Submitted 2 hours ago by Grumpy404@piefed.zip to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
So im sorta a child of a hoarder but ive also done some stuff aswell, its nothing like whats on tv, but its still a problem as we want to move. My mother keeps saying she wants me and her to get the junk out first but shes having trouble terterming whats trash compared to me, nor can we really afford some team to clean everything up.
What would be the best course of action here, because 2 people is not working.
I just had to deal with this. Moving two households from Alabama to Minnesota, with myself, my wife and her mother (all 3 of whom are pack rats) and more than 1 one way truck and a car hauler was not in the budget.
What I did was rent a storage unit just large enough to match the volume of the truck I was going to rent. Anything that could fit in the storage unit could be kept. Everything else had to go. Anticipating trouble, especially from my MIL, I divided the storage unit into halfs using gaffer’s tape and one half (me and my wife’s) was again divided into half with one section reserved for me and the other for my wife.
Me and my wife downsized fairly problem-free. I got down to about 10 plastic footlockers and let my wife have the rest of my section. Our half was full, but not horribly so even after the furniture we wanted to keep. My MIL however was another story.
She kept saying we were trying to force her to give away everything she owned. She calmed down and started downsizing seriously when we finally packed up her house to move it to the storage unit and we completely filled U-haul’s largest truck, Tetris Style, with not even enough room left for a rolled up poster, and my MIL still had another half truck’s worth of boxes that she had, till that point, claimed she couldn’t bear parting with. I put my foot down and told her that, while I was willing to make multiple trips (neither of them were comfortable with the idea of drive the U-Haul) she would have to pay the full cost of moving everything that wouldn’t fit into the 1st truck and estimated that it would cost an additional $4K per trip, all in. That got her.
We wound up renting a second storage unit for interim use as she decided what would go on the truck and what she would have to sell, give away or toss. I think we may have single-handedly crashed the second hand market in our old town with everything we three donated. In the end, it was noisy, stressful and there were times when my MIL didn’t want to talk to me or my wife, but we eventually got it down to a single truck, and 3 cars, but damn, were they packed.
Aint gonna be easy. Deciding what has to go won’t work. Maybe try reversed,: Everything has to go and (cherry) pick what to keep. But with a hoarder… It’s tough. Each and every item will be point of discussion.
Agreed, as someone married to a clearly undiagnosed horder it is tough to say the least… my only saving grace is that she really doesnt know what exists and is also semi tired of living this way so i have been clearing out rooms when she is at work (I work from home) and hope she doesn’t ask to see the garbage bags that i hide until garbage pickup. Everytime i clean when she is around she will go into the bags. I am on the side that it is all trash, but the sadder part is that a lot of it isn’t exactly junk either and did cost a lot over the years. I should be figuring out what to keep, but it’s so bad i don’t care and would rather start over from scratch than trying to figure out what can be sold to make back some of the losses. Sadly depending upon how bad OP has it he may not be able to get away with any of this, but wish him the best.
I’m really sorry. This sounds like a super difficult situation.
I think there’s some good ideas in this thread, but if im brutally honest - its your mum that needs to hear them.
Get a box. A bunch of boxes. Walk to the first thing you see. Pick it up. Ask yourself two questions.
Have I used this in the past 5 years?
Will I use it in the next 5 years?
If you answered no, put it in the box.
Now repeat. Over and over and over. With every single item in the house.
When you’re done, take the boxes to goodwill.
Now do this same process every 5 years. And when you’re buying a new thing, ask yourself: "Do I really want this thing in my house, and add to the next roundup?
You may find you buy less things, just because your cleanup every 5 years takes too long.
Move. Source: me, getting ready to sell, moving in 3 months from a house we’ve been in for 17 years with 5 kids.
Full disclosure: we haven’t done it yet, but things become so much clearer along keep/toss lines once you’re up against the task of staging your home for sale.
Rent a storage locker and get everything out of the house quickly. Throw out anything that you both feel ok letting go of, but don’t put much energy into decisions about stuff where you’re not sure. Just chuck it in storage immediately. Now you have an empty house and can move. You also have a monthly storage bill but that’s hopefully a lot less than the rent on the house, and you can take your time getting rid of stuff from storage, or even selling some of it on CL/ebay.
Turn your blooming mental illness into a monthly payment?
If you’re moving, then set some firm boundaries: You will have 1 moving truck (or whatever you’re using) - if it won’t fit in the truck, you can’t keep it, full stop. If there’s something that won’t fit that you absolutely must keep, you’ve got to remove something else to make room for it.
Take it one room at a time, or even one quarter of a room at a time. Don’t cherry pick things to remove - just start at one end and remove everything. It either goes in the dumpster, or it goes in the truck, but it can’t stay in the house, and you’ve got to choose one. There’s no “We’ll decide on this later”.
I used to be somewhat of a hoarder and I found it helpful to ask myself things like “When have I used this past few years?” or “Would I even remember this thing if I got rid of it?” etc.
If you have stuff you never really look at or use and maybe never even think about until you find it again then why keep it?
I use big plastic containers and a trash can.
If it’s trash, goes in trash.
Everything else goes in one of two bins; “definitely keep”, and “might be useful, someday”.
Once you get the trash gone, you can pour over the “maybe” box, and decide what to keep vs never getting used
Get a dumpster
Serious answer: I don’t know, but I wish you luck and hope you find peace.
Dumb answer: 2l of gasoline and a match!
saltesc@lemmy.world 43 minutes ago
12 month rule. If you haven’t used it in a year or forgot it exists, get rid of it. In the end, it’s just shit made in a factory somewhere and nothing special.