Feeling insecure about going to a 'girlie pop' concert as a 30 year old man, am i overthinking it?

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Mike_Hunt@lemmy.ml⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

My wife and I are going to a concert in a few months which is considered ‘girl pop’ and we have standing tickets. I wanted to get a look at what a show by this artist is like, so I search YouTube just to find it’s a bunch of young adult woman screaming anytime something is done like a dance move as an example, but this just isn’t me.

I have a worry that someone is going to start filming me for being ‘grumpy’ or whatever, usually I wouldn’t think this much into it, but I’m already going to be sticking out like a sore thumb and in the current year I always assume I’m in the background of someone’s video at any given moment and I don’t want my awkwardness being confused for anything else other than what it is.

Am I in over my head, or should I just not overthink it and try to enjoy myself?

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Ziggurat@jlai.lu ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Enjoy yourself, have fun with your wife, and don’t overhtink-it, your dick won’t fly away

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- Mike_Hunt@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Dammit, won’t be able to make an insurance claim now
  
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  - rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Eh, what would $24.99 do for your bank account anyway?
    
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czl@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You are overthinking it. Just enjoy yourself and take ear protection — besides the concert being loud, teenage girls scream really loud.

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VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You’ll be among the pool of husbands and dads who also had to go. Enjoy not waiting for the bathroom the whole concert.

But yes, you are overthinking it. Go have fun and do what you do naturally. Maybe you don’t have to constantly be giddy every second for 2 hours.

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enbee@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Put on your shortest shorts, ask your wife to do your makeup, and dance like no one is watching.

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witty_username@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Don’t let your perception of femininity and masculinity stop you. Don’t let your expectation of other people’s perception of femininity and masculinity stop you. It’s all made up. Having said that, you don’t have to force yourself to enjoy something you don’t enjoy. However, if you do decide to go, I would recommend to embrace it and try to find enjoyable aspects to the experience.

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- knowone@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I agree with all of this. The post is one of those many you come across and think “wow heteronormativity really makes people scared of the most normal things”. But I get it, no judgement of course, it’s society that needs a rewrite
  
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- Mike_Hunt@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I think It’s because I don’t really see myself as either, I struggle with both. I know it’s all made up, but it’s all I ever see people talk about online and that could be anyone you walk past, I mean not everybody is chronically online as others, but they still have their views.
  
  Just the other day, some kids lost their ball in a tree, so I go over to try and help (unsuccessfully) and then a man of similar Age and height just comes over and climbs into the tree in front of these kids, and I’m just standing there looking up with them, I felt like a lesser man at that moment, and it was pointed out to me once that I seem to seek the validation of woman for some reason.
  
  Sorry, didn’t mean to get deep, but your comment got me thinking haha
  
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  - can@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    A lesser man wouldn’t have tried to help in the first place.
    
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  - prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Just be yourself, dude.
    
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  - Eyekaytee@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    damn that sucks :/
    
    i wouldn’t bother to much asking about manliness around these parts, if it was all just made up as they say they wouldn’t care when i call them the wrong pronouns since that’s just made up as well
    
    turns out things that are “just made up” still matter
    
    but you’ve got a whole real life wife so that counts for a bundle👍
    
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happydoors@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
People don’t go to concerts to look at the audience. If anyone has a problem they are a gate keeping moron.

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cRazi_man@europe.pub ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You will probably feel “out of place” and there will probably be few people of your demographic… But no one cares. If you enjoy your time with your wife and enjoy the concert, it doesn’t really matter.

I been to a bunch of goth metal concerts as a middle aged man. It’s mostly young people dressed in black goth apparel. I’m there as a serious middle aged guy in a normal T-shirt and jeans. It’s never been a problem. Many times the other concert goers will be quite welcoming to share their music taste with someone.

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- Mbourgon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I’m at “extreme” metal shows. Usually in business casual, and I used to joke that I was a studded leather bracelet and a tattoo under their minimum. Nobody cares, hell, I got hit on by someone asking whose dad I was.
  
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expr@programming.dev ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I’m also in my 30s. I’ve been to a bunch of “girly” concerts with my wife and have had a great time at all of them.

It’s much easier to enjoy life when you let go of notions of what you should or should not be enjoying. Music doesn’t need to be gendered. You can just enjoy it for what it is.

In fact, I’d extend the idea to countless other facets of life: there’s so much pointless gendering in society that does a huge disservice to everyone, men included. I’ll give you a dumb example: I used to hold the notion in my younger years that if I were given a purse to hold, that I had to hold the purse in such a way to telegraph that it wasn’t actually my purse. Like grasp it like some kind of ape man or something. Like… What is the fucking point in that? It’s so goddamn dumb and childish. Now I often take turns holding my wife’s purse (it can be a bit heavy because it also doubles as a diaper bag for our toddler) and don’t give a single fuck about doing so.

I can give you countless other examples where I was raised with incredibly damaging ideas ultimately stemming from toxic masculinity that I have painstakingly excised from my psyche.

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GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
One of my favorite things about getting older is that I give less of a shit about anyone else’s opinion, every year. When you’re 40, you’re gonna laugh at how worked up you got about this.

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6stringringer@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Own it or stay home. By owning it, I mean just enjoy yourself & I guarantee all is good. I can’t say the same about the demographics of the fan base. People are people and just do your best, don’t assume anything , be kind & direct when speaking & just present the best you.

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yermaw@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You’re going with your wife. She’s your human Teflon.

As a single adult man any space not specifically targeted to you will draw heat and dirty looks. With a wife and/or kids to hide behind the world is yours for the taking.

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SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
If you go and decide you like it then explore other girly things too.

Fuck gender norms, do whatever sounds interesting.

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Taalnazi@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
just be free to go, who cares – as long as you can enjoy it, nobody’s harmed. So go and have fun with your wife!

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Klear@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Guy over 30 here. I went to a PVRIS concert recently, and apparently the singer is a LGBT icon. Also the opener was Scene Queen. I definitely didn’t fit into the demographic, but I didn’t feel like I was sticking out either.

It was an awesome concert. IMO you’re overthinking it. Just have fun.

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- mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  
  and apparently the singer is a LGBT icon.
  
  Anyone who sees this and doesn’t immediately go “oh they’re gay as fuck” needs to replace the batteries in their gaydar:
  ctrlaltmusic.com/…/PVRIS-Press-Picture-2021.webp
  
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  - Klear@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Oh, new batteries won’t help. Mine is completely busted.
    
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npdean@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You are overthinking it. No one cares. Just do what you have to do.

The people who judge will be out of sight in a few hours but the regret of not going will be with you till you die.

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theparadox@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Be aware of the venue and how crowded it could be. I’ve been to plenty of metal shows in my youth and been waaay to close the speakers. Surprisingly, what fucked my ears worse than anything was when I got invited by a girl friend to see the band “Live” (known for the song “The Dolphin’s Cry”) at a standing room venue. I was only like 20 but still being packed in tight among countless shrieking girls/young women gave me tinnitus for a week and my hearing has never been the same since.

Really though, don’t worry about how you are perceived. Just have fun, but maybe bring ear plugs just in case. Hell, I likely should have worn earplugs for most of my concerts regardless.

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SaneMartigan@aussie.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Just go mate. I’m often the only guy in my pilates class.

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unyons@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I’d say you should worry about it all you want beforehand, but make sure to go, and make sure to leave those thoughts at the entrance. These thoughts/emotions are there for a reason, but IMHO they are more useful for preparation, not for the event itself.

I sometimes even mime putting such intrusive thoughts into an imaginary box, locking it with a key, and setting it down somewhere, or tossing it over my shoulder. This sort of ritual helps me to really cement my intention of leaving something that I no longer need behind.

Also, having you wife with should be a great help, for obvious reasons. But really you are an adult, as long as you don’t show up in a sailor moon costume I doubt if anyone will be paying much attention to you at all.

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- PostiveNoise@kbin.melroy.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Or alternately. 1: study up on a bunch of kickass girlie dance moves 2: acquire a super cute sailor moon costume 3: Go To The SHOW and get your moves on!
  
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it_depends_man@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
It’s possible you will feel weird about being there and not enjoy it. I was to two concerts of one of my favorite bands and I just didn’t really get it and enjoy it that much, because it was in a big crowd. The “live” thing just didn’t do it for me, so my conclusion is that I just prefer music by myself.

But the mood at the event itself shouldn’t keep you out, you like what you like and if it’s a cool community, they will not gatekeep it.

My wife and I

Showing up alone would be a bit weird. With your wife, nobody should give you a second look.

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- prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  It depends big time on the size of the venue, for me. I have a hard time enjoying shows in stadiums and like giant amphitheatres…
  
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RamenDame@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Enjoy the show. In the last two years, I was at 2 shows where a male companion and me were the oldest. And one show we were only beaten by boring parents which waited in the bar area instead of listening to a great show (imagine grumpy older Gen X being on their phones the entire time). It felt weird at first. Teens and young adults all around me. Every teen had so much swag and I needed Vexillology lesson because there were so many queer flags and didn’t know existed. The shows were nice (Tessa Violet and Cavetown) and I had a great time. Everything was calm, the bar always free, I guess because money is a lot tighter when you are young. If people notice you they’ll think you are a cool dude cause you enjoy good music.

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- Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Upvoted for the Vexillology reference.
  
  But yeah, OP, just enjoy the show. Most of the attendants are going to be way too focused on the show, their friends, and themselves to care that some rando isn’t bopping along with them.
  
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GaMEChld@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Take an edible and have a good time. No one cares.

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vxx@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
They would never film you if they think you’re grumpy, because they’re hired by the venue, the labels and artists, and it would be considered bad PR for them.

The cameras ususually only catch the front rows anyways, and the concert is way different and more relaxed when you arent in the mosh pit.

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TribblesBestFriend@startrek.website ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I have a friend that flew from Vancouver to Toronto to see Black Pink… alone … as 30ish white man. You should be fine

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Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
While you’re there, you’ll probably see someone twice as out of place as you, and immediately forget about them.

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peacepath@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Just stay with your wife, it is not weird to accompany her…

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MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I just reached my mid-40s, and at the same time, I realized that I have been overthinking everything. Nobody cares, and those that do, you shouldn’t care about. Too many missed opportunities because I thought it worried too much and did too little. I think my new outlook may have been influenced by the ever increasing deaths of people around me. Time keeps speeding up, I’ll be dead soon. So will everyone. Do whatever you want, be nice to people, it’ll all be over too soon.

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Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I went to a local band performance where the median age of the audience was around 14, with me as a 40 year old in attendance. I felt self conscious for about 2 minutes until the show started. Then I didn’t care anymore.

Banger show. I’m glad I went.

You do you, dude. Don’t worry about what others might think about your attendance. Vote with your dollar. Spend it on stuff you want to enjoy.

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capuccino@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Just go, dude, like if the “girls” in the band weren’t hitting their 30’s

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BananaIsABerry@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I went to a Jonas Brothers concert with my wife a few years ago and I had this same worry. I went, was overwhelmed by how much my ears hurt from how loud the entire crowd of women screaming was, and ended up enjoying the performance, even if I feel like I was sticking out for now being that excited.

There was some solace in seeing other dudes in the crowd, probably feeling exactly like I was

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