What are some good places/activities where a middle-aged man can new make friends?

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Submitted ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨lordnikon@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

Bonus points: if that place/activity is friendly for disabled people with limited mobility.

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Tungsten5@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Cigar lounge. May be kind of random but if you are into cigars/dont mind trying on there are always tons of dudes there of all ages. A great place to meet people and just chat

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Ashenlux@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I recommend taking an improv class. I recently started taking classes and it’s been a lot of fun and pretty challenging at times. Taking classes and being that vulnerable with others basically streamlines the friend making process. My class group usually goes out to a bar to hang out and chat after class every week, and we have been inviting others to hang out periodically. It’s absolutely disabled people friendly too (At least my theater is, they have a ramp for the stage and everything.) you can also learn some skills to help become better at communication and ease social anxiety. I’ve really noticed the changes in my life.

It’s a daunting idea, but it so worth giving it a shot

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- lordnikon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Thanks you, this is a great idea, I really like this one. I am concerned though that my crutches would limit my improv versatility.
  
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  - Ashenlux@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Yeah, they might, but I have also seen someone that required a wheelchair perform, and they did a great job. As someone that doesn’t have a disability that interferes with movement, it’s hard for me to say much about performing improv from that perspective, but I think it’s worth a shot. I understand trying to be realistic about what you can and can’t do, but I also think it’s important to try and stretch yourself to see what’s possible. But again, I don’t know your situation or your perspective, so I could be talking out of my ass here. Beginner classes are usually very casual and low stakes, focused on just having fun, getting out of your comfort zone, and learning the basics.
    
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Krudler@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
First off, you cannot attend any kind of event where women are involved.

I’m not doing a battle of the sexes thing, but the reality is that social dynamics massively change when opposite sex are involved. It is fundamentally impossible to have genuine interactions with other men, when women are around.

Before you get all triggered and decide to hit the downvote, remember I am not doing battle of the sexes…you cannot take women’s wine night for example, deposit a man in the group and expect the social dynamic to remain the same.

So go find something where women are not allowed. Find a clubhouse with a crudely written sign that says “no girls allowed” and the R is backwards.

Find a place where men are not in competition for the attention of women.

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untorquer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Volunteer in outreach orgs or at events that are related to your interests.

There are also mutual aid orgs. They are almost always accessibility aware. Maybe check in with MADR. They may be able to point to local groups if you’re in the US.

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dQw4w9WgXcQ@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Just throwing out a suggestion: choir.

Never tried it myself, but I have heard a lot of people build good relationships there.

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ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Without bonus points: climbing. It’s always done in groups, the community is very open and you spend a lot of time just talking.

Basically you show up to a local climbing gym, try a boulder, some guy tries it after you, you say something like “I think you need to switch hands here”, you start chatting, ask him about outdoor climbing in the area, he says that he’s going to a nice stop this weekend, invites you to join, you go and hang out with people all day. It really is that simple.

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Rumo161@feddit.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Magic the Gathering. Its like drugs but its only bad for your Bank account and if you dont min/max it wont destroy your friendships that bad.

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drmoose@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Boarlld game groups and board game cafes are great for that!

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- Krudler@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  No they’re horrible environments for meeting on socializing with other people.
  
  If you’ve ever been to a socializing board game night, you would be aware that there’s effectively zero chance to communicate, talk, have a conversation - a group of people can’t focus on two things at once.
  
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  - drmoose@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    We must be going to different ones because there’s loads of down-time in most games and people would have a smoke break and just hang out with food and drinks post games.
    
    Board game cafes is my 1st choice for social connections when arriving to a new country and I make friends every time.
    
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swelter_spark@reddthat.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you like animals, there’s lots to do with animal rescue, and you meet lots of great people. There are ways to contribute even if you don’t have a lot of physical mobility, like helping with internet activities, record-keeping, photography, and caring for animals temporarily while they’re being quarantined.

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conditional_soup@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Your nearest, biggest city’s library is a good place to look. Libraries almost always have something going on in a spare public room or have public event flyers hung up.

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yessikg@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Check out your local library activities, check your city/town event calendar

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socialhope@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you have any interest is medieval things check out the Society of Creative Anachronism. www.sca.org

Even if you only want to meet new nerdy\geeky people. As long as you don’t mind wearing silly clothing.

This is somewhat dependent on living close enough to a city.

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- lordnikon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This is very cool. I think I have seen some people that do this at the Scarborough Ren Fair down here.
  
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noxypaws@pawb.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Furry convention

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dullbananas@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Look for events in church bulletin

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- Sergio@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  That’s what I was gonna say. It doesn’t even have to be a religious thing. To a lot of people church/mosque/temple is a cultural thing.
  
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- SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Or meetup.com for people who want friends and not cult members
  
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  - WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Or OTO-USA.org if you want a cult that’s not full of squares.
    
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Libra@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Find a discord community that you share a hobby with. I found a small (<300 people) gaming community discord and have been hanging out there for a couple years now, made tons of friends, always have people to play games with, etc. But it doesn’t have to be gaming, I’m also in 2 movie clubs and a book club on a couple other discord servers, plus I play tabletop roleplaying games online with strangers and make new friends that way, etc. Iono if there’s a place you can physically go to meet people other than a bar or something, but there are lots of places online to meet people. Find yourself a knitting club or a biking club or a hiking group or whatever… tons of those communities exist online, and most of them are on discord.

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SolidShake@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Join a group thing you like.

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los_chill@programming.dev ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you are musical or like music maybe find a local weekly jam or open mic. Play some tunes or just go and enjoy. Typically a very welcoming and open community and supportive scene, at least everywhere I’ve been.

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CameronDev@programming.dev ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Archery. Relatively cheap sport to get into (no consumable bullets).

As for limited mobility, that depends on what you mean, wheelchair - not a problem, upper body - maybe a problem, depending on the extent. Crossbows can solve the strength part, but if you can’t aim, that will be a bit harder.

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mapiki@discuss.online ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Rock climbing assuming you have a little spare change for a membership & a local gym. Go boulder. Folks are chill.

Local sports leagues. I was chatting with a friend who was talking about how much fun they’re having with softball… Including how they can now hit the ball 50% of the time.

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AmazingAwesomator@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
as one with limited mobility, i have made friends at the local, extremely small, music venue. tickets at the door are $20, beer is cheap, and everyone is super friendly.

because its a small place, the owner lets me take a chair with me when i am going to one of the stages that has no seating (i use a cane; its hard to stand for long periods). i usually sit next to the merch tables, and the friends of the bands usually strike up conversation.

this is a suuuuuper small place. it has 2-3 stages (depending on the night), but they are really close together, so only one band at a time can play (two stages are outside because the building is so small). even if its not music, go to really small local places that get decent crowds - they are a lot more personable.

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- Nollij@sopuli.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Related, many small(-ish) bars have a stage for live music on Friday/Saturday. There may not be enough seating for those nights, and there’s little/no standing room, so people randomly share tables. From there, you strike up conversation with other fans.
  
  Find the small places where they advertise the bands by name, and make sure they aren’t just cover bands. Irish pubs have been lucky for me, but there’s another place near me that regularly has jam bands.
  
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- lordnikon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  That’s interesting how do you get to know people? Doesn’t the music make it hard to hear people? I feel like in that scenario i would go listen to music and have a good time but would still be alone in a crowd.
  
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  - AmazingAwesomator@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    usually a band plays for ~30-45m - enjoying music time - and ~15m-1h (depending on the setup for that night) of downtime for chatting.
    
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HC4L@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Your local discgolf club / community if you’re into that.

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jupyter_rain@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I would argue that this can be any acitivty which can be done in a group setting and which you enjoy. Maybe check out urban gardening? They sometimes acommodate to people with limited Mobility.

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FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Local gaming shops are good options if you’re in an urban/suburban area. Many run regular events for TableTop Role Playing Games like Pathfinder and DnD, Warhammer, board game tournaments, etc… Many also host discord servers so folks can make “LFG” (Looking For Game) type posts.

Obviously its going to depend where you are, but I’ve found it to be a great place to socialize when I’m bored.

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- WibblyMcButternutz@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Are they typically welcoming to people who have never played tabletop games?
  
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  - Ziggurat@jlai.lu ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Yes, even non profit clubs need a constant influx of newcomers, whose member due will pay the rent when the ancient will leave. And for game shop it’s even worse. It’s a hobby where a 50 € book can entertain 4 adults for year, so you need new comer to keep selling.
    
    My local rpg club runs monthly discovery session and many GM gladly take beginners at their table. (most) RPG have relatively straightforward basic rules, any semi decent GM can give you a 30 minutes briefing with enough information to play. Most of these hugs books aren’t rules but story, and special abilities (e.g. Magic spells and potions) so you don’t need to read them before playing.
    
    Usually, I advise to look for one shots session to start it allows to discover a game and test the alchemy with other players without signing up for a 2 years campaign.
    
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  - conditional_soup@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I’ve never met a public-facing tabletop group that wasn’t enthusiastic to introduce new people to it. I think honestly my worst experience was when some dude brought his insanely broken D&D 3.5 character to play in a level one 5E game. The DM handled it very well; much better than I would have, I think.
    
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  - WibblyMcButternutz@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I appreciate all the responses!
    
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  - swordgeek@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    My experience is that they generally are, but if they’re not they’ll be very friendly in suggesting that they’re not the right venue for you.
    
    If that sounds weird, go (or phone) and ask them. If they say “Well we’ve got a pretty hardcore community here,” then that’s a sign that maybe it’s not where you should start. But gamers, on the whole, LOVE sharing their passion with new people.
    
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  - FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    In my experience, it totally depends on the shop and what kind if environment the owners are trying to cultivate. I’ve been to super competitive shops that are crazy anal about sticking to game rules, rude to newcomers, etc, and I’ve been to others (like my current shop) that realize we’re a bunch of middle aged fucks playing with toys (40k is my shit).
    
    More often than not, though, the vibe is going to be a welcoming one. As others have said, its more people to play games with! Especially in the plastic crack community, where there’s certainly a 30 year Warhammer veteran just waiting for a newbie to dump their lore knowledge into.
    
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  - jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    The tabletop game meetup I know of (in New York) is explicitly friendly to new players. One of the hosts said their first game ever was at the meetup many years ago.
    
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  - Libra@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    It really depends, but mostly yes because people always want more people to play stuff with. You don’t need to go to a games store to find tabletop games though, hit up roll20 and search their LFG section, they’ve got a filter on their LFG search for games that welcome new players, you can sort by what time you want to play, etc. It’s mostly D&D, but there’s a ton of other stuff in there too if you know what you want to play.
    
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  - SolOrion@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I’ve heard of them having newbie games scheduled on certain days. I don’t know how welcoming general games would be to a complete beginner, though.
    
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  - Asafum@feddit.nl ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    The doorknobs are made of the skulls from those who dared to enter, but did not already know the game. Lol
    
    Jokes aside, while I haven’t been to one myself I know people who play and they’re always welcoming of new people. I’m sure the attitude is “more people to play with!”
    
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KazuyaDarklight@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Kind of building on the D&D subject, if you look up your local game stores that have playspace, they probably have a calendar on their website listing lots of “Open Play” events or something similar. Mine also has craft/hobby nights.

You normally just show up to these and play.

The card and army based games may expect you to have your own stuff, but I would get in touch with somebody because a lot of the time there’s going to be somebody who will let you try the game with their stuff and teach you how to play in hopes of getting you interested long-term.

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JohnnyCanuck@lemmy.ca ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Check out meetup.com for any particular hobbies you’re into.

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Bonus@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Pursue your interests in life and people you’re going to hit it off with will be along the way.

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- lordnikon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Yeah unfortunately most of my interests are stuff that are done solo. Im also not sure if those interests became my interests because i have been solo most of my life. Moved around allot as a kid. That’s why I want to bridge out to new things.
  
  Linux
  
  Comic books
  
  Reading novels
  
  Electronic Engineering
  
  Video Games
  
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  - Waldelfe@feddit.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Maybe check if there are maker spaces/repair cafes near you. They are always happy for help.
    
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  - SupaTuba@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Hey! you sound pretty cool! :D
    
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  - cRazi_man@europe.pub ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I’m at a similar age and have similar interests. I’ve not been successful. I’ve done what others suggest, but not many people are making a genuine connection. Meetup.com ends up being an activity for the meet up and not connection outside. Conventions and gaming makes people get together for the event…but again little interest outside that.
    
    Some of this might be a skill issue. Some of this has to do with how incredibly socially reserved the British are (all my ongoing friends are with non-British people while loving in England, because they’re the ones who will accept invites and meet up again). Some of this has to do with having interests that hardly anyone shares IRL.
    
    Good luck.
    
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  - Addv4@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Book club or maybe even some sort of 3d printing meetup? I’ve always found that the people that are interested in those probably would hit the other items on your list.
    
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Carrolade@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Dungeons & Dragons is one, for the sufficiently geeky.

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- Ziggurat@jlai.lu ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I woald advise other RPG than D&D, too many beginner look for D&D and nothing else, while tons of GM struggle to find player for non D&D games
  
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  - jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    DND is tricky to recommend. On the one hand, as far as RPGs go it’s mega popular. On the other, it’s a very specific kind of game and rather finicky.
    
    Many people who don’t want to play fantasy dungeon crawling tactical combat would enjoy other genres, but finding those groups can be harder. One of my friends has no real interest in fantasy, but immediately was like “LET’S DO IT” when I mentioned a game of Vampire.
    
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- zephorah@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I came here to say Dungeons & Dragons. People of all ages and walks of life play.
  
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- lordnikon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This one is interesting as don’t you need friends already to play?
  
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  - dukeofdummies@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    there are actually lots of groups that attempt to rectify this exact problem.
    
    Pathfinder is a tabletop RPG that has a large following and focuses on the ability to jump in and out of groups and games.
    
    Find your nearest game store and see what hobbies show up there. There might be a Warhammer group, DnD, starwars miniatures, magic, or maybe just random board games.
    
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  - conditional_soup@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    IIRC, you can get into public games on roll20. I also know Lemmy has an instance dedicated to TTRPGs; do they have any kind of game matchup community?
    
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  - Libra@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    You can play with online friends with a virtual tabletop like Roll20 or Foundry and voice chat like Discord. I’m in 4 games a week and all of them are online. I mentioned in another comment, but Roll20 has an LFG section taht lets you search by game systems, time, whether or not they welcome new players, etc. I’ve met tons of people this way.
    
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  - Carrolade@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    If you want to start an irl group, yeah. If you’re joining an existing group, no though. Fully online is obviously the easiest place to find groups looking for players, but you can also head down to your local gaming store. I’ve seen bulletin boards before with flyers looking for players, but can probably just ask the people working there if they know of any.
    
    Could also check online forums for your local community, maybe even make a post asking if any gaming groups have openings for irl players.
    
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  - KazuyaDarklight@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Most game shops host some games that are open to people signing up.
    
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