much, as they’re more likely to go after each other, and the person would have the opportunity to plan and ambush small groups at a time.

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  • original_reader@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I am not sure whether I should be impressed or concerned by this amount of thought, detail and analysis.

    Anything you’re not telling us?

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    • prime_number_314159@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’m mentally well, I just like thinking about hypotheticals. I have no plans (nor any desire) to fight any number of squirrels to the death, and I do not condone doing so as entertainment or sport.

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  • eezeebee@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    The person’s injuries will still compound quickly, but once thet have a grip of a squirrel, it wouldn’t be especially hard to lethally injure.

    Personally I wouldn’t plan on gripping them at all. That’s asking for a bite. Unless you plan to just trade hits with them until you win? I’m thinking more of a stomping/kicking/striking strategy to do some crowd control and try to keep them off as much as possible.

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• ShareMySims@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Depends how well trained they are, I suppose?

  bad nut

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  • WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    What on earth is that gif from?

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    • iamahab@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

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• EleventhHour@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  My God, I hope I never find out

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• Juice@midwest.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Probably less than I’d like to think. I’m afraid by the time I made the mental switch from “wow there sure are a bunch of these squirrels” to “of I’m going to survive this I’m going to have to stomp all these murderous little fuckers” it will have already been too late

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• potentiallynotfelix@lemdro.id ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Do infections count as a loss? If I get an infection from one and die, does that mean I couldn’t take them on? Also, is it one at a time or all of them coming at me.

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  • flying_sheep@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Whoever dies first loses.

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    • potentiallynotfelix@lemdro.id ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Ok, I could probably take on 50 at a time, maybe 150 if it’s one on one.

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• inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  As someone with mobility problems, honestly. I think one could finish me.

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• DashboTreeFrog@discuss.online ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  If they’re all ganging up at once, coming from all directions, I feel like it wouldn’t take that many to nip you in the nasties and go for the jugular.

  Assuming there’s some kinda animal instinct where they know to go for vulnerabilities (some animals know to aim for hamstrings and necks right?) I’m not sure I could handle 10 unarmed and in regular clothes

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• Buffman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Probably just one Image

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• herrvogel@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  You said no weapons, but no mention of armor.

  Wrap me in some chain mail or kevlar or whatever, and set me loose. I will rain down an ungodly firestorm upon any number of squirrels. They’re gonna have to call the United Nations and get a binding resolution to keep me from destroying them. I will massacre them. I will fuck them up.

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• crawancon@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I would use my human strengths and lure them out in waves by speed walking/jogging into middle of fields or similar open areas. regardless I would get them away from trees or other things they could use to jump down onto me. once I level their attacks to the ground, there I would kick and stomp my way to an endurant victory as they’d surely use some energy to escape where hopeful other predators are there to claim there symbiotic prize.

  This strategy would likely work against 10-20 at a time. a few waves of them before I am cut down. guessing / hoping for 100 but probably only make it to 50.

  if I really got into a squirrel stomping rhythm I bet I could get triple digits.

  ok I’ve now given too much thought to this today.

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  • damniticant@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    So basically you’d kite the squirrel mobs

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    • masterspace@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      And you said getting blisters from geometry wars was a sign I had a problem. Well who wasted their youth now mom!?

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  • folekaule@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Your move, Blizzard and Bethesda. This is the boss fight we need.

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• toomanypancakes@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I could probably take down two, but when the third enters the picture I’m toast

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• NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  No weapons, just you and the squirrels.

  My teeth are terrifying weapons, chrrrr!!

  😄

  In a fight to death, my only problem would be that I get tired from the fighting, sooner or later. And then they could do some real harm.

  On the other hand, I assume that they are not smart enough to apply any special tactics that make use of this, or of their large number (coordinated action etc.)

  So I would trust myself against maybe 50 of them.

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• CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Maybe two. They are fast and bite really hard.

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• Delphia@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Lie on the ground, tuck head into arms protect face and vitals, aggressively log roll back and forth.

  Takes away their extreme agility advantage and uses my mass as a weapon… I think 100 would probably be a pretty fair number.

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• TachyonTele@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  While I’m pretty good with animals, I think I could only convince maybe two of them to come with me in a fight to the death. But I think that’d be enough of a surprise against the other guy.

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• Today@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Zero. I call my husband the squirrel whisperer. He makes a sound that draws the squirrels to him. If we’re in a park and he sits down, i have to walk away - within a few minutes a dozen squirrels will start creeping him and it’s terrifying!

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• msage@programming.dev ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  No weapons for me or the squirrels?

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  • Grayox@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Both

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• fraksken@infosec.pub ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  1 or 2. If they go for the eyes, It may be a fight to the death with two.

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• Late2TheParty@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I LOVE the amount of energy people put into their responses.

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• lath@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  If you got nuts, just one is enough to end your wild dreams prematurely.

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• Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  All of them. I think that I could take all of them.

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• _bcron@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Hundreds and hundreds. Stop drop and roll

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• rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  None.

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• Kolanaki@yiffit.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  How much time do I have to prepare for the fight?

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• Iapar@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  7

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• adespoton@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Depends on how many ants and lions were present.

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  • datavoid@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    The only things present are a large duck and a small horse

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• dizzy@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  This squirrel took on 18 humans and won

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• Crackhappy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  2, but only if they’re thinking of divorcing each other.

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• MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  No weapons

  Does mayonnaise count?

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