“Yes, my father. And I’m your daughter, speaking in a completely natural manner.”
When your father is clueless
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/ee8a2ac7-ca3b-44e4-99bd-22754fb3bb3f.png
Comments
resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
altphoto@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I assume step daughter? She’s probably stuck under the bed or in the washer (front loader) right now.
froh42@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My ex-wife and me divorced amicably, so we still talk.
One day, about two years after separtion she called me whether I still had my credit card.
(Typically we pay by payment cards called ec or giro card - but they don’t habe a credit card number, so not usable for ordering something from overseas)
So I said, yes, why. “Uhm, I want to buy something from the US” she answerf with skirting around the topic.
A certain assumption forms in my mind, as she speaks on I’m getting more sure every moment.
I answer: Look, <ex-wife>, don’t try to order the Hitachi Magic Wand from the US. It can’t be imported due to the no-lead-in-electric-devices law. And even if it arrived you 'd need a transformer for plugging it into our 230V system. Just buy one of the knockoffs available on Amazon in Europe
She : “Um (pause), OK”
Some years later my teenage kids found it when they were at her place. They asked her what it was and she said “a microphone”. I swear by my kids, the “it is a microphone” meme happened once in my family in real life. (And of course these teenagers knew what it was).
Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“Gee Mom, it smells like fish”
Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
That seems like too many. Unless it’s one of those new age group masturbatathons.
adhocfungus@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
If you’re not masturbating with me then you must be masturbating against me.
LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
TheBat@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
- George Wanking Bush
Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
DmMacniel@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
I will do what I must.
gmtom@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I can think of plenty of ways to use 4 wands on one person.
d0nkey@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
How many friends does she have?
monstercookie@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
At least 4 are in the photo
LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Three friends. Because one of those Hitachi magic wands is for herself.
monstercookie@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
It’ll be a musical performance of a life time.
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
I had to wipe down a couple of them because they had some mold growing on them … I think the dog chewed on it or something
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
A good dad would go out and get them newer wireless models, come on! Hard to focus on performing when you’re wrapped in a cord!
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I’m charging the microphones
LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
But Hitachi magic wands aren’t rechargeable. They plug straight into 110V outlet. They don’t work if they’re not plugged in.
peopleproblems@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Something is telling me that really don’t want to turn those all on at the same time.
Mr_Fish@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
That will likely make for some interesting vocal performances
yakko@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
They always do
Triumph@fedia.io 3 weeks ago
Let me sing you the song of my people
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
I mean…
You can put them to your throat or neck and produce a bit of a kind of warble, sort of like yelling into certain high rpm fans.
… But uh, ‘adult’, ‘antagonistic gpod touch’ karaoke night does also sound a bit more interesting than never have I ever.
dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 3 weeks ago
Okay, here’s the plan:
We get Bluetooth controller prostate massagers and those egg ones for the folks with vaginas.* Everyone has one in, everyone else has group access to control it.
We all go to a karaoke bar, and whoever is up on stage we all mess with the remote app while they’re singing and try to throw them off. Everyone’s gotta sing at least once. Try to stay in rhythm while the thing is buzzing, or nothing happens and you’re so focused on what to do when it starts, never know if they’re going to do it or not. Will that low note suddenly become a falsetto? Who knows‽
I swear to God, if I had the money to buy the things, I have at least 3 friends who would go for this. 4, honestly, but the 4th one would be too embarrassed to go because he’s the dad of one of the other friends. Lol.
To note, this isn’t a sexual “get you off” kind of thing. This is fully platonic “can you maintain decorum” type of game. It’d be a blast
*I know very little about sex toys for girls, whatever the best one is.
LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
No I just learned on YouTube to never put vibrators on your neck. There are arteries there, and you can fuck up your blood flow to the brain. Fainting, blood clots, death possible.
HowAbt2day@futurology.today 3 weeks ago
They’re auto tune the shit out their voices.